would never have taken you back. Loyalty to him, not just letting any Tom Dick and Harry stick their penises into you while you are with him. Respect is earned this fuck and dump, will never go away. I have had one of these crazy women do it to me. Dint say a word after she told me. Just went and found the most beautiful lady I could find, a few weeks later we had sex, so took my new go-to visit my ex. Revenge was sweet when I introduced my new go-to my ex and told her hell my new girlfriend is an awesome lover, my ex lost all her marbles, and we had to flee from her she was so angry. GOOD KICK IN THE BACKSIDE FOR MY X loyalty is a really big thing for men. Cannot just undo that, it is like taking a fine china teacup, breaking it and trying to stick the bits together again. Will always see them. Can never be trusted again,
Your boyfriend is an idiot, a nice idiot, but an idiot nonetheless. And you're a hoe. Forgive yourself? You shouldn't even have that right, you should live with the regret until he gets rid of you. Even now you're still trying to justify it, but there is no justification to that.
Chances are, one day you'll have the opportunity to do it again, and you'll go for it because you think your boyfriend will forgive you again. Maybe he will, but that won't make it any better. That's why you don't forgive cheating. It's just allowing the cheater to do it again.
Is there any part of what happened that you have not told him?
You hold yourself accountable for what you did, but you have not held him accountable for trusting you. It sounds like you dont trust him to forgive you deep down (maybe you would not), but ultimately it sounds like you just aren't letting yourself trust him fully.
If he says "I forgive you" and then lives out his words, trust him. Instead of saying sorry, say thank you.
You understand it was wrong and that's the first step. You've apologised that's the second step. You've respected his decision , that's the third step. You've stayed trustworthy from then until now, albeit a little too suspicious of him.
You are really lucky to have your boyfriend.
You can't change the past but you can the future. Be understanding if he doesn't fully trust you but don't let that stop you from trying to repair what was broken.
I've seen it through the childs perceptive and the relationship gets worse over time, jealousy and other guilts plague the minds of both couples. The relationship does not end well.
Maybe try therapy and talk to your boyfriend how you feel, tell him you can't move on.
Look you choose what actions you are going to do in life, there always consequences after the aftermath. You just got to accept it and acknowledge your mistake and move on with your life. If you put thought into it before you cheated and change your mind about it. You wouldn't be where you are today.
You can't forgive yourself because cheating in an inexcusable unforgivable thing to do. I'd advise you to find another relationship. Even if he claims to have forgiven you, he will never think of you the same way as before. Betrayal like that can't be forgotten and he will never be as confident in the relationship as before no matter what you say to him or reassure him.
It still may come up, even years later. There may be some resentment. I've known that to happen before, even more than 40 years after the event when it never happened again to a couple of relatives.
I disagree with this comment. cheating is something he'll never forget, but not something he'll never forgive. something that happened 3 years ago isn't reason to break it off now. don't beat yourself up over it, just use it as a learning experience. Sometimes these things can bring two people closer together, because you notice how it affects the both of you, and you realize how selfish or impulsive it was to risk something like that. It will definitely forever hurt his confidence though.
Lmao, yooooo That update is hilarious He knew you were a hoe. Who screws around with other men to "Protect themselves" I know why you can't forgive yourself, because your boyfriend basically said he was ok with you being a hoe haha. You wanted to get back at him for some reason by cheating. But it didn't work.
What circumstances justify cheating? haha was the guy hot and successful?
No. My boyfriend wanted me to send nudes, to start getting sexual, etc. It was my first experience. I didn't trust him at the time, not at ALL. And i did send him pictures, because "that's what people in relationships do".
And then shit happened where I told myself that, if he ever blackmails me with these photos, I had no means of protecting myself.
So my stupid defense mechanism is normalizing the fact that I sent pictures of me, so that's how i cheated. I send nudes to random ass people just to normalize it, and then if i was blackmailed by my boyfriend, I would've been like "ha! You're not special, you don't have that power over me!"
So, yeah. Stupid defense mechanism.
And yeah, I spoke about this with him, he said that he should have made sure I felt safe first before pressuring me in any way, but that I was a dumbass for thinking about the worst case scenario and making plans to protect myself over a hypothetical situation of him blackmailing me.
Cheating is almost a natural human functions in a relationship. If you masturbate are you cheating? If you fantasize are you cheating? The real form of cheating is when your heart is in it too people have a hard time separating the sexual act from an affair of the heart that is truly cheating having sex well we can be embarrassed about it but you need to be in a relationship with somebody that is going to be able to get past that and think of it as an experiment or even having lunch with somebody else it's just a moment you have to be honest with yourself and decide it's emotions were involved that's cheating
I was cheated on under much worse circumstances than what you did and I would have also forgiven you from your post. (My ex was caught and showed no remorse) . You made a mistake and you showed complete remorse. Stop beating yourself anymore and enjoy your relationship.
I'd say to do your best. He seems like a good dude. I worry about where he's at that he was able to forget and move on so quickly, but that's neither here, nor there. I can tell you that if you keep letting it affect you, after he's continued to tell you to let it go, that it will wear on him and stain your relationship which will ultimately lead to its demise.
I cheated in the very beginning of the relationship, and 3 years later, when we talk about it once in a while again, he tells me he knows im not the same person from back then.
Our relationship changed from a unsteady house of card to a concrete one, with trust as the common ground.
That's fair. I don't know if you can forgive yourself and move on, but definitely burying it so it doesn't come up is a better option than letting it come up and being a point of stress in the relationship.
I'm not saying that. Just that you may have to hold that guilt for a long time, but keep it buried. Eventually you will be able to move on from it and it will only sting a bit when you look back on it. If forgetting was an option, that'd be the route to take, but I don't think it is for you.
U must accept it, u'll never forgive yourself but try to admit it to yourself then u can move on... Normally i say admit & don't do it again but if its been 3 years and still feel guilty, i think your good on that last part.
I won't bash your past so stop bashing on yourself
How? You don't. It's the worst thing you could've done to a partner. You should never forgive yourself. Let it eat you alive. There are no excuses for it. Whatever your "defense mechanisms" are... it's still bullshit excuses to make what you did "feel less" of a crime.
He forgave you and you haven't done it again. The only reason to not forgive yourself is because you think if you do forgive yourself you may cheat again. I wouldn't have forgiven you as easily, but he trusts you enough to believe you won't do it again. Truly it should be easier for you to forgive yourself for that than him to forgive you for the same.
I dont forgive myself because i risked it all over a stupid reasoning. Now, looking back, I'm ashamed of how I even processed the situation and how I let myself down, to my own standards.
I used to also believe that cheaters remain cheaters and its the worst thing you could do.
To me, it seems that you need to start looking at yourself not through the horrible lens you are used to, where you accuse and only find the flaws. If you love and trust your boyfriend, then trust how he sees you. Trust that is who you really are, even if you don't feel like it.
Important things to forgive yourself is understanding why you did that : what factors and reasons lead you to take this decision? Once you have understood clearly why you did that, be compassionate with yourself, remember that you did that because it did not feel that wrong at the time and realize that you have evolved and it feels wrong to you now : you have grown up, noticed your mistake and you won't do it again which is great.
forgiveness of others and yourself starts with honoring the present moment and realizing thats all you have. Then what you did in the past will dissolve. Its sad you cheated but you were honest with your boyfriend, and feel regretful now its time to let the past go, forgive yourself and not do it again.
You may never be able to forgive yourself. I don't think I would ge able to if I were in your shoes. However, the best palliative remedy for a guilty conscience is to work hard to make amends.
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Anonymous
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Well look out if the opportunity ever arises for him to do the same thing to you. Your confession was only supposed to be between you and god as my momma would say. Especially if you are truly sorry. If you have reached the point of asking this the you should have already forgiven yourself.
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Some men will say they forgive and may even think that they do but when they are put into predicament of the same sort they remember and all of a sudden you deserved it. If you were sorry then you didn't deserve that of which I just said.
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would never have taken you back. Loyalty to him, not just letting any Tom Dick and Harry stick their penises into you while you are with him. Respect is earned this fuck and dump, will never go away. I have had one of these crazy women do it to me. Dint say a word after she told me. Just went and found the most beautiful lady I could find, a few weeks later we had sex, so took my new go-to visit my ex.
Revenge was sweet when I introduced my new go-to my ex and told her hell my new girlfriend is an awesome lover, my ex lost all her marbles, and we had to flee from her she was so angry. GOOD KICK IN THE BACKSIDE FOR MY X loyalty is a really big thing for men. Cannot just undo that, it is like taking a fine china teacup, breaking it and trying to stick the bits together again. Will always see them. Can never be trusted again,
Your boyfriend is an idiot, a nice idiot, but an idiot nonetheless. And you're a hoe.
Forgive yourself? You shouldn't even have that right, you should live with the regret until he gets rid of you.
Even now you're still trying to justify it, but there is no justification to that.
Chances are, one day you'll have the opportunity to do it again, and you'll go for it because you think your boyfriend will forgive you again. Maybe he will, but that won't make it any better.
That's why you don't forgive cheating. It's just allowing the cheater to do it again.
Dear.
God.
Some.
Comments.
Is there any part of what happened that you have not told him?
You hold yourself accountable for what you did, but you have not held him accountable for trusting you.
It sounds like you dont trust him to forgive you deep down (maybe you would not), but ultimately it sounds like you just aren't letting yourself trust him fully.
If he says "I forgive you" and then lives out his words, trust him.
Instead of saying sorry, say thank you.
The only thing you can do is never do it again.
You understand it was wrong and that's the first step.
You've apologised that's the second step.
You've respected his decision , that's the third step.
You've stayed trustworthy from then until now, albeit a little too suspicious of him.
You are really lucky to have your boyfriend.
You can't change the past but you can the future. Be understanding if he doesn't fully trust you but don't let that stop you from trying to repair what was broken.
Like your boyfriend said don't do it again. also you should do something really really nice for him since he forgave you
I've seen it through the childs perceptive and the relationship gets worse over time, jealousy and other guilts plague the minds of both couples. The relationship does not end well.
Maybe try therapy and talk to your boyfriend how you feel, tell him you can't move on.
Look you choose what actions you are going to do in life, there always consequences after the aftermath. You just got to accept it and acknowledge your mistake and move on with your life. If you put thought into it before you cheated and change your mind about it. You wouldn't be where you are today.
You can't forgive yourself because cheating in an inexcusable unforgivable thing to do. I'd advise you to find another relationship. Even if he claims to have forgiven you, he will never think of you the same way as before. Betrayal like that can't be forgotten and he will never be as confident in the relationship as before no matter what you say to him or reassure him.
It's been 3 years. Our relationship has flourished since and we're probably going to move in together soon.
It still may come up, even years later. There may be some resentment. I've known that to happen before, even more than 40 years after the event when it never happened again to a couple of relatives.
I disagree with this comment. cheating is something he'll never forget, but not something he'll never forgive. something that happened 3 years ago isn't reason to break it off now. don't beat yourself up over it, just use it as a learning experience. Sometimes these things can bring two people closer together, because you notice how it affects the both of you, and you realize how selfish or impulsive it was to risk something like that. It will definitely forever hurt his confidence though.
I think cheating again may help you put things in perspective
pm me :p <3
JK!
Seriously, I dont think we can help you, if you were catholic I would tell you go to confessional. I guess non-catholics go to therapy.
Try forgiving yourself out loud. "I am sorry i betrayed my boyfriend, and I am sorry I liked it. I dont anymore. I won't ever do it again."
Lmao, yooooo That update is hilarious
He knew you were a hoe. Who screws around with other men to "Protect themselves"
I know why you can't forgive yourself, because your boyfriend basically said he was ok with you being a hoe haha. You wanted to get back at him for some reason by cheating. But it didn't work.
What circumstances justify cheating? haha was the guy hot and successful?
No. My boyfriend wanted me to send nudes, to start getting sexual, etc. It was my first experience. I didn't trust him at the time, not at ALL. And i did send him pictures, because "that's what people in relationships do".
And then shit happened where I told myself that, if he ever blackmails me with these photos, I had no means of protecting myself.
So my stupid defense mechanism is normalizing the fact that I sent pictures of me, so that's how i cheated. I send nudes to random ass people just to normalize it, and then if i was blackmailed by my boyfriend, I would've been like "ha! You're not special, you don't have that power over me!"
So, yeah. Stupid defense mechanism.
And yeah, I spoke about this with him, he said that he should have made sure I felt safe first before pressuring me in any way, but that I was a dumbass for thinking about the worst case scenario and making plans to protect myself over a hypothetical situation of him blackmailing me.
That wasn't really protecting yourself, you just made yourself vulnerable to everyone
Well, tbh, he is a pretty good guy to forgive such a stupid thing. Most guys I know would have been done with a girl who did that.
You are lucky, you changed your behavior, stop beating yourself up over it.
Cheating is almost a natural human functions in a relationship. If you masturbate are you cheating? If you fantasize are you cheating? The real form of cheating is when your heart is in it too people have a hard time separating the sexual act from an affair of the heart that is truly cheating having sex well we can be embarrassed about it but you need to be in a relationship with somebody that is going to be able to get past that and think of it as an experiment or even having lunch with somebody else it's just a moment you have to be honest with yourself and decide it's emotions were involved that's cheating
I was cheated on under much worse circumstances than what you did and I would have also forgiven you from your post. (My ex was caught and showed no remorse) . You made a mistake and you showed complete remorse. Stop beating yourself anymore and enjoy your relationship.
I'd say to do your best. He seems like a good dude. I worry about where he's at that he was able to forget and move on so quickly, but that's neither here, nor there. I can tell you that if you keep letting it affect you, after he's continued to tell you to let it go, that it will wear on him and stain your relationship which will ultimately lead to its demise.
I cheated in the very beginning of the relationship, and 3 years later, when we talk about it once in a while again, he tells me he knows im not the same person from back then.
Our relationship changed from a unsteady house of card to a concrete one, with trust as the common ground.
That's fair. I don't know if you can forgive yourself and move on, but definitely burying it so it doesn't come up is a better option than letting it come up and being a point of stress in the relationship.
I feel like people on this thread thinks forgiving myself is synonymous with forgetting what i did 🙃 im definitely not going to forget it.
I'm not saying that. Just that you may have to hold that guilt for a long time, but keep it buried. Eventually you will be able to move on from it and it will only sting a bit when you look back on it. If forgetting was an option, that'd be the route to take, but I don't think it is for you.
U must accept it, u'll never forgive yourself but try to admit it to yourself then u can move on... Normally i say admit & don't do it again but if its been 3 years and still feel guilty, i think your good on that last part.
I won't bash your past so stop bashing on yourself
How? You don't. It's the worst thing you could've done to a partner. You should never forgive yourself. Let it eat you alive. There are no excuses for it. Whatever your "defense mechanisms" are... it's still bullshit excuses to make what you did "feel less" of a crime.
He forgave you and you haven't done it again. The only reason to not forgive yourself is because you think if you do forgive yourself you may cheat again. I wouldn't have forgiven you as easily, but he trusts you enough to believe you won't do it again. Truly it should be easier for you to forgive yourself for that than him to forgive you for the same.
I dont forgive myself because i risked it all over a stupid reasoning.
Now, looking back, I'm ashamed of how I even processed the situation and how I let myself down, to my own standards.
I used to also believe that cheaters remain cheaters and its the worst thing you could do.
You risked it, but you got lucky and kept your boyfriend.
To me, it seems that you need to start looking at yourself not through the horrible lens you are used to, where you accuse and only find the flaws. If you love and trust your boyfriend, then trust how he sees you. Trust that is who you really are, even if you don't feel like it.
Important things to forgive yourself is understanding why you did that : what factors and reasons lead you to take this decision? Once you have understood clearly why you did that, be compassionate with yourself, remember that you did that because it did not feel that wrong at the time and realize that you have evolved and it feels wrong to you now : you have grown up, noticed your mistake and you won't do it again which is great.
forgiveness of others and yourself starts with honoring the present moment and realizing thats all you have. Then what you did in the past will dissolve. Its sad you cheated but you were honest with your boyfriend, and feel regretful now its time to let the past go, forgive yourself and not do it again.
You may never be able to forgive yourself. I don't think I would ge able to if I were in your shoes. However, the best palliative remedy for a guilty conscience is to work hard to make amends.
Well look out if the opportunity ever arises for him to do the same thing to you. Your confession was only supposed to be between you and god as my momma would say. Especially if you are truly sorry. If you have reached the point of asking this the you should have already forgiven yourself.
Some men will say they forgive and may even think that they do but when they are put into predicament of the same sort they remember and all of a sudden you deserved it. If you were sorry then you didn't deserve that of which I just said.