Boyfriend keeps asking me for money because no one else will help him. I've helped so much and he's still asking for money. What do I do?

[Nicolemare7]

He has never paid me back before I just feel used and he says stuff like he cares but I don't believe him

[hahahmm]

#1 Let's say he loves you. It is his nature to always need money and to think it's okay to be a burden to you. That will NEVER change. I have a relative like your boyfriend who is in his late 60s and his wife has been taking care of him for 40 years. So there's a preview of where this ride you're on is headed. If that's what you want, go for it.
#2 The ideal kind of guy would rather be homeless than be a burden to his woman. If he ever asked for something he would pay her back too.. even if she said he didn't have to. That guy also has the drive/goals to avoid being in these situations every week/month. Such guys exist but you'll never meet one if all your time & energy is wrapped up in the guy you're with now.
#2b That said, a lot of people/guys are more responsible when they don't have a crutch. If you constantly help someone, even a little they might spin their wheels and never progress. If you don't help then that same person might rise and be 1,000 times more successful. This is what a lot of people don't get about why it's bad to stay living with their parents for too long also. Same thing.
#3 You said you don't believe that he cares. Follow your gut. Often times in life we ignore red flags but our subconscious knows better. You're currently in the position where he requires you to trust him without evidence. You're taking 100% of the risk with your hard earned money. He's just running his mouth and spending that money. If he's telling the truth & he cares then he'll also understand if you say something like: "I need to budget and save so I can build my life. You need to be a man and find a way to make money." He WILL understand. If he doesn't then he's definitely not truthful when he says he cares because it means he only cares about himself. If he cares he will want good things to happen for you too and not expect you to be his mom.

So lastly, my advice is, don't give him any more money. No matter what sob story he has. It is not your responsibility to prop him up. You're not married. And even then it'd be a bad idea to constantly do it.

Some of my MyTakes you may find useful...
Don't Be a Sucker
Terrorists Use Feelings Against You - 1 Minute Read

[hahahmm]

If you want a traditional guy or you want to be a traditional woman, you might find some of my other MyTakes informative too. Good luck.

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

If he keeps asking for money, he could have a secret drug addiction
In my opinion, you need to be strong and tell him you are no longer letting
him borrow money until he pays you back what he owes to also
if for any reason you decide to continue lending him money make him
write out on paper in front of you with signing his name and agreement
to pay you back what he borrows but If it was me I would have broken it off
with a girl cause I live on disability income and can't afford to just
lend money out

[Nicolemare7]

Other people have said he may have a drug addiction I've just never seen him in the act

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

@Nicolemare7 I'm not judging him but they do ask for a lot of money when they are users
I know cause my Cousin has had a drug addiction for years, She is age 63 and has many
physical health problems, she remains taking methadone to help her addiction and xanax
yes she has always had a thing with wanting money and has made money from men
She had 3 kids, the boy doesn't bother her, The girls hardly bother her but what I
seen what she went through and still having issues it's been a rough road and
she's always sick but she doesn't use anymore but money is always her thing

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

Thanks For MHO :)

[PeacefulRainDrop]

Some people genuinely need help and use the money wisely yet other people have money management issues and dont realize they are living above their means and your more like a crutch to him.. he's gotta cut back not assume ohh if I need help she will help me.. I am guessing his parents saw that why they aren't helping some people can't change unless they hit rock bottom even tho you want to prevent him from doing it sometimes love has to let the person experience it.. offer to sit down an review his budget with him.. I bet you he doesn't have one.. it sounds like fucked up advice to let his power get cut.. if thatscthe bill he needs help with.. or come up with sone food combination at his place with his odds abd ends but it is vital because he doesn't see wrong in his ways.. he intends on paying you back but can't cause he's not changing his ways

[Tiffanyloves2swallow]

If he isn't contributing to the relationship and isn't help taking care of u then he's not a good boyfriend, like me and my man we never say it's mine we share we take care of each other his money and my money is our money we never say mine or anything if he isn't contributing to being with u and u have to take care of him then he's not worth it time u need someone that's gonna do for u as u so for them taking care of each other is very important so if that's not the case then he isn't worth going giving a chance relationship works both ways it's not one way

[OlderAndWiser]

Have you told him that you feel you are being used?

[Dragonpurple]

Stop now while your ahead, just let him know you don't have any to spare.

I had an ex that borrowed from me a lot at one point I told her she has reached her line of credit, if she wants to borrow more... she'll have to pay that back first. I could back it up by saying, I loaned you the money on my credit card... I have no more to lend.

It wasn't entirely true as I pay off my card in full each month but it was a virtual loan in my mind. As I wanted that money back in my account and refused to let it go any lower.

[Gray-Wisp]

I'm going to suggest something that I haven't seen anyone else suggest so far. If you love the guy and really want to keep him offer him to be a stay at home dad/husband and move in together, discuss marriage etc. You would be the one who makes the money and the guy would take care of the home. While it is likely better for society if men are the ones working, I will not pretend that every man is good at this, some women make more money than men and some men are better at taking care of the home.

[Gray-Wisp]

If you choose this route and he accepts ensure that you have a written document with things like how much money he receives bi-weekly, his duties around the home, and so on...

[Giselleselfish]

LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOO

[NyceGuyFinishingLast]

Then cut your losses and dump his ass. This guy has you on the ropes and he knows it, using his charm to make things seem under control. You got nobody to blame but yourself. Helping out in the beginning is one thing but continuing to get used that is another. Respect yourself and your hard earned money. He probably spending your money on other girls. That would suck.

[jshm2]

Well... that's not a boyfriend you have there - it's a moocher.

Tell that geezer to get his shit together and grow up. If he's blowing all that on weed and stupid shit, then tell his parents to get their crotch goblin under control.

Obviously you want to start getting some of what he owes you back, but over time.

[Wisenhot]

That sounds like an abusive relationship. It’s hard to see the people you love for who they are sometimes. But I’ll say it. It sounds like he’s using you and possibly manipulating you.


I was in a relationship with a covert naccicist. Not saying he’s INE but you should look into the traits of one. It’s a tough thing to see and tougher to get out but you will with your strength if he actually is one.


Otherwise he might be a loser who is using you and can’t fend for himself.


I’m no one to judge him because I don’t know his situation but if he can’t fend for himself you probably should let him go.


You don’t need an anchor weighing you down. No one does.

[Mofunfour20]

you're not helping him be responsible or accountable by giving him money. You should ask yourself why haven't you broken up with him, especially since a man has to protect and provide biologically. you're enabling him to be more feminine by loaning him money repeatedly

[MrOracle]

You need to tell him what you wrote here, and tell him that he's not going to be able to come to you for money anymore. He needs to start taking responsibility for his own needs and debts, even if it means taking 2 jobs and a side hustle.

He won't like it, and he might even break up with you, and if he does, you have to let him go. Otherwise, he's going to have to grow up and get to work, like most of the rest of us.

[JuliaStyles]

You are being used by a scammer. These men just tell some lonely woman they love her and she falls all over the guy. They will loan him money, pay his car payment, give him a place to live rent free and just about anything else he wants. If you don't believe me, tell him you have no more money to give him and that you are broke and watch him run out the door to the next woman.

[ohshee]

You need to stop right now if he's never paid you back he's never going to pay you back he's going to keep taking until you stop and then he's gone if you don't believe me try it he will stick around to get the last Sodapop from you just stop giving let him prove that he really wants you

[awkfemme]

Say no one day and see what he does. If he stops treating you well then that’s a sign to break up with him but if he continues to treat you well then have a good conversation with him and ask him to pay you back if you want him him to. Maybe also ask him why he needs the money or if he’s trying to find a better job.

[Anonymous]

I've been there my answer is run as far as possible while there's no kids in the middle I have kids with my ex he said the same shit I care for you etc I was with him 18 years he started asking for money about 2 years ago he secretly turned into a herion addict and that's where the money was going

[Anonymous]

Tell him you can't give him anymore until he pays you back for what he's been given so far. And if he leaves you or something like that over it, then it shows you how much he "cares" about you. You can also find out what he needs the money for. Example if he says he needs groceries, then take him shopping instead of giving him the money directly. You'll soon find out if it's the truth or not.

[WhiteWolf69]

Sounds like he is using you for your money because you will freely give it to him. I would suggest either stop giving it to him or make him earn it. Cleaning your house, doing dishes laundry, washing your car or whatever you need done around the house. So he feels like he has earned it and not begged for it. If he wants to beg for money he can stand on a corner with a cardboard sign.

[Nikkilee12]

Honestly! I do what I have to do to earn money! I don’t like borrowing if I am not in a position to pay back! I have had to sell pictures of my chest and also feet before to get by!

[Mia-Wallace]

How and where does he spend it? Does he have a job? What is the reason he's financially struggling?

Struggling itself or requesting help isn't a problem. The reasons are important.

[DarkCarousel]

It's okay that you help people but it's entirely possible that you're enabling him to continue digging himself deeper into whatever hole he's in.

[DarkCarousel]

Does he have a job? Can you help him in other ways like helping him edit his resume or applying for jobs?

[Guffrus]

This

[TwistedTube]

Because no one else will help him? Get him to fix his financial issues instead of lending him money. Build a well instead of giving water.

[Tiptoetamm]

Set boundaries with him. Explain he needs to pay for his own shit if he doesn't get it he never will lose him find someone who will appreciate you

[abc3643]

Move on.
He has no incentive to change and furthermore, once you stop giving him money, he will dump you.
Trust me: This exact thing happened to me 25 years ago...