What's the point of dating if not to marry?

[DiscoTiTz2003]

I don't understand casual dating, why do people date just to have somebody there. I don't understand people who don't date to marry like you're just dating somebody and then what? At what point do you say to yourself "I want something more", after 2 years after 5 years after 10 years and then I see people saying that having kids is lesser of a commitment than getting married. Marriage is a piece of paper if you want to get a divorce you don't ever have to see that person again but if you have a kid you're tied to that person for life.

[Noredcarpet]

Almost all The guys I've dated, they are not many, have made it clear to me that is where they hope we will be in the future. Got to meet their families I would say quite early. They were always one step ahead and me following behind.

I don't understand if two people are commited in a marriage way like why they have to start celebrating their relationship once they are married, is it not from the get go?

To me what matters is when your eyes meet, when you fall in love and all that. That is to me just as valuable.

There are all kinds of people out there and if they meet someone who wants what they want I am not one to critique as long as they are both happy.

What I am against is that we are brought up to accept these rules inprinted in us with no room for what each individual thinks or feels.

I pretty much had a rebirth after I left a relationship when I understood that I had just nodded my head and follow.

There are people out there who are not married and have a better quality of a relationship than some married.

I was always asked oh how do you feel now? When there was a new step in my relationship and I did not understand what the big deal was. The same, I felt the same. It has been as if people asking me this wanted me to be insecure and now when we came to that step I was suppose to feel more safe of his feelings or be scared or what ever? I honestly think some people are not aware that they have been trained to think in this fashion and they then pursue as in trying to give it to me.

What has been important to me, what I know us to be true is that I knew how the guy felt about me and me him, to me that is what mattered. The steps seemed to matter more to orhers than it did me. I don't know why I'm different that way.

[Noredcarpet]

Like to add the ones I know who are not married but been a couple for years the reasons for it vary, anything from not affording their dream wedding to having been through divorce and you name it, and by them arranging it the way they do by nor being married is what works the best for them borh. You can also, as a side note, be married in one country but not the other. I agree with you about the kids.

[Nikki1989]

Some people are simply not marriage-worthy or marriage-ready.

[MrOracle]

Most people don't take marriage seriously today because of a bunch of legal changes made since the 60s that have completely undermined marriage.

It used to be that marriage was for LIFE, and the only way to divorce was to be able to prove, in court, with evidence, that your spouse was abusive, had abandoned you, or committed a serious crime against you, such as fraud. People were forced to take relationships seriously, and marriage even more seriously, because very few would ever be able to get a divorce, and they knew it.

Unfortunately, the rich and powerful in Hollywood pushed and pushed for making divorce far easier to get because they didn't want to have to be responsible for their own bad decisions, and they managed to convince Ronald Reagan to sign a Democrat-backed bill to do so, which he was against and later felt was the worst thing he ever did. And since California had made that change, new laws swept through the other states. That's when the divorce rate exploded and people stopped taking marriage seriously. It's been downhill ever since.

That's why I'm not getting married. My girlfriend was married before and she is also not interested in getting married again. We can still be in a serious, committed relationship and we don't get jaded because we both have to work on it every day.

That said, the old system was better for the vast majority. People love to tell you the stories about the extreme exceptions, and make them seem like they are the norm, but the vast majority of people had good marriages and stayed together for life, and they had families and had a high level of morals and values. That's not nearly as common today.

[Summeroflove]

Well you would be surprised especially with dark personalities. Dating is for…. Getting free shit. Showing off for everyone like “look who I can get”, as well as just validating themselves by getting attention from others of the opposite sex.

Not to mention the people who want all the benefits of a relationship without the commitments that come with marriage. Even more so people who are looking for casual sex.

Yes, for many people dating is a means to eventually find the right person to marry. Trail and error figuring out who they are and aren’t compatible with as well as what they’re wanting long term.

[OlderAndWiser]

People who are casually dating and wanting to find a partner for a sexual relationship, and also companionship. You have not indicated if you are still a virgin so maybe you don't realize this but sex, without marriage, is quite enjoyable to most people. However, many people who have long t erm sexual relationships eventually realize that something is missing and they want more; that is when many people begin to consider the possibility of marriage.

For me, since my divorce in 2004, dating always had the goal of ultimately finding a partner for marriage.

[AviatorTom]

You date to have fun and meet people. It's better than doing things alone.

[DiscoTiTz2003]

If I wanted to have fun I'd call up a friend or go to the mall or something , not seek out external validation

[AviatorTom]

@DiscoTiTz2003 I knew a guy in college who wanted to have 20 children. He knew he couldn't do that tied to just one woman, so he dated lots of women, got a few of them pregnant.

[MikeMcMansion]

Why not go out by yourself? Why do you have to text a friend to go with you if you don’t want external validation?

[SeriouslyNotSerious]

Getting to know someone fully doesn't follow a set timeline. It takes time. You will learn compatibility, respect, and chemistry in the slow, everyday moments. About how they handle problems (yes, even the financial ones), how they manage their emotions, and how they treat you when the spark isn't as wild as day one… those things reveal who they truly are. The real question is: will they still be the exact person you met on the first date? These are just some things worth thinking about before choosing someone to build a life with.

[emeraldsaphire]

I've never heard anyone say that having kids is less of a commitment then marriage that's crazy. It's funny when I was 18 I'd have probably said the same thing. I was dating this guy since i was 12. We were gonna get married. Then we went to different collages and broke up. I discovered casual dating in collage. It was a lot less pressure. I didn't need to worry about life styles or long term plans. I was able to learn a lot about myself and what I wanted, I had lots of adventures.

Now I'm married with a kid on the way. I respect if you want to only date seriously, but there is nothing wrong with wanting to find yourself and trying something with a little less pressure. When you learn to take life a little less seriously everything is more enjoyable

[HighValue]

Marriage is for women to abuse and steal from men. If both people are from the same country (especially USA), there is no good reason for a man to get married ever. It only harms men. Women like it because they like stealing from and abusing men, that is why women never do anything to get laws changed that harm men.

Two people can have an exclusive, long term relationship, live together, build a life together, raise a family together, and be together the rest of their lives. There is no need for marriage except to steal from the man.

[DiscoTiTz2003]

The fact that you're 44 and you look out on marriage like this is kind of sad. The point of marriage is first stability and security and there's no marriage without Love so if you don't love the person you probably shouldn't be proposing and/or getting married to them.

[msc545]

Romantic love is a neurochemical event that lasts as long as an orgasm does.

[MikeMcMansion]

Men not raising their own sons and daughters as well and people in general, having less case is a societal issue and cultural issue and legacy issue/political. Your culture is dying going extinct and there will be one to fill the vacuum of your culture and bloodline’s absence.

[MikeMcMansion]

People either bringing fatherless wards of the state into this life or not having kids at all is not just a man’s problem, its extinction or at least replacement of and by a different culture.

[msc545]

That is not a problem for me or any man I know at this point because our children have all been taken away from us anyway by the US legal system and by women we used to be married to. We are not planning to do any of this again. We learned.

[MikeMcMansion]

@msc545 i kind of want to. I wanted to be a dad, my kids were taken and abused. My family business will die with me if I don’t give it a shot again. I think living only for yourself is empty and weird.

[msc545]

@MikeMcMansion If you are up for getting abused and trashed again, you can probably find a woman who will do it. Most of them will because the money is too important to them, as they do not work for a living, and work offends them if they have to do it.

[MikeMcMansion]

@msc545 I know its disgusting but if we look back honestly at history having a wife and kids was usually transactional anyways. The risk is high, but just like in business high risk high reward. I’ve already been to hell when I’m back there I’ll know the ropes. Maybe I’ll just name my son Mammon after the god of this world.

[MikeMcMansion]

@msc545 I’m trying to be cautious, look I’m an asshole too. When I was younger I compared myself to the rich old men women my age got with. I was like “he’ll be a grandpa aged dad” “she’ll cheat, she’s a gold digger” “he can’t fuck as good as me” “he’s ugly” “he’s short” “he’s weak” “he just bought her and they’re both cool with that” “they’re immoral pieces of crap”

But who gets to raise their kids? Whose bloodline and traditions get to go forward?
The fakes.

[msc545]

You certainly are not wrong about this. I think at what makes it different this time is that women have new tools they can use to really trash us much worse than they ever were able to before. Things like false accusations go a long toward ruining men's lives because all women and about half of men tend to believe those accusations when they are made. Even if they are made without evidence, which they usually are. The legal system of course supports women both in terms of supporting their false accusations and also giving them huge advantages in family law courts. I often think that the judges don't believe women. As much as they seem to that, they are afraid to do anything.

When you add these tools to women's already formidable armories you are up against something that is exceedingly difficult to fight against. Right now I'm involved with a friends case with a woman who accused him of doing things. I know damn well. He never did. The things that this woman has gone to and continues to go to extract money from him are absolutely appalling but what is even worse is what the court allows her to do and say. You seem like a good guy and I'm concerned you want to put yourself back in this mess yet again. It's not worth it my friend.

[MikeMcMansion]

@msc545 Thanks, I know. If I was a better Christian and waited for the right woman instead of jumping into relationships things would’ve been better. I put my parents through hell by getting with the wrong woman when I was younger. They lost their grandkids and my kids had messed up childhoods, my only mistake was making them with such a crappy woman.

Kentucky and Alabama are the only two decent states for fathers and kids right now, but it is changing. My drama happened in the worse state in the Midwest for it to have occurred. I guess it could’ve been worse, but not by much. Its a story for the ages, its sad af.

[MikeMcMansion]

@msc545 I hope your friend gets through this in one piece buddy

[RavVid]

Because marriage is broken that's why we don't date to marry.

50% of marriages end in divorce at 8 years. 60% end in divorce by 10 years. You might think by 20 years marriages would be stable but no, 27% end at 20 years.

In all these cases men do very badly out of divorce. The only reason 50% of marriages last 8 years is because that is about the time it takes to get married, prep for children, pop out two and get them into primary/elementary school and to then divorce the not so necessary husband.

Women divorce most of the time not the husbands. At 8 years it is at least 70% female initiated. If you take infidelity as a proactive form of divorce it is more like 80% female initiated but I'd take to be more like 90%.

Any sensible man wouldn't take this deal.

[DiscoTiTz2003]

Any sensible man wouldn't cheat on his partner...

[RavVid]

And women ditto and they cheat more than men with Plan Bs planned. I just found our I was a plan B.

[Bitter_Sweet94]

For me, dating isn’t only about rushing toward marriage.

It’s about clarity.

You date to understand someone’s values, energy, consistency, how they show up, and whether both of you fit in real life, not just in theory.

Some connections lead to marriage, some teach you what you actually want, and some simply show you what you’ll never tolerate again.

It’s not pointless.

It’s part of choosing well.

Marriage shouldn’t be the goal of every date.

The right person naturally makes it make sense.

[RedTiefling]

Everyone has different expectations and needs met when trying to form a relationship.

Marriage is not a requirement to love someone.

Marriage is not proof that you are committed and love someone.

You can live a long and loving life with your partner without Marriage.

Marriage is a legal agreement and tax bracket category, and it's probably a good idea to get married if you're going to have kids.

If you want to be married, keep looking until you find someone who wants that too. If you don't want to be married then keep looking until you find someone who also doesn't mind being your partner without the legal formalities.

[MikeMcMansion]

Women are pretty and we love to have sex for many reasons. Both genders. We like to bang. Its apparent both genders equally like to smash. I think for guys we have more energy/testosterone and biologically there is no instinctual braking system (just our upbringing if we came from a good home) to tell us that banging multiple women is bad - the thing is is that we usually just can’t where as with feminism and social media women can and often do - often fighting their instincts not to - with some birth control help.

For us guys we are rediscovering that we actually crave female validation and also more men are rediscovering their desire to raise kids while women are fleeing their desires to please men and have a family until its too late.

[OneViewpoint]

At 20-25 you may be scoping out a life partner with good genes for kids. After 40 and a divorce you may want a partner but not the legal entanglement of marriage. After 50 or 60, kids, and a divorce, you may just want someone to be there and share time with. And through all of that runs sex, intimacy, passion, romance, whatever you choose to call it.

[Lliam]

I dated because I liked girls. I engaged in infatuated, monogamous, sexual relationships.
Sex is wonderful. But I also loved having a female best friend to go places and do things with; to chat, cuddle, hang out and have fun with.

I learned about life, myself, women, women's bodies, and interpersonal relationships.
Those experiences helped me to mature as a person.

[AMS700CX4u2]

I think you answered your own question. Casual Sex through Casual dating. You build a social base, people you feel safe around. You learn which one are likely to be unsafe, and it addresses your appetite. Seems to me it might start to feel hollow at some point but I can't speak to that. I walked onto the Car Lot and spotted one that had everything I needed. and we still cruise that roadways 54 years later.

[RxR0954]

“Dating to marry” is such a common thing among teenagers… until they grow up and realize it’s fucking stupid to think that way. If marriage is just a piece of paper then what’s the point of dating to marry? Actual adults date to feel joy in their life, if they don’t want to get married, who are you to judge? What if people say they don’t understand people like you because it just sounds like you’re chasing after a piece of paper, which is fucking cliche?

[DiscoTiTz2003]

Marriage isn't just a piece of paper if something were to happen with your partner say they were in the hospital you have no legal say in anything if their family decides to pull the plug they're gone same thing if you have a house together or a car together if you break up they could leave you high and dry but if you're married you need a divorce you can have lawyers to back you up.

[RxR0954]

Sure as if getting married will mean you have more rights. Look up marital rape cases, look at domestic violence cases, look up cases where people lose everything during and after a marriage. Divorce is no jokes it is heavy to process mentally and legally. Are you even sure you will have enough money for a divorce?

[EzraIsShy76028]

For experimenting basically.

Especially if you're a very young person people can change a lot be it for better or for worse when they got older so your SO at age 20 for example could be a completely different person at age 30.

And in general it's best not to settle too quickly. Especially if at first you think someone is the one but further down the line it turns out you can't stand them and vice versa.

[glennos89]

What's the point of marriage? You guys are already in love. What's marriage going to change about that?

Marriage is the same as getting into a trio with a third party. Marriage is letting the government come into your relationship for money related purposses. You shouldn't be wanting to get a third party involved

[DiscoTiTz2003]

People typically get married for safety security and stability for example if something were to happen medically with your spouse you have a say over that if your spouse was in a coma and they would have wanted to pull the plug but their family doesn't want to you can say to the medical staff "this is what they would have wanted'

[glennos89]

Marriage is mostly benefitial for woman. They have a lot of perks during divorce and we see it happening that a lot of woman take advantage of men during divorce. Thats why guys are cautious these days

[lightbulb27]

Dating is about learning about yourself and someone not ready to marry is likely living in fear or shame or some other control. Sure isn't love is it? If they don't know who they are or what they want, then their hormones are talking to them to find someone. Some people are far away from marriage emotionally.

The hormones and the values system defines what it looks like.

Me... I hardly dated, was scared to death and it was not enjoyable.

[DavyJ]

Why can’t people date and enjoy themselves. I’ve started dating again after 35 years of marriage. I’ve no intention of tying the knot again-neither has my partner. We’ve both done the marriage lark-and want something different. And there’s absolutely diddly-squat people can do about it.

[slatyb]

Not everyone who wants a partner wants to be married. Not everyone who dates is looking for a life partner. You made the very common error of believing everyone else thinks like you do, and wants what you want.

[Likes2drive]

Well, not everybody wants to get married, but some people don’t mind cohabitating for companionship, if you get married then you are legally bound to that person and all the complications that go with being married by a contract that is set up by the government

[atiquahbby]

I'll never understand why people would have a child with someone they're not even ready to be married to. Children are more of a commitment than anything else

[molonski2]

I don't think anyone at age 18 should be even remotely thinking about marriage , let alone dating to get married , hopefully life is a little more relaxed than that , every circumstance is different however and 100 % agree on child birth.

[rachel776]

For companionship and sex. There's nothing wrong with that until you get married.

[AgentG111]

Not every one wants to be tied down or fully responsible for another adult let alone children.

Humans are about as diverse as the insects on earth.

[msc545]

Marriage in the US is financial suicide for most men considering 70% of marriages fail in the first 5 years. Marriage should not be a goal for men.

Getting to know women and enjoying their company and having a satisfying sex and social life ARE goals for men.

[4ngelic]

for fun basically and to have an extra someone that cares about you (hopefully)

[DiscoTiTz2003]

If I wanted to have fun I'd call up a friend or go to the mall or something not seek out external validation

[WhitneySnow]

Most people our age (18-19) aren’t ready to get married. We just date for fun and romance. (And some of us date to hook up but that’s not me.)

[DiscoTiTz2003]

I don't understand the whole dating to hook up type of thing like at what point in the relationship do you trust that person with your body I mean you're stripping down to your rawest and most vulnerable state anything could happen how could people trust another person so blindly.

[WhitneySnow]

You’re not wrong. But there’s a middle ground between that and dating to marry. You can trust another person enough to kiss them without necessarily wanting to marry them.

[Joshydavid25]

They want the company of somebody without the ultimate commitment of marriage.. So that if they wanna break it off, they can just go their separate ways.. Or they just don't have a high view of marriage..

[Alex-Snow]

I have enjoyed casual dating. I have no desire to get married at my age, but I enjoy a girls company and at times it has lead to a relationship and some great sex.

[nolabels]

Everyone has their own perspective in regard to dating.

You have your perspective.

Others have their own perspectives.

[exitseven]

Sometimes it is just nice to share a meal with a nice girl or go to the movies and hold hands. Or maybe just to have somebody that will send you a funny text message during the day.

[On_cloud_wine]

I don’t believe in marriage but I do believe in being in relationship with someone I love

[Staximus]

Besides love and companionship, the point of dating is to figure out if you want to marry that person or not. It's not that big of a mystery. You're putting too much mustard on the hot dog, dude

[BarryLiverstone]

Some people are not ready to marry yet. They may be in school or training for a new career. They may be still learning who they are and struggling with self doubt.

[Miristheiss]

Lovers of pleasure.

You are right, people should be vetting and choosing mates. Most just treat it like fun time and that they'll get around to picking a mate in 7 years.

[LiamJHayden]

Dating is a fun activity designed to get to knw someone. Ideally marriage would be a possibility, but the current laws governing marriage are too biased for me to consider it.

[zagor]

Sex, fun, companionship. People have different things to offer. Besides you have to try different people instead of settling on the first one who seems vaguely compatible.

[firenine909]

It’s literally not about casual dating. The whole point of dating is to get to know someone better and once you are at a point in the relationship where you know the person well then you marry them

[whiskeyontherocks]

You don’t have to get married.
Dating is a great way to find someone to spend your life with

[DiscoTiTz2003]

What's the point of spending your life with someone if you're not getting married you might as well just go ahead and go down to the courthouse and make it official. What if something were to happen to your partner medically you would have no say in that if you're not married if your partner was from a family that hated them they could pull the plug and you could do nothing about it. At the end of the day marriage is essentially just a piece of paper but it's also security.

[whiskeyontherocks]

I’m to jaded

[Flower7]

Many people date to get sex, especially men.

[WonderingManII]

I think the point of dating is to find someone to marry. But I also think people has gone weird.

[Filthy_Immigrant]

dude if you are already thinking about marriage while dating someone then you have emotional attachment issues.

[blackeagle007]

I mentioned earlier, marriage is risky for us. Divorces will cause us to lose what we worked for. In only companionship, you break up and there’s no legal things

[goaded]

To get to know if someone's the one for you.

[Phoenix98]

There isn't one "casual" dating there's no future there, no point.

[Jeff51]

Well. I date to marry. Im married for 15 years now

[foxsquirrell]

Are you trying to provoke people with this question? The real question is why marry?

[DiscoTiTz2003]

To have somebody by your side for everything till death. why wouldn't you want to get married?

[foxsquirrell]

I did not say that I would not like someone I get along with very well and feel good about by my side all the time. I am saying that I see no reason whatsoever to marry. My point is that you do not need to marry to live with someone. Especially when marriage nowadays means nothing. It means nothing in the sense that they can still leave each other practically at will. Its not like you marry a woman for example if talking from my point of view, and it is like a guarantee that she is never going to leave you or always going to be loyal to you. Most people are way too immoral and untrustworthy to qualify for marriage. Most people are cheap as fuck and it is a joke that they marry and an insult to marriage.

[Nice222]

What’s the point of marrying someone you wouldn’t date?
the problem with marriage these days is is that the risk is much higher than the reward.

[Danael31]

The answer is simple. You need time to know the person better, and after some time you decide if you want to go further or not. End of the story.

[Anonymous]

Marriage is no longer the carrot for men that it used to be.

[Anonymous]

It's probably best you never get married hun. Or at least not while you still hold this view.

[maxual]

That is why i like religons or muslims people , cuz they don’t have “dating” think , only married.

[BCRanger10]

Good question!

[Anonymous]

I agree completely.

[jahaims]

Most people date for unhealthy validation

[guesswhereivebeen]

To have some regular snatch on deck

[beefcakebradybatson]

I'm a man. Guess?

[Tomislav7]

People date to have regular sex

[Agape93]

To have fun

[Sugar100]

For sex

[DiscoTiTz2003]

This is stupid how do you trust somebody well enough to let them see you in your most vulnerable state but not trust them well enough to get married. Also I crave a REAL relationship not a hookup

[Anonymous]

Fun.