My boyfriend didn't even get me a card for our anniversary, is getting a card really that hard?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and I had our 5 year anniversary yesterday and he didn't even get me a card. I know that money is tight right now for him because he is taking 5 classes trying to get school finished faster but is it too much to ask for a simple card? He has been know in the past not to get a card, but last time it happened I told him that I didn't care about a present or any other material thing, I just would like a card. Even if it was a printed card, or an ecard, I would have been happy. He promised not to let me down again. I didn't say anything about it yesterday but this morning I kind of broke down and got upset. He didn't even know why. I think the last card he got me was 3 years ago and now I just feel like he doesn't care anymore. He says that is not true and that he is trying to become "worthy of (me)" but it seems a simple little card is too much. I don't understand.

[Anonymous]

I know it seems like he doesn't care (feels that way) and I understand how it can make you upset (I really can!) but if he's juggling 5 classes (and maybe work, you didn't say but if he is) he's probably WAAAY overloaded. Now, perhaps if he acknowledged it was your anniversary and maybe let you know he hadn't even got a card (finding time to get one may not have come around) but he had intended to it wouldn't have been such a negative feeling. But let's be honest...if you're juggling 5 classes (and maybe work) and you're stressing because the financial situation may not be so smooth sailing plus any other worry or concerns that may be going on (and hey face it maybe you DON'T know everything that is bothering him) getting a card may be the last thing on his mind...there is possibly a LOT of things that aren't really on his mind because of the over crowding going on in his head... Take a deep breath and stop hating...try being a reasonable girlfriend...a little understanding goes a long way...instead of getting upset and breaking down like a psycho girlfriend...why not use it to your advantage...be all "you know...someone forgot an anniversary card...but they could make it up to me by spending an entire evening just us snuggled up watching movies...no interruptions"...or something along those lines...And if your guy after 5years is still worried about being worthy of you after 5 years...maybe you really need to cut him a break...sounds like you're stepping on his esteem and personal value...how much longer do you think someone will stick around for that kind of emotional falcon punching? Maybe you should buy him a thank you card!

[Asker]

He doesn't have a job (we live in MI) but his parents can and do support his money needs. I have been taking 4 classes while working full time, so I understand stress, that is why I try to hid my unhappiness, but sometimes the tears just come. He finds time every weekend to work on the Jeep we have, so he isn't too busy. He thinks he isn't worthy but I DO! I tell him all the time that this is just a phase of life, but it doesn't matter, he is afraid of being a bum like my ex (which he is not)

[Anonymous]

If my boyfriend bought me a card, I would be like, "Why did you waste your money on a piece of cardboard with someone else's sentimental ideas written on it?"

Does he treat you well otherwise? If so, get over it.

[Asker]

Well, I would say he doesn't treat me poorly, but sometimes it is like I am a roommate and not a mate... I work, go to school, take care of all the bills, the dog, the cleaning, the laundry, shopping, family event planning, even his fantasy football team sometimes... all so he can focus on finishing school, which is the only thing he has to worry about. I just feel completely underappreciated, so I didn't think it was too much for him to spend 10 min at a store to get a card, to make me smile

[Opinion Owner]

Then the issue isn't about whether or not he got you a card, it's much deeper than that. Talk to him about the real problem instead of making a big deal about a card. I know that the card is a symbol of his appreciation to you, but he might not recognize it as that.

[Asker]

That is a good point, when ever we have a disagreement (which usually turns into more of a debate) he always wants examples. I think I may have gotten so use to giving examples that maybe I no longer mantion that cause and assume he knows.

[Opinion Owner]

I think giving examples can be really helpful for people to understand you (my partner and I use a lot of analogies to get our points across when we disagree about something), but it's still important to make sure you talk about the actual problem. I hope you're able to work it out. :)