Why would my boyfriend be cheap with me but not with his ex?

[Anonymous]

my boyfriend and my anniversary is next week last night we were in an argument and he said "geeze be happy I'm going to spend like a thousand bucks only on our anniversary!" it got me upset ONLY our anniversary? he spent thousands to go to Hawaii with her...she was a bitch and abused him and he gave her everything she wanted. he bought her a 500 dollar diamond necklace, he bought me a 200 dollar diamond necklace. I'm usually not the kind of girls to be all about money but its kind of getting to me that he used to spend more on her, even though I'm nicer! I finally gave in and asked him if we could go overseas sometime soon and he blew me off. I don't understand, why would he want to give her the world when she was so mean...but not me? it makes me feel ugly and not as important...

[Anonymous]

I think I know where you're coming from. And I know it's not about the things or the money. I totally agree it's not about being materialistic or something like that. It's more of having the feeling that you wanted to be treated better than the way he treated his ex. It's his willingness to invest that you wanted, not the amount of how much he's investing on you. I used to feel that way too. But I realized that it takes time for a men to invest the way you want him to. If you're going to demand him to do those things, he might have the tendency to feel that you're no different than his ex. He's probably traumatize by the way his ex treated him so you would need to give time to get over the thought that girls have the tendency to take advantage of him. Just try to be grateful and appreciative of whatever he's giving you right now.Who knows if you stop suggesting or making him feel that you're demanding him to do things, he'd start doing the things that you wanted him to do. But again, I do understand how you feel and as to why you're feeling insecure. I think it might also be better for you to talk to him about that and explain why you feel the way that you're feeling in a way that you're not nagging at him.

[cbirnell]

You're very ignorant to assume any guy should buy you anything. And you're even more ignorant to demand it. You should be a strong individual woman. But you're not.

This is a huge problem. Women like you make men weary of relationships.

I never expect any guy to buy me things. However, my man offers to buy me things occasionally. I let him, because I love him enough I'm able to let him invest in me. He feels needed and appreciated and I feel loved and admired. He wants to spend his hard earned money on me, and all I want to do is treat him like a king. Sometimes he'll buy me a drink when we're out. When he hands it to me I give him a big kiss. He dotes on me because he's proud to have me, and I'm so very proud to have him.

You need to get into relationships for the right benefits that don't translate into monetary value.

[Asker]

i don't demand it that's the thing id feel bad I've just suggested going out I never say BUY ME THIS! his ex used to do that and he gave in, I can't demand him to buy me things because I think its wrong. I just suggest we go out and he makes excuses. also I don't think I am pretty enough to demand anything from a man. I just don't understand why he makes excuses with me when I constantly thank him when he buys me things and am nice, but lots of times I just notice he cheaps out on me,unlike w his ex.

[Lucky0o]

Have you thought that maybe its not about the money? Maybe its about her worth, the fact that a guy is welling to go all out for his ex and refused to do that to his new girlfriend says a lot about him. A guy only goes all out for you when they truly loves you and see that your worth it.

I'm in the same boat. I'm talking to a guy and he said that his biggest mistake was to pay for all his exes bills when they guy out. He said he will never make that mistake ever again, he pretty much is trying to tell me that if we date and we go out I better have money to pay for my bills. It's not about the money, I can pay my own crap but the fact that im not worth as much as girls that he isn't even with anymore... that is just sad. If you wonder what I am going to do, honestly I dont know. I like him as a person but now I see this other side of him... im not sure if I want to give him all my love or care.

[Lucky0o]

So i did some think, regardless of how he is ill stick around. I like him for him. As long as he doesn't cheat or backstab me. Maybe things will change, I truly like him a lot and I really dont care about what he have. I think my insecurity is getting to me at times.

[emmabee11]

I think youir being too ungrateful to be honest, if your not careful he's going to brake up with you. Be greatful he likes you and be grateful for whatever he buys you no matter the coast, it's the thought that counts not the price, stop comparing your relationship with him and his ex. Focus on what you have now and just please remember we are going though an ecomonic crisis and well buisness's included are struggling more than usual because people do not have the cash to go and blow on things. I think he's right to not be so lavish with what he buys for people. you ever think that maybe he is doing this because you are doing the one thing he doesn't want happening, you taking him for granted? just like his ex did.

[Asker]

thanks your answer made me think a lot

[femzee]

Hey! there are thousands of reasons why he might do that but you shouldn't feel lss about you self. I had a financial crisis once, I had to borrow money from friends to go on dates with my girlfriend because I felt irresponsible telling my girlfriend (she later found out and helped) But thr point is we guys don't like to feel out of control of a situation so we try to reduce spending or just blow off some activity for a lesser one.

Try to watch him carefully, he may also be spending less on personal utilities and don't every bring up the ex, its kinda a deal breaker. Goodluck!

[BoobMan]

I'm going to recommend you ask your boyfriend to buy one thing for you: A subscription to the Wall Street Journal.

You see, I'm not sure if you've noticed, but the whole freaking economy has kinda gone into the crapper of late. Which *might* have something to do with the willingness of a person to p*ss away large sums of money.

Give the WSJ a try. It's a great newspaper and you'll learn a TON.

[Asker]

thing is he makes good money he owns a motorcycle and jet ski shop and is doing pretty good...so I'm beginning to think maybe its me and maybe I'm not good enough in his eyes like his ex was

[BoobMan]

Maybe he learned his lesson with the ex. It was pretty dumb of him to spend money like that. Sounds like a smart guy--he doesn't repeat past mistakes.

Bottom line, you feel insecure about his ex and there's nothing that's going to change that until you get over it. Do you think all your insecurity would go away if he started spending like a crazy man? I'm going to guess no. He's with you because he likes you. You're fine.

[Lucky0o]

I think its sad that one ex can ruin for others. I'm in the same position and the guy that im talking to said that he learn his listen and he will never spoil his next girl. She will have to spit out her own money when they go out to do whatever they do.

I dont care about his money but I think its sad that he doesn't see my worth and he thanks that im just like his exes. Should I not love him or care for him since I did that to all my exes, they end up breaking me. If he can be like this to me, why can't I be like this to him too?

[LilPinkGirl]

i guess I can kind of see where you are coming from but my boyfriend is cheap and a thousand bucks isn't cheap lol. my boyfriend used to take his ex everywhere also, always go to dinner and he would buy her the cutest things and jewelry and write her poetry and take her romantic places and blow his whole paycheck. with me he has only bought me a few things, shoes, boots, and a camera, all under 100 bucks. nicest place we have gone to is red lobster! LOL but idc really. it does get me down at times sure, I am pretty insecure about my looks also so I do SOMETIMES relate him not taking me out as much as her to my looks. who knows? maybe he just isn't making as much money now as he did when he was with his ex?

[obligations]

First maybe she was hard to please so he spent so much to shut her trap

Second you are lucky he spends a dime on u

Third you are lucky he wants to date u

So very few good men in the world and your bitching on materialism?

[hunnie-bunches]

Sounds like my man..in his case she was a gold digging b!tch and your man probably doesn't want to be used again by the way what are you getting him? I hope something equal to what you expect from him or you are a gold digger also

[lovex]

it was probably his ex that made him not want to do it for you. I wouldn't take it too personal. I don't blame you for being upset just don't let it get to you

[Phoenix52]

Wow...just f*cking wow.

[Asker]

? I'm just upset right now. why do guys like to be TOLD what to do and be DEMANDED to have more money spent on bitchy girls, but if I ask "hey can we go out this weekend?" he says no I don't feel like spending money

[Beastieboys95]

You're not all about money? Lies lies lies

[Asker]

ud prob be upset to if your boyfriend bought everything for his ex and took her places...and not you. I hate my looks and I hate my body so I always think that's why he doesn't do things for me but did things for her. she hit him and broke the necklace he gave her saying it wasn't expensive enough so he got it fixed and got her another. I don't know why he liked that but doesn't like me?

[Beastieboys95]

You cry because he doesn't buy you sh*t like he buys her? that's in the PAST get over it. Stop bitching about jewelry and money a relationship isn't based on those things. You hate your body and looks? He probably doesn't which is why he is even dating you in the first place. He's spending money on you so just be happy already

[SilentG]

LOLOL shame on you