Have you ever met a toxic person with a victim mindset?

[CHARismatic110]

Oy fucking vey!

Been running into these types my whole life 😩

[btbc92]

Of course. Everybody has been there at some point in their lives. As long as we keep treating people poorly and abuse them we keep created such people. They need love and help like all of us. But the reason why they don't change varies based on wounds that have been opened. And the boundaries that people often lack.

[CHARismatic110]

I don't disagree. But these people also create more people like them. You can only love them so much. And you really can't help those that don't want to be helped. It's a slippery slope.

[btbc92]

That's the point. The reason we attract them is because many of us still have traces of being unhealthy ourselves. It's not our job to help them. It's our job go set boundaries and enforce them. This is a learning process that can take years to master. The key here is not to get too emotionally invested in their lives without overshadowing and losing yours. Remember that is a root core somewhere, and the core of it usually bullying, rapes, death, abuse, and a whole host of list. The world nowadays no longer give a damn about you. So now you are forced to only care about yourself. We're even tainting the innocent so I think it pretty much says a lot more so about society than it says about toxic people and or victims. Because for many people especially like myself a victim is a victim. But not everybody who is a victim is an overcomes. Having a right people who leads you into accountability nobody understands what it means to be that way. Not everybody has experienced it so it's easy to create another victim out of another. To be honest a lot of people here is toxic no matter where you go in the world. So it would be foolish to assume that many of us aren't still like this or haven't been that way before. That's why I don't judge them as harshly because you never know what a person have went through.

[CHARismatic110]

You make very good points. I think my problem is that I feel like i need to save everyone because it helps me avoid dealing with my own trauma.

[btbc92]

It's understandable because I tend to do the same thing at times. But one thing God has taught me, I'm not responsible for what happened. Even if I could have done anything else differently, it wouldn't have changed anything if it was going to cause more damage. The best way to help other people is to be able to help with within yourself. Once you get healed of that then you'll know how to handle people better. Because there's no point in trying to help a person who also loses hope. You have to be the example of what hope looks like. Once you do that then your light can touch somebody else's Darkness. But just remember this. Your light can also heal as well as destroy. But just because it destroyed a person it doesn't mean it's your fault. The person was already too broken to even see the benefits of the light to begin with. And oftentimes some people are just hell-bent anyway often demonically used because they want to. Because how many people turn to God? Not that many. Just like you said not everybody wants to be helped. But it's also not wise to categorize them the same. Some people don't need help and they are able to heal. Other seriously needs to help, but not everybody heals. Some things are too deep for human people to understand. That's why it's best to leave it in God's hands. Not for us to play God for them.

[btbc92]

Before it leaves you heartbroken and unnecessary damage with so much baggage that you don't need. Trust me when I say I had to learn the hard way. Our problem is that we try to change people. But that's not our job. Our job is just to love them, encourage them, tell them when they were wrong, and know when to pull back when is overstepping your boundaries. Is one thing when a person is toxic and it's hurting. Is another when one person is toxic and they're just flat-out evil. Some people sadly are born to torment you need to be evil sorry to say. As much as I would not want to believe no one is born evil. I learned a lot in my life that that is sadly naive, no matter how much you would want it to be true. So my advice to you, is to gain some discernment about people and things. That way you know who to allow in your life and you know who to keep out. It won't be easy, but with practice it will be beneficial. And you'll start seeing a dramatic change, and know how to interact with other people. All while making an impact in being a blessing to others.

[CHARismatic110]

😭😭😭 and now I'm crying. Everything you're saying is so spot on. I'm already at the heartbroken and damaged part. But I believe that God heals.

[aWes0MeNeSs]

Yes, many times, unfortunately. It seems to be becoming more and more common, too.

[CHARismatic110]

It most certainly does.

[DocT1977]

Yes I have. They are referred to as narcissists. They are not even aware of the things they do. When you call them out on it, they get an attitude. I usually try not having anything to do with those people. They are not worth it to me.

[CHARismatic110]

Narcissism definitely plays a part

[1CentWorth]

my sister, mother, brother, father. Everything was my fault, and I was the youngest. Be warned - toxic people need other people to exist... they'll follow a victim around to keep them a victim.

[CHARismatic110]

Oh trust me, I know!

[1CentWorth]

people suck.

[CHARismatic110]

Absolutely

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Yes I actually have... And then they put the blame on someone else 🤷🏼‍♀️

[CHARismatic110]

They sure do.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

And get away with it, cuz people let them 🤷🏼‍♀️

[CHARismatic110]

They sure do. Until it doesn't work for them anymore.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

👍👍♥️

[paronomasia]

Yes. My high school best friend slowly turned into a pathological liar. Everything she said was to make her look like the victim or the hero at any given moment.

[CHARismatic110]

Ughhh can't stand those types.

[paronomasia]

Yeah, really sucked losing a close friendship but I just couldn’t handle it. Especially when she started talking behind me back saying things that were naturally, not true...

[CHARismatic110]

Yeah I went to an all girls school for high school and there was plenty of that drama there.

[paronomasia]

Eesh that’s rough. Honestly couldn’t imagine going to an all girls school.

[CHARismatic110]

I had a rough time in middle school with boys in particular, so I kinda wanted to be away from them after that.

[paronomasia]

Ah that’s understandable.

[DizzyDesii]

Maybe just one but even i think he apologized eventually. Prob didn't mean it tho. Also girl u see that Dee got fired from the challenge 🤣 yet jordan, ashley, georgia, and camila still around

[CHARismatic110]

Yes I did. And Cory's pregnant girlfriend also got fired from Teen Mom. Camila is banned tho. But not for the disgusting things she said to Leroy on Dirty 30. Nah she was allowed to stay AND win that season. She was only banned because she put hands on a producer on Stars vs Champs. Had she not done that, she would still be around too.

[DizzyDesii]

Yea i heard about camila last night. Twitter had me crackin up how we was laughin at cory for not getting his show. Taylor look dumb since her kid is half black now. Also, people from Vanderpump rules got fired too lol

[CHARismatic110]

Cory doesn't claim his other side anyway.

[DizzyDesii]

Damn cory a mess. So funny cause i just said Monday or Sunday that it would be nice to not see taylor on the show (just cayse i hated her on Ex on the Beach when she spit on the black girl) and then now she got removed 🤣 Also she said in her tweet that she hates when white people act black. But she and Tori been ackin black since AYTO

[CHARismatic110]

I don't know too much about her besides Cory was always cheating on her. But good riddance 🤷🏾‍♀️

[DizzyDesii]

Lol someone just posted about this on twitter about toxic/victims. Did you see how they hyped up this weeks Dee episode for no reason

[CHARismatic110]

They edited her out. Which is dumb. Just air the season as it was. You've already said you cut ties. Going back and trying to edit around her makes the episodes make zero sense.

[DizzyDesii]

I agree. And i get she said stupid stuff but the way she look like she was suffocating was sad

[CHARismatic110]

I got anxiety from watching that shit. That was a set for Mattie. She's like 6ft.

[DizzyDesii]

I was struggling to breathe. And yea i knew mattie was a goner

[CHARismatic110]

Same! I was like oh fuck this! I could never.

[DizzyDesii]

I dont think any compare to this crap
mobile.twitter.com/.../1011640230661664769
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=t96mEpviwD0

[slatyb]

Married one when I was a sad person with no self-esteem.

[CHARismatic110]

I hope you're done with it now

[ArrowheadSW]

Yes. Actually probably half of the toxic people who I've ever known had that mindset.

[CHARismatic110]

Crazy isn't it?

[ArrowheadSW]

I'm wondering how many of these people end up getting the help they need, vs. remaining a toxic person. I worked with a guy like that years ago and his wife was trying to get him back in alcoholics anonymous even though he no longer drank. After he left and changed jobs, he was still trying to cause problems at the workplace because he didn't like the manager. Sick guy.

[CHARismatic110]

Yeah some people just don't want to be helped. They're being their toxic selves.

[ArrowheadSW]

I did have a girlfriend when I was 26, who turned out to be a toxic person. She was taking it on ME the bad experiences that she had with other people in her past. I only determined this after lots of time trying to reason with her and get to the bottom of her meanness. When I caught on to her game of course I ended the relationship and moved on. Literally over 5 years later, I see her in a grocery store, and she steps in front of me as if to block me, and asks me in a deliberately fake happy tone of voice "how I was doing" as if to be obviously sarcastic. Wow how childish. Like you say, maybe they don't want to be helped.

[CHARismatic110]

Yeah it's often times people projecting. But they never will admit to it when you bring it up. Instead they just flip the script on you. She obviously was still miserable after all those years.

[ArrowheadSW]

Yeah it is still an ugly situation that stands out in my mind after all these years. Whether or not she sought counseling for her issues, I don't know. Not the way to go through life.

[CHARismatic110]

Definitely not. Good on you for being away from that

[Prof_Don]

I’ve met PLENTY of these people. I keep my distance from those types!

[CHARismatic110]

Smart man

[douride2]

Yes at my last job. He was one of the main reasons I quit working there.

[CHARismatic110]

Oh wow. Yeah they can definitely take you there.

[smahala1991]

Its sad i have met some. They gaslight more than a coleman lantern

[CHARismatic110]

Gotta love people that gaslight.

[genericname85]

yes. in my experience, it's mostly the feminists (male and female) and sjw types.

[CHARismatic110]

So can I ask what makes a person a SJW to you?

[genericname85]

speaking very generally, it's people who have ideas about "creating equality" that utilize taking offense on behalf of groups of people and/or grouping certain people together that don't have anything to speak of in common and demonizing them, while presenting them as "the issue" that just has to be fixed.

ironically, what those people "in most cases" are trying to establish is just another form of tyranny. of course they are not educated enough to know that, that's why they're still confessed that they're right.

[CHARismatic110]

So you don't feel that people should speak up for others?

[genericname85]

that is not at all what i said, no xD

if you want something to get better for anyone, you have to take the tough road to educate yourself and emancipate yourself from mental slavery (props to you if you got that quote), so that you can learn how any of this works in order to improve society for everyone and not just fuck it up for someone else with your clumsy attempts to fix it for some particular goup. what people yell in the streets and what's posted on social media is rarely adequate to live up to that standard.

if it was so easy to figure that shit out, we'd already be doing that.

[CHARismatic110]

Got it.

[genericname85]

society is like a dam with a100 finger sized holes but you only have 10 fingers and if you use those wrong, the entire dam will come crumbling down. live is utter chaos and we're litterally standing on the shoulders of giants right now, having reach a fragile temporary equilibrium where all of us are "somewhat" well off. some more than others sadly but if you're too careless in fixing the obvious issues that i'm not at all trying to deny, you get another hitler, mao, stalin or kim-jong family. it's a super fragile balance and if we're not very carefull, succumb to the far left identity politics of which "gender identity ideology", the idea of "male white supremacy", "patriarchy" and also "black lives matter" are all a part of. those ideas are marxist in nature and marxism is something we have already seen under stahlin, lenin, trotzki, mao and hitler if you know those names, those were not very good time. we are far better off now. we don't have people working in slave labour. we don't have people dying to hunger. we have the occasional death to police which sucks but is far better than having a gulags or concentration camps.

we tried socialism. it doesn't work.

[CHARismatic110]

You make very good points. And you know how I feel about BLM because we've had that talk already. But again, thank you for the healthy debate without calling me names. ❤

[genericname85]

i know how exactly how you feel about blm which it is especially challenging to show you how "bad" it is, because you feel that it is a good thing, which don't blame you for.

you know the idea of marxism is to eventually end up in communism, where "everything" is owned by "everybody" and "everybody contributes what they can and only take what they need".

this is a beautiful idea like black lives matter is but sadly it fails at the nature of humans. humans are not good enough for this. where power exists, there is corruption. and we have tried over and over to find ways to fight corruption but it has proven impossible. that's why we're stuck with this capitalist democracy bullshit. it is shit, cause inequalities automatically arise in that system... yet the harsh truth is: it's the best thing we have.

[genericname85]

"inequalities automatically arise in that system that are impossible to solve without being unfair.

[Marilynjuana]

I love pissing off those cupcakes with a little reality.

[BestUserName100]

What if you are their only propane without you they'd guenuinly be happy.

[CHARismatic110]

Could be

[Rob17792]

a lot of times I deal with people like that and used to as well.

[Máiiréad]

Yes, my sister’s ex-husband is a sociopath.

[CHARismatic110]

I'm glad he's an ex!

[Máiiréad]

Unfortunately she has to deal with him till my niece turns 18. He makes like a living hell.

[Máiiréad]

Life*

[CHARismatic110]

Ugh. My sister has one of those too unfortunately

[ArrowheadSW]

Wow that is so sad! I hate hearing of that stuff.

[perfectchaos]

Yes I have met a lot of them.

[CHARismatic110]

Draining isn't it?

[perfectchaos]

More than you know. I dated one omg. Never again.

[CHARismatic110]

Yeah, I can relate.

[BeenThereLovedIt]

Well, yeah, I'm married to one.

[CHARismatic110]

That's no good.

[BeenThereLovedIt]

I do the best I can with a bad situation. There's no way out of it for me.

[CHARismatic110]

I'm so sorry to hear that. I'd like to think that there is always a way out.

[BeenThereLovedIt]

If you wanna take a whack at an insolvable problem, here's the basics:
Got married. After marriage, we had a child.
Child diagnosed autistic, and high on the spectrum, and will need life-long care.
Wife devolves into sexless rage-aholic, turns out she's got borderline personality disorder. It's like bipolar but 1000x worse. Now I have to treat her like a child and coddle her (I learned many hard lessons over a 10 year period). She doesn't know it and believes it is depression and anxiety. she's on meds now and they help but there is no cure. The problem with borderline is that those affected are largely incapable of accepting the diagnosis, so psychiatrists generally won't tell them they have it and tell them depression and or anxiety instead. Also BPD'ers are excellent at hiding it, so I had no idea what I was marrying. If we divorced, I couldn't possibly risk her getting custody, but in my state 99% of all custody goes to the mother, even if she's unfit. There was a famous case where an unfit mom was given custody over a good dad, and she ended up murdering the kid just to spite the father. I just can't take that risk for my own happiness. And the root of BPD would have her fight to the death over custody. It's not beyond people with BPD to make false accusations of rape, child molestation, etc.. when faced with divorce. There's a book even written about it. So I figured I'd wait until our kid is 18, then worry about it. It's been 17 years, and still I don't see how I can possibly get out with the kid unscathed.

[CHARismatic110]

Omg that is a lot to deal with. I commend you for sticking around for your child's safety. I know it can't be easy

[Agape93]

Yeap. 99% of incels on here.

[CHARismatic110]

Tell me about it

[legalboxers]

Im dating one now. Its a disaster

[CHARismatic110]

Get outttt

[Flower7]

Yes, unfortunately I've met quite a few of them!

[ItsTheNephilim]

I'm sure everyone has been there.

[Arisu2018]

Yeah!! Awful people

[CHARismatic110]

I know right?

[zerofuks]

The whole black lives matters movement.

[CHARismatic110]

Lol i knew someone was gonna comment with this answer. Sorry that you feel that way

[zerofuks]

Really it's true go look at their demands just asking for free money because they're a victim.

[CHARismatic110]

You mean reparations?

[zerofuks]

That sometimes what they call them a very races idea against Federal law as well because you cannot tax people based on their race.

Then it even gets funnier because there were black slave owners and white slaves. Then thanks to many generations passing many people are going to have ancestors who were slaves and slave owners.

The whole believe is a victim complex what you're talking about here.

[CHARismatic110]

We'll have to agree to disagree.

[zerofuks]

So you literally think it's good to give people money based on their race? You sound very racist to me. Like I said they have a big victim complex you have no arguments that's why you're trying to run away now.

I bet you believe in white privilege as well and that's the reason why all black people are oppressed that's not true black people have privilege not white people just look at Affirmative action.

[CHARismatic110]

Yes sir. I'm very racist and running away. You nailed it!

[zerofuks]

Hopefully one day you'll actually see it not just be sarcastical to avoid being challenged. Remember you're literally the one saying it's OK to give people stuff based on their race.

[CHARismatic110]

Hopefully one day you can actually understand that not everyone is going to agree with you and you don't have to resort to calling people names.

[zerofuks]

Sorry that's what you are you literally believe in giving people stuff based on their race that is racism you are a racist.

[CHARismatic110]

Ok sir.

[zerofuks]

Hopefully one day you'll get over your hate and be able to see people for who they are not just the color of their skin.

[CHARismatic110]

Same to you bub! ❤

[zerofuks]

I'm not the one saying give people stuff based on their race I'm the one saying everyone to be treated equally not just based off the color of their skin. But you want to base to off a race the definition of racism

[CHARismatic110]

You're the one saying everything lol. Having a conversation with yourself.

[zerofuks]

Go read back your the one saying it's OK to give people stuff based off their race and then once I called you out on that you started basically trying to end this because you realize your racist on some level at least. You realize every post you make makes you look more stupid and more racist

[CHARismatic110]

Lmao you're literally having a conversation with yourself. I said I agreed to disagree and from THAT your got that I'm a racist that believes in whatever the hell you're talking about. You sound pretty victimy to me bub. But please! Go on and tell me more about me!

[zerofuks]

Because what you're saying is you agree with giving stuff based on the color of skin what I was disagreeing with. Do you not understand what you were saying I agree to disagree to you literally say I agree to disagree to giving people stuff based on the color of the skin is bad

[CHARismatic110]

"That sometimes what they call them a very races idea against Federal law as well because you cannot tax people based on their race.

Then it even gets funnier because there were black slave owners and white slaves. Then thanks to many generations passing many people are going to have ancestors who were slaves and slave owners.

The whole believe is a victim complex what you're talking about here"

Is what I said that I would agree to disagree with. From that you got that i was racist. Your original response to my question was BLM. You then said in the paragraph above that they have a victim mentality. To which is said that we would have to agree to disagree. You THEN went on a spiral based off me saying that.

[zerofuks]

Look at what you're saying when you say that you're saying I agree with giving people a special treatment I disagree with The fact that everyone was slaves and everyone was a slave owner wasn't just a race issue. And all black live matter is asking for is free money and special treatment for black people literally a racist group with a victim complex. You disagree with this but you have no argument so you just say agree to disagree. Because all the facts are on my side the fact is you're a racist

[CHARismatic110]

Okay.

[llorando]

Does Hillary Clinton count?

[LogicBomber]

Yeah most females.

[CHARismatic110]

I've met my fair share of both.

[LogicBomber]

Yeah I never said there wasn’t men who didn’t hVe that mentality but society literally pushes the female false victim narritive.

[MoonKnight125]

Yeah I have met a few people like that

[Cherokeehp]

My ex boyfriend.

[Unit1]

Oh, they're in "my family".

[Phoenix98]

Yup I've met some.

[humanearth]

Yeah, my ex-wife.

[Redstang88]

Plenty of them

[Liam_Hayden]

They are everywhere.

[BronzedAdonis]

Yes.