My boyfriend doesn’t respect my food allergies, blames me, am I supposed to just accept it?

[Anonymous]

I have severe food allergies to peanuts, tree nuts, and shellfish. He’s known this since we met, and we’ve been together for two years. I can only eat at certain restaurants and eat certain foods. Breathing in seafood or nuts can also trigger a reaction so I like to avoid places with it or anything that may involve those foods. He’s constantly blaming me for these allergies I was born with, complaining that we can’t eat where he wants because of me because it’s a deadly allergy. He can’t cook or eat what he wants because of me so he says. We are both adults and I have never been an issue in any of my relationships because of my allergy. When it’s a life or death situation I don’t see why it should even be an argument. He makes me feel guilty for something I have no control over, I just have to live with it. Also he has a allergy to tomato, he gets migraines and light headed from even breathing it in. I always accommodate him and make sure there’s no tomatoes in anything I make. Why is it okay for him to do this to me? I just don’t understand.

[MTC29]

He's being selfish. Nuts and shellfish are fairly common allergies, which he should be able to easily work around. Your health, perhaps even your life, is at risk by exposure to them. I'm sorry, but given the circumstances, you need to consider ridding yourself of him.

[Mikeysoda]

No, you shouldn't just accept that. He should take your health seriously. You need to have a serious conversation with him.

[EmmaMary]

The down to earth fact is you're simply not compatible and never will be.

Because of this, there will never be any happy compromises, so it may will be best that you both sit down quietly, agree to part and go your separate ways.

[EmmaMary]

Thank you for the MHGirl.

[Clarke498]

Sounds like a childish idiot. He better get more respectful quickly or this small red flag will get quite a lot bigger when other things gets thrown into the mix.

[Feelicks]

Honestly he sounds like a bit of an idiot. Maybe you could get him to watch a video about anaphylaxis or something.

[Smegskull]

There is a key bit of information missing... who is expected to pay for the food and dates in your relationship?

[Agape93]

How is that key?

[Smegskull]

A romantic partnership is not considered an employment relationship so it is not subject to compulsory free disabilities/special needs provisioning.

[Agape93]

Correct. But for a healthy relationship, you need to be considerate and decent with your partner. In other words if they have an allergy, don’t subject them to the allergen or get mad at them for it.

[Smegskull]

Agreed. And a considerate person does not inconvenience others so I would say that paying for your own food if you need something special/inconvenient is the considerate thing to do.

[Agape93]

I wholly agree there. That’s a very fair compromise

[Smegskull]

And that is why my answer to the question rides on who is providing for these dates/meals... also (now that I think about it) who is expecting that these dates/meals happen in the first place?

[Asker]

I’m the one who pays. He’s job hopping constantly and I’m the one who has to pay wherever we go. I pay when we eat out and I pay for groceries. Regardless, my allergies shouldn’t be an issue. If he has his own money he can easily go out to eat what he wants with friends or family, I don’t need to always be included.

[Smegskull]

If you are paying to facilitate your own dietary requirements he has no cause to complain. If he doesn't want to eat at these places he can always just have a drink and make/buy his own food later.

[Agape93]

No, you’re supposed to leave that asshole

[ForgottenFuRyan]

Stop being sick