How do you push away someone you like?

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

Updates

+1 y

Reasons could be it's not the right moment, it's not appropriate to go on, realizing it wouldn't be a good match, etc.

Updates

+1 y

I told her but she made some good arguments and I have to admit that logically she's right.
However I have the feeling that as always what I want is never respected and I always get screwed over.
Maybe it's just "negativity", let's see what happens.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry but you are too deep in the negativity pit and it's clear you have no interest in getting out. This is the last time I tell you. Stop being so insecure and negative raise your head and look up. That girl wants to help you and cares for you, let her do that. If you can't let her, just let her go and spare her an heartbreak.

[Some_Goof]

Why do you want to push away someone you like?

Regardless of a reason, i think you should give them subtle hints and gradually start to lose contact... give them some excuses and they will themselves cut you off...

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

Seems the best course of action

[Kakella]

Why are you on a quest to completely ruin your life?

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

@Kakella I'm being cautious.

[Kakella]

Hmm.

[Some_Goof]

Update: lol why do you have to go tell her that you want to cut her off... if someone comes to me and says they want to cut me off, I'm never going to listen to their argument nor would i understand the reason because for me it will be totally absurd... of course she's going to present you with some solid argument because she's right in her own space. You should've distanced yourself gradually and stopped putting efforts into the relationship, she would've got the message that you're not interested.

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

I know but I don't really like ghosting and she called me anyway she was coming over to go out so I thought about addressing it head on.
Now I'm trying to figure out if she was right and I was just being self-sabotaging or if there's something else to it and I'm right in being doubtful.

[Some_Goof]

Gradually losing contact does not mean ghosting. If you stop putting efforts she'll get the message. If she was coming over to go out, you should've just made an excuse... or just said that you can't go you're busy or something...
If she's interested, you are just leading her on.
And since you are doubtful and just came out of a toxic relationship you shouldn't think about getting into a relationship now. And she doesn't deserve your doubts at all.

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

She doesn't deserve them but it's still a bit weird to approach someone after they have broken up in my opinion. I told her I'm not considering any kind of relationship for at least a couple of months since it would be inappropriate and I don't feel ready; and that I have a negative feelings towards certain kinds of stuff and intimacy and would rather avoid them.
She seemed a bit taken aback but said I'm talking only out of emotion and frustration and she understands how it feels - now I'm trying to understand if she's right or being belittling.

[Some_Goof]

Of course she'll say she understands but in actuality she doesn't... she seems very desperate. Just keep your distance from her. Even if her intensions are good, don't get into another mess.

[Kakella]

She seems a very mature and positive girl, I think you should trust her more and not let your past experiences blanket all girls. She understands she's dealing with a wounded animal and that it will take time to gain your trust, but you have to lay back a bit. If she had any ill intention she would have dropped everything the moment she saw it wasn't working.

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

@Some_Goof I don't know if she's desperate or not, we always used to talk about relationships and all that and I'm a bit surprised by how much she got invested in lately. That's why I'm doubtful, I fear something bad will happen.

@Kakella I understand but she should at least give me some space to process my thoughts - I just broke up two weeks ago from an almost two-years relationship, I think it's normal I'm not too thrilled to jump in with someone else already.

[Kakella]

Tell her what you wrote here, I think she'll understand if she's mature as I thought. Can I ask you how old she is and if she has just got out of a relationship too?

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

@Kakella She broke up a long term relationship last January if I'm not mistaken and she's 25.

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

My mistake she'll be 25 this September.

[Kakella]

Hmmm maybe she does understand but also sees a real chance with you.
What do you have in common with her?

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

@Kakella We both are ambitious and want to make our own careers

[lernulo]

Ovidio wrote it very clear, make the opposite of when you were in love with her.

Remember how she makes the things, try to see those things which love blinds us.
Start watching about her defects.

[Kakella]

You seem heavily distressed and hellbent on wasting any chance... why?

[smg99]

Take risks just enjoy don’t push any one away knowing you like them. You can always have silent days but come back with zeal and romance.

No time is right no moment is opportune only exceptions are legal bindings and court hearings or preparations. However, lawyers do that daily but most make time for their lives also.

So then the other issue is compromised medical health or terminal illnesses or blood borne viral infections. None of which are your predicament.

Now tell me Jean are you re considering that special someone?
And no being busy, having a back pain, doing chores, moving are daily life issues and there to stay. They aren’t excuses.
I’m dying to know however, what is meant by individual variation to the meaning ‘the time isn’t right?’

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

I don't really want to pursue anything with her because I just broke up with another person and want to stay alone for a while.

[smg99]

That is also a great option to clear the way. I would just keep going even if I had a break up. In fact the thrill of re bound is unmistakable adventure for me.

I stop for no one nothing. lol 😂 but everyone differs.
I’m like ok next

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

I understand.
I admit it's something that I'm a bit hesitant and scared to try, so I think I'll have to ponder on it.

[smg99]

Truly a fun way of living recklessly and in charge. Even that vulnerability is experience to laugh about later.

Last week I couldn’t control my recollections I am f all the crazy things I’ve done and laughed. It hurt 😂

[Anonymous]

I had a guy do that to me recently because he wasn't ready for a relationship. I sort of believe him because he was very insecure and had no experience but I still thought it was BS because if I were him I would've given it a chance at least.
Really there is no good excuse. If you like someone enough you're at least willing to try, or just let them go properly by saying you're not that into them instead of keeping them hoping which is rude and selfish. If it's not a good match for sure, like you're really too different when it comes to important things, then you should say so.

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

I think that trying would only hurt us both and make things worse, I'll be upfront with her since you are right it's not correct to lead her on.
However I'll try to not let her talk too much because she's pretty good at convincing me of things and make me change idea.

[Opinion Owner]

Good luck and hope she takes it well.

[btbc92]

Just tell them no. If you're not being serious and assertive, they'll continue to push and harass you until you finally take drastic measures and cut them off completely. It doesn't matter what the reason is. Nobody has a right to force you into doing something you don't want or don't like doing.

[Zachpat3213]

I did it by blocking them fully on all things. There was a girl I liked/still like. She liked me back, but randomly one day decided she didn’t after everything was going great. So I had to block her for my own sanity and so that i can’t be reminded.

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

So I should do the same? Seems a good idea but I'd like to explain her first.

[Zachpat3213]

Definitely explain it to her, but if she doesn’t take it well then that begs the question if she was really meant for you. If she is, she’ll understand and it won’t be a problem.

[Wowgirl30q]

👍👍👍

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

Beautiful new pic, I really like it!

[Wowgirl30q]

Thanks 😊

[Wowgirl30q]

We can make you one if you ever want

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

That's very kind of you, thank you!

[Wowgirl30q]

Course

[Wowgirl30q]

Anytime

[Anonymous]

Are you neurotic by nature? If so, just set others completely free and take responsibility for working on yourself, instead of creating more victims.

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

I'm not neurotic, I'm just cautious.

[Opinion Owner]

Basically - be honest with her, is really isn’t that hard believe it or not! Tell her you’ve just got out of a relationship and need to be single for a while.

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

I told her, she said to not mind relationship and that stuff now but also that she has no intention of leaving on my own because I "need someone" to help me out.

[Opinion Owner]

Well unless your suicidal etc she has to trust that you have to work it it on your own if you’re adamant that you don’t want her to. Be firm.

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

You are right

[VIVANT]

I would just be honest instead of playing games. That can make then feel crazy. Just be upfront and kind 😌

[MoscowMitch]

I wouldn't do that. It's stupid. Maybe tell them you want to go slow but never push them away, you will lose them.

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

That's what they convinced me to do in the end

[latinabutterfly96]

You don’t.
The more you push an idea away the stronger it’ll come to you. Just let the idea flow and then eventually you’ll get over them lol

[latinabutterfly96]

Also... cut off contact for sure.

[samael_kmarty]

I get geeky on the subject which they don't like.
Or try to annoy them too much.
It works for me, meanly on girls.

[RobLovesDemi1234]

its heartbreaking and hard to do but right now im in the middle of needing some space until i get my head together which will take time

[PerryDaBud]

This question has made me the most confused person ever in all of planet earth.

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

It's not that hard to undetstand.

[bloodys2]

Oh ffs don't you dare, stop being a whiney and start acting like a man.

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

So what?

[Anonymous]

Do you have a crush on one of your friends girlfriend?

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

Nope

[scooogy]

If only I knew... my female colleague seems to have a crush on me (or she just envies her cousin, not knowing that I'm not into her anymore).

[fulloflife]

tell them things to hurt their feelings.
"ur not what I want.'

[imnabbo]

first of all. the question is that what is the reason to push her?

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

It's not the right moment nor appropriate to go on

[Hamsteroids]

Ummmm I don’t lol

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

Lucky you.

[Hamsteroids]

I mean, if you really like someone and push them away, you could lose them

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

That's the intention

[Hamsteroids]

What? Lol I’m thoroughly confused 🤔

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

It's not the right moment to date this person, it's not appropriate and it's not right for me to ask her to wait while I recover, so the only solution is curb any potential development.

[Hamsteroids]

Well that doesn’t mean you still can’t be friends. You can still be there and support one another 😟

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

I think that keeping contact would only make things worse

[Hamsteroids]

Ohh I see. Well if you choose to cut ties, you should at least tell her what’s on your mind. The worst thing you could do is to just leave her in the dark about the whole situation

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

Yes I'll explain her even if she'll probably get upset and try to convince me otherwise.

[Hamsteroids]

Good luck 🍀

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

Thank you. I'll try to not let her talk too much because she's pretty good at convincing me of things.

[Dextrosis]

Self-sabotage: works every time.

[Dannyvengence]

With your hands or you go " this is Sparta " on him/her