How early on do you ask someone their boundaries?

[Anonymous]

How early on is it ok to ask someone their boundaries? I’m speaking to someone and they really like but I’m curious to ask what their boundaries are is it a ok question to ask?

[caring__1]

People tend to go about relationships backward. They start with a physical attraction and then look to see what they have in common and what they can tolerate. Don't focus on the physical or their earning potential. Focus on compatibility. Find out where people who share your values and beliefs associate, and then spend time there. If you're not comfortable discussing boundaries from the start, then you're probably forcing yourself into an incompatible relationship. Isn't it better to determine compatibility or incompatibility early on rather than 20 years down the road?

Unfortunately, people choose to be vague and general, so they can't be held accountable for anything and don't limit their opportunities. You're better off having fewer choices but more compatible choices. Show an interest in understanding what people are seeking and what they bring to a relationship. Find out their reasons for wanting to be in a relationship. Find out what's most meaningful to them and what their red flags might be. Show curiosity, though never turn it into an interrogation. Learning effective communication skills, in advance, will probably make this exploration and discovery period more comfortable and productive.

[Asker]

This is amazing!! Thank you so much xxxxx

[caring__1]

You're welcome.

[ChrisMaster69]

Yes it’s an okay question task, being open in a relationship is really important.

in this case it would help to know what boundaries you mean, to me boundaries are very specific and likely not relevant to vanilla couples

[Asker]

Like relationship boundaries when you are with someone

[ChrisMaster69]

I still don’t follow lol.

If I’m dating someone then we are in a relationship there are no boundaries we can do what we want with each other but only each other

Sorry long day I’m likely missing something

Assume I’m a 5 yr old and give an example please

[Asker]

Ok so boundaries are like what I put in place and the other person puts in place so for example if I’m with someone I don’t want them liking/commenting on girls pictures on Instagram. So that’s a boundary. Another boundary could be no sex before marriage. Do you Get what I mean? So I would like to know what he’s thinking.

[ChrisMaster69]

I can get those yes, so not it’s not and really some you need to do before you even date.

No sex before marriage most guys would want that telegraphed well in advance.

Some of the rest is common sense and respect for you.

But yes do it ASAP

[Asker]

Thank you so much 😊 I’m glad I explained it well haha

[Siren777]

After things are official. Usually you pick up their boundaries while getting to know them before anything serious occurs.

[OlderAndWiser]

Are you speaking of boundaries sexually? Or in some different area?

[jgokgotit]

Definitely not on the first date. The first date is just getting to know someone. Beyond that, I say the time to discuss boundaries is the moment the relationship starts to be serious. Also, boundaries are not a one time discussion. Boundaries change as the relationship progresses so it is important to communicate regularly (though not excessively) so you stay on the same page.

[shadowplex]

First date. a lot of times in dating, people have unrealistic expectations of the other person. So in turn there will always be that super sweet, pre-game honeymoon phase. Then when reality strikes amd both parties get comfortable, come to find out one, sometimes both, isn't who they put off to be. I think it's important to get all of the "realness" out of the way that way both people can already know what to expect when getting to know that eachother.

[Makeushiver]

I'm not sure their is an answer for that question that would cover all topics, Sexual yiou could probably articulate but I don't think their is any way to handle intimacy in a relationship better than doing so case by case

[wheist9095]

Completely depends on the context. Boundaries of what?

If it's like... What are your pet peeves? What are things that are a deal breaker to you in a relationship? What is a no-go in the bedroom?

[Asker]

Thank you! You have just given me some interesting questions to ask 😀 are there anymore I could ask?

[wheist9095]

What? No I meant like what boundaries are you trying to find out? They're better questions to ask I just don't know what the context is

[Asker]

For like a relationship? Or when you’re with someone them kind of boundaries

[wheist9095]

Okay that makes a big difference, well you could ask about previous relationships. You would have to talk about your own as well, the idea is that by seeing what went wrong before you'll know what their feelings on certain matters are. Sometimes you don't know you don't like something until it happens.
Specific questions... How important are politics to you? What chores do you do and not like doing around the house? That one is way more of a deal breaker than people think, if they fucking hate doing the dishes but prefer to do the laundry, then if there was somebody who was always on their ass about getting the dishes done gets old real quick and the relationship is over

[Citizenkirk]

NEVER!!!
The only reason someone would do that, is too see how far they can push you, or determine how much shadyness they can get away with.

[HugoThe2nd]

It's something you should probably feel out gradually rather than just ask outright.
But then again, chances are most men would respond matter-of-factly without thinking about it twice.

[Asker]

Thank you!!

[MannMitAntworten]

I don’t think I ever asked as much as learned them through the course of getting to know them and they me.

[Anonymous]

You sound like you need to meet a Christian. They are taught those behaviors. Worldly guys like that might not be easily found. Most guys are communicating like that on facebook etc.. Most of earth is on those sites liking everyone. Also looking at porn. But a guy with ethics would understand. Healthy mindsets are in their sermons. Not so with guys of the world nowadays due to cellphones and social media sites.. They do it, and its a habit.. A adiction they say.. Just like crack. YouTube it..

[FilmGuy93]

Depends on which boundary you are trying to find out about, but you should be asking about that kind of thing fairly early on.

[williamHD]

Absolutely ask them it’s super attractive but before you should state yours and your reason why.

[Shy_Steve]

Probably after your first kiss or the first time you have sex.

[ThePolishKnight37]

How about at the beginning. Saves you time and pain in the future. You do not need to be marrying her ask those questions

[Anonymous]

I wear a t-shirt on a first date that says "no butt stuff" just to make things clear right away.

[Drumlin2001]

Depends which boundaries. Bit early on, no point wasting each others time

[bannacookies]

You'd want to mention them as soon as you're dating the person.

[krin_m]

As soon as possible but not too soon to be uncomfortable.

[Waldoe]

it should be an interesting conversation... he might be to embarrassed

[Feelicks]

Usually before we're having sex.

[princeofromance]

It is better to find out in the early stages.