Would you ever seriously date your back burner person?

[Anonymous]

I’ve been discussing this with friends recently and I’ve heard every angle, some would and don’t even class them as back burners really, some wouldn't and just use them to cushion their insecurities. So, I put it to you guys...

[j792999]

I think putting anyone into a box like that greatly limits your opportunities.
You could view someone as a burner so never give them a real chance but in an alternate reality if you had given him a real chance he could've been your ultimate love.
But you'd never know because you restrict people into categories.

I give everyone a chance, a completely blank slate and open mind. But not only people, it's the you should approach everything in life. Being bias or making decisions before you even try something only ever restricts your own happiness.

[Asker]

Personally I agree. And those o know I’d never want to be with I’m mature and respectful enough to not need to use them.

[j792999]

Good I'm so glad you agree. Many people are so close minded they wouldn't even begin to understand what I was saying or the point I was making.
I attribute it to the high rate of emotional instability and social stunting we have in today's society. But now I'm getting on a tangent lol

[Asker]

I don’t think you’re wrong. Unfortunately now negativity is becoming the norm and it’s a shame because we have more freedom now than we ever have before. It’s like people are losing their moral compass now they’re a no telling people what to do, but why? Surely it’s intrinsic? Emotional instability definitely seems to answer that one.

[Asker]

*now there’s nobody telling people what to do

[j792999]

Completely agree. Couldn't have said it better.

[Asker]

It’s also really nice to have an intelligent or interesting and engaging conversation for a change! The amount of rubbish that gets spouted around on here is tiring a lot of the time. I expect some of that from younger members but I see it in older adults too sadly.

[j792999]

I'm actually pretty new on here but I hope I can help some people (: feel free to follow me of you'd like! I'd follow you but you're anonymous lol

[Puppystarfish23]

No I wouldn't , I don't even have a back burner person. I've been used as a contingency plan before myself and I know how much it hurts especially when your in love with that person it's like a knife being stabbed straight into your heart. Everything you thought about that person all being a lie hitting you all at once and realising you were just being used and you mean nothing to person is on of the most heart breaking feelings I've ever felt and it left me with crippling depression for a year, it ruined my self worth and I believed I was nothing and didn't deserve to be loved by anyone. I wouldn't wish that on anyone else , it's a extremely cruel thing to do.

[Asker]

Yeah that’s tough! I’ve never really understood it either.

[Puppystarfish23]

This boy just wanted to use be because I was a virgin and so was he and he wanted to lose his virginity to me so if I was bad I wouldn't know the difference and then he could dump me and go off and have sex with other girls. Luckily as much as It hurt , I over heard him and his friends talking about this plan and I never spoke to this guy ever again.

[Puppystarfish23]

He's lucky I didn't smack him in the face to be honest and I just walked on by

[btbc92]

I don't believe in putting people like that. Either you seriously consider a person or you don't. If you two mutually agree to wait then that is different. But if a person is just another option, tell them the TRUTH instead of acting and pretending your serious because you scared to not have more opportunities in the future. There isn't wrong to know you're a possible option, it's another to be used like one. But if the person may be right for you, WHY oh WHY would you be dating other people!

[josephinelcajon]

The fact that you have a name for this shows what type a person you are!

[Asker]

The fact that you accuse others before realising that is the actual name of it now says more about you tbh.

[Juxtapose]

I don't have "backburner" people lol. I would rather be alone at that point.

[Asker]

Exactly lol me too

[Juxtapose]

Good on you. I find "backups" disrespectful as a concept.

Just go for polyamory at that point, at least it's honest. Why are people so afraid to be honest?

[Asker]

Probably because then they won't get what they want.

[EaterPeter]

Yes, I would date. I would not have one to start with. It's hard to identify the situation and label someone as backup.

[Asker]

I agree. I'm either interested in someone or I'm not.

[KrakenAttackin]

Most women marry a back burner man whether they will admit it to themselves or not.

[Asker]

Although I do see that in a lot of people settling I wouldn’t go as far as to say most. Many of my friends are with men they wanted and chose first. That’s my experience, and I also only go for the guy I want, otherwise I’d be happier single.

[guesswhoseback]

If you are using someone as a back burner you shouldn’t be dating period. You are a conceited piece of shit.

[Smoke-n-Growls]

What kind of disgusting and cowardly person has a "back burner"?

Yikes. That's like advertising you're gonna be unfaithful and non-committal.

[winterfox10]

I don't keep people on the back burner, but if I was rude enough to do it, I suspect that I would also be rude enough to not date them seriously.

[Anonymous]

I've tried to date multiple women at once and it's exhausting.
Messaging I love you back to 2 different women makes me feel guilty.
I just date one at a time now.

[Anonymous]

What is a backburner?
Someone who ate too much chili?

[Asker]

😂😂😂

[flex78er]

If she was cute and was willing to have sex then yes.

[Anonymous]

Back hair burner* - yes, I would

[Asker]

What?

[Opinion Owner]

I'm just being vague and irrelevant

[FriendlyEnigma]

Tried it before, never again. Huuuge waste of time

[Iron_Man]

Perhaps