Why I can't get forget my first crush and love?

It's been years since I transferred into a new school and now in college rn. But, I still can't get forget my crush a. k. a my first love. Its been 6 years since I last met him and I'm very sure that he's not single rn. But, I'm still hoping to just meet him once. He was the first guy who told me and make me beautiful as ever and he made me fall In love with him and lastly he said he didn't love me when my friend ( she was jealous) asked about it. I was shocked and hurt. I thought he had the same feelings towards me. He always tell his friends that I'm beautiful (tbh, i'm just an ordinary girl) and a good girl (not really, I get angry easily). Since then he stopped talking to me and I transferred into a new school. I tried asking my friends whether he asked about me or not, and they just said he asked them "where she transferred?" I had a few crushes after that but it just didn't last long. Back to back, I'm just thinking about him. I'm scared to be in relationship coz I tried to date a guy and I ended thinking about him (crush). I seriously don't want to hurt any other guys coz of my stupid feelings. I'm scared to contact my crush coz I'm scared that he hates or not single anymore. πŸ˜₯ I know I'm stupid for waiting for him but it's worth it. If he gets married to someone, I would just stay single with my dogs and cats. 😞
Why I can't get forget my first crush and love?
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