Is the phrase, “treat 'em mean, keep'em keen,” actually grounded in truth?

Question

From personal experience when I have been the “mean” girl in the past, men have always been SO much more eager to please me or to try and make me happy whereas when I’ve been all happy and loved up to the point where I would do anything for them, they have seemed to take me for granted.

I’m not an advocate of being a bitch or messing with a guy’s head but I’m so much more careful now when I’m a relationship with how much I give to the other person.

Guys, do you prefer a girl who doesn’t make her feelings entirely clear and treats you “mean”?

Spade07 · Accepted Answer

I am certainly not the oldest here but I do know this 100% works and works well. But I do think after a certain age you stop allowing people to game you. I was with a girl like that once and it made me want her so bad but all it did long term was turn me into a player so it would never happen again. So I would never feel that way again. It's like Taylor Swifts song, "Out of the woods" Are we out of the woods yet? Are we in the clear yet? In that type of relationship you always feel like you so close to being so happy and having what you want. People play with you ups and downs. The lower you go the higher you go back up etc. People are more excited about what they are about to get than what they have. Actually if you practice daily gratitude that is not true. Anyway now I am more balanced instead of a simp or player. I would leave a girl right away who treats me this way. I'm not trying to be gamed or game anyone. I just want something real. If you have to game me or I you then we aren't meant to be together in my opinion. Not at that time anyways.

But it does 100% work but more so on younger people but once they go through it, it changes them. The older I get the more I realize the world is so messed up because people treat each sooo bad. Monsters are created, most of the time, not born. Being Love sick is a real thing and it can change you forever. Same with bullying and many other things. I really do believe people should master their emotions and get a strong grip on self- discipline before ever dating. Also work on their self esteem. But nobody does this ofc.

Apope16 · Accepted Answer

Absolutely. Growing up over the years I was always the "Nice Guy" who was in the friendzone. I was the "best friend" for dozens of ladies in college.

Then I hit an anger spell after I lost my virginity at 27 and my 2 year relationship with that woman ended at 29.

I started becoming horny because of the pain of the breakup. I was agressive and direct and blunt about wanting sex. I was also very direct and blunt about asking women out. I found online that if I was a little bit of an unapologetic dick women would think I was annoying but it was addicting. They would often tell me after I started dating them that they found that me being a dick was annoying but they kept talking because they were fascinated. How can a nice guy be such a dick? Why is he being so blunt about sex or wanting to date and stuff?

Well.. when they started dating me what they got was the nice guy so that was what made them stick around after hooking up or the one night stand. But what drew them in was being a little bit of a dick. Every so often when things are getting boring or when she is getting out of line... I bring back my strong masculine frame again and then she is re attract.

Lesson?

Being a little bit of a dick gets the women on a date with you.
Being a charming guy gets you to have sex with them.
Being a sweet guy makes them want to be your boyfriend.
But to keep her you have to be a dick sometimes to re-attract feelings of masculine strength

amadimal · Accepted Answer

In a way yes, it is.
There is a very real phenomenon having to do with relational uncertainty; long story short: uncertainty makes you feel more attracted to someone and more invested in a relationship. You tend to think more about your partner if you can't predict his behavior, and this might be mistaken for lust/love.
This is something part of the ”initial attraction” phase and I don't think it's sustainable on long term (unless the other partner is co-dependent or has other issues), BUT it can work initially - that's why the guys are keen and interested at first when you're playing the mean and unavailable role.
Then, you can add other factors to this, like men being interested into getting approval from a hard-to-get woman, men enjoying the chase, men expressing their submissiveness - there are a lot of variables.
What you can do, for yourself, is find a balance - considering you said you had problems in the past when you were too open. You don't have to play a ”bad bitc*” role, just as you don't have to be too open and clingy right from the start. Give things time, take it slowly, invest gradually and you should be fine.

MzAsh · Accepted Answer

Yep. The key isn’t to be mean and nasty, but to show that you aren’t a pushover and you don’t tolerate bullshit, not even his. A lot of guys won’t want to admit that this is what works but this is what has gained success with men in my own life a thousand times better than anything else.

WhistleForTheChoir · Answer

No, I don't prefer that. That's why i quit dating. I've never met a woman who didn't try to play with my emotions, attack my insecurities and who didn't just Generally treat me like a chew toy She could Fuck if she felt like it. Women tend to be like men, and we all know most men have horrible tempers. We don't acknowledge that women have the same tempers, and a result, women never have to check their tempers. In the privacy of a home, they can do or say whatever they want to you and they expect impunity. Any attempt to allay the abuse or remove yourself from it will result in punishment and more abuse. They will Generally accuse you of being abusive, for crimes like walking away when they are hitting and screaming at you, But they can turn around and give you the silent treatment for something that happened a month prior. They accuse men of being bad communicators, butif They have any negative emotion at all they outright refuse to communicate, and expect to be understood without having to communicate. Women are trash, so do whatever you want.

Anonymous · Answer

Alright, so I actually have a personal experience myself.. my Fiance was a massive dickhead in the beginning of our relationship. Incredibly controlling and it was literally his way or the highway. In the beginning I basically kissed his feet and worshiped the ground he stood on. But after a few months of him treating me like trash, I stood my ground and said enough was enough. I started barking orders, gave him a taste of his own dickish behavior and you would be amazed at how quickly he snapped out of his bullshit and started treating me like gold. Sometimes people push to see how much they can get or how much rope you will give them. It worked out just fine for me once I stood up to his trash behavior but it doesn't work for everyone. I dont think he has even raised his voice in over 3 years now.

Anonymous · Answer

If ya ask me to be honest i ain't a nice or good guy at all. I do what i gotta do. Always been ruthless in my life.

Yet while being raised to respect woman and to show chivalry to them has always been my problem. Because i end up being nice. Yet the moment they bark at me to much my anger gets the better of me and i leave em speechless.

People always say be good do better and all that crap. How you know what is good or better in life?

So I've picked a different approach in my latest and last relationship which ended being married with children. Ruthless is the best for me as it shows to her who i am. I can't hide my true nature my whole life so what if I'm that guy who will basically tell ya to shut up! If she can't handle it she can move on for all i care.

BeMuse · Answer

That won’t work on me. You have to be good and genuine to get to my good side. So I guess it all depends on the type of man you want to land… I’d assume anyone that has a dominate fix personality will not like that one bit. It probably works on people with self-esteem issues and low confidence.

Aakash_Hangargi · Answer

People might say this or that blah, blah blah, it's just that how much does a person likes you or you like them that you would go far to bend thd rules you created.

Mean girl only teenagers are attracted to that thing bc you are not a girl for them but a price but once they achieved that price the thrill is over.

So be as normal as you can love from heart understand each other sync your minds and hearts understand each others needs and requirements bend a little bit for each other
Thats the only way to have a long run companionship.

Relationship marriage love takes sacrifices from both ends ask any old couples that are married for longer time you would know that they had put effort, time, pain, happiness, love, sometimes heart broken, couldn't get what they want but they know that they love that person more than anything.

It's not easy to dedicate your life to someone and also not that impossible either.

BabyBirdy · Answer

I’m nice, polite, and well mannered but they learn not to get it twisted... I’m not afraid of confrontation and will definitely stand my ground when necessary. I don’t take crap and won’t accept poor treatment.
I have standards and know my value, know my worth, know what I deserve.
So if that’s “mean” then call me mean.
Plus, some people aren’t worthy of my goodness. Only the good bees get this sweet honey.

caligirl03 · Answer

I've actually wondered this myself and wonder if any of it is rooted in biology. From an evolutionary perspective, men are hardwired to "hunt". So if their "prey" is too easy to catch, he becomes disinterested and would rather pursue a more challenging conquest. I realize this is all extremely primitive and oversimplified, but at least in my experience, disinterest in me=them trying so much harder. It's totally weird, I agree!

Mortdikeuu · Answer

It's another word for trauma bonding. It causes surges and crashes in dopamine and cortisol, amongst other things.

It feels intense and women often think this feeling is love. So yeah it works but only if you do it intermittently and with bursts of treating her well.

Floppy2112 · Answer

Yeah, this is a terrific game. Men are trying to become bigger assholes to get and keep women and now women dole out their bitchiness based on the results. And we wonder why the marriage rate is dropping precipitously. In the black community the chances a woman has of getting married is 25%. That means 1 in 4 black women will ever be married. It seems like the crisis is spilling over into other communities, but I don't have the numbers. Perhaps I need to look it up. I know where it's trending. And no wonder, look how we treat each other. With suspicion and learning to 'game' the other person, by attacking their biological sensibilities.
Used to be, people just liked each other and got together. Now you have to present just the right amount of negativity to keep the other interested. Ugh.

RingOfFire · Answer

No.

I can see two cases where this might work for a woman.

1. If she is immature and so is the guy she wants to be with. This is a teenager's game.

2. If they guy is a wimp and that's they kind of guy she wants. Any guy who would put up with this is a pussy. Some girls like feminine guys.

EssenceOfLight · Answer

I guess it was a lot of men. I don't want suggest anything, but maybe, just maybe there is correlation between being "mean" and duration of a relationship.
Usually guys who want just one thing from you endure everything until they get what they want.

zeitgeist057 · Answer

It's preferable to have a girl who keeps you guessing and challenged than one who is a total pushover who does anything you ask. Obviously it's nice to ask for something and get it, but too much of that spoils even the best of us.

Anonymous · Answer

Nope, “mean” girls get a swift boot in their ass and a not-so-polite "go fuck yourself" on their way out the door.

No self-respecting man puts up with that bullshit form a woman, and good women aren't looking for men who have no self-respect.

jshm2 · Answer

It's stupid and small minded.  Treat people like people, leave when they don't, or take advantage. Playing stupid games in relationships, means you'll win stupid prizes.

Minahh · Answer

I do certainly agree with this up to a point. It's not good when you're total bitch but being a confident woman who knows to communicate well her needs and wants is better then to be a shy girl. Unfortunately those girls only get hurt because they don't have strong boundaries and guys can do whatever they want with them.

Anonymous · Answer

Guys, do you prefer a girl who doesn’t make her feelings entirely clear and treats you “mean”?

No. Women do that without trying, and it's not a good thing.

The phrase treat 'em mean, refers to men treating women suboptimally. And for some men, they claim that this is true by experience.

Maybe it is. But I don't want to date a woman who is comfortable being treated like shit.

NamerOfStars · Answer

No. Not in the least. It's true that people can (and often will) come to take you and your affections for granted if they get complacent, but a little self-awareness on their part can fix that. Much better than having to be a jerk.

DiscomfortZone · Answer

Of course it's true, for a bitch-simp or jerk-pathetic relationship :) People who are actually worthy, who have some dignity, wouldn't be caught on either side of that infantile equasion.

spartan55 · Answer

Some women have to be with pussy 'yes' men in order to validate their ego, and to make them feel like they are in control. Perhaps I found one?

AgentDearestZ · Answer

No, I "Door slam" women that waste my time and attempt to play dumb games.
I know why it works it's the same for men & women and I hate it either way. Everyone who does it is gross and contributes to the overall problem.

Is the phrase, “treat 'em mean, keep'em keen,” actually grounded in truth?

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