Have you ever been in, or would you consider a polyamorous relationship? (Page 3)
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I was in one for a little over a year. I won’t do it again. I don’t recommend them.
I respect that. A lot of relationships I got into were with women in their 20's who were "totally into it!" and after trying the dynamic out once decided they were not. I have to admit though, the first few relationships I had were probably on me for the negative outlook. Lots of expectations, like threesomes, or an instant bond. Everyone wants and needs different things though.
It's weird to re-learn that, but learning always does take some mistakes *shrug*
Mine was mostly on me too, because I'd read into polyamory and thought since I never have dated exclusively it sounded appealing. I totally get polyamory is more about relationship than it is about sex, but it's the sex that gives it the appeal and the flavor of something different. In my case, there were expectations and we all set the ground rules, but unwritten ground rules that seemed to be made up on the spot at times gradually creeped into the relationship. If one gets into a poly relationship, one needs to probably be older than me, understand the relationship will change. And if one gets out of a poly relationship and returns to the monogamous or one-at-a-time relationship world, for me I felt like damaged goods for a while. But I can't undo my experiences. I had more good times than I had tough times with it, and I don't regret it, but live and learn.
I'm glad that though you don't want to repeat it, you have some good memories to carry away :) Heh, if you're in Louisiana and change your mind on trying again, I can only promise that I'm very open and honest. Besides that, yeah, we all change over time, otherwise life would be pretty uneventful.
Truly appreciate the offer. If I decide to try again I'll be in touch. You'll always be good for a kiss.
Aww, well thanks for not just straight shooting me down lol
:-) :-) :-) :-)
"Have you ever been in,"
Yes, two women and me.
"or would you consider a polyamorous relationship?"
No, never again.
====
It just doesn't work in the long term. Too complicated.
I respect that, everyone has different experiences. Like first time I rode a bike was awesome, first time my sister did she drove into a ditch... If I had a terrible experience my first time around, it wouldn't make me want to seek the same thing out again.
Never have, wouldn’t want to either. I would rather want to have one person and that person only.
It's ok, we're less in number than the gay community, greater in number than trans, and ignored by all when possible, I understand.
🥺,.
lol, I kid, but everyone does have their own preferences. There was a stand-up guy who I disagreed with, but had some back-bone and was strong in his principles. Much like him, if you know what you want, go with it, and be glad you know that at a young age.
Have been in a poly relationship 3 times, once MMF and twice FFM and right now in a happy mono relationship. All i can say is i like both mono and poly relationships but in the MMF one it seemed more like a power based relationship than a loving one.
Maybe it's why those seem to last longer, more dominance based. I found with all the (FFM) ones I was in, they typically drifted and broke apart with the puppy love or jealousy. Well, with two exceptions of the women having to move.
Never been, pretty sure I never will be, but it would heavily depend on the other members.
You never know what you can or can't do if you don't at least try ;)
True
we're looking for unicorns, not polygamous relationships... But unicorns are really rare like we joined facebook (unicorn hunting for couple) group, most of the members are couples, and they shared many sexy pictures to attract real unicorns. Why we prefer unicorns, not polygamy, I think unicorns make our relationships easier than polygamy, this is my personal opinion.
I was telling that to another woman on this thread who is a unicorn, she was saying she wanted to try, but find a boyfriend first. I advised her try with a couple first as it would be ludicrously easy.
Then again, they're called unicorns for a reason lol
In either account you best have a doctor prepared for your impending medical treatment
I do the STD tests first, if you want to see jealousy come up REAL fast, use a condom with one woman, then go raw with another right in front of her. Oh boy.
I could go for a mff relationship. That would be interesting. But I would rather go for that one special person.
Chase your dream, wherever it leads you. There's no right or wrong way to love and feel loved, hell, some people fall in love with plants and stuff lol
I would love to be in one. But my conscious would never allow me. Even how much i want it.
Because no matter how hard you try, there's always gonna be a feeling somewhere of having to compete or rivalry.
No, I feel like there would be jealousy at some point.
Very often there is. So, everyone has to try hard to not put the favoritism forwards as far as whose words have the most power, who gets alone time more, and what you do during it.
Reality is, even if you miraculously meet two people as strangers and all three decide to get together. Those relationships are going to be different, and someone is going to be receiving the most love. Going into an established relationship, no matter what you try, it's reality, there's a longer, deeper relationship with one woman over the other.
You can communicate and talk about it all you want, or simply try to life to yourselves and each other and say it's all equal, either way, at some point jealousy comes up. You try to avoid or ameliorate it, but that has been the death of most relationships where liking was turning to love. The alternative is to try not to care, which defeats the purpose.
Maybe. I’m asexual but I feel like considering a poly relationship so my partner could have sex seems wrong for some reason.
How so? If it's from fear that there's a possibility of losing him during the puppy love, that is valid. On the flip side though, if someone's going to leave over some sex with someone they barely know, how much are they really worth your time?
I'm making assumptions there though, so you want him to be able to have sex, as you are unable or unwilling to provide that experience. So far that sounds reasonable. You also have concerns about that, which sounds reasonable as well. Which parts seem wrong? Also why not get with someone else who is asexual if you know it hurts your partner?
Sorry if that's too many questions at once :/
If I were single may be open to it, though not sure how my kids would react to it.
That has been a reason I've taken a break for a while, and something to sort out. My kids are old enough now to understand and remember what's going on around them. Moving to a more rural community, there are less opportunities, more eyes and ears, and it won't lead to anything positive to keep a woman out of sight out of mind.
So far I'm drawing a blank there.
I am open to trying it, I'm not the jealous type.
I think a woman & a femboy would be ideal for me.
You could probably find that fairly easily, as I've said in many other comments, there are many dynamics out there, MMF is certainly one of them. Try OKC, fetlife, hell, possibly on here you might find someone. This has expanded to over 100 people, statistically there should be at least one person looking for that.
Yeah I would like to try it. Would need to be the right circumstances and the right partner
Ok, you're a unicorn, so basically any couple looking for a woman, which would be most all of them, is looking for you. Well, excepting those looking for a man, which is a fairly easy slot to fill.
Anyway, my suggestion would be try that with a couple, rather than a boyfriend first. If you read through things other people have wrote, or I have, I brought up jealousy women have a lot, but that cuts both ways. I have seen couples get into poly and have it ruin their relationship. He gets into the other girl more, and doesn't realize it's the puppy love, goes past neglecting your relationship into rejecting it. You hook up with another woman, and this has happened before, they aren't that into the guy, I mean, you can chat someone up all you want, but when you meet you click or you don't. So there was about a month where my wife was sleeping with another woman, and I was just on the sidelines for that one, I just let them have fun together and tried not to interfere, but I could see how that could turn to jealousy quickly.
Also with another couple you can figure out if it's a dynamic YOU want, or can handle. It's kind of a tough thing to do, telling a guy yes, find us another woman to sleep with, you have that experience, it ends for any number of reasons, then tell him NO, no more of that! What if he does want more of that? Or you get jealous, push an ultimatum, and find yourself out of your previously monogamous relationship?
I'm not trying to be down on my own lifestyle choices, just saying it isn't always sunshine and roses, maybe dip a toe in before diving headfirst.
I think those are great suggestions and details that I could not know not having the experience first hand. Smart idea to test it out on another couple. Thanks
No problem, also bear in mind that every relationship is different, so you'd be creating 2 relationships within an existing relationship if that makes sense. Everyone having different desires and expectations. My logic with anything to do with sex has always been try it twice before I dismiss it, the first time might have just been someone shitty, or me not being in the right headspace. That's me though. Good luck however that turns out :) There was another anon female saying her and her SO are hunting for a unicorn, you would have to ask her if you're interested, I don't know what their dynamic is.
Though it would be so very altruistic of me, I don't think I'm in a place where I could give full time and attention to someone new, and especially someone new to a poly relationship myself right now :/ Unless you want to jump straight into moving in together, making babies, and cementing yourself as part of my family, think of it as a Mexican standoff of love! lol
Hahahah no worries! Im sure it’s a bit of work showing someone the ropes. Yeah that dynamic is super interesting though. The sex part sounds fun not going to lie. I will have to think about everything you said, let it soak in 😁
Don't just take my word, there are plenty of resources, groups, and books. Ethical slut was one I was encouraged to read... I'll be honest, I skimmed it, the title turned me off to it.
This site looks decent, I like their starting article, struck a nerve for me. I hooked up with poly groups more often than not, we got together, talked, gave each other advice, joked, ate ice cream, got strange looks lol
poly.land/.../
Oh, and if you have other questions you don't want to post on a board, you can always shoot me a message. Sorry, I did not expect this thread to blow up so much so fast, it's hurting my brain to try and keep up lol
Hahah thanks I appreciate it! Good job bringing up a topic worth discussing
I haven't. (im asexual) But I wouldn't. It seems really complicated..
Well that's two reasons lol
How do you know you are asexual at 14 hun? @Kamarislife You’ve got your whole life to sort out your sexuality. No need to label it now. 🥰
I was willing to give it a try a long time ago but now I'm too selfish
Yeah... that could work out if you were rich and didn't mind it being a financial transaction or something, any other way, that would be tough to impossible.
no, could you image having to deal with two women? one is enough work. And another dude, no way.
Luckily in my dynamic it's always been only other women, the one date my wife went on with another guy he pretty much immediately asked for her to leave me and her family to be with him...
I don't have to imagine it, and it isn't so bad, really the issue is the jealousy, which comes up sooner or later, and eventually leads to an ultimatum. Whoever issues it is the one to go.
I don't know. The idea of multiple wives intrigues me; but the thought of multiple husbands makes me think that I wouldn't be able to handle the inherent jealousy of such a situation. So I am unlikely to pursue polyamory.
Unfortunately due to bigamy laws you'd have to pick one "real wife" and if you had another have a ceremony but no legal ties. If you did, in some states it's a misdemeanor, in most a felony though. So, yeah, I could see that increasing the jealousy factor. Most likely no priest, no justice of the peace, just friends and food. Hell, in Mississippi and Missouri it's a crime to "cohabitate"
No on this for me. I desire to be with only one woman for life (married), or else alone by myself.
Everyone draws their line in the sand somewhere.
No... someone’s going to freakout and get hurt or create an enemy
That's pretty rare, and handled pretty simply. While rare, it does happen. I've found many times in life that people fear shame and humiliation more than death for the most part. I try to be a very nice guy, but anyone who feels cornered will fight back. My way out is simple, just leave me alone.
It’s Jealousy ! Jealousy is one of our strongest emotions. It’s not always rational and many murders and destruction occurs out of this...
Actually jealousy is most easy to handle, and doesn't require any manipulation or blackmail. You try to spend more alone time with that person, pay more attention, and if it gets worse then it's a train on a track. It has one end point, and in a short amount of time that's going to be reached. An ultimatum is going to be issued. They want to be "picked" whoever issues the ultimatum is gone.