I think I made a huge mistake moving in with my boyfriend, what should I do? (Page 2)

Question

We've been together for 3 years. So we made a big step and moved in together 8 months ago. At first it was great... but then I started feeling suffocated. I lived by myself even since college and I guess I got used to it. I really loved it. I guess the reason why I loved spending a lot of inseparable days with my boyfriend is because I knew that I always have my own home that I can return to whenever I want. Now that we live together at his apartment, it still doesn't feel like MY home. I feel like my personal space is invaded and I have no room to just be alone and think. I can't think around him, my thoughts are always interrupted with him being in the same room. I just can't be 100% myself. He is very respectful of my personal space, he doesn't nag me or pay a lot of attention to me, he does his own thing and I really love him for it. I know it's not him, it's me. We work same hours and he usually comes home from work a little earlier then me, so he's pretty much there all the time. He goes to gym but that's like only an hour of alone time, and he's not the most sociable person, he doesn't go out much. So I started doing something that I feel very guilty about. Since I still have my own apartment, I sometimes lie to him that I will work some extra hours and then go to my place after work. I know this is terrible! But I sometimes miss coming home from work to nothing and to no one. Especially if I'm tired and in the bad mood, I like just chilling by myself at my place. I do a little clean up, make coffee, read a book or something, play music, play a video game, basically all the things I love doing the most when no ones around. Then I go back to him happier. Last week I told him I'm going to a business trip for the weekend and I was actually at my place for the whole weekend, totally alone. I know this is wrong and I have to find the solution. I don't want to break up with him but I don't think I like living with anyone. I don't know what to do... Help?

Anonymous · Answer

You need to have a discussion about your need for some alone time and also for some space that is yours -- a room where you can go and close the door and be alone for a while. Maybe you should not move in together until you can find a new place together.

You can move back out without breaking up. If he can't handle it then maybe he's not the right guy.

Nob0dy · Answer

Talk to him and make sure to state that you're not trying to break up with him or anything and hat you love him. Ask him to let you live on your own, make it look like you need his permission to at least show him that you care about his opinion and don't wanna do anything behind his back. He will understand. But make sure to visit him at evenings whenever you can to show him that you still care.

Jo1991 · Answer

Speak to him about it? Maybe you can find a way to compromise i. e maybe he can get out the apartment sometimes to grab a drink with some friends or something. I know you said he's not very sociable but I would think he would have some friends? I just think communication is key in this situation

MysteriousDarkness · Answer

The reason you feel how you do is because you moved into his place. You told major lies by telling him you are at work when you were really at your place.
You say you can not be yourself around him. You also want to be alone when tired and or in a bad mood. Doesn't seem like you two are a good match.

brennanhuff · Answer

Well if you can't live with him, that might be a sign and true that you might not be fit for each other in the long term and for life. Moving in or if you can live with someone is one of the many reasons, a couple is actually right for each other

bamesjond0069 · Answer

Why don't you just be a stay at home wife already? Then you will have plenty of time during the day to be alone and you also won't get tired and in a bad mood from working all day. Solves your problem two ways! I am sure he will also really appreciate a clean house and a girlfriend who isn't lying to his face to get away from him.

Krazzymike321 · Answer

Just tell him!!! I am almost certain he will understand! He sounds like a great guy, just make like Saturday the "you" day! If he doesn't agree with that then it's his loss. Honestly, I could see why you feel suffocated, but imagine if he knew you weren't at work... he might think you're cheating on him or something...

ichighost · Answer

Be upfront eventually. I personally enjoy extended alone time. Hopefully he doesn't mind you moving back out if not even splitting the time. Most of the week with him then a few consistent days alone so you can return recharged like before.

Rambler221 · Answer

Talk to him about it. Tell him you feel like you don't have enough time alone, and you would like it if you could have, say, one day a week where you both go off with other people or something. Not DATING other people, just, you know, he goes to the pub with 'the guys' and you do whatever.

DaDon72 · Answer

From what I've seen in life couples that move in together never work. Try spending time together but don't move in. Like spend a month here and there or whtever

Kenni · Answer

I know you didn't expect to have this advice given to you but... talk to him.
But for real tho he seems really nice, and you should write that down for him to read, i honestly don't think he'll take it the wrong way

wankiam · Answer

you need to just tell him how you feel and suggest you move out again but keep seeing each other just so you know if its the living with someone bit or if the relationship has run its course

Anonymous · Answer

I can completely relate to this but we didn't let it get this far.
I planned on moving in with my girlfriend and her son. But I realized how "trapped" I would've felt since I was over there so often. So we pretty much have my place 2/3 furnished and her place completely finished and 100% livable in. It is sorta difficult to do it though. Basically it's two out of the seven days are at my house. And five days are over at hers.

Nades · Answer

You want to be alone yet you have a boyfriend. What is with these women always playing men I swear to god. Make up your mind and just leave him. If you can’t “be yourself” with someone then guess what you never loved him anyways.

Aenetoo · Answer

I think u need a room to yourself. Whenever you're in that room, he needs to go away. Put a sign on the door: Do Not Disturb. You need your own space. You could also have separate beds. I can't sleep with anyone, no matter how much I love them.

Anonymous · Answer

Your boyfriend sounds like a lovely guy who deserves a girl who won't get clostrophobic in his presence, and a girl who won't lie to his face.

Do him a favour and break it off. He deserves better than you.

Ac0LyT3 · Answer

Talking about it is gonna be hard but will probably be the best thing you could ever do.  Like you said, you don't feel like it is your home, which is something you will meed to sort out.

BrittBratt2416 · Answer

It's been 3 years, if you're not ready to live with him now will you ever be ready?

Guanfei · Answer

Problem is that at some point, if your relationship is serious, you'll have to live with him. So either it's now, or later.

handyman129 · Answer

Is there any reasone you can't just show him what you wrote here and apologize and ask him if its ok for you to move to your appt. He probably knows something is off already. This will help him too

I think I made a huge mistake moving in with my boyfriend, what should I do? (Page 2)

What Girls & Guys Said

We're glad to see you liked this post.