Self-evident question, I'm allowing this one anon.MMFWow, finding a PG image googling 2 girls one guy was more difficult than I thought
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+1 y
So far it seems more women are open to at least the idea of sharing, while the most common answer from men is NO NO like I spilled their beer or something...
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+1 y
If I fail to respond to your comment, or acknowledge it in a timely fashion, it is simply because I did not expect this question to grow to such a large dialogue so quickly, though I'm very happy to see that and so many differing views :)
Have you ever been in, or would you consider a polyamorous relationship?
Once upon a Time before I entered the world of g@g my answer would have been: ABSOLUTELY DEFINITELY NOT! I would have answered this out of naiveness. I never understood the concept of Poly. Now I know there are more than ome form of Poly. There non-monogamous Poly and there is Monogamous Poly. I know some of you are scratching your head thinking 🤔 "Monogamous Poly"... well that in itself is an oxymoron. There can't be such a thing. I assure you there is such a thing! The non-monogamous Poly lifestyle: There's the swinging and the open relationship concept. Yes believe it or not that falls under Poly. Swinging or open relationships fall under the non monogamous Because of its causualness and non commitment attitude. Then there's the lifestyle of a ladies Man (a man seeking women) or a man's Lady (a woman seeking men). This can also be call the casual dater seeking no commitment. This never settling down attitude also falls under Poly. Now The Monogamous Poly lifestyle: Whats the difference? Its the commitment and promising of not strating or cheating on the group. Yes hard to believe but very true. A poly life style can be a committed non cheating lifestyle. These are a group of individuals (a minimum of 3 people) who choose to live as one unit or one family. Neither individual in the family is allowed to stray and seek others. Any new member has to be accepted by the entire family and the new member would have to oblige to the commitment to remain in the family and not stray either. It is like a group marriage. Long ago in the beginning of time this is how most cavemen functioned. It was the key of their survival. Multiple husbands and multiple wives guaranteed the safety and survival of the family. It meant more people together to help hunt and gather. It meant more people working together to raise the young. It meant more people working together to keep the family safe. If one husband (father) or one wife (mother) died there's would still be another to keep the family going. Some argue that this lifestyle is preprogrammed in US. Some argue that becoming an entirely single monogamous family is a choice that goes against our preprogrammed genetics. It is doable and it is functionable nowadays thank goodness to the fact that we don't have to run away from sabertooth tigers and the advancement in medications, inventions, farming (instead of a nomad lifestyle) and housing also means more people surviving and less need of having that backup mother or father. history lesson of monogamous poly set to the side and moving on to the question at hand: "Have you ever been in, or would you consider a polyamorous relationship?" I would say first the only Poly relationship I would be open to is a Monogamous Poly where we were a commit united group. Now that I established that: No I have not officially been in a poly relationship. However my husband and I are open to a MONOGAMOUS poly relationship.
A long term poly relationship that is closed is my ideal as well. However any relationship starts with dating. I messed up my first few because I took a lot for granted, and expected "well, I have this close, exclusive relationship with her, now we're together, and you're together with her, so we're all together!" without taking the time to date, or actually get to know them as an individual rather than, I suppose a vehicle better.
That's the thing that sucks about honesty, you have to be honest with yourself lol. I would also imagine that you and your husband are "more open" to the same that my wife and I seek, and most poly couples are seeking. The unicorn, the single woman who is open to that, and preferably bi.
I've been through more relationships than I can count, and unfortunately the longest any has lasted is 3 months. Though having another exclusive LTR is an unrealistic goal, it's still a desire we have. Part of it is what you said above, stability. It isn't just saber tooth tigers to worry about today. Unemployment can ruin your family just as fast without some back-up plans.
Though I have those in place, and support networks, I dunno, I just don't feel... whole, when I'm not with two women I can love, and be loved back by. Also seeing how well they get along with my wife, you know, until jealousy or other factors creep in.
Either way, I'm not giving up, and thanks for expanding on the many dynamics that one word encompasses :)
There is that. Though my relationship is polygamous rather than polyamorous, yeah, open would be easier, or at least more simple.
Unfortunately I do like the feelings and drama that come with them. I've tried having just sexual relationships with other women while with my wife, and they felt like a waste of time for me.
Granted, that's just me, and everyone has their own ideal dynamic that works best for them. I also realize that the chances of me finding another woman to be in a LTR with are very improbable unless I go for geographic isolation of my partners.
I was until she actually went on a date with another guy. Luckily for me he sprung an ultimatum first date. If it was something she felt she had to do I'd tolerate it, but never be able to bring myself to enjoy or accept it.
This is people not done with dating while in a serious relationship/marriage. If you're married, you're married to your friend. Not your true love.
This is not swinging. This is having multiple serious partners. It can be alluring but at some point it will get complicated. When everyone has multiple partners, it's too easy to let the bad relationship fall, even if there are kids involved. It can be very selfish.
Of course swinging is more of less older people just wanting some variety. This is often the end of most relationships. It doesn't come just after the first party. It usually slowly destroys the relationship.
It's simple economics, in the rules of trading. You have to give up something to get something. Imagine what the couple gets as a whole? Generally one partner gets more out of it, and for that lops side the relationship, and resentment sets in at some point.
It's better to just find a quality mate. Not a friend. Not a quickie friends with benefits, unless your just needing some sexual aspirin. It's definitely not a long-term solution.
If you disagree and have enlightened ideas that somehow sets you apart, well, sometimes simple wisdom learned over a lifetime is where's at. Don't think in immediate gratification. Think what the life of relationship will look and change into? If you can't see the long-term gains and loss, you probably should just ditch your partner and start over...
I like your method of arguing. Relationships and feelings aren't quantifiable though. If they were there would be one dating site, temple, whatever, that did so, made perfect matches, and that would be that.
Of course, what are you actually saying? I see many words, but fail to see any meaning or message in them. Call me dull, but could you condense that for me?
I don't want to share my partner and I know that she does not want to share me. If she wants to share me, I would suspect that she wanted me to engage in some dalliance so she could feel free to do the same. What I want is "just-me-and-you-baby-forever."
Yeah, I would have ended that swiftly. That sounds like a 3 day relationship I was in with a woman who said she had a crush on me for a long time, yada yada, we went out, hooked up that night, she knew I was married, we went out with my wife the next day, then when she wakes up the day after she's starting arguments and will not calm down. Pushed the ultimatum, wouldn't back down from it, that was the shortest experience I had.
She still followed me for about a week saying how I "needed" to leave my wife and get with her, as she was catholic and we had sex. I was like girl, we met when both of us were working at a strip club, then again in college when you jumped my bones as a married man. So I took her out to dinner, calmly explained how crazy she was, that I had to consider her a threat, and dropped her off in the middle of nowhere.
Huge difference between swinging and poly relationships. I'm going to go anon, just for shits and giggles here because this is apparently going to be a very shock worthy response. So, for starters, swinging relationships require a very strong bond of both trust and communication. I'm wildly against poly relationships, but my doors are open to swinging (literally). My fiance and I have been swinging for about 2 years. I dont understand how people can be poly, if I am being honest here, which probably doesn't make sense considering I'm a swinger. But the difference here is that when you're swinging, your partner is still very much involved and you are NOT open to "dating" someone else. Its strictly sexual. Sex and love are completely separate categories (sorry all you vanilla folk). However, once you slap dating in to the mix, it's a hard pass for me and my fiance alike. We love eachother and love watching eachother be satisfied. Its enticingly "taboo", which in itself is a pretty big turn on. Is there jealously? Yes, not often though. More than likely due to the fact that my fiance and I have a very open concept of communication and talk to eachother about absolutely everything long before the deed is done. If there is even one shred of doubt revolving the issue, it's not happening and no feelings are hurt in the process. Most people are too caught up in thinking that their partner will like the other person better- which that's honestly their own problem. Insecurities are a bitch. Trust me, I've been there. With all this said though, this lifestyle isn't for most. Let's face it, more people are open to it these days but when it comes down to it, shit gets heated real fast because generally speaking, most of the time the couples communication sucks and they never should have gotten into it in the first place. It's a learning experience. One that can be fun AND one that can also be heartbreaking. Tread carefully. That's all.
I agree with pretty much everything you said. Swinging, and casual relationships are far easier and less complex. Lack of communication, or a strong identity destroys many relationships when exposed to a new dynamic, it doesn't have to be sexual, could be a simple job change.
I think a lot of people would be shocked, but I've seen the swinger community, it seems different, but not unhealthy, just different. It is far more accepted and easier to access in pretty much every city than poly. Hmm, a good comparison would be the swinger community is a real estate convention as far as resources, people, and venues. The poly community in public is more like an NA meeting. Few members, no venues, little resources, bad coffee. I can't see a "poly club" being successful as opposed to a swinger club or kink club/dungeon.
Communication break down is common. That isn't unique to poly, swinging, S&M, vanilla, what have you.
Exactly! My fiance and I live not too far from a swingers "club" (we have yet to go there because of Covid). I've noticed that in the swinging community, pretty much anything goes. Just sex? Not a problem. Want to build a friendship first? Everyone is down for that. Just want to exchange photos and dirty texts? That's fine too! Know what I mean? I have yet to meet one couple or single individual who has crossed boundaries and generally speaking, the swingers we have met and become acquainted with are really laid back and fun to be around. It's just an overall good time with hardly any drama. There are "rules", so to speak, that are discussed long before a meet up and only once have we had someone try to cross over that boundary (single woman decided she wanted to be with my fiance after she was invited in- hard pass). But that was a one time thing, so far anyway.
I think a lot of people simply turn their nose to it because of the obvious chance of STDs or simply insecurities revolving around sharing your partner. Both of these things aren't something to be ashamed of. I mean, I would never bash someone for not being in to the lifestyle. But I think what a lot of people dont realize is that generally speaking, swingers get regular STD testing done and usually are very eager to hand you over the paper saying they are free and clear. The insecurities thing is something people need to work on on their own- just as I had to. But again, it's not for everyone.
Well, on the STD note as well, Walgreens does sell 15 minute HIV test kits OTC that cost like 35 bucks last time I bought a few. They're FSA expenses as well. Honestly that's the only one I worry about, there's penicillin for about everything else and regular testing is a must in that life even with condoms. And hey, that ingrown hair looks suspiciously like herpes... lol, no fly zone!
I was in a FMF relationship that I did enjoy until the relationship became a bit more one sided. I think it can be difficult for a man to keep himself divided between 2 women evenly sometimes. Especially when you first introduce a new partner into the relationship. I am not a jealous person so it didn't effect our relationship in that manner and that is not how this relationship ended.
I think that poly relationships are a choice that mature relationships are made of. You can not approach this type of relationship with abandon or a threesome attitude because if you do it will fail.
What makes a relationship work no matter the number of participants? Friendship, understanding, kindness, passion, love. These have been universal through time.
I don't think there can be anything such as being evenly divided. Though I do agree that the threesome attitude destroys many of those relationships before they can take off. Don't get me wrong, they're fun, and bring up some laughable situations, but are terrible for anything besides sex. They certainly don't build stronger bonds besides sometimes reducing envy one partner may feel towards another. At that point things are hitting a wall anyway.
You can't be evenly divided. It's a nice ideal to have, but the fact is that your partners will have different needs, besides your own desires of who you enjoy spending time with more. Like if I got into another relationship right now, even trying to be impartial, one partner is my wife who I have children with, and another is someone who I've just begun to explore my feelings for. I know that may be unfair, but it is reality. If we managed to get past a year and stayed together, there would still be the fact that I have a house and children with my wife. Even if I had a child with the woman I got with, and we started a 3 person LLC to buy a house together, it doesn't erase the past.
I get where you're coming from, but I guess sometime maybe... 6, 7 years ago? I just had to admit to myself that there would be favoritism and bias in a 3-way relationship, it wasn't that I came to the conclusion on my own, it was getting together with a woman and she wound up not being into me so much as she was into my wife. Being on the other side of that dynamic made me really think that through.
I can completely understand your point of view on that.
Stepping into that relationship where you have a family at home and stability is a whole different ball game. There is much to consider and to potentially lose if things were to go badly. Fortunately in my case we were not in that place in life yet there was no marriage or children to worry about.
Yeah, that's the majority of my past relationships as well. The more recent ones I've had (most recent was like 2 or 3 years ago?) were mostly me dating another woman with little or no interaction that she had at home which leads to a catch-22. I want to get closer so this is someone that could be part of my family. At the same time I have to protect my family and can't immediately let strangers in as forget the possessions or anything, what impression would that leave on my kids?
Whatever view they take on relationships, I don't want them to see a constantly unstable presence there that they'll later grow up and realize, oh, she was there to be with daddy and maybe mommy. I just think it would mess with how they view women and relationships with them, especially making it easier to objectify them. Whatever thoughts I might have, or how I conduct myself would matter very little in seeing these "disposable" partners stacking up.
I guess I'm thinking out loud there, but it is a worry I have, and I'd think a legitimate one. I'm not saying anything against same-sex partners, but against having partners that are there and they may get attached to, and then poof, they're gone, over and over again.
I used to have two female dogs and I didn't pay that much attention to them. I mean, I would feed them, walk them, pet them a little and that's about it. Everything was going great and they seemed happy.
I decided to pay more attention to them. I made a daily schedule that I would spend 20 minutes petting and grooming, 20 minutes playing, 20 minutes teach tricks. So I spent at least 2 hours every day. Well, they quickly became jealous and they would bark and bite each other. I hated that.
I'm assuming that this would happen if a man had two women.
Your assumption is correct. Unfortunately most women react negatively when you smack them with a rolled up newspaper, then put a collar and leash on them to work out that excess energy too, people these days are too sensitive...
Yes, more than I can remember that lasted around a month, and the longest was about 3 months. Well, one long distance one went on for about... 6 years? Total time spent together through that was probably only half a year though.
Every time I've always wanted the same thing, to have another LTR, and every time I watch that slide away like sand in a sieve. They're still fun experiences, I just like the feelings and attention more than the sex. You can only screw for so many hours out of the day as opposed to time you spend with other people.
No, not at all. If anything I'd say it's more of a teamwork, overall a lot of things get so much cheaper that you save money. Granted, I'm cheap as hell, so that might factor in. Some women had expensive tastes, but that isn't something I like, so that didn't last long. More often than not you help each other with little things, it stacks up, if you want to cook an extravagant dinner at home, taking turns, or everyone pitching in makes that easy.
There does need to be one on one time, but that varies from person to person. For some it's going out and seeing a movie, others comedy shows, art museums, drives, shooting range, hiking, just being alone, cuddling and reading. It really varies a lot, but I never noticed any dent on my wallet.
@razelove Where did you find women who are looking for a poly relationship? I used to belong to several BDSM sites as well as physically belonging to some. Those types of women were rare and the few that are poly were poly and not looking. The competition was horrendous. Also, would you be in a poly where it's 2 men and one woman?
Yes, so polygamy would be any number of women over 1 to 1 man, polyandry would be any number of men over 1 to one woman, for polyamory, sometimes it can get confusing. So me and me wife only get with other women, sometimes those women have long distance boyfriends, another woman they are with, and rarely are simply playing the field, in which case that lasts as long as a sparkler.
But let's say we were both actively "hunting" and for the sake of argument both of us for women, attached or unattached. We both find another woman to be with a piece. She finds a woman who has a boyfriend, I find a woman who has a girlfriend. My new girlfriend's girlfriend has a long distance boyfriend, her girlfriend's boyfriend wants her to be part of a threesome with them. My girlfriend's girlfriend is interested in my wife, so that's another threeway relationship between my girlfriend, her girlfriend, and my wife.
It really can become a headache the more people that become involved. No shit I've had to draw out flow charts before.
I used two resources the most. OKC, and just talking to people. I met a lot of girlfriends through girlfriends. They may say harsh words at first, but seeing their friend so happy, so elated when we're spending time together, I'm picking her up, or she's coming to meet me. They get jelly. They get in touch later.
Ask most women out there, you are more attractive to women the less available you are, especially if that is because you are with another woman/women. A single guy trying to get a poly relationship going has a lot of moving pieces to get into play. I have relatively very few.
Yes, I remember the first time I dated someone who was non-mono, they had a boyfriend but we talked every other night or so and we really wanted to see each other when she came up to my university for orientation. We had a date and ended up having sex. We became more than friends over time, it was slow but she adored me because I understood it all, wasn't judgmental or jealous and allowed each other the space we wanted to see and do whoever we want. We would talk on the phone about how our days/dates went, even who we had sex with kind of stuff andthere were times we'd fall asleep after having phone sex until she enrolled. Then we had a poly relationship, we'd see each other a few times a week thing.
She made me become a believer into solo polyamorous relationships, it takes time and unwinding everything you thought was "correct" about monogamous relationships. Every relationship can have almost the same benefits. It can work.
yeah, we do. She has mental health issues that go in and out over years, but we're always good with each other. I've had more non-mono relationships since then as well. I like to say i'm always poly, or polycurious.
No this is such a foreign concept to me. Monogamy is common sense. Polygamy is not long-lasting and there are problems like jealousy, unstable family structure, and conflict.
I have known very few people in long term polygamous relationships, though I would like to find another woman to be in a LTR with, I know that is highly unlikely. Most guys that I knew in polygamous relationships either had all the women/families isolated from each other geographically, like different families for different states, and they travel to those states often for work.
Monogamy was common sense to me as well until I tried the other side, but conflict and jealousy still come up, as they do in any other relationship. I just noticed jealousy comes up more swiftly, and with far less resolutions in a poly one. As far as family, I don't know how to handle that one. For the past year I just haven't been pursuing other women as my kids are old enough to remember and understand things. If it was something stable, I don't think that would be confusing or mess with their heads. To have a constant cycle of women coming and going though... that would be fucked.
Oh, forgot to mention the other situations I knew of guys who were polygamous, the other was religious, they were raised that way, and so were the women they were with, only met one guy like that though, I forget if that was Colorado or Utah, it was close to the border the state, friendly family. Women I've known who were in Polyandrous relationships tend to have more stability, but call me a hypocrite, I know it isn't a dynamic I can do.
Can’t do. I’ve seriously considered this many times, whether I’d be able to share the same love for one person with another person, and I just don’t think I could do it. I would always feel as though I loved one person more, or like I’m being left out sometimes, etc. Call it vanilla if you’d like, but I just wouldn’t feel comfortable in my own skin being involved, especially physically, with more than one person.
I get that, and reality is you do love one person more than the other. To pretend otherwise is to either lie to yourself, or the other parties involved. I mean, key being to try not to make it too obvious that you're picking a favorite unless one partner is into degradation or something... which would be like jenga but with a relationship.
I have thought about it but honestly relationship wise no. I can see how people can but when I’m in a relationship I can’t emotionally get to that level with anyone else if I do , it’s because I’m no longer happy in my relationship and I’ll break up with my partner. So not bashing anyone in a poly relationship just my brain can’t do it.
Sure. I'm bisexual so for me it could be the ideal situation. In a large polyamorous relationship (by large I mean a large group of people) whenever someone is not in the mood there is always someone who is in fact in the mood. As long as everyone is mature enough that there is no issue of jealousness then it could work. I am speaking from some amount of experience when I say that there are few things sexier than three tongues involved in the same kiss.
Indeed. For better or worse, guys just never did it for me. Like not a turn off, but just no spark or being able to get into it. I did have one MMM threesome I got involved in, honestly it had slipped my mind until reading what you wrote. They were really nice and cooked me breakfast after. FFM, they want to lay in bed and I have to do the pampering after lol
Well yes that is one big difference between male and female lovers. Females generally expect you to do most if not all the work while male lovers tend to share the load so to speak. Though I have to admit that when two or more women get involved it can be fun for the guy if the women are sufficiently enthusiastic and are both more into the guy than each other. It can sometimes turn into a competition.
Well, I wouldn't say all the work, but as far as attention goes, then yes, head on a swivel, always trying to detect possible threats or opportunities. I can only remember a few women who weren't all that into me after getting together (like their mind wasn't in the here and now) and my response was pretty much the same every time, if you're talking about/thinking about your (ex) boyfriend, then go get with him. If you're here with me, be here with me. If they couldn't do that, I just withdrew myself from that situation.
Probably the most awkward threesomes I had were when a woman wanted to "surprise" me, while I'm in a threesome relationship with her and my wife, but she's of course bi, and has a girlfriend that she wants to share. And flip a coin, the lesbian girlfriend is either into it, or a yawning, dead fish participant just humoring her girlfriend. I'd usually just ask the girl I'm with if she can get some water, gosh my throat is parched, and ask their girlfriend straight up which way they're leaning on that when we're alone.
Women can be very strange with each other. I'd never invite a gay guy over and be like hey, we're going to smash this girl man! You'll love it whether you like it or not! Ick.
Interesting point but yes your head is always on a swivel always watching over your back hey something went wrong somewhere man it's supposed to be they watch your back you're the King in the castle the alpha then again a lot of Kings in history got stabbed in the back because they weren't watching their own back
I don't like the idea of sharing a man with another woman. I will admit I am a bit selfish about that and hypocritical as I am fine with the idea of having men share me. I have had a three some with two men but never with another woman where we are with one man. Over the long term I am not sure I could maintain a relationship with more than one person.
I don't find that strange. I feel the same about having multiple women, and not sharing them with other men. It may be hypocritical and selfish, but it is how I feel. Being honest with yourself and your partners is important.
Also as much as I have searched for a LTR through the many I've been through, I've yet to have any make it past 3 months, so sustaining that dynamic is indeed a concern :/
I don't see any point in such an arrangement at all. It's non-exclusive friends with benefits but you are also supposed to have partner responsibilities? For what imaginable reason or benefit?
It's just an excuse for promiscuous people to feel better about themselves by calling themselves "poly" instead of what they really are, promiscuous.
I've been in one that ended rather badly, funnily enough though I would do it again. I'm a rather jealous person so I'm not too sure about the open style of polyamory, the relationship I was in involved all members dating each other and that's what I would personally want to stay with, and I have no problems with having more than three people in said relationship.
That would be my ideal as well, with the dream being for that dynamic to lead into a LTR. My first few ended badly because of expectations, ignorance, and neglect. I had a lot later on that ended through jealousy, but only a few that ended badly after that beginning getting over, well, myself lol
If it isn't too much to ask, what led to that/those relationships ending badly?
The relationship was rotten from the beginning, one was cheating (ironic really) and the other was an A grade possessive psychopath. Unsteady foundations and all that
Shit, that sounds awful. I think most people won't get that part. Cheating hurts just as much, if not more in a poly relationship. Like, WTF, you could have just said something, but you lied, betrayed my (our) trust, and hid it instead!
Add someone jealous and possessive to that game of tug of war, I could see why you would be reluctant, or simply unwilling to repeat that experience. If my first one had gone down that way, I probably would have chosen to push the entire thing out of my head and been like right, I'm monogamous and always have been, it was just a bad dream lol
I guess that's why I shock people so much when I say I'm willing to try again, because the way I see it the relationship dynamic wasn't what was toxic, it was the people. And yeah that's exactly what I thought about the cheating, I'm just glad that in the end I got out when I did and don't talk to either of them anymore
I'm glad you're able to look at things so objectively and not just label all poly people as assholes. I know after cheating and manipulation in my first marriage, I had that outlook towards women and dating for a while. Hell, I think at the same age as you was when I got divorced. Maybe it's true women mature faster than men... lol
I'd bet on that. And looking back I can't image getting married to anyone I dated when I was younger, my tastes and standards have definitely improved. We all figure it out at some point I suppose
Yeah, for me that was like... 24-25 lol. Oh well, too bad you're in Australia, you seem like you'd be fun to talk to and argue with over some coffee and sandwiches :)
no, I don't see how that works at all, but I wasn't raised in a hippie colony... raised in traditional family.
not sure the diff between that and moron. 2 women vs 5? this to me only makes sense when there is not a good balance of males/females in a society. Then, this is a loving/considerate thing to continue the lineage of those people who otherwise might be left out.
I wasn't raised in one either. It is playing out that way already, though all partners in a relationship may not know about it. Just compare the amount of young men who are having sex to the number of young women. The discrepancy is enough to fix China's male/female imbalance.
of what I know about the security, jealousy of women, I wouldn't even consider it. They are very possessive of their offspring. One sperm... one egg in nature. Humans with their creative minds can try a lot of experiments. Maybe it works for some people. It strikes me as a lot of work to keep emotionally healthy and if one goes off, ya got a mess. but maybe there's' things I don't know.
I could see people doing this for financial reasons as the economy and society continues to collapse.
Depends. I'd prefer a non monogamous relationship personally. That could change but it is something I'd like to explore. I don't know about necessarily dating other people with a partner, but ethical non monogamy is an something I'm interested in. It would require a lot of trust and transparency.
It does, probably the hardest person to maintain that transparency with is yourself. Like to see yourself and your actions objectively, it isn't an easy thing to do. Sometimes when that trust is weak, or jealousy is coming up, you do have to zoom out though.
Yeah I get exactly what you're saying. I've never really liked the idea of monogamy forever. Like I hear so many people say "oh we don't have sex anymore" since apparently they've exhausted all other options. I never ever want to be in a relationship like that. But very few people are interested in anything else but that, or they don't think they can voice thier curiosity.
No. Never. I am 100% monogamous. The though of someone I am in an intimate relationship with being touched and touching someone else and having sex with someone else other than me disgusts me and would make me never want to have anything to do with them ever again.
100% Of course your remark makes another assumption. I've never been drunk before. I don't really drink very often and when I was single I would drink at a party or gathering... just enough to loosen up and maybe have a little buzz and then I would stop so I'd be 100% sober to drive home.
Getting black out drunk? People that do that were the types I'd never have even dated to begin with.
People thinking it is "normal" and responsible or healthy to get drunk every other weekend aren't the types I hung out with and I didn't date women who thought going out and getting drunk at a party was normal and something they participated in.
If I had sex with someone else under any circumstance you can think of I would 100% expect my wife to divorce me. She should.
Ok, I was just curious. And how would you know if you've been black-out drunk before if, you know, you blacked out? lol
I don't think it's healthy to drink to black-out point every other weekend. I've overcome addictions (like the using part), but the temptation is still there, and I see other people I knew from that life dying left and right from drugs and alcohol. It is not healthy at all.
That sounds more like sad pathetic cat than grumpy cat... even if he catches a squirrel, what can he do as a dwarf with that smashed in face? Poor unfortunate guy, probably neutered too, I understand why he's so grumpy and sad now :( He lays in the road and cries when the cars swerve.
That would be exclusive polygamy. You would need both money and game to make that happen. I know who we are on here is not indicative of who we are in real life, so if who you are IRL is dramatically different you could pull it off. If your RL personality resembles a lot of the content you post though, that is out of your grasp.
You need the game to attract women, and the finances with the ability to protect if you want to keep them loyal and loving you. I have the game, and ability to protect, but lack the finances to snap my fingers and buy another house or condo on a whim. Everywhere it has been practiced through history the finances and power to protect part have held true. You need the game now because the internet is everywhere, and if one woman can cheat, all your women can cheat.
So you have to be able to put forward convincing arguments why you are a good choice to leave the idea of exclusivity with other men, why it's a good plan to stick with you and what you offer for them to be exclusive to you while you do not offer the same in return, and show a real ability to provide physical and financial security so they want your babies.
Last I checked that's like.00015% of men who can check those boxes. I fail on the finances part, I have stability, and game, but I'm not a millionaire. So I can reel them in, but holding onto them is a different story.
I find the idea terrible almost repulsive. I'm sorry but I'm very old-fashioned. I've always wanted to find true love and that I think is possible only between two people.
You don't have to be sorry about that. You have your preferences, and I have my own, if we can respect each other's choices, what is there to apologize for?
They came specifically from news stories on polyamorous relationships and the people in them... swinging is swapping partners in couples. Swinging is by and far more popular and acceptable, just go to any dungeon or swingers club, take about 15 minutes and sell your wife like a new car.
I'm not knocking on it, it just isn't what I've been into and have received a ludicrous amount of offers there. Or been invited to be the "third" guy in a MMF FFM MMM threesome for the night, which I did a time or 10 before I knew what poly was.
Use tineye or google image to reverse search the image before you make claims you can't back up. What would a picture of poly be, three people walking one dog?
Ok, to clarify, I'm married, 9 years, a decade ago, I can't remember me, my wife and an ex got together, we had a relationship together for a few months. She left us to get with her ex. We enjoyed the dynamic, and pursued other women to get into relationships with.
Most commonly these ended when jealousy couldn't be headed off anymore, an ultimatum came up from our new girlfriend, typically around a month in when the puppy love was wearing off "me or her" rule we established and they knew was anyone issuing an ultimatum and unwilling to budge has to go.
This repeated countless times, with the goal being to establish a LTR. This did not happen.
So please, tell me how I'm swinging, rather than engaging in poly, when by definition swinging is a subset of poly to begin with anyway?
Polygamy I could understand, as all other partners were women, and for the majority they might be friends with my wife, make plans, go shopping, but no pressure or expectations for threesomes or them to have sex.
Its not for me. The last woman I dated practiced this. She wanted to find one man but has yet to meet one who met all her needs. Just listening to her talk about all the past drama and current drama it caused was more than enough to confirm my belief that its not for me.
That sounds less like a symptom of poly, and more one that is measurable. I'll try looking it up again, but less women are getting married, and more are waiting until 40-44 to have kids as single moms. The number of young women not getting married is growing, as is the number waiting until their 40's to have kids. It's part of the perception that fertility is decreasing for women.
Add to that between 24-35 1/3 of men aren't sexually active, while I think 19% of women aren't, poly is one dynamic, but that disconnect between men and women, especially marriage and mating, is a whole different issue.
Hell no. No men are touching my girl. However im all about bringing other girls in. Done it many times. The taboo is mainly gone these days. Almost every girl is willing to do it. The only thing is its not for her. Its got to be male centered. Ie both are my girlfriend and i am the dominant one of the group.
There are as many dynamics to that as there are people on the planet divided by 2. Most women I've been with want it that way as well. Regardless of whether I'm making the most money or whatever, I'm the one paying attention, ending the arguments, taking the lead. Taking point. Though I must say that it is quite comforting to not just have a gun on me, but two women I'm with, have a fire team with tight communication and some trust, it works out well.
Also makes for some fun exercises if you make a MOUT town. That's getting off track though, I did have relationships with a couple women who were more dominant. Honestly, hell, it was a welcome break to not have to steer the direction and take everything into consideration alone all the time. The one setting I get looked at REAL weird, is when I go pig hunting if I have a girlfriend with me.
Though that does confuse me, the taboo is mostly gone for the sex, not the relationship, and it's still very much illegal to get married to two women in the US.
Its because suitable men are getting less and less common. While women as a whole are not individually capable of being a sole partner to a man. So instead of one great wife, a suitable man has tons of ok women to choose from. So ofc it makes sense to see more one man multiple women relationships these days.
The statistics back that up as well. Though from a few experiments I ran, most women would rather engage in deception than open honesty. I set-up a dating profile as me, as I am, married father, looking for short and long term, hoping short term leads into long term, but I don't have any expectations.
Profile 2- I'm married, but it's a wreck, it's doomed, she's irrational, it's already a dead relationship, looking for a woman for NSA, ONS, short term, long term
Profile 3- I'm single, same parameters for what I'm looking for as profile 2.
Profile 2 got the most hits by a wide margin, 3 got slightly more than 1. Backed up what I observed when jealousy took over in most relationships. They want to be "the one" "picked" "chosen" and you are always more desirable when you already have a woman you're with.
The more people there are the more pairings have to get along for it to work. It doesn't matter who is in a relationship with who, who is engaged to who or who is married to who. Lets say there are 3 people and lets call them A, B, C. AB AC BC ABC If there are four people lets call them A, B, C, D. AB AC AD BC BD CD ABC ABD ACD BCD ABCD
Yeah, that would be if it's always a threesome relationship. Many I've had have been, more often than not though a woman is attracted to me, and as far as getting along with my wife goes, I just need them to acknowledge to each other that indeed, they exist, and need to share my time.
Those relationships tend to last longer than threesomes.
The only foursome was a girlfriend who had a long distance boyfriend, and started creating distance getting ready for him to get into town, so much that she just disappeared from the radar. Like 2 months later she's calling asking where I've been, why didn't I call more... uhh, you were ignoring me for your boyfriend, we haven't been together for longer than we WERE together, what do you want? "Oh, he broke up with me and I'm so sad!" Not my problem, I guess this is your second break-up, I'm with someone new myself.
Yeah, it's easy to write that out, but in practice much harder to realize the implications, that each relationship is unique, even within the same relationship.
I'm no cuck, nor am I a muslim. The very idea of sharing a partner with another dumbass irks me. Whether that would be male or female. If anybody would take this option in consideration, that'd be desperation showing.
Well, everyone's entitled to their opinion there, or I wouldn't ask about it lol. Desperation isn't the word I would use. Hunger is. I've been successful in many endeavors, and gone way too far into the back of beyond without back-up because of that hunger for more. I have a wide range of experiences and depth of knowledge in some of them from that constant, bottomless pit that is never, and never will be satisfied. Which can be a good thing.
Being in a relationship with more than one woman is a way to keep that in check, especially when I need to be a square and giving in to that is very bad. Rather than being a stopgap, the attention I have to pay, and am given in return becomes a kind of gilded cage. No matter how much I crave or hunger for, there is a healthy and simple outlet.
I'd rather take my chances there than with mercenary work, or straight going red team to feed that beast. Part of being in open or poly relationships is having to be honest, that includes being honest with myself. You don't wind up being arrested over a dozen times in the US, or fleeing multiple countries because you're so great at doing things in moderation.
I have two of them both of them raw doggin it and they both could turn on you and then good luck for nothing so you better know what you're doing and you better-Gro eyes in the back of your head.
The 1 with the glasses i like to slam my goy sausage into her, raw.
Oh man, I want to take a trip to Israel with a passion. Not at all to see Jerusalem or anything, but to meet women from the IDF and engage in mercenary work. Judaism is old testament, spread that seed like the grains of sand on the beach! lol
Yeah but if they are Orthodox Judaism is they won't have anything to do with you they also won't be in the service either so the ones who are in the service are usually secular what I don't understand is they walk around with machine guns with no magazine in the gun that is typical liberal French idiotic anti-gun bulshit people think these folks are Cowboys they are not they are slaves to the state just like anybody else I don't think polygamy is legal in Israel.
I can't think of any countries that have outlawed the act of having more than one woman as a lover, though very many countries have outlawed having more than one woman as a wife. If I wanted to legally marry more than one woman, I'd have to go to Southeast Asia, the Middle East, or Africa to get married to wifey 2, then to actually present that marriage to another government as legal stay there, South Africa, the UK, Australia, a very small list of countries pretty much, the act of getting that second marriage license would make my marriage a crime in a lot of other nations.
In the US the first woman to get married gets the marriage certificate, the rest get a ceremony, all of Russia and Eastern Europe simply doesn't enforce those laws, I find it odd that trans rights get such a push to the front of politics. Anyway, worldwide, there's only a problem if you try getting a marriage license past 1 wife 1 husband.
Only in Mississippi and Missouri are there actual penalties for multiple partners being in a romantic/sexual relationship. Go USA, still can't let go of the Mormons what with our inalienable 1st amendment rights...
Well, it's good to know your limits. I had gotten to.. 23, 24? and hadn't really figured out what I did or didn't want so much. A lot of that is silly when I look back. Spend so little time thinking of what I want.
In this day and age polyamorous relationships don't make sense to me. It's not like there's a war going on or a crisis where there are more females than males or the opposite. I think if someone is in such relationships then there's no deep love with anyone. With deep love comes a bit of jealousy. We can't stand our partner being with someone else.
There is jealousy, and there is a war that has been going on since sexual reproduction first came to be. Who mates and who doesn't?
Right now 1/3 of men aren't having sex, while something like 15-19% of women aren't in the 25-34 age range. They might not make sense... but who are those women having sex with if there is such a discrepancy between the men and women who are having sex. Bear in mind that that is an unweighted statistic as well, women make up more of the population.
So there is either cheating, NSA, ONS, or poly relationships going on to fill that gap, figuratively and literally. More worrying is the amount of men not having sex is accelerating as younger people become adults, the amount of women having sex is going down as well, but not proportionate to the amount of men that aren't.
Add into that fears that the next generation of men will have lower sperm count and smaller penises from plastics and other chemicals in food, water, and work, along with current and continuing reduced fertility in men. So, yeah, there is a simultaneous cultural and chemical war going on whether anyone wants to acknowledge it or not.
Well maybe you are right.. but most of these problems were brought to people by people. You will not notice half of the problems if you go outside of the west. But then again, they have political problems and oppression problems in place of that. Moral of the story, the world is a shitty place right now. So shitty that values are finding it hard to fit in. But I just pointed out a truth in polyamory. It might work but there is no deep love that most people desire.
Cheating is inherently not a part of poly as it cuts the communication and consent of your other partners out of the loop. It may seem like it doesn't make sense, but cheating can and does happen in poly relationships.
I agree with you on one thing though, these problems are manmade, men are being taught to be less masculine, thus less attractive to women. Women are taught to be more like men, thus more sexually aggressive.
Our physiology is different though, when those roles are traditional it does lead more to monogamy as one woman can only get pregnant once at a time, twins or not, while one man can get many women pregnant. So reversing those gender roles inevitably leads to many women choosing and mating with fewer men.
I don't see the biggest problem here being one of morals, ethics, or any bs like that. The biggest one is genetic drift. So if 1/3 of men are no longer mating (lower bound estimate) poof, 1/3 of those genetics and y chromosomes are not making it to the next generation.
If the trend keeps up, women mating with fewer and fewer men, that means either more poly relationships, or more single moms, many of who have a child, or children sharing the same father... those children grow up to have children of their own, and we start to become inbred with little genetic variance outside an "ideal".
That worries me, not now, not morality, but on a large scale how this can affect the future. Also how many generations before that 1/3, or 1/2 of men not mating realize the situation they're in and decide to change it forcefully?
Okayy that's very deep thinking but we can't tell 100% what's going to happen. It might be that there might be nothing called relationships in the future. We can just hope that things get better.
It can work - each relationship can provide different benefits - Happily Married, but can get non-vanilla experiences from another partner, who doesn't get all the things they want from their partners.
That is one of many things that give me comfort, I actually feel less of an urge to fantasize about other women, if there's something I want to experience and it gets stuck in my head... I can chase that, we can.
I see guys I know who cheat, the effort they put into it, and for what they lose, I don't really see any gain there. On my end, if I don't see the potential for a good or fun experience... why would I neglect my wife and the attention she gives me to chase that?
I don’t really know what exactly makes something a polyamorous relationship, but I think I’m in one. I don’t know if this counts, but I’m dating the five guys I live with. Or maybe not exactly dating but we are at least friends with benefits and maybe more. I have other FWBs but this is the first time I’ve ever lived with them.
It is weird and both physically and emotionally exhausting at times, but I like it.
If you're all aware of it that would be polyandrous, as you're the only female involved with several men. It seems like the relationship is somewhat more than simply friends, so let's say there's a component of liking, if not love there too :)
Hey, I'm not one to judge at all. But I just wanna say, dear anon, if you have been waiting for a sign, this is it. I don't know exactly what you need to hear, but what you are describing sounds like emotional hell. I hope you find your way to something healthier. Again, not judging. We all go through different challenges, they're all specific to us, theyre all meant to teach us something particular for a reason
@SnowyOwl I'd agree with the teaching part, but as you phrase things she's damned herself to hell. Did you miss the "I like it" part? Get off your high horse and post your own damned content if you feel so strongly.
If you're waiting for a sign, this is the one that you're a judgmental douche. "I'm not one to judge at all. but" Passive aggressive bullshit. Get off my thread.
@anonymous you did not upset me, I was simply concerned by what you were saying, and I felt prompted to say something. And yes you can be loved, and most importantly you deserve to be loved. You deserve a love that is kind, understanding, and respectful of who you are. It doesn't matter who you are or what your past is. You deserve true love, because love is the only thing that can heal all of our broken souls. Never doubt that.
You deserve love, and you can have it, so keep looking. You will know when it's right, it'll be a strong feeling. And you will know when it's not right, you'll have a gut feeling. Don't ignore your feelings! They are like a compass! I wish you the best ❤️
@SnowyOwl I’m not sure everyone deserves love, and I’m certain not everyone gets it. Some people find true love. Some of us just make do with what we can get. It’s ok, I know I’m not girlfriend material. So I’m happy just to not be alone.
@anonymous, we all have the possibility to receive love, if only we can believe it and if we can allow it. It's a journey that takes courage, I know. It's a journey that can seem risky, because it requires us to let go of comfort and the things we've always known. It requires you to face your pains and say 'hey, I don't want this anymore, I really don't' and only then does your heart crack... And through the cracks the light comes in... I can't tell you how or when or how long it would take. Your journey is yours. I've been on the side of pain, and having a closed heart, and I was doing what I could. I know we can get out of dark places. But it takes a lot of courage to dive into the unknown. So I guess all I can say, is that I wish you strength. And just know, there will always be someone that cares out there
I am jealous person. I would not share my partner. Some male gagers think polygamy means having a harem lool but dont want their female partners to have another male partner. it would make many men single if some men decide to have harems lol.
Well, polygamy is by definition multiple female partners, polyandry multiple male, polyamory catchall for either, both, and many other dynamics.
Symantics aside, yeah, that comes up. Over a decade of marriage my wife was interested in going out, possibly hooking up with an old friend not too long ago, couple months. I was honest with her that it wasn't something I was thrilled with, but if she felt the need to do it, well, she supported me and me and her getting together, being in relationships with many women. So suck it up buttercup, I hope she has a good time, and I'm going to visit some friends in Florida for the night. I dodged a bullet as his expectation was exclusivity, like her leaving the family.
I think you're right that most people, male or female wouldn't be able to deal with that, and would end the relationship. I'm also glad that you gave that some serious thought and know yourself well enough that it isn't your dynamic.
Also, ick, I do not want a harem, might as well just buy a row of sex dolls.
It is fucking hypocritical to be jealous as a guy like a cunt but also except your girlfriend to share you. Tf man. Some guys want multiple gfs but dont want to allowed their girlfriend to have multiple bfs.
Never. That's beyond degrading to one's self, especially if you're a man. That's quite literally being a cuck. And if you're with multiple women, then you're just a man-whore and f*ckboi.
While I don't agree with either view, I do accept that both are widely held. You simply had the balls to say it. I respect that.
I always got a stranger reaction from my friends staying with another woman, and trying to make the relationship work, then if I was trying to plow through them like I did when I was single. How other people perceive you, and how you perceive your own situation will always be different. In that case, wildly so.
I respect that, everyone has different experiences. Like first time I rode a bike was awesome, first time my sister did she drove into a ditch... If I had a terrible experience my first time around, it wouldn't make me want to seek the same thing out again.
I respect that. A lot of relationships I got into were with women in their 20's who were "totally into it!" and after trying the dynamic out once decided they were not. I have to admit though, the first few relationships I had were probably on me for the negative outlook. Lots of expectations, like threesomes, or an instant bond. Everyone wants and needs different things though.
It's weird to re-learn that, but learning always does take some mistakes *shrug*
Mine was mostly on me too, because I'd read into polyamory and thought since I never have dated exclusively it sounded appealing. I totally get polyamory is more about relationship than it is about sex, but it's the sex that gives it the appeal and the flavor of something different. In my case, there were expectations and we all set the ground rules, but unwritten ground rules that seemed to be made up on the spot at times gradually creeped into the relationship. If one gets into a poly relationship, one needs to probably be older than me, understand the relationship will change. And if one gets out of a poly relationship and returns to the monogamous or one-at-a-time relationship world, for me I felt like damaged goods for a while. But I can't undo my experiences. I had more good times than I had tough times with it, and I don't regret it, but live and learn.
I'm glad that though you don't want to repeat it, you have some good memories to carry away :) Heh, if you're in Louisiana and change your mind on trying again, I can only promise that I'm very open and honest. Besides that, yeah, we all change over time, otherwise life would be pretty uneventful.
Sorry to hear that, but like any relationship, there are good ones, bad ones, and traumatic ones. If my first relationship with a woman had been much worse than it was, I'd either be asexual, or trying real real hard to enjoy penis.
I'm not trying to convince you to drink the Kool-Aid, just saying sorry that you fell into a shitty dynamic. Wherever the future takes you, I hope your next relationship turns out better :)
I agree 200%, I know expectations rather than communication, especially "well, things are like this with her, why aren't they with you?" absolutely wrecked the first relationship I was in. I feel like such an immature ass when I look back on that
@Kabluie It's essential to, but difficult to, it can't be an interrogation, but everyone has to figure out what everyone wants from everyone else, what they don't want, and where they see things going.
It's tough to make that natural, and not make "the new girl" feel like she's on trial or something.
That has happened before, realizing on a first date, or before fooling around that someone is, well, forcing themselves into something they aren't comfortable with. That's when things just stop, try to figure if it's the setting, or something fundamental that is at an impasse. I do like the sex, it'd be a lie to say otherwise, but I like the relationships and new experiences more. You don't get that taking people for granted or ignoring their needs.
At least that's been what I've taken away from a lot of experiences.
They often do. What I've experienced the most are jealousy and puppy love. The puppy love one is pretty obvious, you look at, or are looked at with puppy dog eyes from the beginning, but that can only last so long, then the shit stops smelling like roses, and things work, or they don't depending on how superficial the relationship is.
Jealousy is a tough one, in every relationship we've had where women have cared about me, at some point they get jealous. The best I can do is offer one on one time, and try to reassure them that they do have a future with me, and us. Generally that isn't enough though, and they'll push for an ultimatum. Then there's nothing I can do, my hands are tied, if I can't talk them down from that game of chicken, whoever issues the ultimatum has to go.
About the only third option is that they never get attached or care much to begin with, like a tourist in your life. Someone to fool around with, have some fun with, take some pictures at the aquarium or beach with, then forget each other.
Well, be patient, and use all resources available to you, message boards, friends, OKC (not many dating sites have the poly option), fetlife, going out and meeting new people. You're young, you have time to explore that. Honestly I pulled in all the women me and my wife got with because she lacked that confidence and social ability.
If we had been working together on that, I probably would have realized my dream long ago, but then was then, now is now, and the future is unknown :)
Like no relationships, or not even sex? Sorry if that's asking too much, I just can't imagine getting to my age and being against intimacy. I mean, I'd at least need hookers, ice cream and cocaine if I'm not getting cuddles.
The answer is NO. Absolutely no. The reason is I am " ASEXUAL" and I find sex and all activities related to that as something that is totally unhygienic and outright disgusting. I only have thought related to pure LOVE, the purest form of love one can think off. Love absolutely devoid of any sex or any sexual activity.
That being said, I never want to be in LOVE (by choice). One of my objectives is to remain single for life. There are plenty of reasons for the same and is hard to explain.
Yes, so the answer to your question is short is NO relationship, No sex and nothing to do with women whatsoever.
" I just can't imagine getting to my age and being against intimacy."
Maybe you cannot but some people can not only imagine this but can actually live that life without sex and intimacy but you may rarely come across such people.
Yes you have, and, as you said, though it is confusing to me, it is a need you do not have. That must leave a lot more time for work, hobbies and any other goals you want to focus on. I know before marriage chasing women took up a lot of time, after marriage working to build that nest, and now raising a family.
I've just met more women who claimed the title of "asexual" but in reality were not. For a man, I'd imagine while one door remains closed, it opens up many more simultaneously as far as possibilities go.
I am not sure what was confusing about what I said. If you were confused with the sentence when I said " I can only think of love which will be completely devoid of sex and sexual activities".
Why not? The purest form of love that I think off is the same as the kind of pure love parents show to their newborn babies, cute babies. Protective love which according to me is the purest form of love. If you know what I mean. That is the kind of love that I was referring to when I replied to your questions.
That being said, the most important point is that I never wish to be in LOVE. Never wish to show my style of love to anyone. The concept of love is only in my head and in my dreams and it will always be.
"I've just met more women who claimed the title of "asexual" but in reality were not."
Okay, now I don't know your life experiences or what you seen or know about. As far as I know in reality there are people who are asexual and for real. Just about 2% of this world's population would be asexual so yes it is very rare indeed.
You said they " claimed" to be asexual. I don't know how one can claim such a thing? I mean one cannot fake or pretend being asexual. Yes one can fake or pretend to be a confident/brave person when in reality they are not but in my view ASEXUALITY cannot be faked or claimed as such.
Anyways, if you come across such people then you know better. I cannot comment on that.
I can only talk about myself. You asked me some questions and I answered them honestly, now it is up to you if you want to believe it or not.
I do believe you. I remember a woman saying she was, and thinking ok, that's cool, doesn't mean we can't be friends. We wound up sleeping together. Another woman who said the same and used relationships and sex to get the things she wanted. I'm assuming in her case she used the title of asexual to deny sex when she didn't get what she wanted.
I'm not belittling you, your lifestyle, or the validity that it is real. I am saying that there are people who fly falsely under that flag for personal gain and attention. There is no offense intended there, but any group has some bad apples in it. Like if there were people who used the flag of poly to get women pregnant and run away, or simply use people, I wouldn't make a stand on any hill for them.
lol, I kid, but everyone does have their own preferences. There was a stand-up guy who I disagreed with, but had some back-bone and was strong in his principles. Much like him, if you know what you want, go with it, and be glad you know that at a young age.
Have been in a poly relationship 3 times, once MMF and twice FFM and right now in a happy mono relationship. All i can say is i like both mono and poly relationships but in the MMF one it seemed more like a power based relationship than a loving one.
Maybe it's why those seem to last longer, more dominance based. I found with all the (FFM) ones I was in, they typically drifted and broke apart with the puppy love or jealousy. Well, with two exceptions of the women having to move.
we're looking for unicorns, not polygamous relationships... But unicorns are really rare like we joined facebook (unicorn hunting for couple) group, most of the members are couples, and they shared many sexy pictures to attract real unicorns. Why we prefer unicorns, not polygamy, I think unicorns make our relationships easier than polygamy, this is my personal opinion.
I was telling that to another woman on this thread who is a unicorn, she was saying she wanted to try, but find a boyfriend first. I advised her try with a couple first as it would be ludicrously easy.
Then again, they're called unicorns for a reason lol
I do the STD tests first, if you want to see jealousy come up REAL fast, use a condom with one woman, then go raw with another right in front of her. Oh boy.
Chase your dream, wherever it leads you. There's no right or wrong way to love and feel loved, hell, some people fall in love with plants and stuff lol
I would love to be in one. But my conscious would never allow me. Even how much i want it. Because no matter how hard you try, there's always gonna be a feeling somewhere of having to compete or rivalry.
Very often there is. So, everyone has to try hard to not put the favoritism forwards as far as whose words have the most power, who gets alone time more, and what you do during it.
Reality is, even if you miraculously meet two people as strangers and all three decide to get together. Those relationships are going to be different, and someone is going to be receiving the most love. Going into an established relationship, no matter what you try, it's reality, there's a longer, deeper relationship with one woman over the other.
You can communicate and talk about it all you want, or simply try to life to yourselves and each other and say it's all equal, either way, at some point jealousy comes up. You try to avoid or ameliorate it, but that has been the death of most relationships where liking was turning to love. The alternative is to try not to care, which defeats the purpose.
How so? If it's from fear that there's a possibility of losing him during the puppy love, that is valid. On the flip side though, if someone's going to leave over some sex with someone they barely know, how much are they really worth your time?
I'm making assumptions there though, so you want him to be able to have sex, as you are unable or unwilling to provide that experience. So far that sounds reasonable. You also have concerns about that, which sounds reasonable as well. Which parts seem wrong? Also why not get with someone else who is asexual if you know it hurts your partner?
That has been a reason I've taken a break for a while, and something to sort out. My kids are old enough now to understand and remember what's going on around them. Moving to a more rural community, there are less opportunities, more eyes and ears, and it won't lead to anything positive to keep a woman out of sight out of mind.
You could probably find that fairly easily, as I've said in many other comments, there are many dynamics out there, MMF is certainly one of them. Try OKC, fetlife, hell, possibly on here you might find someone. This has expanded to over 100 people, statistically there should be at least one person looking for that.
Ok, you're a unicorn, so basically any couple looking for a woman, which would be most all of them, is looking for you. Well, excepting those looking for a man, which is a fairly easy slot to fill.
Anyway, my suggestion would be try that with a couple, rather than a boyfriend first. If you read through things other people have wrote, or I have, I brought up jealousy women have a lot, but that cuts both ways. I have seen couples get into poly and have it ruin their relationship. He gets into the other girl more, and doesn't realize it's the puppy love, goes past neglecting your relationship into rejecting it. You hook up with another woman, and this has happened before, they aren't that into the guy, I mean, you can chat someone up all you want, but when you meet you click or you don't. So there was about a month where my wife was sleeping with another woman, and I was just on the sidelines for that one, I just let them have fun together and tried not to interfere, but I could see how that could turn to jealousy quickly.
Also with another couple you can figure out if it's a dynamic YOU want, or can handle. It's kind of a tough thing to do, telling a guy yes, find us another woman to sleep with, you have that experience, it ends for any number of reasons, then tell him NO, no more of that! What if he does want more of that? Or you get jealous, push an ultimatum, and find yourself out of your previously monogamous relationship?
I'm not trying to be down on my own lifestyle choices, just saying it isn't always sunshine and roses, maybe dip a toe in before diving headfirst.
I think those are great suggestions and details that I could not know not having the experience first hand. Smart idea to test it out on another couple. Thanks
No problem, also bear in mind that every relationship is different, so you'd be creating 2 relationships within an existing relationship if that makes sense. Everyone having different desires and expectations. My logic with anything to do with sex has always been try it twice before I dismiss it, the first time might have just been someone shitty, or me not being in the right headspace. That's me though. Good luck however that turns out :) There was another anon female saying her and her SO are hunting for a unicorn, you would have to ask her if you're interested, I don't know what their dynamic is.
Though it would be so very altruistic of me, I don't think I'm in a place where I could give full time and attention to someone new, and especially someone new to a poly relationship myself right now :/ Unless you want to jump straight into moving in together, making babies, and cementing yourself as part of my family, think of it as a Mexican standoff of love! lol
Hahahah no worries! Im sure it’s a bit of work showing someone the ropes. Yeah that dynamic is super interesting though. The sex part sounds fun not going to lie. I will have to think about everything you said, let it soak in 😁
Don't just take my word, there are plenty of resources, groups, and books. Ethical slut was one I was encouraged to read... I'll be honest, I skimmed it, the title turned me off to it.
This site looks decent, I like their starting article, struck a nerve for me. I hooked up with poly groups more often than not, we got together, talked, gave each other advice, joked, ate ice cream, got strange looks lol
Oh, and if you have other questions you don't want to post on a board, you can always shoot me a message. Sorry, I did not expect this thread to blow up so much so fast, it's hurting my brain to try and keep up lol
Yeah... that could work out if you were rich and didn't mind it being a financial transaction or something, any other way, that would be tough to impossible.
Luckily in my dynamic it's always been only other women, the one date my wife went on with another guy he pretty much immediately asked for her to leave me and her family to be with him...
I don't have to imagine it, and it isn't so bad, really the issue is the jealousy, which comes up sooner or later, and eventually leads to an ultimatum. Whoever issues it is the one to go.
I don't know. The idea of multiple wives intrigues me; but the thought of multiple husbands makes me think that I wouldn't be able to handle the inherent jealousy of such a situation. So I am unlikely to pursue polyamory.
Unfortunately due to bigamy laws you'd have to pick one "real wife" and if you had another have a ceremony but no legal ties. If you did, in some states it's a misdemeanor, in most a felony though. So, yeah, I could see that increasing the jealousy factor. Most likely no priest, no justice of the peace, just friends and food. Hell, in Mississippi and Missouri it's a crime to "cohabitate"
That's pretty rare, and handled pretty simply. While rare, it does happen. I've found many times in life that people fear shame and humiliation more than death for the most part. I try to be a very nice guy, but anyone who feels cornered will fight back. My way out is simple, just leave me alone.
Actually jealousy is most easy to handle, and doesn't require any manipulation or blackmail. You try to spend more alone time with that person, pay more attention, and if it gets worse then it's a train on a track. It has one end point, and in a short amount of time that's going to be reached. An ultimatum is going to be issued. They want to be "picked" whoever issues the ultimatum is gone.
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