My boyfriend always asks where I’m going or where I’m at if I leave the house and always wants to why. Is that normal?

[Shuri]

This is the first time I’ve lived with a guy. But he keeps asking me where I’m at if I’m not home when he gets home from work, or he’ll ask me where I’m going if I open the door or grab my keys.

For me, this is extremely irritating. I don’t ask him where he’s going every time he leaves or if he’s not home when I get back from work. My parents never did it with each other, and I feel like I have to report to him every time I’m not in the house. He says he’s just wondering, but we’ve been together 8 months. I feel like at this point, he shouldn’t be calling me every time I’m not home.

But maybe this is normal? It just never was with my parents. My mom or dad have left multiple times without telling each other where they were going or when they’d be back. And sometimes I just want to get out of the house, and I hate that I have to report to him when I leave. I’ve brought it up before but he keeps doing it.

[CarpetDenim]

I mean he’s not doing anything else indicate he’s a possessive or controlling partner, or else you probably would have mentioned that. And it doesn’t seem like he’s ever tried to tell you that you can’t go out somewhere or that you have to stay at home or anything, so I don’t think this is a problem. He’s just worried about you, and wants to make sure where you are and that you got to wherever you were going safely. Seems pretty normal in my opinion. It has the potential to escalate though, like if he ever becomes aggressive about knowing where you are at all times, or if he tries to prevent you from going places, so keep an eye out for anything like that, but I don’t think he’s doing anything wrong by just worrying for your safety and making sure you’re okay.

[Unit1]

I agree with this

[yoshi_wanna_ask]

It can be because he's being insecure or controlling but it's also possible it's something to do with the way he's grown up. With my family it'd be normal to say where we were going & how long we thought we'd be even if we were away longer. I think if you're feeling he's overstepping boundaries it's probably good to take note of specific things that you're not comfortable with but might also be a good idea to get advice from a professional if you think he's trying to control or manipulate you. It could be something that could easily be worked out with some intervention but he could be going through something of his own that he needs help with too.

[yoshi_wanna_ask]

Thanks for the MHO. I hope you're able to work things out.

[Aaron_Stone]

I think it's normal since most couple I know tell where they are, or whenever they're going outside.
so to stop this irritation... Do following things yourself without him telling, Make it a HABIT.
1. Tell him I'm going at ... , bye see you etc
2. Tell him where you're when he calls.
All this are casual questions asked within family. It happens with me too.
Just don't think much, make it a habit. Try getting used to such questions.

[Aaron_Stone]

He cares for you.
If something bad happens or he's going out he can meet you.
if he knows where you are he can make plans for something special.

[Shuri]

Except I’ve tried that. But he calls when he’s at work and says, “Hey, just calling to check on you and see what you’re doing.”

He says it so casually but what does he need to check on? I feel like I shouldn’t have to tell him what I’m doing all the time. Like I went to the store just now, and he called, and the first words o it of his mouth were “Where are you at?” Not a hi, hello, or hey. Then it’s “Why are you there?”

I still don’t think I should tell him where I’m at every single time I’m not in the house. I can’t even get groceries without him calling me.

[Shuri]

And he calls every day. Every. Day.

[Aaron_Stone]

Tell him don't call frequently since I get distracted and busy with work 💼
Tell him to give you miss call. And you will call back when you'll be free.
That way you can avoid frequent calls.
Also tell him to stop asking about your location since you're mostly at same places. It's just bothersome to answer since it's your daily routine.

[Aaron_Stone]

Tell him to message you in case there is emergency.

[Agape93]

No that’s not normal. That’s controlling and it will get worse. He doesn’t trust you, he doesn’t care about your safety. You are an item, a possession he doesn’t want to share or lose track of.

Dump him.

[bklynbadboy1]

I think he's just trying to make sure you safe. He's not doing anything controlling is he

[Shuri]

In his mind, no. In my mind, yes. Nothing serious, but just little things. Like I've noticed that if he's playing video games, he'll play for hours, but I can't seem to play for more than 40 minutes before he asks that I get off and spend time with him. Or if we watch TV, there are specific shows I can't watch while he's around because he doesn't like them. At the very least, I can't watch them while he's in the same room. So if I'm watching a show in our bedroom and he's ready to go to bed, I have to turn it off.

[bklynbadboy1]

Hmmmm! I see what you mean

[eagle1951]

he wants to make sure your not meeting anyone else he doesn't trust you. or he wants to be controlling