He won’t commit and wants to do what he wants, but will he commit for someone else?

[Anonymous]

I recently met with an ex, I previously ended things because he has a drinking problem and was treating me badly. I didn’t want to end things so I was upset and he was at the time.

We met and he said he was in love with me before and still loves and cares about me. He wants to know what I’m doing and what I’m up to and misses talking, and said if I got with someone else he’d hate to guy. He said he can be his silliest self with me, we get on so well and our time together was amazing 99% of the time (apart from his drinking problem).

On the same token, he has a sideline that requires him to go on tour. He says although he wants to settle down at some point, he wants to know that he can just go when we wants and do what he wants on tour.

Please explain what this means? What do I even make of this, need some advice. Is he saying that he won’t commit to me but if someone comes along he might commit eventually? Slightly crushed, it makes me feel like I’m not worth it.

Updates

+1 y

I forgot to add he also wants to go on a weekend away together and go on a date again apparently

[MTC29]

Regardless of his drinking problem, for the time being he wants to go his own way doing the things he likes to do when he wants to do them. I can identify with that. Myself and lot of young men were exactly like that. For me, this changed to moment I met Miss Right (who turned out being Miss Wrong, but that's another story). The moment I met Miss Right, I was ready to commit.

Here's the issue: he's already met you... which means you're not his Miss Right. He may indeed commit to someone, but it won't be you. I'm not trying to be mean to you, but from a guy's point of view this is reality. Move on.

[Asker]

I wish he would say this to me instead of saying he wants us to start dating again and go away together. If I’m not Miss Right then what is even the point? Plus he’s nearly 40 so not sure if this lifestyle is something that he will change :(

[MTC29]

I took for granted that he was in your stated age range. I can say now, and with 100% certainty: If he's nearing 40, he's not changing... ever. Don't maintain false hope. You need to move on.

[MzAsh]

What I’m hearing is he wants to do what he wants for now and hopes you’ll be waiting for him when he’s done screwing around. I suggest moving on immediately.