My friend thinks I should take a break from dating and focus on me. What do you think?

[Anonymous]

She thinks I'm not ready for a relationship until I have my life together, because I still live with my mother (I dont see why that's a bad thing). Im going to be moving out soon and I found a studio apartment that I have in mind. So what the hell? There are couples whose boyfriend/girlfriend live with their parents. Im not in school, I just work part time, but im curious about doing HVAC. sounds interesting. I am trying to get my life together. Im twenty frigging eight years old, almost 30. How are random, unexpected things happening to people and not me? Im really worried that by the time im in my 30s, im going to go mentally insane. After seeing a film like Joker. I want to be moved out already. I certainly don't want to be a 35 year old virgin. No f***ing way. Dont get me wrong, im really trying to be a better person, but I can't stand it when people say "things will fall into place". They better soon. 2 more years to go or you get what you f***ing deserve

Updates

1 y

Has anybody here ever watched Bojack Horseman? Thats what it feels like sometimes

[aWes0MeNeSs]

This is really something you need to decide for yourself. If you think you are ready, there's no harm in going on dates and such, but it's definitely a good idea not to rush into anything, because it will not make the wrong match into the right one. Don't worry, life is not a race and everyone experiences things at different times. You are far from the only person your age who still lives at home and/or is still a virgin. For what it's worth, I don't believe there's anything wrong with being a virgin at any age, and I also believe there's nothing wrong with living at home if you have a good reason for it and are not just choosing to sponge off of your parents and try to evade adult responsibilities, which it definitely sounds like you aren't doing considering you're planning to move into your own place.

I really do believe that things do usually fall into place (to a point; I also believe it takes some effort on the person's end as well, but I also believe that things happen the way they were meant to, in the time frame they were meant to z), but I get what you're saying and how it can be frustrating. Just don't rush yourself or put a time limit on anything. If you want something real and something that has a better chance of working out, it's better to take the time needed to build that.

At the end of the day though, your friend cannot decide for you whether you're ready to date or not. While focusing on yourself can definitely never hurt and is a good idea for a lot of people, it is ultimately your life and up to you. You can also simultaneously work on yourself while dating, but just make sure not to put too much importance on your relationship and virginity status and let it panic you. To be honest, those things are very trivial in the grand scheme of things and have no bearing on the quality of person you are.

[Asker]

Gee I wonder whats going to "happen" in my life by the time i turn 29? Before I snipe someone from here

[aWes0MeNeSs]

You never know, a lot can happen in a year. If you want more, make effort towards it. The thing about dating though, is that it can be pretty hit or miss and you can't force it to happen in a certain span of time. It either will or it won't. You can either try to rush and force the first opportunity you get to work and end up in a mess and heartbreak, or be more patient. The best thing you can do is to put yourself out there and be the best person you can be.

Why does it need to be in the next year? What is so much more significant about 30 than 29? Are you doing this because you actually want a meaningful relationship or because you're worried about what others might think of you? Really, it is no one's business besides your own what age you first began dating or became sexually active, anyway.

If it means anything at all, one of the happiest and most successful marriages I know involves someone who was 32 when they met their spouse, and hadn't dated prior. The horse shit society tries to get everyone worked up about with age is really just nonsense, and a way for insecure people to try to feel as if they're superior to others. It's basically the adult version of the BS high school popularity contest, and who gives a shit about that?

The talk about sniping people definitely won't help, though. Whatever you do, don't have a sour attitude while going on dates. I get you're probably just frustrated, but it's something a lot of people tend to do.

[Asker]

Its not that. I just dont want to end up alone and miserable on the things I could've had in my 20s

[Asker]

In the words of Morrissey, let me get what I want this time

[aWes0MeNeSs]

I guess I just don't understand why it needs to be in your 20's? I personally don't believe the BS some people claim that life is over after your 20's, or that the most important things in your life happen in your 20's.

If you want a relationship of any kind by 29, it's definitely doable if you put yourself out there, but if you want a real connection, that may be something that takes more time (or not, you never know).

[Asker]

In short, I dont want to regret on the things i could've done, you know "you reap what you sow"

[aWes0MeNeSs]

I can see that. You're definitely not running out of time to still do them though, so don't be worried about that!

[Asker]

No there's no rush. Carpe diem. Im going to my friends party Friday to meet his girlfriend.

[aWes0MeNeSs]

I hope everything goes well!

[moviedude714]

I assume the person that was 32 and hadn't dated prior, was a guy, male

[aWes0MeNeSs]

@moviedude714 No, actually a woman. One of my favorite people, too.

[moviedude714]

She never had a boyfriend previously?

[aWes0MeNeSs]

@moviedude714 That's what she told me.

[moviedude714]

For the past couple years now, I've always found it more shocking to hear of a woman still being single past a certain age than it is for a guy, as in never had a relationship before, since women are not expected to do the pursuing

[aWes0MeNeSs]

@moviedude714 I think for many, it's a choice, but I think some are not as outgoing, don't put themselves out there, or even isolate themselves as well.

[moviedude714]

I like to feel for women it's a choice more so than it is for men

[Jamie05rhs]

@aWes0MeNeSs gave a really great answer here. I think you should give her an MHO.

[aWes0MeNeSs]

@Jamie05rhs Thank you! :)

[Jamie05rhs]

You're welcome!

[Imcmullan]

You work part time and u live with your mom and you're 28... hmmm I'm not trying to be mean but you're literally not someone any woman your age will want. Ok, if you're going to live at home at 28.. u should be working full time and either helping pay yhe bills or saving for your DREAM home.. you're literally 10yrs behind in life.. getbyour shit together.. get a full time job, either move out or pay your parents bills.. then date. You don't anything going for yourself n unless u have a disability, you're just simply lazy... nothing is gonna getvhanded to you in this life. You need to want better n better will come to you when you deserve better and work for better... sorry, but being a lazy man makes you unworthy of dating... your issues will fall on whoever you date... have some ambitions for your future first before u want to date.. dah!

[Asker]

I have a disability, mild autism

[Asker]

Am I going to be alone by the time im 35? That better not happen 😡

[Imcmullan]

Your autism isn't that bad... if you wrote this post, you can get a full time job

[Asker]

No its not that bad. Which is why if I look into HVAC, I can learn more about it and possibly get a full time job from it. I hear it pays a lot

[Exterminatore]

@asker

I’m glad you mentioned you have autism. That clarifies a LOT!

She is 110% correct in what she is saying, however for you, because you have autism it’s expected you’re going to be behind and need some extra help. My nephew has autism.

Anyway, I have sympathy for you. You do need to focus on yourself and getting you to be self sufficient. Right now, girls your age are looking to marry. They want a guy who can handle life himself and can be self sufficient. One who can financially be in a place to provide for a family.

Girls who are just looking to hook up won’t be with you either. You live at moms. Where are you gonna take her? Backseat of the car? That was fine in high school, it won’t fly at your age. So basically I don’t see things changing for you until you can support yourself or unless you marry someone else who has disabilities and is willing to be understanding regarding this matter.

[Honesttguy]

Things dont fall into place and there is no soul mate that just appiers in right time, its fuking lies from TV programming. Believing that crap is damaging people lives. Cus they sit and wait for something that will never come. She's right on that.
Life is what you make, that is more real. Get your own place and affording escort is more reliable way to get laid and have some expierence. That would then help you to have less pressure when meeting other people. Taking action and building your own life how you want it, is what we have to do. Thats what she ment get your life together.
Getting girl now would have high chance of not working out or just being miserable unhappy together hating eachother.

[Exterminatore]

28 and living with mommy says: “I don’t want us to have privacy and I need someone to cut the umbilical cord” to a girl. 28 and only working part time and living with mommy says: “I’m poor, I always will be, I’m not marriage or father material and I have no plan for my life.” It says: “I have no ambition and probably can’t make it on my own” to a girl and pretty much everyone else.


Your friend is right. Work on getting a respectable job for a respectable amount of wages and paying all your own bills and moving out of mommy’s house.


Things don’t just fall into place you have to make them happen.


As for the rest I have no idea what you’re rambling about.

[rjroy3]

Soon you can make a fuck ton in HVAC right now. They bumped the pay in recent years and you can quickly be making $70k a year. Buddy of mine does it and makes lower 6 figures with experience obviously.

But it's a solid route to go. As for living at home. If you're doing something with your life, living at home isn't so bad. If you're just figuring it out and are on the path, that's fine too. But you have to be on the path.

As for relationship I do agree with your friend that you shouldn't get into one but for different reasons. Anything you get into now will be based on you not coming from a good place.

You're more likely to date a girl you don't really want seriously. You should date, just don't get into anything serious for awhile. Play the field a bit and see what's out there

[aWes0MeNeSs]

I totally agree with this!

[boombastik]

The problem is not that you live at home but that letting them control your personal life and make decisions for you determining you happiness. You're not a freaking kid so stop referencing movies and characters, grow a little hair on your nuts and go grab this girl up, take her on a date or g to a few bars or other places where women go to get noticed and get laid and take them home and band that headboard against the wall just as loud as you can and howl like a wolf and scream out "I'm the big dog around here"! You don't have to be in a relationship to get laid. This is 2021, not 1921.

[TheBigGuy9]

Well, you have to put yourself out there to make it happen. Nobody is going to knock on your door one day and grant you everything you want. Get off the social media, get a full time job. No woman sees a future with an abled body individual who works part-time. I’d listen to your friend. How are you going to bring someone else into your life when you cannot even take care of yourself?


All that does is invite unnecessary drama into your life. Try not to compare yourself to other people. So they live at home with their parents and date. Good for them.


You’re abled body. You don’t have any neurological disorders, do you? Anything that can prevent you from working? If not, please go make something out of yourself. You have no idea what some people would give to be 100% disease free.

[Alwayreckles93]

Believe me there is nothing wrong with being a happy single 35 year old. I am 28 heading threw divorced. People change my soon to be ex-husband changed so much he cheated on me and left with the other woman. I am a single mother of two. I have a lot of baggage for my short life and please come on 28 is not old at all well I still consider my self young. Be happy that you are single enjoy life, While some us have a messy life. Best of luck

[Asker]

In movies things ALWAYS happe. Every. Single. Time.

[Alwayreckles93]

Advice I am not racist but please marry a white girl. My soon to be ex husband he is Mexican boy are so different I had to learn a new language new culture it is a lot.

[pleasestopthis]

"I still live with my mother (I dont see why that's a bad thing)" it's a bad thing if she pays for your living expenses and if you depend on her for doing things. If otherwise you still have your own money, contribute to family expenses and know how to live on your own, it's fine.

[Asker]

I dont depend on her. Besides, she's providing me with a backup plan when I move out. She's been saving up, which is awfully generous of her. But no im not highly dependent on her. I do my share around the house, pay my bills, im even learning how to cook. I make important phone calls on my own, write things down in my notebook etc. when she's not around

[pleasestopthis]

Then I don't see any issue with that. I guess some people don't like it because they don't want to date while having their parents around

[Anonymous]

From your status with the apartment and part time job I think it is ok to date. But maybe your friend has some other reasons for saying you should take a break. How is your dating going? Are you happy dating or is it often tough and brings negativities in your life? Then maybe you should put it off for a while. It is good for most people to do that now and then.

[Aimée__LJ]

28 living at home with a part time job and looking at getting an apartment... How are you going to pay for that with a part time job? Why don't you have a full time job?

I agree you should work on yourself, you would be seen as more desirable because right now you don't seem independent. I think after age 25 if you're still living at home its a red flag.

[Exterminatore]

25... not unless you’re in school earning a doctorate. One needs to leave the nest by 22.

[Aimée__LJ]

@Exterminatore yeah sure there's exceptions

[Exterminatore]

To me there are very few exceptions. Granted, my standards are not the be all end all. I’ve been on my own since I was 18 and simply can’t fathom living with parents at 25.

[johnsmithjs]

28 and still living at home with your mother. I had my own place at 16. What have you been doing with your life for the last decade.

If you don't want to go to college then get a job in construction, My lowest paid employee makes 30 bucks an hour and my team leads are all bringing in over 120K a year.

There is no excuse for any person with a good work ethic to be living at home with their mother.

[Anonymous]

Dude--things don't just "magically" fall into place. Success in life takes PLANNING and it takes WORK. So get on it. You should be DATING. You should be progressing in your career. You should be getting your own place. It sounds like you're making progress on a couple of those things. Just keep at it. And don't forget to date NOW as well. Get numbers. Meet girls. Go on dates. Progress. Get it on!

Good luck!

[Asker]

Then what is it with these people that say "don't worry your time will come" or "everything happens at the right time"?

[Opinion Owner]

Those people are fucking morons. Your time will come once you've done the work. You'll need to make things happen to progress in ANY aspect of your life. Just think about learning to ride a bike. Did you turn 5 or something and one day you could magically ride it because "your time had come?" No. That didn't fucking happen. You had to put in TIME, WORK, and PRACTICE. You had to keep getting back up every single time you fell off and you had to TRY AGAIN. Same with your job. Same with moving out. Same with success in dating.

Stick at it. Don't listen to the idiots who suggest something magical. WORK. Only then will you be rewarded.

[bamesjond0069]

Dont listen to females advice for dating. They always give bad advice basically whatever will keep you from success. Waiting and not dating will ensure you do not have sex or a relationship so it doesn't surprise me a female gave you that advice. Smh. Girls love broke guys who live with their parents... i mean plenty of girls will still be into you providing you can be an exciting date. Good luck!

[DeltaCharlieEcho]

Females are only interested in getting the benefits of dating a man; they have no interest in being a part of that mans story to success. Most women think of themselves as much more of a trophy than they could ever be. I guess some men are fine with participation awards, I know I’m not.

[Anonymous]

Yeah you should, dating whilst making less than 60k is impossible and living at home forget it, what are you going to bring a date home to meet the family

Me, I've been single for a number of years now and accept that I probably will be for life, we both live at home and we both are autistic but I've got a whole host of disabilities that'll probably kill me in 20-30 years so that's something to look forward to at least

[SlavBoi]

Get your brain together, work on your mindset or you'll become a joker even if you don't want to.
Stop looking for hook-ups, start looking for success and self development

[Kuressento]

Take some time to yourself. Do things that you won't normally have time to do in a relationship. For me. I decided to get a motorcycle when I was single and started on a journey.

[LeeannaDD]

28 and still live with your mom? And you seem proud of it? I so confused

[Anonymous]

Figure who you are, what you like, and what you want in life/relationship. Than you will be golden when YOU feel ready to date or start getting to know someone on that level.

[michael1469]

28, only works PT and still at home? WTF dude. Find some motivation.

I made 50k on 14$ an hour, had 2 rental properties, two cars, a daughter, a retirement plan, health insurance and steady girlfriend.

[legalboxers]

Focusing on yourself isn't always bad. I am still living at home but my situation is bad so.

[JuliaStyles]

If you have to ask you need a break.

[IDGAFbro]

Listen to your intuition