Is it love, obsession, or a crush?

[Anonymous]

Ok, I'll start from the beginning. I met him in late May. We both work at the same place. I saw him and thought he was cute but that was about it. He was really sweet and helpful. He would often lift heavy things for me and help me stack things that couldn't reach. He would try to start conversations but since I'm shy they never went anywhere. One day I was feeling really depressed and had a panic attack ( I have social anxiety disorder and depression). He asked me if I was alright. I said I was fine. He said "Do you need a hug? Is it family problems?" I'm gonna find out." That's when I started liking him. Because he actually cared. Most people don't notice or care about me but he did. I wish I would've told him. I feel like I could tell him anything and he would actually listen and understand. But I didn't. The next day he tried to keep me happy and made me laugh all day long. He made me feel like I wasn't alone. He made me feel special and loved. After a while he gave up trying to talk to me. I really wish I would've talked to him. We could've at least been friends. Lately I've been thinking about him a lot. I admit, I don't know him very well but he seems like a really sweet and caring guy. I mean obviously he has his flaws. He smoked weed but I've decided that it doesn't matter. I was a little disappointed in him but like I said nobody's perfect. I haven't seen him in 2 months but I might see him at school. At first, I tried to stifle my feelings for him because in my opinion having a crush on someone is a waste of time and energy. But each time when I thought that it was just a silly crush, I would see him again and everything just started all over again. When I see him I literally start shaking. It's not like when you get butterflies in your stomach and your kind of nervous. It's a full blown panic attack. I start shaking really badly, I feel like I can't breathe, I don't know what to do. I know sounds like a little harmless crush but it doesn't feel that way.

[AmandaYVR]

Dear Penn,
No, I don't believe it's love, nor an obsession. I don't mind what you call it, but you see something in him, rightly so, and you are drawn to him. I think you are thinking about it clearly enough.
Ok, the weed thing - I am not anti-cannabis at all, but at your guys age, sorry, way too young. It can stunt brain development. That kind of s*** lasts forever. It may not be your place to try and get him to stop, but I just need to say it's not good for either of you right now. Later, when he is an adult, he can partake, when he has more life experience and impulse control. Hormonally, biologically, no matter what he says, it is not the right time.
I'm sorry you're dealing with anxiety and panic attacks. Sorry to the other poster below, but it is not true that you will age out of it. It doesn't work like that. If you have it now to such a degree that it results in full blown panic attacks, it's quite a serious matter and you need to be under a professional's care to work through it. I hope that they don't just put you on heavy meds and sedate you. I have strong personal opinions about that, but I don't want to cloud things up right now. You have enough on your plate. Just do some research yourself, and don't automatically say, "yes, maam, yes sir" if a doctor says you need to take it every day. Humans have lived for hundreds of thousands of years and pharmaceuticals are big business right now and it is not the only way out. Enough of that.
I think this young man sounds very nice. He appears to have great sensitivity and compassion. This is exactly what the world needs more of, and you have landed right in his vicinity and count your blessings. He may be worth a little (or a lot) of awkwardness and risk to get to know him more.
But what will you do about your anxiety around him? That's a rough one. I can't give you one sentence that will solve that dilemmna. But I think you should probably try and push through it. Your body is telling you "abort, abort, get the heck out of here" but in actuality, there is no imminent danger. Your body is misreading the environment. Your mind needs to think, breathe, slow down, and realize you are safe, everything is just fine, and you are just doing something that every human does... you are seeking a connection with another. What will happen? Who knows. But go try, take a chance. You may have something great come out of it. You never know until you try. And real confidence eventually comes from trying (and preferably succeeding, but that part is not mandatory). There is no shortcut to this. It is a right of passage. You will do this once, and many more times in the future. And eventually, you will have lived a life and have stories and experiences to tell. Go out and live. Now. Don't wait. Start tomorrow.

[shimmeryns]

Its not obsession, not really live yet but you're crushing in him hard.

Your panic attack is not helping things to progress. I don't know how to help you not panic, I read from another user its not something you can control? I don't know.

But if I were you, I'd flirt a lot just to see his reaction.

[shimmeryns]

Not really love* yet

[shimmeryns]

Crushing on* him

Sorry, I didn't check before clicking submit.

[Poormanscomedian]

how do you flirt with guys?

[shimmeryns]

@Poormanscomedian like this

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=-lMpyYsAwEQ

[Asker]

I just want to make sure I don't end up like some sort of obsessive creepy stalker. I also don't want to be hurt. I'm so confused.

[shimmeryns]

Just act naturally like how you would to a friend. If you're not stalking him then you shouldn't worry about it.

[Asker]

Ok, thank you for your advice.

[Poormanscomedian]

when did she flirt? I missed it. Belly button was gross.

[Poormanscomedian]

C Chung looks older than this chick

[shimmeryns]

@Poormanscomedian you missed it? Okay. Haha!!

[Asker]

@Poormanscomedian who is C Chung?

[Poormanscomedian]

I did , the dream stuff

[Asker]

@Poormanscomedian you don't make any sense.

[Poormanscomedian]

Ever hear that song Brick House? The Commondores. You would know what I mean. If she took up jogging , she would knock herself out before she got around the corner. If she jumped rope , it would be like fighting Ali and Frazier at the same time.

[Graydon]

In my personal opinion you seem to only be having a harmless crush on him, nothing to be ashamed of. And he is definitely right about you not being alone, at some point in our lives litterly EVERY SINGLE PERSON has to deal with social anxiety. Nothing to feel ashamed of and trust me, as you get older your social anxiety will decrease a lot as you just naturally will develop the adult hormones and should be confident to talk to just about anyone. I was in your exact spot too, there was a girl that sat RIGHT NEXT TO ME in one of my classes in hs when I was 15, I felt she was attractive and she actually tried talking to me a couple of times early in the sumester by saying a causal hi, I was nice and said hi back, we talked a bit and in the end I told myself I was going to be the ONE to say hi tomorrow but I couldn’t do it. Was just so so shy. A lot of that was honestly because I had a bit of issues with bullying mostly grades 7 and 8 which REALLY LOWERED my confidence and left a lot of MENTAL SCARS for my teenage years. So bottom line, I was never able to do it and she probably just assumed I wasn’t interested. I thought about her a lot at the time but eventually someone else ended up dating her. Now nearly 4 years later, I have built my confidence a lot and feel comfortable trying to start a conversation with just about anyone. So try not to be ashamed of your anxiety, you’ll work through it😉 and some day meet the guy of your dreams who will be just perfect 😀
And you’ll never have anxiety’s with talking to him! I hope to find mine too someday, but a girl of course

[SeekingPurpose]

I like you a lot. I also have anxiety and depression.

[SeekingPurpose]

I'd date you if you gave me the chance.

[Onepiece_fan2000]

Your in love

[SilentWatchman]

You’re in love