Will Relationships Always Be Difficult With Daddy Issues?

[Anonymous]

I've been reflecting on this a lot and I noticed I fit a lot of the characteristics. It subconsciously causes me to fall for certain guys and accept things that I shouldn't. Also affects how I behave in relationships.

Signs:
•Craves male validation despite not wanting it. And very good at hiding it.
•Issues setting boundaries and being a people pleaser
•Gravitates towards older men no matter how hard you try not to.
•Attachment or avoidant patterns with dating (e. g. falling too hard & too fast or pushing the person away due to fear)
•Feels more attraction to rude arrogant guys than genuinely good ones. The former feels more "like home" due to familiarity. This particular one scares me the most.
•Outwardly confident but secretly insecure (People describe you as confident, charismatic, and intellectual)

I think there's more but these are the biggest signs for me. It's why I never put relationships on a pedestal. Whenever it starts to get serious, I get afraid. Also seems like men turn away from women who are estranged from their families.

My best option is to be with a guy in a similar circumstance or avoid relationships altogether. It seems like I'll always be vulnerable.

[ChrisMaster69]

While what you are describing can be down to daddy issues, they also describe what a naturally submissive girl can be like and why a lot enter the scene.

it’s less to do with the Daddy side of things and more to do with the control, security offered by that other person.

I believe you may be overthinking things or reading up online and going ‘that’s me’.

There are a number of reasons we are attracted to certain types both physically and emotionally.

I try looking past what you are saying are daddy issues and rather look at types of emotions and how you feel, why you feel it.

Social media, online stuff can give us a slightly wrong steer at times.

[Asker]

Childhood/familial issues that involved my dad is what caused this for me. I'm not making it up. People these days seem to triviliaze the issues young people go through and think its make believe. I blame social media for this because in real life, its a struggle for me.

People who experienced abuse/trauma during childhood don't come out with the best self-esteem regarding relationships.

I'm naturally shy but I'm not submissive. Fuck no. But I unintentionally come off that way. I'm very assertive with other people in various settings. But with guys, I'm too docile and set poor boundaries. No matter how hard I try not to.

[ChrisMaster69]

@caramelflowerrr I appreciate you are not making it up, also what I am referring to is not about being assertive, a lot of girls who are submissive are hugely confident and vocal, independent etc. It’s at the emotional level with a guy.

[Asker]

So what kind of personality of a guy would be compatible for me? I've tried to work on being more assertive with men romantically. But they always seem to "seduce" me if that makes sense. Like I'll be assertive at first. But then get so weak afterwards.

[ChrisMaster69]

@caramelflowerrr a lot depends on the type of relationship with a guy you want.

Do you want to be the one in control?

Do you want him in control?

Neither of those and just a normal guy who does not try to Dominate and control ŷou?

[Asker]

Ideally, I'd like both.

[TommyMountainFigure]

Those issues you describe certainly fit what people describe as daddy issues, but you cannot fight against who you want to be with because you will lose every time.
The heart wants what the heart wants.. Isn't that what they always say?

[Asker]

Agreed. It just gets complicated because I can't specifically pick a guy who can relate to my familial circumstances. Not many will be understanding.

[TommyMountainFigure]

Oh I don't know. You are by no means alone in having those views. You just might be however one of the few to openly admit it.

[kyleelyn199723]

Daddy issues is just an overall excuse for the fact that you accept hook up culture , yes relationships are difficult for people that involve themselves in hook up culture

[Asker]

Lol try again girl. Not everyone falls under that category. Correlation doesn't always equal causation. No where did I mention anything related to promiscuity. Yet you
immediately jumped to that conclusion.

[kyleelyn199723]

Everything you mention falls under hook up culture dear. Don’t take this as a personal attack. I’ve been through this experience and I realized hook up culture was my worst enemy when it came to relationships. I’m not really sure why you are trying to victimize yourself

[Asker]

But I never mentioned anything related to hookups. Even if I did, there are people who engage and aren't estranged from their families. It's a personal choice due to freedom, youth, and not prioritizing commitment. Promiscuity can be correlated with daddy issues but it's not always the direct cause.

[kyleelyn199723]

Hook up culture is beyond hook ups. It’s behaviors like the ones you listed above. You want validation from other men etc. you are making yourself sound like you have a serious mental illness when daddy issues is literally just a lack of maturity.

[Asker]

I think you're projecting your personal experience onto mines. I told you hookup culture isn't my reason. You also think my childhood/familial issues is a way to victimize myself. As if it doesn't affect non-romantic relationships and how you navigate certain areas in life.

[kyleelyn199723]

I’m not projecting anything. Just get off social media. Delete your Instagram, Twitter, Facebook etc. I’m sure your outlook on this will change. It’s pretty common for generation z to have these issues because they are so hooked up on social media standards

[Anonymous]

I don't think so. as long as you go after a good and caring man. The challenge is navigating through it all and not run after the bad guys. In psychology terms your mind got conditioned that way. Your best bet is seeing a professional psychotherapist. I go and see one myself to combat my depression and to not be so shy from women.

[Asker]

No disrespect towards you but therapy always seemed like a waste of time and money to me. Like why go to one when I van just write in my journal. But maybe a professional would be good since they're trained and more knowledgeable on this than most people.

[Opinion Owner]

That's why I said professional (paid) psychotherapist. A licensed one. Someone, that cares about the patients, not tell them the same information, that can be found all over the internet.

Most people don't care about mental health or going to a professional psychotherapist. Some even shun it. It's a sick world and mental disorders are running as rampant as HIV does. Most people normalize it and it's a bad thing.

[VanillaSalt]

Going to assume your actually serious and wanna work through it in which case… no. When you see a problem it could take 10 years to fix but it’s only after you see the issue that an issue gets fixed.

[Asker]

It seems inevitable at times. I'm assertive and direct in non-romantic relationships. But with men, I get too docile and set poor boundaries. I dont even want to be this way but I think it stems from certain parts of my childhood. So its like I'm trying to over please him, even though I shouldn't.

[VanillaSalt]

Why not? If you find the right guy being like that won’t exactly hurt you as hell care for you while you care for him…

[Asker]

Being like what? Over pleasing and docile? If I'm not like this with other people but only with men during relationships, what do you think it could mean?

[Anonymous]

listen the best advice i can give you is to love yourself and accept who you are. you can work better to change the traits you don't like about yourself but don't expect it to happen over night. be patient with yourself and don't be to hard on yourself. The person i love has the same flaws and i love them so much beyond any describable words that i go out of my way above and beyond to support them each and every day.

[Anonymous]

Yes thank God! Without women like you we wouldn't have strip clubs. You're looking at it the wrong way.
Your lack of self esteem gives us entertainment and enjoyment. Embrace what you are.

[Asker]

Middle aged losers like you are out of luck. You're so desperate to see girls my age half naked when you should be seeking sexual satisfaction from your peers.

[Opinion Owner]

What are you mad about? I got a dollar.

[Asker]

I'm not a stripper old man.

[Ironic_Method]

Nah. I prefer those types. I "joke" that I have more daddy issues than all my exes combined.

[Asker]

I'm aware some guys fetishize girls with daddy/familial issues. I try to avoid those types. But it seems like no matter how much I do, I either unintentionally submit to guys or actively avoid them altogether.

[Ironic_Method]

I'm sure there are those that fetishize, but I think Im just addicted to the trauma bonding.

And the intensity.

[Asker]

I hate trauma bonding. I just hate how no one told me that having a certain father/childhood could directly impact the kind of men you like. And how you behave in relationships. Ironically, I'm very confident with non-romantic relationships. Men is where I suddenly get scared.

[Ironic_Method]

To each their own. Being understood feels nice.

And yeah, it'll fuck up your view on relationships. I'm fortunate enough to not be a woman in this situation and fortunate that I was able to still have happy and healthy relationships as a whole. I hope you find something that works for you.

[bamesjond0069]

How is this much different than any other woman? Smh. you're not special your very average.

[Asker]

I never claimed I was special. I was asking a legitimate question. And your attempt to insult me is what's average. Probably like your **** too.

[bamesjond0069]

"Daddy issues" is standard woman. Was your dad not part of your life? Daddy issues. Was he there but a loser? Daddy issues. Was he a great Dad who had a wonderful relationship with you? Daddy issues. When you see this you will realize the Dad has nothing to do with most of what people call "Daddy issues". Its actually just normal female behavior.

Step 1 is realizing your desires are normal and have nothing to do with Dad.

Step 2 is just going with it for example you like older men, uh what woman doesn't? Just because some people say thats weird doesn't make it weird. If anything they are weird because its completely normal. For all human history women generally were with older men. So why is that weird?

[Asker]

Is there a way I can speak about this privately? Its too complex and I'm not quite comfortable letting it all out on the public page. Apparently, I don't have enough points to use the private option.

[bamesjond0069]

Pmd you. Get it?

[Iron_Man]

On what level do you take daddy issues

[noohair]

A medical professional might help you.

[Abdulwahh]

It depends tho

[Asker]

Yeah, most guys don't know about it unless I tell them.

[Abdulwahh]

Yeah