Have you ever been in, or would you consider a polyamorous relationship? (Page 2)
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Its not for me. The last woman I dated practiced this. She wanted to find one man but has yet to meet one who met all her needs. Just listening to her talk about all the past drama and current drama it caused was more than enough to confirm my belief that its not for me.
That sounds less like a symptom of poly, and more one that is measurable. I'll try looking it up again, but less women are getting married, and more are waiting until 40-44 to have kids as single moms. The number of young women not getting married is growing, as is the number waiting until their 40's to have kids. It's part of the perception that fertility is decreasing for women.
Add to that between 24-35 1/3 of men aren't sexually active, while I think 19% of women aren't, poly is one dynamic, but that disconnect between men and women, especially marriage and mating, is a whole different issue.
Hell no. No men are touching my girl. However im all about bringing other girls in. Done it many times. The taboo is mainly gone these days. Almost every girl is willing to do it. The only thing is its not for her. Its got to be male centered. Ie both are my girlfriend and i am the dominant one of the group.
There are as many dynamics to that as there are people on the planet divided by 2. Most women I've been with want it that way as well. Regardless of whether I'm making the most money or whatever, I'm the one paying attention, ending the arguments, taking the lead. Taking point. Though I must say that it is quite comforting to not just have a gun on me, but two women I'm with, have a fire team with tight communication and some trust, it works out well.
Also makes for some fun exercises if you make a MOUT town. That's getting off track though, I did have relationships with a couple women who were more dominant. Honestly, hell, it was a welcome break to not have to steer the direction and take everything into consideration alone all the time. The one setting I get looked at REAL weird, is when I go pig hunting if I have a girlfriend with me.
Though that does confuse me, the taboo is mostly gone for the sex, not the relationship, and it's still very much illegal to get married to two women in the US.
Its because suitable men are getting less and less common. While women as a whole are not individually capable of being a sole partner to a man. So instead of one great wife, a suitable man has tons of ok women to choose from. So ofc it makes sense to see more one man multiple women relationships these days.
The statistics back that up as well. Though from a few experiments I ran, most women would rather engage in deception than open honesty. I set-up a dating profile as me, as I am, married father, looking for short and long term, hoping short term leads into long term, but I don't have any expectations.
Profile 2- I'm married, but it's a wreck, it's doomed, she's irrational, it's already a dead relationship, looking for a woman for NSA, ONS, short term, long term
Profile 3- I'm single, same parameters for what I'm looking for as profile 2.
Profile 2 got the most hits by a wide margin, 3 got slightly more than 1. Backed up what I observed when jealousy took over in most relationships. They want to be "the one" "picked" "chosen" and you are always more desirable when you already have a woman you're with.
The more people there are the more pairings have to get along for it to work. It doesn't matter who is in a relationship with who, who is engaged to who or who is married to who. Lets say there are 3 people and lets call them A, B, C.
AB
AC
BC
ABC
If there are four people lets call them A, B, C, D.
AB
AC
AD
BC
BD
CD
ABC
ABD
ACD
BCD
ABCD
Yeah, that would be if it's always a threesome relationship. Many I've had have been, more often than not though a woman is attracted to me, and as far as getting along with my wife goes, I just need them to acknowledge to each other that indeed, they exist, and need to share my time.
Those relationships tend to last longer than threesomes.
The only foursome was a girlfriend who had a long distance boyfriend, and started creating distance getting ready for him to get into town, so much that she just disappeared from the radar. Like 2 months later she's calling asking where I've been, why didn't I call more... uhh, you were ignoring me for your boyfriend, we haven't been together for longer than we WERE together, what do you want? "Oh, he broke up with me and I'm so sad!" Not my problem, I guess this is your second break-up, I'm with someone new myself.
Yeah, it's easy to write that out, but in practice much harder to realize the implications, that each relationship is unique, even within the same relationship.
I'm no cuck, nor am I a muslim. The very idea of sharing a partner with another dumbass irks me. Whether that would be male or female.
If anybody would take this option in consideration, that'd be desperation showing.
Well, everyone's entitled to their opinion there, or I wouldn't ask about it lol. Desperation isn't the word I would use. Hunger is. I've been successful in many endeavors, and gone way too far into the back of beyond without back-up because of that hunger for more. I have a wide range of experiences and depth of knowledge in some of them from that constant, bottomless pit that is never, and never will be satisfied. Which can be a good thing.
Being in a relationship with more than one woman is a way to keep that in check, especially when I need to be a square and giving in to that is very bad. Rather than being a stopgap, the attention I have to pay, and am given in return becomes a kind of gilded cage. No matter how much I crave or hunger for, there is a healthy and simple outlet.
I'd rather take my chances there than with mercenary work, or straight going red team to feed that beast. Part of being in open or poly relationships is having to be honest, that includes being honest with myself. You don't wind up being arrested over a dozen times in the US, or fleeing multiple countries because you're so great at doing things in moderation.
I have two of them both of them raw doggin it and they both could turn on you and then good luck for nothing so you better know what you're doing and you better-Gro eyes in the back of your head.
The 1 with the glasses i like to slam my goy sausage into her, raw.
Oh man, I want to take a trip to Israel with a passion. Not at all to see Jerusalem or anything, but to meet women from the IDF and engage in mercenary work. Judaism is old testament, spread that seed like the grains of sand on the beach! lol
Yeah but if they are Orthodox Judaism is they won't have anything to do with you they also won't be in the service either so the ones who are in the service are usually secular what I don't understand is they walk around with machine guns with no magazine in the gun that is typical liberal French idiotic anti-gun bulshit people think these folks are Cowboys they are not they are slaves to the state just like anybody else I don't think polygamy is legal in Israel.
I can't think of any countries that have outlawed the act of having more than one woman as a lover, though very many countries have outlawed having more than one woman as a wife. If I wanted to legally marry more than one woman, I'd have to go to Southeast Asia, the Middle East, or Africa to get married to wifey 2, then to actually present that marriage to another government as legal stay there, South Africa, the UK, Australia, a very small list of countries pretty much, the act of getting that second marriage license would make my marriage a crime in a lot of other nations.
In the US the first woman to get married gets the marriage certificate, the rest get a ceremony, all of Russia and Eastern Europe simply doesn't enforce those laws, I find it odd that trans rights get such a push to the front of politics. Anyway, worldwide, there's only a problem if you try getting a marriage license past 1 wife 1 husband.
Only in Mississippi and Missouri are there actual penalties for multiple partners being in a romantic/sexual relationship. Go USA, still can't let go of the Mormons what with our inalienable 1st amendment rights...
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Legality_of_polygamy
Not my cup of tea, no. I'm absolutely not willing to share someone I love with another partner 😅
Nothing wrong there... but what if he wanted to share you? I'm just going with the soap opera plot here lol
That's a nope nope.
Well, it's good to know your limits. I had gotten to.. 23, 24? and hadn't really figured out what I did or didn't want so much. A lot of that is silly when I look back. Spend so little time thinking of what I want.
In this day and age polyamorous relationships don't make sense to me. It's not like there's a war going on or a crisis where there are more females than males or the opposite. I think if someone is in such relationships then there's no deep love with anyone. With deep love comes a bit of jealousy. We can't stand our partner being with someone else.
There is jealousy, and there is a war that has been going on since sexual reproduction first came to be. Who mates and who doesn't?
Right now 1/3 of men aren't having sex, while something like 15-19% of women aren't in the 25-34 age range. They might not make sense... but who are those women having sex with if there is such a discrepancy between the men and women who are having sex. Bear in mind that that is an unweighted statistic as well, women make up more of the population.
So there is either cheating, NSA, ONS, or poly relationships going on to fill that gap, figuratively and literally. More worrying is the amount of men not having sex is accelerating as younger people become adults, the amount of women having sex is going down as well, but not proportionate to the amount of men that aren't.
Add into that fears that the next generation of men will have lower sperm count and smaller penises from plastics and other chemicals in food, water, and work, along with current and continuing reduced fertility in men. So, yeah, there is a simultaneous cultural and chemical war going on whether anyone wants to acknowledge it or not.
www.healthline.com/.../young-adults-especially-men-having-sex-less-frequently
www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2078473/
Well maybe you are right.. but most of these problems were brought to people by people. You will not notice half of the problems if you go outside of the west. But then again, they have political problems and oppression problems in place of that.
Moral of the story, the world is a shitty place right now. So shitty that values are finding it hard to fit in.
But I just pointed out a truth in polyamory. It might work but there is no deep love that most people desire.
Cheating is inherently not a part of poly as it cuts the communication and consent of your other partners out of the loop. It may seem like it doesn't make sense, but cheating can and does happen in poly relationships.
I agree with you on one thing though, these problems are manmade, men are being taught to be less masculine, thus less attractive to women. Women are taught to be more like men, thus more sexually aggressive.
Our physiology is different though, when those roles are traditional it does lead more to monogamy as one woman can only get pregnant once at a time, twins or not, while one man can get many women pregnant. So reversing those gender roles inevitably leads to many women choosing and mating with fewer men.
I don't see the biggest problem here being one of morals, ethics, or any bs like that. The biggest one is genetic drift. So if 1/3 of men are no longer mating (lower bound estimate) poof, 1/3 of those genetics and y chromosomes are not making it to the next generation.
If the trend keeps up, women mating with fewer and fewer men, that means either more poly relationships, or more single moms, many of who have a child, or children sharing the same father... those children grow up to have children of their own, and we start to become inbred with little genetic variance outside an "ideal".
That worries me, not now, not morality, but on a large scale how this can affect the future. Also how many generations before that 1/3, or 1/2 of men not mating realize the situation they're in and decide to change it forcefully?
Okayy that's very deep thinking but we can't tell 100% what's going to happen. It might be that there might be nothing called relationships in the future. We can just hope that things get better.
Hope for the best, expect the worst. Try to live a happy life along the way. ;)
I don’t really know what exactly makes something a polyamorous relationship, but I think I’m in one. I don’t know if this counts, but I’m dating the five guys I live with. Or maybe not exactly dating but we are at least friends with benefits and maybe more. I have other FWBs but this is the first time I’ve ever lived with them.
It is weird and both physically and emotionally exhausting at times, but I like it.
If you're all aware of it that would be polyandrous, as you're the only female involved with several men. It seems like the relationship is somewhat more than simply friends, so let's say there's a component of liking, if not love there too :)
Hey, I'm not one to judge at all. But I just wanna say, dear anon, if you have been waiting for a sign, this is it.
I don't know exactly what you need to hear, but what you are describing sounds like emotional hell.
I hope you find your way to something healthier.
Again, not judging. We all go through different challenges, they're all specific to us, theyre all meant to teach us something particular for a reason
@SnowyOwl I'd agree with the teaching part, but as you phrase things she's damned herself to hell. Did you miss the "I like it" part? Get off your high horse and post your own damned content if you feel so strongly.
If you're waiting for a sign, this is the one that you're a judgmental douche. "I'm not one to judge at all. but" Passive aggressive bullshit. Get off my thread.
I’m sorry if I upset anyone. I don’t know if anyone can love me, but I do care about them. If that counts for anything.
@anonymous you did not upset me, I was simply concerned by what you were saying, and I felt prompted to say something.
And yes you can be loved, and most importantly you deserve to be loved. You deserve a love that is kind, understanding, and respectful of who you are.
It doesn't matter who you are or what your past is. You deserve true love, because love is the only thing that can heal all of our broken souls. Never doubt that.
You deserve love, and you can have it, so keep looking. You will know when it's right, it'll be a strong feeling. And you will know when it's not right, you'll have a gut feeling. Don't ignore your feelings! They are like a compass!
I wish you the best ❤️
@SnowyOwl I’m not sure everyone deserves love, and I’m certain not everyone gets it. Some people find true love. Some of us just make do with what we can get. It’s ok, I know I’m not girlfriend material. So I’m happy just to not be alone.
@anonymous, we all have the possibility to receive love, if only we can believe it and if we can allow it.
It's a journey that takes courage, I know. It's a journey that can seem risky, because it requires us to let go of comfort and the things we've always known. It requires you to face your pains and say 'hey, I don't want this anymore, I really don't' and only then does your heart crack... And through the cracks the light comes in...
I can't tell you how or when or how long it would take. Your journey is yours.
I've been on the side of pain, and having a closed heart, and I was doing what I could. I know we can get out of dark places. But it takes a lot of courage to dive into the unknown.
So I guess all I can say, is that I wish you strength. And just know, there will always be someone that cares out there
I would not do this, as I believe that marriage is only between a man and a woman.
So does the US government or bigamy wouldn't be illegal.
I am jealous person. I would not share my partner. Some male gagers think polygamy means having a harem lool but dont want their female partners to have another male partner. it would make many men single if some men decide to have harems lol.
Well, polygamy is by definition multiple female partners, polyandry multiple male, polyamory catchall for either, both, and many other dynamics.
Symantics aside, yeah, that comes up. Over a decade of marriage my wife was interested in going out, possibly hooking up with an old friend not too long ago, couple months. I was honest with her that it wasn't something I was thrilled with, but if she felt the need to do it, well, she supported me and me and her getting together, being in relationships with many women. So suck it up buttercup, I hope she has a good time, and I'm going to visit some friends in Florida for the night. I dodged a bullet as his expectation was exclusivity, like her leaving the family.
I think you're right that most people, male or female wouldn't be able to deal with that, and would end the relationship. I'm also glad that you gave that some serious thought and know yourself well enough that it isn't your dynamic.
Also, ick, I do not want a harem, might as well just buy a row of sex dolls.
It is fucking hypocritical to be jealous as a guy like a cunt but also except your girlfriend to share you. Tf man. Some guys want multiple gfs but dont want to allowed their girlfriend to have multiple bfs.
Oh wow interesting that your wife sharef you. Anyway each their own. Do what yiu makes you happy
I am sorry what happened to you since you dodged a bullet
Ok... I'm not sure what message you're trying to get across, but good luck to you as well.
Never. That's beyond degrading to one's self, especially if you're a man. That's quite literally being a cuck. And if you're with multiple women, then you're just a man-whore and f*ckboi.
While I don't agree with either view, I do accept that both are widely held. You simply had the balls to say it. I respect that.
I always got a stranger reaction from my friends staying with another woman, and trying to make the relationship work, then if I was trying to plow through them like I did when I was single. How other people perceive you, and how you perceive your own situation will always be different. In that case, wildly so.
No. I've decided that if a girl so much as brings it up to me, I will break up with her. No exceptions. No warnings. No take backs.
Well, you know what you want, nothing wrong there.
Absolutely not! I’m not sharing my man, and I’m not willing to be shared either.
The nerve of those people!
@razelove everyone has the right to do their own thing, but that isn’t for me.
I know, the strength of your response just made me laugh some. "Don't you take my man!" lol
He’s MINE!
Tug of war commence!
I’ll cut a bi***
It can work - each relationship can provide different benefits - Happily Married, but can get non-vanilla experiences from another partner, who doesn't get all the things they want from their partners.
That is one of many things that give me comfort, I actually feel less of an urge to fantasize about other women, if there's something I want to experience and it gets stuck in my head... I can chase that, we can.
I see guys I know who cheat, the effort they put into it, and for what they lose, I don't really see any gain there. On my end, if I don't see the potential for a good or fun experience... why would I neglect my wife and the attention she gives me to chase that?
Only in my dreams. In reality, im not really into sharing/being shared
Oh, feel free to expand on these dreams you have *shrugging into shrink chair*
Nothing specific. Thats just the only place i’d even remotely consider being withh more than one guy
I have been in a poly relationship before and I will never do it ever again.
It was the worst kind of relationship for me and it was extremely unhealthy mentally.
You've already tainted yourself with that scum. Doing it even one time is too many times.
Sorry to hear that, but like any relationship, there are good ones, bad ones, and traumatic ones. If my first relationship with a woman had been much worse than it was, I'd either be asexual, or trying real real hard to enjoy penis.
I'm sure there are poly relationships that are good.
But still the whole, sharing someone you're with is not for me
I'm not trying to convince you to drink the Kool-Aid, just saying sorry that you fell into a shitty dynamic. Wherever the future takes you, I hope your next relationship turns out better :)
Yeah thanks ^^
Absolutely, just depends on my partners and how many partners they are comfortable with me having and vice versa. Communication is key
I agree 200%, I know expectations rather than communication, especially "well, things are like this with her, why aren't they with you?" absolutely wrecked the first relationship I was in. I feel like such an immature ass when I look back on that
yep, communication and mutual agreement on boundaries are big keys to poly. It's worth having those conversations early on.
@Kabluie It's essential to, but difficult to, it can't be an interrogation, but everyone has to figure out what everyone wants from everyone else, what they don't want, and where they see things going.
It's tough to make that natural, and not make "the new girl" feel like she's on trial or something.
It's tough to be honest but even harder to pretend. If you are honest with your partner and they can't handle it the. They are not for you
That has happened before, realizing on a first date, or before fooling around that someone is, well, forcing themselves into something they aren't comfortable with. That's when things just stop, try to figure if it's the setting, or something fundamental that is at an impasse. I do like the sex, it'd be a lie to say otherwise, but I like the relationships and new experiences more. You don't get that taking people for granted or ignoring their needs.
At least that's been what I've taken away from a lot of experiences.
If I liked the people enough, I would maybe consider it. I feel like problems could arise from that kind of thing though..
They often do. What I've experienced the most are jealousy and puppy love. The puppy love one is pretty obvious, you look at, or are looked at with puppy dog eyes from the beginning, but that can only last so long, then the shit stops smelling like roses, and things work, or they don't depending on how superficial the relationship is.
Jealousy is a tough one, in every relationship we've had where women have cared about me, at some point they get jealous. The best I can do is offer one on one time, and try to reassure them that they do have a future with me, and us. Generally that isn't enough though, and they'll push for an ultimatum. Then there's nothing I can do, my hands are tied, if I can't talk them down from that game of chicken, whoever issues the ultimatum has to go.
About the only third option is that they never get attached or care much to begin with, like a tourist in your life. Someone to fool around with, have some fun with, take some pictures at the aquarium or beach with, then forget each other.
My hubs and I have been looking for the perfect candidate for a while but both of us aren't very social so it takes forever
Well, be patient, and use all resources available to you, message boards, friends, OKC (not many dating sites have the poly option), fetlife, going out and meeting new people. You're young, you have time to explore that. Honestly I pulled in all the women me and my wife got with because she lacked that confidence and social ability.
If we had been working together on that, I probably would have realized my dream long ago, but then was then, now is now, and the future is unknown :)
thanks
Absolutely not. No chance
I have always been single and wish to remain single for life. Hence NO
Like no relationships, or not even sex? Sorry if that's asking too much, I just can't imagine getting to my age and being against intimacy. I mean, I'd at least need hookers, ice cream and cocaine if I'm not getting cuddles.
@razelove
No you are not asking too much. Its fine. I will answer your questions
@razelove
"Like no relationships, or not even sex?"
The answer is NO. Absolutely no. The reason is I am " ASEXUAL" and I find sex and all activities related to that as something that is totally unhygienic and outright disgusting. I only have thought related to pure LOVE, the purest form of love one can think off. Love absolutely devoid of any sex or any sexual activity.
That being said, I never want to be in LOVE (by choice). One of my objectives is to remain single for life. There are plenty of reasons for the same and is hard to explain.
Yes, so the answer to your question is short is NO relationship, No sex and nothing to do with women whatsoever.
@razelove
" I just can't imagine getting to my age and being against intimacy."
Maybe you cannot but some people can not only imagine this but can actually live that life without sex and intimacy but you may rarely come across such people.
@razelove
" I mean, I'd at least need hookers, ice cream and cocaine if I'm not getting cuddles."
It all depends on the person, what is is a need for you will be unnecessary for someone else. It is all subjective.
@razelove
I think I have answered your questions.
Yes you have, and, as you said, though it is confusing to me, it is a need you do not have. That must leave a lot more time for work, hobbies and any other goals you want to focus on. I know before marriage chasing women took up a lot of time, after marriage working to build that nest, and now raising a family.
I've just met more women who claimed the title of "asexual" but in reality were not. For a man, I'd imagine while one door remains closed, it opens up many more simultaneously as far as possibilities go.
@razelove
I am not sure what was confusing about what I said. If you were confused with the sentence when I said " I can only think of love which will be completely devoid of sex and sexual activities".
Why not? The purest form of love that I think off is the same as the kind of pure love parents show to their newborn babies, cute babies. Protective love which according to me is the purest form of love. If you know what I mean. That is the kind of love that I was referring to when I replied to your questions.
In my view, I don't see this as strange or weird.
@razelove
cont..
That being said, the most important point is that I never wish to be in LOVE. Never wish to show my style of love to anyone. The concept of love is only in my head and in my dreams and it will always be.
I never want that to be a reality. Simple.
@razelove
"I've just met more women who claimed the title of "asexual" but in reality were not."
Okay, now I don't know your life experiences or what you seen or know about. As far as I know in reality there are people who are asexual and for real. Just about 2% of this world's population would be asexual so yes it is very rare indeed.
You said they " claimed" to be asexual. I don't know how one can claim such a thing? I mean one cannot fake or pretend being asexual. Yes one can fake or pretend to be a confident/brave person when in reality they are not but in my view ASEXUALITY cannot be faked or claimed as such.
Anyways, if you come across such people then you know better. I cannot comment on that.
I can only talk about myself. You asked me some questions and I answered them honestly, now it is up to you if you want to believe it or not.
I do believe you. I remember a woman saying she was, and thinking ok, that's cool, doesn't mean we can't be friends. We wound up sleeping together. Another woman who said the same and used relationships and sex to get the things she wanted. I'm assuming in her case she used the title of asexual to deny sex when she didn't get what she wanted.
I'm not belittling you, your lifestyle, or the validity that it is real. I am saying that there are people who fly falsely under that flag for personal gain and attention. There is no offense intended there, but any group has some bad apples in it. Like if there were people who used the flag of poly to get women pregnant and run away, or simply use people, I wouldn't make a stand on any hill for them.