What’s your take on flaky people? How do you deal with them? How do you spot them?

[Anonymous]

This question isn’t meant to judge people who are flaky or shame them. I personally find it extremely hard to deal with flaky people, as I appreciate consistency (both positive and negative). What are some strategies that work for you guys to deal with flaky people, save their face, while at the same time be at peace?

I’m generally okay with flaky people as long as they’re loyal

I can’t stand them, I try to avoid them at all costs

Other opinion

[Ozanne]

Once I discover their flakiness I usually don't put much stock into them anymore. Like clockwork, they end up asking "how come you don't call me anymore" which usually gives me an opportunity to say something like, "Well, I was counting on you to help me move last month, and you said you would, but you didn't, so I just figured you were mad at me."

They have two options: to be straight up or to make excuses.

1. "You're right, I should have been there. I'm sorry. Let me take you out for dinner (post-Covid), as it's the least I can do." Then I might allow them to stay closer into my life.

2. "Oh it wasn't like that, you just didn't call and give me the exact time when to be there, so I was just waiting for you actually." Excuses (and they're always going to be bad ones) will allow me to feel better about keeping my distance from then on.

[Asker]

That’s a nice strategy. I don’t think it’s always that simple though. I wish it was.

[Anonymous]

With a big online presence, even on here, I don't mind them. I deal with all sorts of people in helping them. I don't care for attention getters though. Can't deal with that.

[Asker]

Yeah! Attention getters are the worst.

[OmNomaly]

Depends heavily if you've talked to them and you get signs of depression, social anxiety, stress overload. Everyone handles situations differently. If they are genuinely having a hard time dealing with shit. Which for some people is easier to hide than others. But can show up with things like this.
There are times I make plans with people to do things and even if I don't think I can do it I still try. Even if it's my least favorite thing to do. I only flake last minute if there's an emergency or i'm having a mental breakdown.

[Asker]

Of course I’m not talking about people who have anxiety or depression. That’s a totally valid point.

[OmNomaly]

@Marco10 Thanks for checking on folks :) I appreciate you

[MCheetah]

I can’t stand them, I try to avoid them at all costs. Most of my supposed "friends" were flaky and inconsiderate. And of the people I've known like that, two-thirds of them were girls. It seems to be pretty common among girls.

[Asker]

I have many guy friends who are flaky too, so I’m not sure if there’s a correlation between gender and flakiness. I get your point though. We’re not wired like girls are, so maybe there’s some truth to that.

[JakeS00]

You just put them on the back burner. I can always tell when something's off like that in a person. There are ways I can get them to show me those traits so I know who I'm dealing with.

[Asker]

True. It’s useful to always test people before you give them an ounce of your trust. 👌🏼

[Kiss_Me]

I have a simple rule.

Flake = GONE My time is valuable. What a display of disrespect to flake on someone.

[Asker]

I agree!

[key_statistics]

What i do is test all people and the more you do what you say the more i trust you. The more you dont the more i dont trust you. If i trust you i will help you. So if your flaky you are out of luck i will not do a thing for you

[Asker]

That’s a great strategy!

[pleasestopthis]

It's hard for me to take them seriously. I try to but always take everything they say with a grain of salt.

[Asker]

Same

[Browneye57]

Trust but verify. Always.
And rely on YOURSELF.

[Asker]

Wise words

[itsmeamy]

What I think about flaky people is that they... oooooh look a pretty butterfly wow they just glide...

[Asker]

That’s a good mentality!

[WesBrewer]

Flaky people always canceling, and then planning and canceling again, it is very annoying, I can be friends with them but I can't date one.

[Asker]

Yeah! Even being friends with them is hard tbh.

[WesBrewer]

it is

[Anonymous]

Flaky people usually have this smug eye contact. Like they're sizing you up.

[Asker]

Interesting! Body language is a great way to spot certain characteristics but we should also not be too quick in our judgment.

[NYCQuestions1976]

Sometimes people can have underlying issues, like social anxiety, which can cause them to be unintentionally flaky. They're not necessarily bad people.

[Asker]

Of course! And I exclude these people from the question. The flaky people who I’m referring to are the ones who go out of their way to approach you, then show you their flaky side when you no longer benefit them. Some do it intentionally, others not so much, but they’re equally as bad.

[NYCQuestions1976]

Ah... narcissists.

[hafinjun]

I'm like a black sweater when you have dandruff, I'm a flake magnet (, don't go there) for the most part I don't get bothered.

[Asker]

Lmao the analogy is funny.

[Jmmmfi4]

I'm dealing with one now and it's driving me fucking crazy

[Asker]

Ugh! Good luck man

[mindNsoul]

What do you mean by Flaky 😅

[Asker]

People who aren’t consistent in how they treat you or how they deal with others. One day they’re all over you, the other they’re a whole different personality.

[errorgoodnameunfound]

So... kinda like bi polar? I think there's a formal term for it just not sure what. Seems to me most people in general are a bit "flaky" though.

[mindNsoul]

yeah sounds like being inconsistent. Well I don't trust people like that and avoid being in a relationship with them since they obviously can cause so much trouble and bail on you

[Asker]

I wouldn’t say bipolar because medically that’s different, but yeah you get the gist.

[Dinosaursandanime65]

Just observe them. Listen to them. You can tell.

[Iron_Man]

Once burned that’s it it’s over

[Asker]

I agree with you if the relationship was deep and their flakiness became unbearable!

[Iron_Man]

Thanks

[OddBeMe]

I'm flaky. Avoid us at all cost.

[Asker]

I always choose to give people the benefit of the doubt. Maybe some people think I’m flaky, who knows! But I’m just talking about those who are consistently flaky.

[OddBeMe]

I’m consistently flaky. I bail on shit by accidentally sitting down, or playing a video game.

[Asker]

Whatever floats your boat bro