What would keep a woman from leaving an uncommitted boyfriend?

[Aysen]

Even upon failure, she may not give up.

10 years she's been with me, with no ring and still hangs on. The majority of women I heard from on this site wouldn't tolerate any longer then a few years to be fully committed. I tried proposing last year, that failed. I'm just curious for women who hang on to their boyfriend, who may be indecisive, uncommitted or uncertain about marriage for long periods of time, what makes them stay around when they could leave the relationship at any time?

[StarsInTheEyes]

I think the best would probably be for you to sit down and talk to your girlfriend about this. I personally won't stay with a guy past 4 years if he hasn't introduced me to his parents and family. Now, I'm not asking for a ring, just the basic courtesy that people would have when they're in serious relationships. I think it's disrespectful to my parents that I haven't told them about my boyfriend, but I know if I told them about him, they would ask if his parents know about me, and my answer would disappoint them and they won't approve of my boyfriend or our relationship. For a ring would be different. If I feel that the relationship is going somewhere, based on what my boyfriend and I have spoken about, and that we get along with no constant arguments, misunderstand, no question about his honesty, etc., I would marry him.

I suspect that when people don't want to marry, either they want an "open relationship" or simply just not ready for what marriage might entail. (I call it that way because that's how people call it, but I think that's an excuse for people to sleep around, and that's not a relationship.)

Unless the two of you have spoken about where your relationship is heading, neither of you will know what each other wants. For example, some people might want marriage but not want kids, just yet, but if they don't let their partners don't know, they'll reject proposals for the wrong reason. Some people might just not want to be married, for whatever reason they choose, but I think the two of you need to have conversations about this. After the attempted proposal, did you two talk about it, etc?

[Cynicaldreamer]

It depends on the individual. I'll be honest, if a guy made it obvious to me he wasn't going to commit to me, he's gone. But that's because I'm too old for such nonsense.

Typically if a woman hangs around a guy that won't commit, it's usually because:

• She has low self esteem and figures she can't do any better
• She figures he will eventually cave or give in (that's a very bad reason to stay with someone as it always fails)
• She's comfortable or likes the relationship that way- in other words she's not fully ready to commit either, yet doesn't want to lose you
• She doesn't want to rush into things

There are other reasons I'll skip, because I highly doubt your girlfriend is cheating or messing around with another guy.


As long as she's happy with you, or isn't losing interest, I wouldn't stress over it.

[Aysen]

If you took everything you said and swapped it with me, that perfectly describes the situation my girlfriend and I are in!

I'M the one who had low self-esteem, who was afraid marriage will drastically change the way our relationship is, who didn't want to rush things too quickly either. My girlfriend was ready for marriage since the third year into dating, even had a house and all future plans ready for us! I'm very grateful she hasn't left me yet because she knows I love her with all my heart and can see right through my insecurities in knowing we want to be together for a lifetime and beyond. But to be dating for 10 years, that's simply unforgivable for making my girlfriend wait that long 😢

[Cynicaldreamer]

"I'M the one who had low self-esteem, who was afraid marriage will drastically change the way our relationship is, who didn't want to rush things too quickly either."
Oh, well there you go. She probably doesn't think you're emotionally mature or ready for marriage yet. If/when she feels you're ready, then she will marry you! But notice how she's not rushing you: she wants you to grow and not feel rushed.

Smart woman.

[Aguysopinion4799]

Finances, Maybe she is in a tight financial place or because he is filthy rich
False hope, maybe she wants to believe he can change
Threats, from his friends or family telling her to keep dating him
Mutual agreement? Maybe they both are aware it is not a committed thing but rather just a on and off thing.

Relationships can be very complicated, but I managed to analyse and figure out most of them while never being in one, so those in relationships who say they don't understand, they need to just look into it more.

[triff]

Some women like the tick along relationship Not wanting to leave It becomes almost like a habit They ar afraid of complete commitment like marriage if they don't feel secure enough They may have children and keep up the relationship for their children sake They may have a fear of being on Itheir own Or maybe they feel isolated with no where to go Or it's a simple case ofBetter The Devil you know Something must keep them Po n for ten years

[triff]

thank you

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

There's no One Answer here... There could be many different reasons...
*She loves you and can't imagine her life with anyone else
*Fear of being alone-somebody is better than nobody mindset
*May not place much importance on marriage- to some marriage is just a piece of paper... There's couples that have remained together for a lifetime without that legally binding contract, does that make them less a couple or less in love? And some states have common law marriage laws 🤷🏼‍♀️

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Wow a downvote for that 😂😂😂

[Aysen]

Your first reason is exactly what's happening. She's been in love with me since she was 13 and has the patience of a statue! She tried dating other men before when we broke up once for a period of time but she admitted to me how none of them compared to what we had. To find someone so committed and devoted is very rare these days! I was planning to ask her hand in marriage again once this pendemic is over. :)

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Hope she says yes 👍🤞🙏💙

[Aysen]

Absolutely! I'll let you know when she does :)

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Sounds good 👍

[MzAsh]

She’s still considering other options and wants to be able to jump ship easily when that happens.

[Espresso-Grande]

If the only issue was that he didn't want to get married, but was still committed to me in the sense that he didn't want an open relationship, and wanted a future with me, I'd overlook the fact that he didn't want to get married.

A person can still be in a committed relationship without the prospects of marriage. But I'd need to know why he was so against marriage. His reason for not wanting to get married that would be more important to me. His reason would determime if I hung around or not. If he was against marriage because he didn't see a future with me then I wouldn't stick around

[Anonymous]

Hope. That's exactly why we stay. My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years and every single time marriage gets brought up, he immediately retracts and says we are too young. I'm 27 and he is 26. It's been brought up multiple times. Finally he admitted that in getting married so young he feels like his youth is being stripped of him. So now, I'm faced with bigger problems. Because to me, that sounds like he is afraid to commit to a marriage when he has already said he wants to be with me forever. How would it be stripping him of his youth if he were to get married to someone he claims to want for the rest of his life? Makes no sense. But I'm still hopeful.

[Aysen]

I'm wondering if he thinks that marriage means life will drastically changes for him. Honestly, marriage is simply a celebration of a couple forever committing to one another with a court document to prove it. Nothing else should change from that, although I was a fool for thinking the same way before to.

How long would you wait for him to ask your hand in marriage? :)

[Opinion Owner]

I'm not waiting anymore than 2 more years. 5 years is more than enough time to know if you want to marry someone.

[Aysen]

Fair point! Marriage shouldn't scary anyone away if they plan to be with their significant other for the rest of their lives. I think that's a good amount of time for your boyfriend to make a choice!

[btbc92]

I personally would not be with a person who is not going to get married to me. Most importantly I'm not having sex out of marriage so if he wants to wait that long and that's on him otherwise he's probably cheating. Other than that she more likely gave up because she knows you're never going to want to marry her. Agaim, she gave up. And usually people who give a often times relent on the idea that that's probably all they ever going to really get in life, because right now you're the only one that is really really given her whatever that she's looking for her safe. But in the end she still wants to get married any woman in her right mind us. Is she doesn't, they may be a reason for it.

[KnightKissedbyFire]

I have been in long relationships and I don't want to be married. I don't believe in divorce and I believe marriage is forever, not a next step, it is more than most people can understand just after even 3 or 5 years together. I have lots of friends who are in their 50's and 60's who have been with their partners but not married for 20 years. Told me it was the best decision. Marriage is a preference not something everyone does especially anymore. It isn't because we are afraid of commitment or that we are searching for something better. We are happy and content with how things are. No need to have a piece of paper telling us that we are now committed and in love. We all ready are.

[Luna1998]

I can't say for every women, but I take relationship seriously, I need to know what are we, what is my status? What is my rights on you? But to be able to be committed in a relationship i need time, trust and undersatnding as the first priorities, then for the future like marriage, we both need stable jobs, respects for one another and financial supports started to come in. Love isn't enough really, life isn't a fairy tale.

[midnightmoon05]

Depends on her core value. She seems to be the type who is loyal, committed, a truly good hearted woman who will be there by your side through thick and thin...

she is a keeper...
make her happy!! And she will make you happy.

good luck... anytime you feel the love for her... tell her.. let her know how you feel and there is no need to wait for love ❤️.

[Jjpayne]

I don't think any boyfriend... the only question would be how many options does the girl have and what is her comfort level.. but overall.. most women leave after a lack of commitment. The only thing that would hold them back is a lack of options or a strong bond that is hard to leave behind them.

I have seen a couple of girls on girls ask guys specifically that are stuck... I am curious myself as to what makes them that way...

what is is this bond... that they can't let go of?

[Billie_]

Because she is in love with you, she doesn’t want another man and the thought of being with another man doesn’t even cross her mind. You need to see if you feel the same about her.

[Aysen]

I really do love her as much as she loves me, believe me! I've just allowed my fears and insecurities to get the best of me for all those years that passed by.

I still remember from before when we broke up periodically, how she tried to date other guys and admitted that nothing felt like the connection we had together. We grew up together in our childhood, had been there for our best and worst times. That's something you simply can't replace. There are people who commit to one person for life and that, I truly believe.

[Billie_]

Then what are you waiting for? Get married already!

[ChocoBrownieMonster]

@Billie_ hey so did your friends with benefits last then? Was it good sex? 👀

[navyrobin]

I just find it tragic how people think marriage and a ring will magically make your wife or husband committed.


If he loves me and I love him that truly is all that matters. I don’t give much importance to rings and wedding dresses. That’s all temporary stuff, an object in itself won’t make your relationship better. 😂

[navyrobin]

And if one partner isn’t loyal to you, then it’s time to find a more stable partner. That’s all... You don’t have to get married

[Anonymous]

I’ve been with my fiancé for 9 years, and I don’t think we’ll ever actually get married. We’ve been engaged for many years, and I stay because he’s my best friend.


I love him so much, but I do admit that I think about letting him go and moving on (from time to time) it hurts that he won’t fully commit. I even told him we don’t have to get legally married, we can just wear the rings and be devoted, loyal and truthful with one another.


I don't know if this entirely answered your question... but I stay because he is my best friend and I love him so much.

[Randomgirl16]

Marriage isn't necessarily commitment. As long as you're completely loyal and devoted to her, being married isn't really important. It's nice to have a ceremony that's dedicated to proclaiming your love to each other but it's not really necessary as long as you both are happy together the way things are. I mean your relationship probably isn't gonna change that much once you get married. You'll still feel the same way that you already do emotionally. After ten years you've already lasted longer than a lot of marriages do anyways.

I do plan on getting married whenever my boyfriend and I can afford it, but it's not really necessary, I wouldn't dump him if he changed his mind, it'll just be easier to have it on paper since we have kids together and plan on spending the rest of our lives together anyways.

[NewlonBett]

In fact, everything depends on the person and his values. Doesn't it?
After all, there are people by nature careerists and there is a family man.
And the environment also plays a role, no matter how childish it sounds, but this is a fact. If, surrounded by a girl, friends start to get married, a girl who has not thought about it will also involuntarily think)))
In general, just love and be loved and everything will be cool with you !!)))

[igaveyouanickname]

Don't get married unless there are kids involved and there are legal/tax reasons to do so.

Marriage is the surest path to misery, contempt, complacency, and financial ruin. If you're shacked-up and don't have a palnup, then you're already screwed with a common-law marriage in most states.

My mom's friend hung-on for 20 years and they finally married. He is a millionaire but his health declined. Oddly enough, the wife still works.

[Smoke-n-Growls]

She might not care about marriage.

Some people care about it, others don't.

To me, I value that sort of commitment. I'm one of the ladies with a timeline.

But others don't care about that as much. That doesn't negate her love or devalue it. She just has different values.

She probably sees other parts of you that are fantastic and she doesn't need a ring to prove your commitment to her. She's stayed with you, but you've also stayed with her.

[alice55]

In my country this situation is totally normal, men don't want to get married and couple here have children out of mariage more often than not so the situation you're in don't surprise me at all, women are just used to men not wanting to commit to them so

[GlitterFairy16]

Honestly a few things.

Low self esteem not believing she could find better, not wanting to get back out there and wanting to play it safe. Money, if a guy has lots of money and power women will usually stay. Being scared of hurting his feelings or finding out he doesn't actually care at all and hurting her feelings more or it could be that she already feels content in the relationship and doesn't want the pressures of marriage.

[Justneedtokno]

A woman will hold on to a uncommitted man simply for sex, back-up, attachment, and enjoy his company. Sometime she has a lot on her plate and she not ready to commit her self.

On the other hand, there are some women who simply like to punish themselves. They are hopeful or he has potential. She thinks if he wait or play her cards right he will commit eventually to her.
Or you like this girl I know trapped the man with kids and still won’t commit.

[Yads_Is_Back]

Love lasts through those things. She’s lucky and blessed to have a partner who has been with her that long. Most guys aren’t man enough to stay committed that long. I say she’s lucky.