Feeling weird when someone tries to get closer?

[Anonymous]

I always wanted to have someone who’s interested in me and loves me but whenever a guy tries to get closer, I feel weird, down or uncomfortable, just a weird feeling that I can’t describe and then start feeling like I don’t want that anymore and try to push him away, I’m so tired of this as there is a guy he is so nice with me and he said he would like to hug me and go out sometimes but I felt like I don’t want that anymore even though I like him, is it normal to feel that? I have had bad experiences before, I mean failed relationships, could it be a reason for what I’m feeling?

[hahahmm]

Knew a woman who was always getting into relationships with violent sex obsessed dudes. A new boyfriend every 6-8 months. Live in boyfriend at that.

She whined that these guys were bad! I mean one of them was a violent gang member with guns who threatened her & others but she went back to him.

After many years she says, I want a good guy! She goes on a date with a business owner, polite religious guy - everything she said she wanted.

After ONE date she says, “he’s too boring. He didn’t try to have sex with me.” And she bailed.

She’s been dating the bad boys ever since & that was around 10 years ago. She’s early 40s.

If I’m in your shoes, i would take a real break from relationships/dating/men. Zero contact. Research everything you can about people with your issue (s). See a therapist maybe.

Don’t try & get into a relationship again until you understand yourself. By the way, if you don’t know yourself then you can’t really know what you want. We are subconsciously drawn to people who have issues that compliment our own issues & bored/repulsed by people who are a better match unless we have learned & trained our minds not to make stupid decisions based on immediate feelings in my opinion.

This may not be relevant but as a start look into ‘adult children of alcoholics’ which applies to non alchohol childhoods too.

[devilish-cutie]

i mean it could be just your intuition that those men are not for you
you may find them mentally good fit but that doesn't mean you like them... thats like buying a chair cause you need it but maybe is not as aestetically pleasing as some other chair that may be less practical but you actually like more
Either that, like you dont have the real connection with those guys, its more rational
or it is the past where you are afraid to get hurt
maybe you just need to take it slow
im more into beliving the first reason unless you have been previously traumatized

[Hamsteroids]

It can be one of two things. Either you don’t actually have feelings for him or truly click with the guy (because if you were comfortable around him, it’d be easy to become closer) OR you are just inexperienced and shy to it. I was like that, where I would daydream about the perfect man and relationship, but when it came down to it, I would shy away from them. I didn’t feel right. Maybe it’s a combination of both. They could certainly go hand-in-hand