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An issue in what sense? I don't like the idea of marriage, as it's boring and not really necessary to show love. I don't need to marriage to live with someone, be a loyal monogamous partner and create a lovely family that works. So we could say I don't believe in marriage, as I don't believe is necessary nowadays. But if my SO wants marriage or we need to sign the paper to get some partner rights at work, no problem. Probably your boyfriend feels similar to me.
If it was a real issue he wouldn't say he doesn't believe in marriage, he would say he doesn't believe in long lasting relationships or love. Remember, people that doesn't believe in marriage not necessarily doesn't believe in love.
Ι think you are wasting your time in believing that one day you will change him. I don't think people change. Bring up this topic that you want to get married eventually and discuss it with him. if he is negative then he doesn't care about your needs. can you continue with a guy who puts his needs above yours? think about this...
That’s like a guy saying “is their a point in dating a girl who doesn’t believe in letting me fuck other girls”
Just because “marriage” is something you as a female strive to get from a man to make your life easier, doesn’t mean it should be something me instinctually want as well.
If the only goal you have from a man is him signing half his pay and stuff over to you (so you can take it when you leave)... then you are objectifying men for your own selfish wants, just like when you complain a man wanting sex is objectifying you for his own selfish wants.
Companionship, sex, love, etc. can and do all happen without legal contracts. If all you want is a way to take half of another human’s shit then become a defense attorney. There’s no reason to date at all if that’s your motivation. There are easier ways to make money.
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If you're looking for marriage? Probably not.
But some people, myself included, are just as happy in a long term, committed, happy relationship. Instead of signing a piece of paper just to say you love someone and share the same last name with someone. I used to know a guy that was with his girlfriend for 15 years! He refused to marry her (much to her disdain), yet he still loved her. Yet they acted just like a married couple-
Your guy might change his mind one both; you're both still relatively young. But if he cares about you, loves you, and treats you well, why do you need to be married to him?
Only if you don't believe in marriage. I tried dating a guy like your boyfriend and it was a dumb idea because they aren't going to change their minds for you. Most men who say that say it because of the financial liability and because they want to be free to see other women without marriage getting in the way. You should just cut your losses and move on.
Perhaps it is too Abstract a Concept for him at this stage of his life and he would Change his mind at some Point. I don't think that it should Prevent you from Dating at your current ages since marriage would not be around the Corner anyway.
u Can you imagine being with him long term and getting to a point where you want to get married and he doesn't? Could you then leave him or would your sense of loyalty prevent you from leaving him?
It's always a dead end to be in a relationship with different goals. In my opinion, if someone says they dont believe in marriage it's because they don't see themselves marrying you
DAMN sure there is. Who says there is only one life goal that you can have? In my opinion, the only 4 things marriage is good for is this; a few tax breaks, social media, cementing a public appearance if you have children, applying for an international residency/citzenship. Really in most cases, at the end of the day, you don't NEED a piece of piece of paper to be together, love together, and have a long fulfilling life together.
This is also assuming you WANT to be with ONE person for the rest of your life. Some people want relationships with someone who can meet their needs as they change, and grow, and honestly, that doesn't happen in a single partner. No one can be EVERYTHING for you FOREVER, so you're left with choosing everything for as long as it lasts, forever and further from everything every year, or something in between filled with conflict, disappointment, regret, and resentment on some level.
I would say that if one person does want to get married and one doesn't, its really difficult to stay together because the partner who believes in it will have resentment built up, and the one who doesn't will dismiss and disrepect their partners values/ desire for marriage for their own when it comes up. just a heads up.
Excellent post. I dont think there is a point in dating a person for along time if one of them does not believe in marriage. Is simple as that because you won't force th person to change his/her mind for you,
I mean is something that it is happening to me although Im 47 and im single never married and no kids for me at this moment. There is a 45 yrd old guy Im very attracted to and I met 4 years ago. We are kinda of friends. We had gone out on dates jusst 2 times and had a make out session at the end. He knows my attraction towards him. But at some point he likes to be single and marriage is not part of his future plans even if he is in a age he has to settle eventually.
He does not believe in the drama and chaos taht a erious committed relationship much less marraige will bring to his life, so he rather stay single and do what he wants on his own time, freedom. So this is a kidn of guy who does not believe in dating for a time or dating often a lady, as he believes, dating often or much a lady will mean serious dating and serious dating will mean committed and committed means marriage and marriage is not something in his plans. Therefore he probably will want to remain single and have fun with the ladies if he wants to do that.
So this guy I like with me has no future in dating seriously with me, other than if I want to sleep with him that is I assume he won't say no.
Well honestly it depends on your individual goals as well. You want to get married. He doesn't. The ideology is different over here. And honestly please definitely talk it out, as you guys could otherwise resent each other for this later on in life. And once the talk is over and you guys have reached a conclusion, and there seems to bear fruit in any way, that is marriage or no marriage go forward. By the above statement I mean, if there's consensus and you guys are looking at the picture together. However if it's not, and it's a deal breaker for both of you, then well you don't need to break it off immediately, just maybe be open to the idea of seeing other people and gradually shift away. Since the whole " He'll come around" or "We'll work it out when we get to that point." well no. It won't and it will hurt. Tremendously, to both of you. So figure this out now. And avoid that pain later.
Here's my experience. I was with my highschool sweeatheart for twelve years. On year 8, we got married. Four years later we separate. We were perfectly happy and content until we got married. Marriage is great if your certain you'll end up together (which most people believe at the time obviously), but people shouldn't get married unless they've really gone through some serious stuff together. People get married and then they see how their partners handle crisises or their partner being handicapped etc and it's not what they expect. If you can be parents together, your golden. I honestly would have kids first and then go from there. Marriage should be last because it's a big costly mistakes if your wrong. If your happy in your realtionship, have a commitment ceremony, rings etc.. but not do it legally. Why put a label on your relationship? Make your own rules.
No. Because they will make you MISERABLE and your not compatible. FIND somebody who wants marriage and most importantly, wants to marry YOU. You're over 18? You are NOT too young to marry. Do not date him for years! FAIR WARNING! Because he will NEVER want to be with you and is just using you for sex.
you might ask why? maybe he has no positive examples of marriage and lots of bad ones... so why would he? Marriage really means commitment to someone through the thick and thin and quite often suffering. Why would a free spirit sign up then?
And why do you? It's an area to talk about what you are both looking for and maybe after talking you end up somewhere good, or you don't.
Guys don't necessarily understand the value... but the concept would be to provide unconditional security to the woman and especially in terms of the long term commitment to raise kids.
Reality is marriage doesn't guarantee that, certainly not these days unless that is instilled in the values of the person. So you likely would have to make a go of it without marriage and accept the risks of when he isn't happy he leaves.
I'd say dating him long term is a bad idea, short term isn't. Basically there are two pools that people fall into: pleasure and marriage. One is for getting married, having kids, classic life style. Pleasure is for people who just wanna date, have flings, the likes. You can't normally convert people to different pools, and this is the case you are in. So if he is entertaining now, date until you want to start actively pursuing marriage, then breakup and find someone who wants to eventually get married like you do.
He made it clear he isn't interested in marriage, no reason to push that. It's his belief. Just realize that your ideals don't align, and so the relationship will break off at some point, and view it as an opportunity not a future.
Dating is still important to gain experience for when you find someone you want to marry, and who is okay with marriage. So don't eliminate your relationship, just call it as what it is going to end up as: short term.
It isn't so much about whether or not there's a point to dating someone who may or may not want to get married. Because everyone has different beliefs and values. What matters is finding someone whose beliefs and values can parallel your own.
In other words, if you want to get married in the near or distant future, you're better off dating someone who also wants to eventually get married as well. Because If you want to get married, but your boyfriend doesn't, what happens a couple years down the line if you two are still together and in love. Yet you both hold strong to your belief for and against marriage.
More then likely it would just cause a lot of heartache and anger, because if neither person is willing to relent the only alternative is to breakup. And by that time there would be a lot of emotions invested in the relationship. Which is why I would think that in the topic of marriage, that's one area where a person should date another who holds that belief as well.
If you want to be married and he doesn't then it's time to date other people. You can't meet the guy you will marry as long as you are with a guy who won't.
depends on how important it is to you. If you NEED it i just wouldn’t try. If you really have feelings for this person though, i could see how it’s hard to just let the relationship go. If that’s the case, then ask the person if there’s any reasons why they are so against marriage and if it’s at least possible they would change their minds.
I have some family members who have been with a boyfriend for 10 years and even have kids together but they haven’t gotten married because he didn’t want to. It’s sketchy because if that person loves her he should be able to do it for her. It shows cold feet to me, like not taking the full step to commitment.
i feel im a loyal person who loves to have a friendship in relatioship. I dont want to get married to the person i love but that does not mean i dont want to stay by their side and be a loyal girlfriend. Im always willing to be there and im not planning on leaving. I just, dont like weddings and dont find it necesary.
Be honest with him. That said, your boyfriend is a VERY smart man. Marriage does not mean happiness, nor eternal love, nor even til death do we part. It merely means that he takes on specific legal responsibilities, and all liabilities. It is a raw deal which leave men vulnerable to being raked over the coals and robbed blind. Any man would be a fool to marry, even without the abysmal divorce rates.
Be careful with your boyfriend. You don't want to be the woman that spends 7 years with a man only to find out he doesn't want to get married and ends up leaving you and you just wasted 7 years of your time.
To his credit he already told you beforehand his belief regarding marriage.
All marriage is, is a way for women and the government to abuse and steal from men.
You can be exclusive with someone, raise kids together, live together, and be happy without marriage.
What is the point of marriage besides being able to take a man's stuff? And of course when getting married the woman says she would never do such a thing, but oh no, when it comes to divorce because she was a bad mate, then she tries very hard to steal as much as she can. It's nothing new, just en are finally starting to figure it out.
If a woman would leave someone for not wanting marriage, then she just really cares about the money she can get out of him. She would rather have a messed up guy as long as he would agree to marriage so she gets his stuff. More likely than not it will end in divorce by statistics.
if you definitely want to get married and he definitely doesn't then no there is no point in being in this relationship. but if one is willing compromise or acquiesce then it could work. like if he is willing to get married for you or you willing not to get married then it could work
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