I’m (23) worried about losing attraction on my skinny boyfriend (24). What should I do?

[Totomato]

My boyfriend and I have been dating for over 3 years now and he has always been skinny. Honestly, I was never super attracted to his body from the beginning since he is very skinng (underweight BMI), but I’m in love with his personality. However, the past couple of years I’ve been getting very active and hitting the gym often (not trying to lose weight since I’m borderline underweight but I’m trying to tone up). At the gym I realize that I’m very attracted to guys with broad shoulders and bigger arms, not really into six packs or anything but I like guys who look like they lift but enjoy a good hamburger and french fries every now and then.

My boyfriend doesn’t eat a lot because he’s a busy college student, but whenever I’m around I always cook a week’s worth of meals for him. The thing is, when I’m not around he just barely eats anything. I ask him if he wants to join me at the gym so we could work out together but he keeps saying that he hates the gym (he’s basically against gyms). I don’t want to leave him and I will never cheat on him, I also don’t want to straight up tell him that I’m losing the physical attraction (that I barely had to begin with anyway). At one point earlier in our relationship, he said he hated that I had a little belly pooch and that he preferred very skinny model like girls. He apologized for it and he never critized my body ever again. At that moment I just wanted to scream “well I prefer muscular guys but yet here we are” but I held back because I didn’t want to hurt his feelings. What do you think I should do?

Tldr: My long term boyfriend is very thin, but I’ve always prefered somewhat muscular guys. Still decided to stay with him because I’m in love with him as a person, however, I’m losing my attraction but I don’t want to hurt his feelings by bringing this up. I feel really bad and shallow for typing this up...

[ImSoSquishy]

there's really nothing you can do if a person doesn't want to exercise under their own will. unless they're willing to exercise then even if you were to forcefully tie them up and drag them to the gym with you they won't really do anything there. until he finds interest, inspiration, and motivation from somewhere or something like a person who is a lifter, an athlete, or from some other source like youtube videos of a powerlifter breaking PRs at USAPL or fit expos, from bodybuilders with good physiques on magazine covers, or something like that. otherwise anything you or anyone says will not convince another person to exercise.

[Anon-ymous1]

Okay so sounds like both of you have things about the other person's body that you don't really like, and that doesn't make either of you "shallow." But either you both decide you want to work through it and stay together, or you don't, and instead try to find someone more attractive to you.

[Totomato]

I’ve been trying to work through it for over 3.5 years, I learned to accept it but sometimes it starts bugging me again (since we started talking about marriage). Especially since I feel like he won’t be able to protect me and our future kids...

[Anon-ymous1]

"Protect?" From what?

[Totomato]

From the dangers of the unknown haha, honestly, I’m not sure. An example I guess is that one time a guy grabbed my private parts while I was next to my boyfriend and boyfriend didn’t do a thing. I just want him to feel confident to stand up (not fighf) for me and our potential children I guess, he expressed that he feels like he’s not “manly” enough compared to other guys sometimes

[Anon-ymous1]

I guess, but those instances, if they ever even happen at all, are extremely rare in life. They shouldn't cloud your judgement to his overall personage.

[Totomato]

Yeah, I guess I just got a bit traumatized from the last incident. He is a great guy overall, so the problem in this case is mostly me

[Anon-ymous1]

Well, good luck out there.

[Totomato]

Thanks for the advice!!

[Anon-ymous1]

Thanks for MHO

[AmazyingOnlyMe]

I’m the opposite from you. I’m naturally skinny and my boyfriend is not fat. So unattractive. He is going to the gym but not enough... I feel how you feel. I don’t know how long I’m going to take it

[Totomato]

Did you bring that up to him and that’s why he started hitting the gym? Or did he voluntarily started going just because?

[AmazyingOnlyMe]

He says he is going try going to the gym. But he does then stops and likes to eat a lot. So I’m getting very upset with him.

[Jaguar1818]

It happens hun. Just try talking about it. Ask him to go on walks with you or something. Maybe he just feels embarrassed about working out at a gym.

[Anonymous]

I think that you already lost your attraction to him and you just want to hear from others that it's okay to do so

[Totomato]

Yeah I think that’s true which is really sad because I don’t want to leave him over something like this.

[Opinion Owner]

Maybe start considering a break up?

[Logorithim]

That would be a bad reason to break up with him. We rarely date someone we find perfect anyway.

[Totomato]

That’s true, I would never break up with him over something like this. Which is why I’m trying to find a way to spark the attraction again

[Logorithim]

Maybe Focus more on what you do like About him. I understand the issue with physical attractiveness, but I've been able to overcome it by Focusing on the personality and character traits that I did like.

[Totomato]

Yep I will definitely keep working on accepting his physical flaws, it could be way worse for sure. Thanks for the help!

[englisc]

Being so lazy that you won't eat or exercise isn't only a physical flaw, it's also a personality flaw.

[englisc]

I'd just tell him. As much as it can be offensive to some, I think it's better to be honest. I know that if a girl thought I was too skinny I'd rather be told so than have her looking at other guys as more attractive and losing attraction to me. He was honest with you about what he likes, so if you did say something he couldn't really blow up at you. Either way, if you say nothing this is only gonna get worse.

[NeglectedChild]

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[Intraluminal]

You like what you like. Tell him in a non-judgemental way. "You have nice arms. They'd look amazing if you bulked up a bit. It'd get me hot."

[Totomato]

Thank you that is just what I was looking for! I didn’t know how to bring this up without sounding judgmental since he’s pretty sensitive but I think this will work!

[Intraluminal]

After the work out (any work out) you should motivate him by acting extra flirty with him.

[Intraluminal]

You could also have him lift YOU up.

[Totomato]

All great ideas, thanks for those!!

[Loser94]

Don't feel bad or shallow cause everyone has shallow moments. Maybe try to slowly get him into yoga or doing little runs during the day to at least help him out with working out so he can maybe tone up a bit for you. Or maybe you should break it off for a bit and experiment around.

[AmeerX]

Instead of going to gym and wasting money ther ask him to jog in park. Plus you could do him a favor making meals everyday maybe?

[Totomato]

He used to jog but it made him lose even more weight haha. Sadly we’re currently on a long distance relationship so I can only cook for him when we visit each other. When we lived together, I did cook his meals everyday and he managed to gain a couple lbs tho, but he doesn’t eat properly when he’s alone

[AmeerX]

Yeah it happens. look at the bright side. You don't have to nag him about losing weight now 🙂

[BronzedAdonis]

upgrade to a guy who lifts

[BronzedAdonis]

and higher your standards

[Totomato]

I think he fits my standards just fine (minus the lack of muscle), I wish I could force him to start lifting lol

[BronzedAdonis]

you will have weak mediocre kids with him

[Totomato]

Don’t worry, I’m gonna start my kids with lifting from the moment they’re born

[BronzedAdonis]

good