Okay. Going to be honest since you invited me to respond.
You deserve better than this. Don't put up with this type of treatment. The longer you stick around and put yourself through this, the more you're going to convince yourself it's normal and warranted.
It is not.
With enough time, you might even convince yourself you deserve it. Your boyfriend (intentionally manipulative or not) is gas-lighting you. Diminishing and disregarding your valid concerns. Which pressures you to question yourself, your concerns, and what you clearly see.
That type of toxic relationship devastates self-perception and confidence. And the closer you are with such a person, the more scarring and lasting the effects.
As for your boyfriend, I cannot say with certainty how intentional and conscious he is of his behavior. But there is no doubt he is using BOTH of you to manage his needs and emotional desires. As much as you likely despise his ex, she too is being used.
Again, I don't know how intentionally manipulative and selfish your boyfriend is being. But he is just that. Manipulative and selfish.
He goes to her to get from her what he can. Without giving all of himself. And then to you, to get the rest. Again without giving all of himself to you either.
He is "diversifying" his needs and desires. Picking and choosing as he pleases, whenever and wherever it suits him, without ever fully buying into either person. As one would say, "he wants to have his cake and eat it too."
Simply put, his only concern is himself. Because clearly his behavior is harming you (and her, especially if she knew the truth). He refuses to take any responsibility or blame.
Him mentioning "marriage" to you, while acting this way is a red flag to me. As it does highly suggest a more conscious form of manipulation.
I'm glad you still have the instincts to questions his assurances and explanations. I would highly suggest you find a way to leave before those instincts start to break down, putting up with his repeated behavior.
You may love him and want to see the best in him. But I'm telling you, guys like this don't change easily. And if change did occur, it wouldn't come through your effort. Only by his own self-realization of his faults and mistakes combined with the courage to change. Realistically, that kind of change is on par with a major life transformation event. And it won't happen as long as he's getting what he wants. Especially when it's on his terms.
I know most women try to make things work. But again, I would suggest you work towards moving on and away. For your sake.
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Girl please move onn he didn't deserve uu
The ex is ok with ur relationship
She is using her to get u out
Of the relationship may be it's her plan to kick u out
Then she herself kick him out
And take a perfect revenge
Some girls get pleasure or happyness of breaking relationship..
If ur guy behaving like single infront of her
please leave this guy and move onn
Don't ever go for marriage with this guy there is no guarantee of such guy who is not loyal in relationship will not be a loyal husband in future...
Sometimes hard decision has to be taken to make future better
Okay girl, I’m gonna give it to you straight just like I would any of my friends, hope that’s okay. Biggest red flag that stuck out to me is he is putting her feelings above yours when he said, “it would be disrespectful because she’s his ex”. This is actually a load of crap for one. If he doesn’t still have feelings for her, why is he catering to how dating someone new might affect hers and at the expense of yours? The fact that he hides you at all is a giant red flag. Says that he is compartmentalizing both of you so he doesn’t have to hurt anyone and be cut off from either of you. Super selfish. He should care enough about you to take your concerns into consideration. I had a similar situation, he wanted to hang out alone with his ex and told me I couldn’t come because “I would feel left out”. I was later told that he and his ex kept going into the bathroom together. SO there’s that. I’m not saying he is but it’s definitely not innocent when they’re always alone and then on top of that he’s compartmentalizing you from her. You’re not wrong in how you feel. Set your boundaries whether that be that your relationship needs to be out in the open or whatever and if he can’t respect that you need to walk. How he treats you is more important than joe you feel about him.
You need to have a talk with him bc this is unacceptable. You are his girlfriend not her. It’s okay to have friends of the opposite sex and go out with them but there needs to be boundaries. Because it seems as though he’s treating her as a girlfriend as well and she loves it. He needs to man up and tell her you are together and you have been and she needs to respect. Because what he is doing is not being respectful towards you and you deserve better. You deserve someone who will want to show you off to everyone and say this is my girlfriend. Someone who does not care if his ex knows he’s dating someone. It kind of sounds like he’s playing both of y’all. He does not sound mature enough to be dating you tbh. Why is he hiding you? Why did he hide her? There’s a chance he might be dating her too. You need to have a conversation with him and let him know that you deserve more, if he’s not willing to realize it then it might be time to end. Because he’s not making you a priority, he’s making her one. And you deserve so much more. I’m sorry if I might be rude or insensitive, I was not trying to be. But you really do deserve better, you shouldn’t have to live with anxiety or uneasiness in your relationship.
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It sounds like at the very least, he isn't over her, but what is most likely going on is that he IS cheating, unfortunately. The excuse about "hurting her" or it being "weird" to tell her are BS. Why is he being so secretive if nothing is going on? That makes no sense.
Also, the pictures of them cheek to cheek seem very fishy to me.Make it clear to him you won't stand this affront in silence.
He wants to hide you from his ex, sees her everyday, and DISRESPECTS your feelings... I'm done.
Also, she doesn't know about you. That's weird enough.What kind of an asshole is he? It's a huge red flag the mere fact that he is so close with his ex to begin with. You should have obliged him to block her and stop meeting her, otherwise you would dump him. I'm sorry you are going through this! I feel like he is playing with you. Or maybe he is keeping her as a back pocket in case you two don't work out.
Start to be controlling, check his phone all the time, be the extremely jealous girlfriend. Set the boundaries. I think that if you had done these the moment you felt something was off, the situation would have been defined by now. And things wouldn't have gone this far. Tell him to block her asap! If he still goes on with "it would be disrespectful to her since she is his ex and would be weird" bullshit, tell him she is the ex and should remain in the past. There's no place for exes in the present. I feel so mad right now at that jerk, as if the situation were happening to me. I can feel your pain. My advice is either be controlling, strict, set boundaries and make him to cut her off forever, otherwise dump him. You deserve so much better!Honey honey honey...
You've got 2 options. Continue to be the side chick because he clearly loves his ex, or you can move on and get something a lot more stable and true. Why is he hiding his current girl from the ex? That's backwards. Grow a backbone and be true to yourself and your happiness.
It's funny any ex I've had has always remaind far away from my life even though some are attached to people I love.
Never keep my exes as friend because it's disrespectful to my current girl...
If I kept any around after the break up its been for sex and sec alone.Him hiding you, tells me that he is having a relationship with her, probably sexual and he does not want her knowing he also has you. I dont know if you are having sex, but any girl that finds out a guy has another girlfriend, is gonna dump him or demand he dump you.
I would tell him it is either her or you... esp with them going out behind your back.
I have been cheated on many times by men... it hurts when you find out you are the back up girlfriend... esp when I wanted a real relationship.This is stupid af. He really don’t have the BALLS to his ex that he’s in a relationship with YOU.
its fucking embarrassing and if his ex finds out, it’s literally him making you look stupid.
tell him you won’t keep allowing that and stand up for yourself girl. Take your dignity and go. He obviously doesn’t deserve your love because I DOUBT you’re hiding him from everyone. The fact that it’s his ex makes everything so much worse.
so fr please just leave that relationship bc you don’t know if things can escalate between them (or already have !) especially since she doesn’t even know you guys are together.
He’s not giving you your place as his girlfriend and that’s just straight disrespectful periodddd💅🏼Sure sounds fishy...
If you say you're sure he's not cheating, maybe he has a valid reason for doing so. If I were you (and I'm a person that prioritizes sincerity in a relationship) I would ask him why he's doing it. If he still refuses to tell, I'd tell him how uncomfortable this makes me (and pretty much explain things from your point of view like you did here). If he still refuses to give any reason for that, I'd just let the other girl know somehow in a natural way (like you make her hear your voice while he's on the phone with her pretending you're not there, or having an appropriate kiss when she can see...). The last step is where things could go south, though, so beware and use your maximum social awareness!!!
Also, depending on the other girl's personality and your relationship, I'd consider talking to her about it.
Anyway, best of luck! 🍀I'm sure your not a desperate woman and this guy is telling her he's not seeing anyone he's stringing you and her along and he's hiding you you don't need to put up with that just start making yourself unavailable when he calls, you have to have a point in which you say enough I'm gone so let him know that now you don't have to sneak around or don't explain crap just tell him I can't not to night your better than this don't ever allow any man to disrespect you in anyway if he can't hold your hand in public hug you show true affection for you, don't need to be there always think highly of you and never settle for less or a 2 timer you are to be appreciated!
Goodbye unless you want to be with a dishonest person because 4 number one he crossed the line I'm broke the ultimate rule your trust so therefore how can you ever trust in him again no matter what he tells you or are you going to be one of them kind of women just going to be vendetta and be like what he cheated on me imma cheat back be a woman be a real woman don't be a hore tell him it's over with and move on I mean I don't know your feelings about him but I'm sure that you probably love him or you think you do until now because he's always going to do it no matter what and not only is he cheating on you he's cheating on his it's also and think about what he could be carrying back and forth between the two of y'all or there could be a number 3 or there could be a number for you don't know the only know you just found out to think about it you want to go ahead and take your loss now and pick up your sticks and move on or take your chances and get hurt even more in the end
Yeah, that's not cool. If you're all in the same social circle, I don't understand how it hasn't come out. If he's pretending you're not going out when you're all together, that is strange. If he won't give you a good answer or act when you talk to him, you might have to bring it up with the girl or when you are all together. Depending on your style/personality, you could act all lovey-dovey with him, draping your arms around him, kissing him on the cheek and calling him by a pet name, or you could say something like, "Hey, Third Wheel, do you reckon Billy Badmanners acts like we're not even going out when we're in public? Was he like that when you guys were going out?".
He's still in love with his ex. He's acting the way he is so if/when you break up, he can run into her arms.
Personally I'd dump my partner in such a situation. If you think that's too far, make your feelings clear to him. Tell him you don't like his behavior. He's going to react badly, it's up to you how you handle it from thereThis is not okay. It's unacceptable to hide that you're dating someone, especially when you're hiding it from your ex. That indicates he still has some feelings towards her or wants to keep his options open. I don't like how he's behaving with her as well, seems like they're a little too close. It's very understandable that this makes you feel uncomfortable. You deserve so much better, someone who is proud to call you his girlfriend and someone who respects you, instead of keeping you a secret. I'm telling you this because I can relate to how you feel. My boyfriend is texting his ex everyday (they're "just friends"), talking on Whatsapp, Facebook and Instagram. They would meet up to "have dinner together" in town. Found out this weekend that they're calling behind my back and he lies about it. Find yourself a real man, who will stand up for you and listens to your worries, instead of making the feelings of his ex priority number one.
You know what's going on. You are 20 and at that age you do not have the experience to realize that the signs don't lie. You are trying to comfort yourself and tell yourself that these signs mean what he says they do-they don't. Everything you fear is happening IS happening. He's either back with her and you're side hump or he is trying to get back with her and you are maintenance hump until he gets her back. Open your eyes, accept what you know is true and either tolerate that status (and realize how pathetic that makes you) or respect yourself and move on. Seriously.
GET OUT! He is totally playing you! Don’t be naive, STOP being disrespected and GET OUT. If he really viewed you as his girlfriend, he would want not only his ex but EVERYONE to know. His excuse about not telling her “It would be disrespectful to her since she is his ex and it would be weird since we know each other and spent time” is complete bullshit. Was he sleeping with you while in a relationship with her? Did he break up with you and start dating her?
You should drop that guy. This is just the tip of the iceberg. he's gonna try more and more shit and push you further and further until you waste valuable time and effort you can't get back.
I would not allow my boyfriend to go out with his ex's nor would I accept him hiding me.
he's still trying to decide between the 2 of you.
He introduces you to her at the very least. Or you're out.You are right on your part you should ask him to either tell her or you would & see what he responds...
if he denies to tell her then i think you should tell her to keep boundaries with him & you both are in relationship if he is truly with u he would stay like that & if he is not with you truly then his behavior would be different...
see it is really imp for partners to be acknowledged by their peers when they are in relationship , it is their right to be...
And if he is not willing to then you really have to communicate with him & think that where is this relationship is going...Cut the story time down to a direct conversation with him about how you feel and what you expect. I can appreciate someone that does not want to wound their EX at the same time it shouldn't take priority over his relationship with you. Another thing is you might find out why he behaves this way it could be interesting. Maybe she's got cancer or maybe he still loves her you never know.
why would he want to hide you, tbh if you and he are serious then he should be proud of you, not hide you away...
though the only explanation for this would be his ex is toxic and controlling and he might fear what she'd do to ruin your relationship with him
but even then hiding you away from her would make even me suspicious as to what he's hidingOk let's find out,,
First of all there is limit between any opposite sex friends,, by Ur situation I don't think it's a good sign for u,,
Secondly,, if I am dating someone I truly love ,, I'll definitely tell my friends & introduce my love,,
only if someone is planning to play games then he will hide things from World
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