My crush hooked up with someone else, what do I do now?

Question

My crush and I have been talking for months , as of a few weeks ago she completely broke it off with her on off boyfriend and she's been inviting me to hangout , in the past we mostly only texted, tonight we were at a party together and she hooked up with another guy, I know we aren't together and she doesn't owe me anything but it hurts, she knows i used to be into her, and now I don't know how to feel, part of me is shocked BC we've been talking for a while and I consider her to her one of my best friends , I don't want to just cut her out completely but this hurts to think about

MrOracle · Accepted Answer

This is a hard lesson, but hopefully the pain you're feeling teaches it to you well:

If you like someone, and you have an opportunity to be with them, MOVE YOUR ASS and make it happen. This is especially true of attractive, social women, because they're never single for long. You can't play it slow or be half-committed.

Anyway, this girl knew you were interested but she didn't "wait" for you. She's probably just wanting to have some fun and freedom after having been in a relationship a while, or maybe she just didn't have particularly strong feelings for you, or maybe she just assumes you'll always be a backup option, so she doesn't have to worry about you. This is the danger of being "just friends" with a girl you like - girls almost never date their "friends."

You'll have to decide whether or not you end your friendship with her, but you need to end any hope of a romantic relationship with her and move on and focus on other women. It's unlikely to ever happen with this one.

lightbulb27 · Accepted Answer

I'm very sorry, I know that is awful. You have to adjust your perspective to see her as a human being rather than feel those love feelings. That is not easy when you are in it. You either go after her at a heart level, or you back away from the flame.

Read my prior question: How can people be prevented from sexually abusing children? ↗ to see one example of why a woman would run from someone who cares for them. This guy went after her! I'm not recommending that, it's your call.

If you want an equation for women, it looks like this
WOMEN = screwed up human being + reproduction needs + love + control + emotional variation / infinity

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

If you aren't together then dont take it so seriously. Act like nothing happened and continue. Stop feeling some type of way about it if y'all are just friends. Its ok to have a crush on a friend and she is probably into you as well. Single girls are just that single. Some women do hook up dates and a lot of them as a single woman. Just don't try to get with her right after she did that though. Maybe a break is in order. Just take some space. I know I had a friend that I did this to. Many of times. He never knew this but I didn't want to hook up with him because I thought it would ruin the friendship we had. I was scared to death of losing him.

Emmalouise03 · Accepted Answer

I can feel the pain, I'm sorry. It's happened with me too, it's a really painful feeling to think about or hear about it, I don't know what I would do though. Do what feels right I guess? But the fact that you guys went to a party together for her to hook up with another man is just not okay... And how she moves on so fast, she doesn't seem that great... She knew you used to be into her and she didn't do anything about it, I think you should just find someone better. You're already hurt even before your relationship starts... I don't think that's healthy...

sejla · Answer

I'm sorry. That's pretty rough. You might need to pull back to get over it a bit. If you can handle being friends with her that's find but don't feel obligated.

Catnipboi03 · Answer

Hugs. I've been there a few times. I felt rejected and heartsick and wondered what was not good enough about me that made them chose someone else. But it was a hookup. A good insight is that some peoole, after a breakup, need some sort of rebound. Your crush and best friend chose a stranger because that's what they needed and didn't want to spoil your close friendship or possible romantic feelings by turning to you for something she knew (consciously or unconsciously) was meaningless and will not last.

SirRexington · Answer

Oh shit... dude, I'm legitimately sorry for you. I've experienced this myself on several occasions and I know how heartbreaking and defeating it is. Sadly, if you're not comfortable with this then you'll have to move on. She hooked up with someone, it was a hookup. That's a red flag.

And yes, I agree, she doesn't "owe" you anything but it still doesn't change the situation. And do you know want to only hookup or is it more than that? Cause I'm afraid If it's emotional and not merely physical for you then her having a hookup with another guy might have just destroyed anything you could have potentially had. I'm so sorry man. I really am.😥😨

ShadezMcgee · Answer

You should have tried making a move on her to show your intent. If she hooked up with another guy, he is more likely a rebound and you should take that into mind. She may not have considered you because she values the friendship you have and doesn't want to lose that, and you may have given off more of a friendship vibe than a lover at the end of the day.

She owes you nothing, but escalate the flirting with her and see how she responds. Don't get attached to the outcome or idea of being with her because she could go straight back to the ex since she has more past invested in him. Way too easy to get hurt in that regard. Hang out, have fun, and see I'd you can escalate things to a more intimate level for a hookup. Let her decide, don't try to force it or you will push her away.

WalterBlack · Answer

In these situations I reccomend trying to think about how you would feel if the roles were reversed. What if you had recently broken up with your girlfriend? Lets say that you've been talking to a girl you like but you're not sure if you want another relationship right now. Another girl flirts with you at a party and you have the opportunity for some no-strings-attached sex. If you're really horny and trying to get over your ex, do you go for the hookup or keep it in your pants until you are ready to date the first girl?

SomeGuyCalledTom · Answer

1) You're in the friend zone, and you will never escape it. It's too late. Move on.

2) Meet new women. You'll realise soon enough she's nothing special.

3) Don't waste another second on this girl, she's made her priorities clear, so you're only torturing yourself by prolonging the fantasy. Believe me, I've been there when I was younger, it's a no-win game.

4) MEET NEW WOMEN!! It bares repeating because if you're like most men, you probably ignored me the first time I said it. Of course it can be scary to approach a girl you don't know, but most of them don't bite (unless you act a like a twat lol)

5) She hooked up with a guy right in front of you because your attraction to her has no value in her eyes. Choose women who choose you; she is not "The One", she can be replaced by someone who actually wants you back.

Pyrofox · Answer

Well maybe its time to go balls to the walls and tell her you're honest feelings. Cause lets face it when it comes to dating most guys and even girls/women are deers in the headlights. When it comes to relationships and MORE SO "dating."

In some cases some people are so "Deer In The Headlight DERP Stare." They dont realize the person they should be with is literally the one they have spent the last what 80 to 100 hours the past week chilling with. Now to be clear this HAPPENS TO BOTH SEXES.

3rdSrike · Answer

What iam gonna say may sound harsh and many people will not like it , but here's what you should do... Keep talking to her like normal, hangoing out with her and then sleep with cause i know you do, she is your crush after all and you wanna tap dat.

if a girl has been talking to you for this long, hangoing out with you and even going to parties with you and ends up sleeping with another dude while you're there with her, then there is a word to describe her : h0e

do you really want to date a girl like that? you have enough self respect to know that you deserve better? you can still bang her but if i were you i wouldn't really aim for anything serious, she may be hot but she isn't the kind you date , bring home to your parents and marry.

xkildy · Answer

Listen to the lady commenter below there is no point in continuing a relationship to wear that relationship causes you mental harm it will later cause you physical harm you will beat yourself up because of the question the question being why not me what have I done

Davis04 · Answer

Cut her off!! Don’t put yourself in this position because it sounds like you’ll constantly be hurt. It’s unfair on you. Move on and find someone that will appreciate you and cares about you enough not to do that kind of things in front of you. Dude, she knows you were into her once!! It seems like she doesn’t give 2 F’s about you! Those types of people aren’t worth being called “friends”. Good luck though. Hope you get over her and actually find someone worth your time, attention and love!

Moonchild714 · Answer

Look she just got out of a relationship. You want her do her thing right now because if she gets with you you're just going to be a rebound and that's not a whole lotta fun. Let her get this ex out of her system then make your move if you still feel the same way about her. I know it hurts to watch her get with other guys but just keep being there for her.

Truthatanycost · Answer

''I consider her to her one of my best friends''

Above is what caused most of the issues. You are not being honest with yourself because you want to be with her intimately. It's likely the other guy was just honest.

You can't have it both ways...

actually_Megan · Answer

It sounds like she's friend-zoned you. Because she either doesn't see you in a romantic way so she doesn't care what you feel in this situation or she's trying to make you jealous in a super unhealthy manner. Either way, your emotions are being abused and it might be best if you took a step back. It seems that she doesn't care. Sorry, mate.

loveslongnails · Answer

She was YOUR crush... obviously you weren't HERS. Learn from this - you snooze, you lose. Next time make your move and find out what's going on before someone else does. You gotta find out and not just "crush". Meanwhile, don't pine like a sissy. Put her in the friend zone, man up and move on.

slatyb · Answer

Talking? Did you ask her out or make your interest clear after you knew she was single a few WEEKS AGO? Or did you just keep talking? She probably gave up on you, figured you were all talk and no action.

Poppykate · Answer

You have a small window to jump on that horse, and race for the finish line! So stop wasting time, jump on that horse, and ride it like it’s stolen! 🐎 Good Luck! 👍🏼

ScoutMustaine666 · Answer

Gotta move on, broskidoodle. If fate wills it, you guys will be together. Alas, if not, it's the time for you to move on. At least you see what is, so you don't have to waste any of your time.

Anonymous · Answer

Old saying: "Strike while the iron is hot". You didn't move quick enough, or far enough. You must have had a chance, but didn't take it.  Maybe too late now!

pizzalovershouse · Answer

meet some new girl that will like you for you an don't worry bout other girl it's not like you to were in a relationship then she dumped you thst be harder to deal with

cinderelli · Answer

it hurts but you just gotta accept the fact that she's not your girlfriend

My crush hooked up with someone else, what do I do now?

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