Guys, Why would a man hide and keep old love letters from an ex?

[Anonymous]

A person they haven’t been with for 3 years. They have a kid together but she won’t allow him to see their kid or her.

He is now in another relationship with someone else (like say a year) and they’ve discussed marriage and stuff. Should he still have those letters?

[MannMitAntworten]

People don’t “hide” old love letters. They just put them away and often forget about them. Both men and women do this. Unless they really ended up miserable from the ex - in which case they likely burned them... like I did with a certain ex along with all photos in a very cathartic fire. Anyway, why does someone else’s relationship concern you? Especially this non issue? I mean, obviously no one can ever discard mental “memories” of exes in spite of some of us wishing that we could. So what difference does it make?

[Asker]

Because she asked for my opinion but I’ve never heard of someone keeping love letters. Like a gift, yeah, but not letters.

[MannMitAntworten]

I know of many who have unless they get married then most men get rid of it. Some women do too but I know of plenty with, “memory boxes” who keep stuff going all the way back to elementary. At any rate, it is a non issue unless she makes it one. Which, that could make her appear inna bad light to him and disrespectful of his space and boundaries. Tread lightly...

[loveslongnails]

Some memories you never want to let go off, especially if the assuage the ego. It may be from a time past, but it was a really good time past. On the other hand, in this specific instance, it sounds like she's a real bitch and shouldn't be difficult to get over.

I question the statement " ... she won't allow to see their kid..." She might not allow it voluntarily, but if he wanted to see his kid badly enough, all he has to do is take her to court and get visitation rights granted.

[Asker]

It’s a matter of money. She basically is rich... makes over $200k a year with a PhD in microbiology whereas he’s only an electrician. So basically she can afford better lawyers than he can and he only just became an electrician like a year ago.

There’s more to it but I don’t want to put all his business out there. But they weren’t married and he didn’t sign the birth certificate.

[loveslongnails]

So he needs to get a DNA test if she won't acknowledge he's the father, etc. And all this costs money. I get it. There are other ways, depending on how much he wants it.

[Sparda20xx]

200k as a microbiologist is almost unheard of. She must be pretty good or really lucky. I agree with @loveslongnails, he should get a DNA test

[pepperhicks]

"They have a kid together but she won’t allow him to see their kid or her." That must be rough on him.

I have letters and photos from my first girlfriend and various girlfriends and an ex-wife going back 30+ years. My current wife sees my son with my ex-wife everyday, and I see her kids she had with her first husband everyday.

I don't think much about past relationships, but my past is part of me. I do not know and would not think to ask if my current partner has things she holds on to from her past relationships. We are together, that is the important thing.

[Kaneki05]

Probably just don't like get rid of things. there is people who want nothing of there Ex's there are those who want little things kept. i have my Ex's dairy lmao she never came back for it, i've read a little Just the last couple days we were together never read the rest been a couple years tho now so prolly could but idc enough.

[yenofed840]

well, find out who cheated. and She is keeping kids, first of all that person can never be trusted ever who left kids and wife or husband for other one. Second, If he/she having feeling for ex then why need to marry again, they can talk and fix things

[StafJ]

It holds a certain value. Don't you like when someone sends you a letter saying they love you? I'd say we keep it because it's a good memory, and everytime you see the letters you're reminded of them, and maybe they make some people feel better about themselves!

[Stevo-Irl]

Because they may be some of his most important memories. Why would you throw them out? We are not born perfect at relationships and not every relationship will last forever; for some you will learn something (hopefully) and move on. You can learn a lot about relationships (and yourself) from your ex's, as while we may be congenitally ill-prepared to see it own weaknesses, they know where our limits truly are.

[thewiggles]

Its fucking natural to have feelings and still hold them through marriage with someone else. Its a fine thing and understandable. Sorry just needs to be out there more. We should have someone we really connected with more than our current partner its something you know you can work towards.

[CaptainOverthink]

Let him keep them. Because they mean something to him and his allowed to be sentimental, even if it's about a time before his current relationship. Taking them from him would be like saying you can't think about this or that, thats controlling.

[DocT1977]

Looks like red flag city to me. It could be that he didn't get closure from his past and maybe he just hasn't gotten over it? I don't know this to be the case, just a likely scenario.

[DamnSam]

Did you expect him to store emails in his basement?

A handwritten word is more than just a letter...

[Asker]

It is actually on a usb file.

[DamnSam]

Turns out, not that romantic as I thought... strange for me, but not direct suspicious to me, maybe its just something in there which he thinks about

[leonidas69]

He should keep those until he dies. Why would you bin memories that are so precise and precious?

[Asker]

Well, according to him, he hates his ex.

[leonidas69]

That doesn't change my opinion.

[dmgstarfleet]

its part of your history-your past. Dont be insecure.

[Drumlin2001]

There part of his history. Would you expect him to throw everything relating to you away when you split?
Maybe he wants to show the kid

[I-C3_ME]

Most guys don't get much love letters, so i get why he'd wanne keep it even if the person their from isn't meant for me

[Guardian45]

She is his Babymama! That AIN'T ever gonna change! DON'T try to break up a man and his child! EVER! Thats a recipe for disaster!

[Asker]

The fuck are you talking about? He hasn't spoken to her in years. I clearly said that she is preventing him from seeing their child and her.

[michael1469]

Its his personal memories. Would you be more impressed if he would just discard stuff... like you perhaps. I would say it shows that he has some emotions rather then to just throw shit away and move on.

[FrePhill]

I’m a live and let live kind of guy, so I don’t expect someone to reveal private thoughts or anything unless they give it freely. I also never snoop where I shouldn’t

[Asker]

According to her, she wasn't snooping. She was cleaning in their bedroom and went to move a box on a nightstand, lost her grip, and it fell over. She found them in there.

[ImagineSketchy]

It's something sentimental to him that would probably be concerning to his current partner.

[Raja1881]

he's probably still in love! he's not going to get any type of closure by doing this. If he wants to move on he's going to burn those letters.

[crazy8000]

Same reason female's do it. keep old diaries... and so on.

[esotericstory]

because he can read cues in there that could actually help him in his future relationships.

[Aakash_Hangargi]

See you cannot unlove the person once you love them, they are just fragments of memories

[simplelikeme]

For the same reason you would keep something from your ex. There really is no difference

[Asker]

There's a difference between a gift and a love letter, though. I had an ex make me a coffee table. I still use it, but it has a use, and it would be a waste. That's not the same as a love letter.

[simplelikeme]

He made it for you with love. Whether it's a love letter or a piece of furniture or a jacket or a ring or a TV it's still something and it's still the same LOL but that's okay to agree to disagree :-)

[Jack-mayhoff]

I still have stuff from my past relationships. Pictures letters etc. It’s your past. It what made you who you are. I don’t think it’s a big deal.

[Tripp2tripp]

Memories. It hold some kinda value to him. It doesn't mean he isn't ready to move on it just means he values those letters for what they once were.

[Asker]

Does he value that ex more than his girlfriend then?

[Tripp2tripp]

Not necessarily. If the girlfriend has an issue with it, just ask him about them in a not so crazy way lol.
"hey I seen you still holding onto these, should I be worried?"

[Anonymous]

I have love letters from girlfriends in my childhood. I have videos and pictures of my previous partners.
They are part of my past.

[vatsal_1122]

Memories for a boy matter the most, and he dont want her present to get affected by the past

[David92506]

A lot of people keep things for memory's sake.

[ValleyofDrakes]

Because they matter. Leave his letters alone.

[Iron_Man]

Its a part of his past why not

[Asker]

Because he’s with someone else and he kept them hidden. His partner doesn’t even know. Well, they do now, they found it while cleaning.

She was tidying up their bedroom and found it in his nightstand. She said she doesn’t know if she should tell him she found them.

[Iron_Man]

That's a part of his past they don't talk anymore she can tell him that she found him but i dontnsee a problem here. I don't throw out my past girlfriends pictures when we went to Europe

[Iron_Man]

Sorry for some of the messed up words voice command error

[Asker]

It’s not the pictures she’s upset with because those have his daughter in them, too. It’s the letters.

[Iron_Man]

Yeah but once again those are part of his past so basically she's ordering for the letters to be destroyed and she will soon tell him that. That can happen with every girl from the future that comes along saying destroy everything and that's not right

[magiusX26]

sentimental reasons yes