This is tough. Marriage can legally put a man at a disadvantage. However depending on where you live there is common law marriage statues.
I know in my state a couple cohabiting for only 6 months is legally considered married.
I would recommend getting dinner with him somewhere outside of the house. Somewhere relaxed and yet semi private. Ask him what his reservations are. Is about money? Are you expecting a big expensive ceremony? Does a part fear losing all his freedom? Less sex? Try to really hard get to what scared him about the rings. Maybe he doesn’t even take it seriously. But first look at it from his perspective. Don’t bring up your own feelings at al until he expressed what his concerns are.
Once you hear him out and he feels understood THEN tell him how you feel.
He has kids with you now. It’s time for him to grow up. Yes 26 is young but he can’t be a carefree bachelor anymore since he decided not wrap it. It sounds like these pregnancies weren’t planned.
I'm married for 10 years. We had a very unusual marriage only our best people and parents. It was our day and we figured w/o stress way more enjoyable.
That being said was a marriage overall necessary, the answer is No, we love each other and our kids, we respect each other and the decision to marry was more of a "hey let's do this because why not?" decision, like a fun one.
I was guest on many of those "I have to marry no matter what" marriages, we had fun that day, we went more out of respect and friendship (im not a hypocrite).
Out of these 11 I visited, 9 of them are already divorced because right after the marriage they either realized they don't want to be married, they don't want to be the rest of their lives with the same person, some became controlling and notoriously jealous. I'm not saying I doesn't work for some and they're happy like we are but I would say take the topic easy and don't think about it. Be happy and preserve what you got, marriage is not important it's just some rings, paperwork, maybe you or your partner change names (more paperwork) and in some cases a tax relief.
We're different, not jealous at all, for example we understand the difference between sex and love and therefore we understand the need for a change here and there and it makes our bond even stronger.
It's all about who you are, and if you wonder about this question just put it aside, not worth it.
You and your boyfriend have been together for 10 years with a 3 year old son and a baby on the way, sadly your current boyfriend won’t marry you. Here’s why: If marriage wasn’t discussed after your first son than most likely it won’t. I don’t put marriage on a time scale , but if a guy and I aren’t talking about marriage at-least ( being proposed) at year and and half I’m out the door. “ why buy the cow when I can get the milk for free.” He should’ve been discussing marriage with you at a year to a year 1/2. Now that there’s a second child , it doesn’t mean he’ll marry you in that stance. A BABY DOESN’T KEEP A MAN NOR MAKES A MAN MARRY YOU.
First- having kids together is not a good enough reason to get married...
Second- to me marriage is more a piece of paper than anything.. It's the actual relationship that has the "Real" value...
BUT, If marriage is important to you, then maybe you should be with someone that WANTS marriage as well, not someone who marries you cuz they either feel pressured into it or because of having kids.. Cuz THAT MARRIAGE will never work in the long run... And if it's been 10 years, that should tell you something...
Opinion
78Opinion
u How long have you talked to him about getting married? Why do you want to get married now?
Because we have two kids
When did you first start talking to him about marriage? Has he always had the same response?
Two years ago but we’ve broken up twice in those two years
After two years, are you even two inches closer to getting married?
No he cheated a few months ago
I think you know what you need to do and you are procrastinating, right?
We worked through that though
Why buy the cow - - - - - -
Is getting married a deal breaker?
Because you’re allowing him to get away with it. I mean you still put out and give him everything without him having to marry you. Ask yourself... why would he propose? You set the boundaries here.
You're wasting your time with this person. He's not with you because he loves you. He's with you only because you have his kids. That's all. He has no desire and getting married to you. Because in truth if he didn't have children with you he would have left you a long time ago. That's all. I'm sorry to say but that is simply just your reality.
How do you know that
How is he using me
Well considering you were at a very young age, it's surprising that you are still together. Most get into it not knowing how much work it takes to make a marriage work. Some get married then change drastically out of resentment of feeling trapped. It is sad that marriage no longer means anything, just a piece of paper and rings. Never taking to heart anything that was said during the ceremony. He may be looking at "what if there is a divorce"? 99% of the times it ends badly for the male. From the female point of view you're probably wondering "why does he not love me enough for a commitment"? He needs to understand why you think it is important. There are many things that can make him apprehensive, so some where down the line you need to but should not have to convince him otherwise.
It might be he has a specific type of wedding/proposal in mind and keeps procrastinating as he’s made it too big in his head. Or he might be concerned you want a big wedding and he’s not sure how he will pay for it. He might also have some hang ups on marriage, especially if his folks split/had cheating issues which might make him put it off. He’s already had a kid with you and stuck around so fear of commitment itself sounds unlikely to me. You know him better than just about anybody else though.
Let him know it's important to you and talk about it. I wouldn't straight away propose to him because he might accept without actually having a real commitment to you.
If you're kids grow up too much without some resolution to this it could be bad. Your son could see women as pushovers or your daughter might develop low standards of commitment. Kids learn from their parents and often what they pick up is the wrong lesson.
Ask him what he thinks about marriage and why he hasn't felt the need up to this point.
Hate to say but it's not in his favor to be married I mean he comes goes as he pleases and basically do what he wants with benefits so why on earth would be consider getting hitched you are making it to comfortable for him condoning what he's doing you should have him site more respect to you and kids I mean his son will only continue this trend is that how for want your done to be your daughter to carry on this game path your very young and maybe it's beneficial for you as well but your kids there's a name for it I need not repeat it but it's you life to live as you choose just know your kids are observing your behavior and will act in similar manner if he is man enough to produce kids he should be man enough to be a full time father husband is the decent thing to do
It sounds like he is scared and nervous to, especially if you both fight back and fourth then make up then fight again etc.. so that might be his reasoning for holding up the issue of saying I do , you are best to sit down and talk to him and see how much he really loves you and see how secure he feels in the relationship , let him know how much you love him , make him feel that you aren’t going anywhere that you are in this for the long haul , some guys feel marriage is the deal breaker that once they say I do then the girl will turn evil and take control of the relationship , so the arguing between you 2 isn’t that healthy it’s making him second guess on whether he wants to be tied down to you or not , so by not being married it is making him feel if you become a massive bitch to him and treat him like shit he can walk away , so you’re best to tell him how much you truly feel about him and love him
Well... a lot of men avoid marriage these days because of how divorced is used against them. so it may not be anything personal against you. BUT your just going to have to have an honest, open and probably very uncomfortable conversation about what each of you want moving forward. I know it’s tough to talk about things like that but if he isn’t interested in the same type of future that you are... then it’s best to know now, so that you can move on.
“also I don’t think children are a good reason to get married. I know that it’s crazy hard to raise children alone, truly. but being trapped in a marriage for the wrong reason can be a lot worse. so I would just say... make sure you know what you want and then once you do. Be completely honest and open with him and find out what he wants. If he needs time to think, that’s fine... but only for so long. He’s going to have to give you an honest answer at some point and soon I would say”.
Guys don't like being pressured into stuff like that.
He obviously cares about you a lot and wants to spent his time with you.
Try holding on to that sentiment, if you can.
If you're dying to know why, the best way is to ask him. Not why he won't marry or propose; but ask around it. Talk about him, don't start with " I " - questions. Make him feel it's all about him that very moment.
Ask if he's afraid of binding himself that way? What holds him back? What are the pro's and con's he sees? Those are better questions to ask I think, and you'll get the answer you want on they "Why" part, without "forcing" him to answer it.
Best of luck!
I agree with those who say ‘why should he?’ The best leverage you had was witholding 100% of intimacy back when your relationship first started. You know that old fashioned concept of waiting till marriage. That might have worked if he was really focused on starting a family with you.
At rhis point your only hope is that there’s something (s) about YOU that he doesn’t like but that you can change. For example maybe you’re shaped like a beach ball or a hot dog & all fat but when he firsr fell for you you were fit. Or maybe you’re starting to look old AND you’re too lazy to take care of yourself... or maybe your cooking sucks & he’d rather eat at his other girlfriend’s place.
Ask him what’s holding him back.
Saying you’ll sign a prenup will increase your chances too
Amy best friend's mom was engaged too her boyfriend for ten years and lived im her house for all that time doing all the things a father and husband do, including dealing disipline too both us after both my family fel apart in my early teens, giving Rich and I a leg up, or foot in rear, as circumstances warranted. When they finally tied the not, nothing changed, because they lived the lifestyle pf husband and wife during the decade long engagement. They are still together, doing fine. That is what an engagement should be, a trial run for married life. If this arrangement was intentionally arranged by the two of you, Kudos too you both for giving yourselves time too get too know each other and grow accustomed too each other's personalities and ticks. I'm a little 😕 confused about your indicating a desire for married life with this man and disappointed he didn't propose. Have you proposed too him yet? How is he too know hpw you feel if you don't tell him?
So why have you been accepting 10 years of no proposal and on top of that living like you’re actually married, but without that ring on your finger? Why would he propose now? He already got a ”wife” without marrying you.
Well anyway, tell him you want to get married or you do the proposing yourself.
We’ve been off and on
Well he cheated 3 months ago so it’s become difficult
Welp that is a whole problem right there. If he is cheating on you then screw him because I doubt he loves you the way you love him. Sorry to say but I do not see why you still want to marry this man because it looks like he is dragging this relationship not because of his love for you.
Well what other reason we’ve broken up tons of times
I’m not holding a gun to his head forcing him to stay with me
Why do you want to get married to a cheater, you worked through it sure until it happens again. What do you think happened all those times you were on and off, he was fucking around. You've got kids together and he obviously doesn't mind you, he just gets board and doesn't sound like he has the want to be with you
He keeps begging for me back
You have kids together. Even if you find a new guy he’ll always be a part of your life through them. But yeah, it sounds like he doesn’t wanna commit. You have every right to break up with him and find someone new if that bothers you as long as you both do right by your kids.
I don’t wanna break up
You may need to threaten to break up in order to get him to marry you. If he hasn’t asked after ten years he’s not gonna do it on his own.
According to research, the longer couples live together before marriage, the less likely they tend to get married. You can probably google this study by the way if you’re curious. If you want him to propose, maybe try to hint at it. Maybe he hasn’t thought about it but assumes that he’ll spend the rest of his life with you anyway.
You obviously know what you want and your partner doesn’t seem to know what he want, my opinion would be that you should have some counselling or a couples therapy basically a third opinion that will put you both on the right path. I think you both should do it for the sake of kids.
Do you see any behavioural changes?
Do you think there is a distance between you two?
Because marriage is just a social contract, it's not important if you two are living happily together.
But if things make your unsure of your relationship, it's always better to talk about it.
because you've been on again off again in the past. it is possible he might not want to get married. in case things go sideways in the future to where you get divorced. because modern marriage and the court system is tends to side with the women 90% of the time. also marriage does not always = happiness in a relationship. sometimes knowing that your partner could up and leave at any moment makes people try harder. to stay interesting and look appealing for their partner to want to stick around.
I mean but we’ve never stayed broken up for longer than 2 months
could offer to get married by your religion but not by the law maybe. because a piece of paper don't really prove you love your partner. but a ring and a party could
If you don’t follow a religion all that closely. Could get married by friends and family while having a mock wedding and party. To exchange rings and words of your commitment to each other.
As for the tables they are allowed to turn when it comes to a marriage proposals & there is nothing that says he has to propose to you in the first place & to be honest he’s a smart man. Marriage is like a hurricane, there is a lot of blowing in the beginning & when it’s all said & done your house is gone. On the same subject maybe he’s thinking of the three rings. An engagement ring, a wedding ring & suffering. On the other hand how come you haven’t proposed to him yet?
Why would he? Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free. Your doing everything you should do as a wife for him now so why would he need to marry you. Your living with him you sexing him when he wants and your stretching your body out having his kids. So be honest if you was a guy would you marry you
He’s talked about marrying one day but I’m pregnant now
Yeah with your second kid right. I'm sorry but chances are he will never marry you. I'm not trying to be a dick I'm just being honest
So many things are wrong with this. One why does he have 2 propose? You're happy right? Marriage won't change anything. 2. You can propose yourself. 3. Stop putting so much pressure and focus on a ring and marriage. If you're happy 2gether now that's what matters
Lol welcome to my life! Honestly talk about it with ur man and ask why he hasn't asked. Ask if it's even something he wants or is on the table at all. For us it's more of a insurance thing he claims. Cause I go to the dr a lot and hed have to pay a lot where as rn I get free healthcare so... just ask. For me I'm not like 100% wanting the marriage it's just a piece of paper and now I've got a kid finally so I got what I wanted. Would rather have babies over a ring.
You need someone to talk to him and talk things over, I agree he should propose to you and ask you to marry you, I would do anything to have a Woman have my baby and I would marry her, right now hs isn't playing fair by you, I swear some guys need a rubber hammer to knock them in the head?
So ask him why.
Maybe he's afraid of commitment.
There is also the kind of bastards that have a notion that when a woman is in "girlfriend zone" they make much more effort to be nice than when they are in "safe-wife-zone".
So the guy will keep the woman in "girlfriend zone" forever.
It's a rather dick move, but it happens.
:(
It does not sound like he will, but he cheated so this seems like a desperate attempt to keep this guy that I would not be trying to hold on to. I wonder honestly if having a second kid with him was a way to try and trap him.
I couldn’t get pregnant alone
He cheated on you 2 months ago? Sweetheart, you need to plan for the future. Have the children’s last names changed to yours, and find a job that will support all three of you. And then kick his ass out! He is a bum!
But we worked through that issue
Men: loyal, stable, blonds with vasopressin and aroused through testosterone.
Women: disloyal, unstable, bonds with oxytocin and aroused through estrogen.
He's probably concerned about being tossed aside, rightfully, and comfortable with a defacto marriage. Be venerable, speak to him about your special feelings and follow his lead, no matter what he chooses.
Maybe he just dosent want to get married. Some men don’t think it’s necessary. He obviously wants to be with you otherwise he would have broken up with you by now. Although I’m curious to why you’ve been off and on
He’s cheated before that’s why
If you are breaking up and getting back together that is usually an indicator that this relationship isn’t healthy and girl why do you want to marry someone who has cheated on you I’m sorry but if a person can cheat on you even just once they have zero respect for you and their relationship with you and I don’t believe a person who truly loves someone would ever cheat on the person they love
Have you ever talked about it? Maybe he doesn't believe in it? I don't. You don't have to be married to "live happily ever after" or to "prove" commitment. It's also a huge expense. Might feel like you guys can't afford it. But you'd have to talk to him if it's bothering you. Even propose to him instead.
Relax it's better this way. Most people leave each other once they get married. Now that you got what married people do. What's not to love about freedom without punishment. You got your cake and ate it too. Lol you got kids n your man and you didn't have to spend 100,000 wedding for people who would not even appreciate your food and love for one another.
Why dont you talk about these things before having kids? These are questionsntk ask when first dating. What are their stances on marriage and children? If you dont know that then you shouldn't have had children with this person and that's poor judgement on your part.
I wouldn't have two kids with a guy that hadn't shown signs of commitment in ten years of dating, so I don't even know what to say.
I mean we have been off and on like i said
He’ll never propose to you. Sorry, but if you’ve done all of the other things like live together and have his babies, why would he want to put a ring on it? You’ve already shown you’re fully committed and he didn’t even have to do anything. BIG mistake and now you’re here all sad about it. Want my advice? Tell him to make the commitment or do one and this time don’t go back to him.
Have you ever talked about getting married? Does he even want to get married at some point? There are so many people these days, who do not want to and that is something, you should have talked about a long time ago.
There's only one way to find out his intentions and that's to sit him down without arguments and have a serious talk about what he thinks of their relationship and where is it going
To be honest with you, if I wasn't pressured I wouldn't have married my ex wife. Maybe if we had kids it would been another matter. Thing is with you now you have 2 kids and a marriage is an expense which could probably be better spent elseswhere.
I'm assuming you aren't living together now and you've been on and off a lot. Those are good reasons not to propose. You tried living together once, and it failed. I'd say he doesn't want to risk getting married.
But we are together now
Well... your past history obviously isn't forgotten by him... he's probably unsure. You could break up again for all we know and get back together 30 times. Not too reliable of a relationship.
Sounds like there's no problem unless you are the problem.
It's most likely due to the on and off again nature of your relationship? And if you've only lived together once during that time it shows your compatability might not be the greatest
He probably doesn't have any plans to propose. Y'all are doing everything that marriage is except being married.
If you wanted to be married you should have set aa deadline for a proposal or a breakup before you got pregnant with his child. He obviously doesn't want to be married right now or he would ask.
I think as far as you guys living happily then dont worry. It will happen ultimately on right time.
But its my opinion and being a male it's hard for me to understand why exactly woman want proposal from man. Why can't she can propose?
He has no reason to propose. If you are holding out hope for one, you might as well give it up. There's nothing he came from proposing to you at all at this stage
Why do you say that
He may never propose. Some guys just don't want to be married.
That doesn't mean he doesn't want to be with you - he just doesn't want to stick a financial hand grenade into the relationship and give you the pin.
Why in the fuck did you have kids with this guy?
Please tell me you didn't think "kids will solve our marriage problems!".
It's time to talk about marriage. If not for you both, then for the children.
But it's time to bring up the marriage word
Propose to him. If he says no, move on and try to find someone who will be a father to your children. You don't have to cut him out of your life, but stop having children with him!
You should say we have the kids i like to make it a life long thing but i feel your not wanting marriage but that wasfine before when we were younger but i want to know you will marry me or i will feel like why didn't i move on with sone 1 else
Maybe because he got everything he want from you without being married to you, sex, children.
Why would he? you've put the cart before the horse too many times.
Talk to him. Tell him what it means to you. 10 year and 2 children is good enough to be able to talk to him about this.
If you expect more of the same and do nothing to change the status quo, you will continue to get more of the same and the status quo will remain just that!
Do you honestly think he ever will.
Have you ever discussed this before children came on the scene?
We have
But he cheated 3 months ago
Stuck or in love?
He could’ve broken up with me
Why would he want to get married... since he already has everything a marriage provides (children, loving mate, semi-regular sex, long term companionship) without all the legal-ease
Would getting married make him love you more? Less likely to cheat?
Maybe he doest want to marry or he is planning it carefully
Have you ever talked about getting married? Is marriage something he told you he wants in the future?
That's strange.. but ne patient.. congrats by the way
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