Am I too Bitchy or is my boyfriend an idiot?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend says I bitch too much, but he is the reason I bitch. I pay all the bills, I keep the roof over our heads, food in our stomach, plus he expects me to keep the house clean. He "says" he does stuff around the house, but seriously folding a blanket once a week doesn't cut it.

I come home from work and ask why he didn't do dishes and he says "you didn't ask me to" why the hell should I have to ask? Now were in a huge fight, about to break up because I "bitch" too much. He sits on his ass all day when he's home, sits on his damn computer chatting up his friends and when he's not doing that he's napping..

Do I not have a reason to bitch? Being together 4 years is a long time, but should I drop him?

[queenofpeen]

"You didn't ask me to" is a legitimate excuse in my eyes... How is he supposed to know when you want him to do something if you don't ask him to?

This isn't a big deal, it's a matter of communicating without fighting and being NICE to each other so you can come to a compromise. You calling him lazy and an idiot makes him defensive, as does him telling you that you "bitch." Set aside your anger and superiority, tell him that you don't mean to insult him, you just get frustrated and you'd appreciate it if he did more around the house. Be specific about what you'd like him to help with. If you say, "Help out more," he won't know what you want him to do, so he'll probably do nothing.

Most importantly... be kind and loving. Treat him how you'd want to be treated. If neither of you can do that, it's not a healthy relationship, and you should end it.

[Asker]

I shouldn't have to ask him to do anything, it's his house too, he's 30 years old I shouldn't have to be his mother and tell him when to clean up. He knows what needs to be done, he just chooses not to because he is lazy, I have been nice far too long he doesn't deserve it right now

[queenofpeen]

It doesn't *sound* like you're being very nice.

And it wouldn't be telling him to clean up. "Hey, could you do the dishes while I'm at work?" is asking, and doesn't make you sound like his mother at all. It's simply informing him of what you want. Again, communication.

If you can't set aside your negativity to salvage your relationship, you shouldn't be in it.

[Asker]

I ask him numerous times nicely..it doesn't get me anywhere at all, he comes up with excuses like I forgot, I fell asleep, etc cause he knows if he won't do it I will

[queenofpeen]

Does he know you're thinking about ending it? Maybe he just doesn't know what a big deal this is. A wake-up call might motivate him :P

[Anonymous]

How can you be a bitch when he's living off you? He needs to be a man and stop bitching himself. Your relationship is like a parent child relationship, no wonder you resent him and don't respect him and bitch at him. He has it coming. He needs to man up and stop being a parasite living for free. He's just taking advantage of you and being ungrateful while he's at it. I WISH a motherf***er would live off me for free, and if I did let him live in the lap of luxury on my dime he damn sure wouldn't be talking sh*t either. If you're gonna be paying all the bills and putting food on the table, he needs to be keeping the house zestfully clean and tidy. Seriously your house should look like Good Housekeeping magazine. If he can't do that kick his sorry behind out the door.

[queenofpeen]

She says he has a job.

[Opinion Owner]

So why does she pay all the bills? If he has a job what is he doing with the money he earns? "he's a landscaper so he works like 4 months outta the year but this is like the first year in 3 years he has worked" and he only works 5 hours a day. Honestly queenofpeen I think you're being too soft on this guy. He's a wack bum and he's living off her because he can. How could you even respect a man like that? You might as well get a puppy

[Asker]

His money goes towards his car loan, he says he needs to get himself outta debt before he can help me. I want him to be outta debt but he is stupid with his money, spends it on stupid sh*t. Plus I have a child I am raising that is not his, so it;s like taking care of 2 children

[queenofpeen]

I'm just saying, if it were MY boyfriend, I'd try to change the attitude of the situation. It sounds like you're both attacking each other instead of being reasonable. Then again, if you can't stop feeling resentful, it's not true love.

[Jennd]

You're going to break up because you're too bitchy? How about you break up because he needs to grow up. If you want children, you can likely have them.

[christian2724]

Well I dunno. Part of me thinks you should dump him. You're obviously not happy. And he sounds like he's not pulling his weight. Then again, I hate people who hold sh*t over others and nag and bitch. I understand your frustration but you get more with sugar. I think you'd be happier if you just tried being pleasant and happy for a week. Ask nicely. Let go of all your anger. Then he'll be kissing you before you go, making your lunch. Doing chores around the house. Because he'd remember why he loves you. But, who has the patience for that? Just dump him. Waste of 4 years has to suck though. A not for the future... people respond to positive energy.

You should sleep on it. If he's as bad as you say you should dump him. But sleep on it and ask yourself if you've been a bitch first.

[DonMichelle]

He's living the high life, you sound like a lioness.. hunts, cleans, looks after him whilst he sleeps.

You know why he's so lazy?... BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT HE'S USED TO! MAKE HIM get a job, MAKE HIM clean etc. Being 'work shy' doesn't just refer to people without paid jobs... it's people who don't do ANY work. HE MUST help you out and YOU MUST encourage him (i'm sure you already do)

Write him a small list of chores to do, if there's a list in front of him it'll be easier for him. Gradually increase the list, if he's still living like a lazy tosser... adios Mr.Tosser, find another lioness

[Asker]

I can't give him a list because if I do then he says I'm telling him what to do and acting like his mother which I pretty much am cause I pay everything and clean up after his ass

[Quadrophonic84]

Wow. I was in the same situation as you two years ago. Now THAT girl was a bitch. I worked all day, paid for everything (and her old bills as well) and she stayed home, didn't clean and only every cooked probably once a week. I gave her money to get groceries and she come home with a bottle of soy chocolate milk and some new clothes. Maybe my ex should get together with your guy and you and I should try it out, what do you say?

[Shaun]

Been there, done that.

[Shaun]

If you were a man saying that you put a roof over her head and the least she could do is what she's told, I have a feeling that women would be all over the place calling him a chauvinist.

But yeah, he should spend at least a couple hours indoors a day doing chores and about 5 hours a week outdoors doing chores, if he's not working.

[Shaun]

And he should clean up after himself.

[Asker]

he does work, he's a landscaper so he works like 4 months outta the year but this is like the first year in 3 years he has worked, and since he works like 5 hour days that's so rough for him so he thinks he should come home and do nothing

[Shaun]

You two should divide the load so that you're both working the same amount when you add the chores at home and the paid work you perform. IMO. A real partnership is the most satisfying relationship.

[Anonymous]

Have some pride and dump him. Why you need him ? He does nothing at all. You are just a maid to him and nothing more. You are independent woman who can find much better than his lazy ass. He is not only lazy but also rude calling you a bitch when you pay the bills and do other stuff. Understand girl that he just uses you.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like he is lazy, but I'm only getting one side of the story.

[Asker]

his side of the story is...he works a labor job (yes he works) he does landscaping...but because I sit behind a desk all day that means I have to do everything, he says he does things but like I said, folding a blanket once a week don't cut it