Girl at work likes me but has a boyfriend?

[Anonymous]

So I work with a girl, who has been dating her current boyfriend for about 4 months, we have been working together for about 2 months. There is no doubt about it that we both have feelings for each other and are attracted to each other, when we are out at lunch people have actually came up to us and said we are a cute couple etc... She always tells me how unhappy she is with her boyfriend and that she would much rather hang out with me than him, its a very odd strange situation. We have hung out a few times outside of work and had a blast, we always have a great time together and we have amazing chemistry, but somethings gotta give. Recently I have told her that you know I think its best that we just be work friends and stop hanging out after work (going to lunch everyday) and all that does is cause her to get upset. I really have no clue what else to do, I am a good judge of character and there is no doubt that she likes me more than her boyfriend but I was thinking its time to give an ultimatum any advice?

[HonestAbe]

I agree with the route you took. All you need to be is friends with this girl. You definitely don't need to try to date this girl. You see how she's treating her boyfriend. Do you really think that you'd be any different? If it was THAT bad being with him, she'd have broke up with him already. This isn't something that you need to be involved in. It's only going to hurt you. Friends is fine, but don't let it go one inch past that. Also, would you be upset if your girlfriend was going to lunch with some guy every day? You really should stop that too. It's inappropriate. And I only say that because any sane guy would be upset if their girlfriend were to do the things she's doing.

[Asker]

I agree with both posts, and its funny because what you guys are saying is basically exactly what I have said, if it keeps going further its just going to hurt everyone involved. Also to add to it, she has told me that her boyfriend specifically doesn't like me because he is jealous of me, she tells me everything basically and she is very honest with me about everything which I appreciate. Now how to tell her this without her getting upset and making things at the office weird?

[slipslender]

honestly, I think no matter what, she's going to get upset and things at the office will be weird for awhile, but if you maintain a professional distance, and make it clear that you are not interested in a relationship with her, maybe things will turn out alright over time...

[HonestAbe]

Yeah, I feel that if you try to step back and keep the friends thing goin, then she's going to get bitter. Things will probably be weird. That just shows her lack of maturity. But I also can see things going further (if you were to try that route) and her doing the same thing that she's doing to her boyfriend, to you. Which, in my opinion, no level of professionalism will be able to fix. You're better off biting the bullet for the short run.

[Asker]

Lets say she decides to break up with him, then how do I approach the whole situation? She has been 100% loyal to her boyfriend, and believe me there has been a chance for her not to be on many occasions, and she has been loyal and she tells him that we are nothing but friends, which is true but there is def. more than friends there it just hasn't happened yet I guess is the best way to explain it...

[HonestAbe]

Different people have different definitions of loyalty and cheating. She is hanging out with you and laughing and having a good time... Some people view that as emotional cheating. I see their point, while I might or might not agree with it. Either way, she is spending time with you that she could be spending with him. That's not fair to him. She may be physically loyal, but she's not emotionally loyal. Does that make sense?

[slipslender]

i think you did the right thing... her behavior is not only hurting herself, but it's definitely hurting you, and ultimately, it'll hurt her boyfriend. she needs to decide between you and her boyfriend. so I don't have any advice to give you, but I definitely approve of what you did.

[Asker]

I think so, how should I break this to her without it causing a problem, we have to see each other all day long plus the thing that makes it hard is we work together all day and we still want to hang out with each other after work because we always have a really good time together...

[slipslender]

i responded above lol

[Anonymous]

I don't like this girl at all. She's being totally unloyal to her current boyfriend. That's Ugly. If she is doing that to him, don't you think that she would do it to you down the road if you ended up together?

[Asker]

I do agree, she has said all along even before the flirting started that she ended up with him and it kind of just happened, How do I tell her lets be friends when there is physical and emotional feelings from both? I feel it will just end up being how it is now if we continue to be friends...