Okay so I've been in a long distance relationship for over a year now. He lives in a different country so because of covid, last time we met was almost 9 months ago. A little while ago my guy friend, whom I've been spending a lot of time with lately, kissed me. I was shocked but in the heat of the moment I kissed him back. I'm not sure why, I've been going over it in my head and I can't see myself being with him. I love my boyfriend but long distance is hard.. I know it's no excuse but I think part of why I didn't stop him right away is because it felt nice to be touched, to have that physical connection with someone, as terrible as that is. And I think part of me also knows that I now have to make a choice. I don't want to lose my friend but he has already said (after the kiss) that he doesn't want to be my friend. And that if I don't want to be with him this will be the last time we talk. Which out of respect for my boyfriend it should and would be regardless. But just hearing him say that made my head panic and I felt all confused and lost. My boyfriend and I had also been going through a rough patch. He wasn't giving me a lot of attention or time and spend most his time playing with his friends or going to the pub etc. So I'm sure that only contributed more. But things have gotten better. After the kiss he came to me and apologized for neglecting me and wanted to try and put more effort into our relationship again. I feel terrible! Being neglected is no excuse and after what happened he shouldn't be the one apologizing! Even if I wasn't the one who kissed my friend I didn't stop him and did kiss him back so I'm just as guilty. How do I tell him about what happened? It will break his heart. I'm scared he'll leave me but I know that if he did I would have to respect that decision. I know I fucked up, I shouldn't even have let it get to a point where my friend COULD kiss me. But as soon as it happened I regretted it and now I feel so guilty it hurts.
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