Relationships

Is waiting and hoping for someone who hurts you physically and mentally to change enabling their behavior toward you?

I love my boyfriend. I’ve been there for him for everything. His shoulder to cry on, Physically emotionally, financially. He’s sweet to me. He cooks for me, supports me in my decisions in life as far as education, where I choose to work, aspirations etc he’s there for me in any way I need him to be the only thing is, just like everyone, he goes through tough times and he breaks down because of being overwhelmed but unlike everyone else he copes by using violence and that violence is usually toward me. He turns into a different person. He has been violent, physically, verbally, emotionally. He even minimizes his abuse by saying things like “I’m still improving. I haven’t hit you in a couple of weeks.” Or will say something like “We haven’t fought In weeks.” When he starts every fight and he hits me, I defend myself and all of a sudden it’s “we” he thinks taking a break from being violent toward me is good enough rather than just not touch me at all. He even wants me to thankful for that. He choked me once to the point I was losing consciousness, I saw black at one point but God was on my side because at that point he let go. In the process of him doing that to me, I attempted to fight for my life pretty much by punching and scratching at his face and from me dong that, it left small scars and a little blood and he had the nerve to say “Look at what you did to my face.” As if he’s not the reason I did it in the first place, ignoring the fact he just had almost killed me and he’s done worse to my face. I’ve had multiple black eyes from him and if I were to say that at that moment he would say something like “But I stopped hitting you in your face like that. I don’t do that anymore.” And won’t mention how he still slaps me around and chokes me as if that’s better. He makes me laugh, he understands me in ways others don’t but it’s his temper and violent outburst that makes me wonder if it’s worth it despite my love for him and his good aspects.
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He also even took my phone right after he choked me because he didn’t want me to leave or call the police. But at first he put into my mind that I lost and misplaced my phone somewhere in his room and made me think I was crazy when I called him out and said “I know you have my phone give it to me.” And he said “I Don’t have your phone. Do you see how you treat me? And think so low of me.” And I mentioned that if I find out and turns out hw really never/didn’t have it I would apologize and he goe
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“I want a good apology and my d*** sucked.” Then says “You find your phone and then what? Just apologize and think everything is okay? You blaming me for something I don’t even have.” So I kept looking, his room isn’t huge. I looked everywhere and I never found out and I knew where I last had it when it was still in his room and that it didn’t just disappear. He even made me miss work due to me looking for a phone he made me believe he didn’t have. It has been missing since that night
Is waiting and hoping for someone who hurts you physically and mentally to change enabling their behavior toward you?
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