I’m married and I found out my husband had been talking with another woman. I started freaking out because I was so upset. I started to ask why? Is it me? Did he secretly want to leave and he feels like he can’t or something? Am I not as good of a wife as I thought I am? And his response was “No your a great wife. You do so much. You don’t understand. It’s just a man thing. It doesn’t mean anything.” I don’t know any other married men to ask other than my dad. So I’m asking here. Am I to just accept that this is just a man thing? Is this how marriage is? Is it just all harmless and I’m over reacting? I never saw or ever heard of my father cheating on my mother or flirting with other women and I’ve told my husband this but he insisted that the times are just different so of course my parents will say otherwise.
Do all married men cheat, or flirt or seek out side women even if nothing is wrong in a relationship?
Just talking? Like flirting? I hope not, but if he is, he needs to knock that shit off right away. It's not irredeemable, but it needs to stop. There are guys who maintain that they can bang other chicks and it be meaningless and come home to their loving wife like its nothing. I don't buy that shit. Sex always means something, good or bad. And that's a fact whether or not you choose to recognize it. Now, some say it's different for high value men. For the sake of keeping it short, I will define them as the very small percentage of men whom all the women want to be with. They have women chasing them all the time, maybe it's possible for those men to have meaningless sex. Maybe, I don't know. I am not surrounded by women who all want to fuck me. Since most of us are not in that position, extra-marital affairs are still the highest offense you can do to a marriage. I was tempted to flirt or take advantage of opportunities outside of my marriage, of course I was. But I didn't do it. I didn't allow myself to get caught up in that shit. In the end it didn't matter though, she was the cheater. So maybe it just doesn't matter...
Maybe my old-fashion, traditional thinking and morality just really doesn't count for shit anymore. I did my best and got kicked in the head anyway. So, good luck to you... If you both value the marriage, honor the vows of the marriage and believe in marriage, then neither of you should cheat and you stay together through thick and thin. If you don't value it, then its a free for all and it doesn't really matter anyway. Just make sure kids are not involved. They are the ones who suffer the most.
As long as you provide sex and you're willing to have a man's children then most of the time he should be fine with you. I do remember a mate of mine who did cheat on his girl, but that was due to him being stupid, he got drunk and got together with a girl and she blackmailed him, but eventually he came clean. I personally would never cheat, but I suppose there are dudes like out there, the open kind, the charismatic guy, the romantic fella, you know? Those are the type who are smooth and prob deal with lots of women.
No, they don't. same as not all women are shallow gold diggers. C'mon, why is this even a thing people need to ask?
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Asker
+1 y
I have only been with my husband. 😅 the only other people I know in a relationship is my parents. So don’t have many examples on what exactly is normal. I watch the but at the end of the day th is just tv. It’s not real life. So i was just wondering if after being with someone so long if it makes sense that cheating or flirting or wanting to seek out the opposite sex is something normal. He’s told me that if I had more experience romantically that I would be seeking out attention of more men because it’s biologically how human beings r wired. But i don’t know. I can’t speak on who I would be had I been with multiple men before my marriage.
erm no. and if your husband is bringing up points like that, massive red flag girl. Thats him trying to justify having shitty behaviour and have no respect for you. It is not hard for human beings to be simply monogamous. Tv is just tv, drama for you to watch. Don't believe every thing you see on tv... :/
My husband does not cheat on me. He will be sleeping in the car for a year if i found out.
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What Girls & Guys Said
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Opinion
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Anonymous
(36-45)
+1 y
Cheating isn't a man thing, It's a selfish thing. People who are inconsiderate and self-centered (men and women) will cheat even in good relationships. If you marry an attractive, selfish person you're likely gonna get cheated on. Other people can cheat for lust or attention, but generally a good person who loves their partner will avoid situations where that can happen. People are imperfect and weak to temptation, but no, it isn't a man thing. Some partners will try harder than others and some people aren't attractive and couldn't cheat if they wanted to.
Not all married men cheat, no. In fact, most do not. People who cheat are often feeling unsatisfied with their life. Sometimes that lack of satisfaction comes from within them, other times it's because of their partner's behavior, or a lackluster career. Sometimes the person is bored with their life.
My husband talks to many women, however I don't consider it flirting and most certainly not cheating.
I strongly suggest that you seek out getting help/therapy with your obvious insecurities.
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6 Reply
Asker
+1 y
Ok so it is normal? I’m just looking to figure out if it’s typical or not. My parents say it’s not and nobody does that. So I thought this is something that shouldn’t be happening.
Um no. They said it’s not normal for a guy to be having sexual conversations with other women. ( cheating or seeking out other women) ur talking this as literal “hi how are you” conversations. And that’s not what I’m asking about.
We have a home computer and he left a lot of stuff signed in from the night before. So when I went to use it there were many messages on Facebook from a woman. I asked him about it and why he was upset with her and telling her no to call his phone. And he told me because she likes to get sexual and he did not want me to know because I would not understand their dynamic. I got upset and ask if he can stop and he said that he can’t because he as a man is wired that way and these things just end up happening where he talks this way to other woman. I told him I don’t believe that because I never say or ever heard of my father engaging that way with other women, but he proceeded to tell me that he was old fashion and this is the way things are now a days and if I knew more couples our age that I would understand that all men do this and typically try to hide if from their wives to avoid possible hurt feelings. I appreciated his honesty, but I really don’t know any other couples in our age group. So I don’t know if I’m over reacting or not.
Well that is definitely complete and utter nonsense/BS.
Perhaps you should casually mention that if he wishes to continue in this fashion, then you will sadly have to start considering your options... ie. Divorce.
No. A lot of us have integrity. Provided we are being treated well, having sex often, there wouldn't be a need to cheat or leave.
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Anonymous
(45 Plus)
+1 y
It's shady behaviour that acts against the security and well being of the relationship. No, not all men do this. I wonder if he'd be so dismissive if you were doing the same.
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Anonymous
(30-35)
+1 y
No my wife services all of my sexual needs and wants, so I have no reason to look outside the marriage for sex
