Will I be the asshole, if I hand my boyfriends resumes into places, looking to employ?

[Anonymous]

my (23F) boyfriend (29M) is as lazy as they come, glued to the computer all night, he doesn't work and i am the one that is supporting him on my piss poor pay i get from work, i am also a student and currently studying for a future job i want to do, i will have that job in about 6 months (maybe less).

my boyfriend on the other hand, is lazy. i do everything, like food shopping, i pay for pet food, internet, paytv and sometimes i like to buy myself some makeup, as i get money from work. i feel entitled to a little gift for myself now and then.

my boyfriend on the other hand, sleeps all day and its awake all night, i have gone countless nights with little to no sleep, from him yelling and punching his computer desk. it annoys me

i have told him about some jobs going around town and he won't even bat an eye, i am at that point that i am thinking about applying for another job, so i will have 2 and ill be able to support the both of us. honestly at this point i feel more like his mother, then his girlfriend.

i feel like putting his resumes into places, since he won't. I've even contemplated about getting myself a sugar daddy lol. i have no family where we live and no friends. so its hard for me to move back home or even talk to anyone.

he sometimes tells me about outings his siblings want to do and asks me if we can go, i say "it depends, i have internet, food shopping, pet food shopping..." and he says "okay, i get it. we can't go!". he hardly ever chips in for anything and sometimes he comes to me wanting money, so he can drink and smoke.

he even asks his friend and siblings for money and i dont know how much he owes them, typically i am the one that pays them back, out of my own money. while yous can guess where his goes... smoking and drinking.

but, WIBTA if i hand his resumes into job places?

[ShadezMcgee]

Why are you wasting your time supporting the guy who is leeching off of you? He is not your boyfriend at this point, you are dating a manchild. It is one thing if he is actually working and making the effort and may need a spot if he is in a pinch because he is at least making an effort to pull his weight, but doing nothing at all? No job? Not paying bills? No car? No money? Why are you with this guy?

Cut him loose and save yourself the energy and time. That is the only way for him to get his shit together. He will either get off his ass and work or do nothing and lose everything.

[PixarMoms]

Ok, so I have a question first. Did you bring all this up to him? The whole “frustrated and overworked and need some help” thing I mean. That seems like a conversation you guys need to have. If so and he still refuses, then he’s just kinda not a great guy. I think giving jobs his resume is only going to cause arguments between the two of you, and he can also choose not to go to the interviews. He needs to submit his resume on his own, which will ensure that he goes to the interviews and all to get hired. So I would definitely bring up to him that he should take up some bills if the two of you live together to relieve some of your stress. If he doesn’t understand and try to help out, maybe he should find his own place for a while.

[Asker]

i have brought it up to him heaps of times, that he needs a job. during one night he was drunk, he confessed to me that, he has a easy life. cause his put me in a place where, if i stop paying for everything, it affects me as well, he even admitted to me that he would like to have a job. but he has no motivation for a job. his been unemployed for over a year, this whole time, I've supported him financially. his promised to help me with internet and food costs. that happened for 1 pay and never happened again. he tried to purpose to me as well, with no ring and the ring i showed him. was out of his budget. he told me to look at a ring that was under $200

[Anonymous]

Dump him. I swear I dated this guy's twin. I was working 60+ hours per week plus spending 12 hours per week commuting. He had no job, mooched off me big time, didn't help with dinner, didn't apply for jobs, he wouldn't even run to the grocery store (2 min drive from where we lived) when I asked him to pick up a vegetable for dinner. He'd make me stop on my way home from work after I'd already been gone from the house for 12+ hours and he had sat on his ass all day. People like that don't change. It would've saved me a LOT of time and money if I had figured that out and left a helluva lot sooner.

[Asker]

he stays home while i work too, on the computer. i ask him if he could clean up the place a little while im gone. no, he left that for me to do, when i come home from work and coming home from work. you dont want to do it. he even sometimes pretends he doesn't notice me cleaning, then when its done he asks me if id like some help. its currently 1pm here and his sleeping in bed. i went to do our grocery shopping and ofc it stormed and i had to walk home in the storm, with groceries. cause he turned off his mobile, after i tried to ring him over 5 times. im honestly getting pretty fed up with him

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah, he's taking major advantage of you. Don't put up with it. I'm tellin ya... with my ex, he contributed zero percent to the relationship. He didn't cook, didn't grocery shop, didn't look for jobs, couldn't pay the bills. Whenever we went out with my family (to brunch, to a sporting event, etc.), he'd always let me or my fam foot the bill. He would sit on the computer ALL day and go down the rabbit hole reading random s***. At the end of the day, I'd ask him what he'd done that day and he couldn't remember because he had just wasted the whole day. This was literally EVERYDAY.

You submitting his resumes for jobs isn't going to help. He's a lazy a$$ and he doesn't WANT to do anything to help in anyway. Even if he got a job, he probably would just lose it. And it's not your job to get his life together. If his life is not together to the point you need it to be to have a happy and healthy relationship, then you really should consider leaving. I hate to say it, but he'll never change.

[Asker]

a few months ago i was pregnant, i miscarried. when he told everyone, people were saying that he will need a job now. as i can't work until i pop the kid out, then go to work the next day. i miscarried due to stress he put on me. i was very early in the pregnancy, about 5 weeks. he got angry saying that because of me, he announced the pregnancy and i miscarried and he had to burden of telling everyone what happened.

during the miscarry, he actually left me at the hospital in ER to find out if it was a miscarriage. i waited at ER by myself for almost 6 hours. his kicked me out of the house before, threw food in my face, flirted with his ex, at the pub when we went for dinner. I've stuck with him, hoping for a glimmer of hope, that he will grow up. but i dont see that happening.

he purposed to me on one occasion.. i ignored his purposal. because he didn't have a ring, i told him about this custom ring i wanted and he said that it was out of his budget. its my dream ring, i asked him about his budget and he wants me to get a ring under $200

[Opinion Owner]

I'm so sorry about the miscarriage. I understand trying to stick it out in a relationship, but I think it's way past the point of leaving now. I stayed with my ex for 5.5 years, with all the mooching and he also was very condescending and downright mean to me. I finally got the nerve to leave, and you know what happened? I wasn't even sad. I felt free. I slowly became myself again. I started enjoying things I wasn't allowed to do before - going out with friends, wearing clothes I liked, dying my hair, having hobbies and dreams of my own. I knew the situation was not good, but I didn't realize how bad it truly was until I got out and could reflect on it from an outside perspective. I SO wish I could have those 5 years of my life back.

You can't do anything now to change the past, but you're young. You have plenty of time to find the guy who will never make you feel these things. Don't waste your life on some selfish prick like I did.

[GingerGuy]

And you're with him because? lol Well, if he's that lazy, would it matter? Like I'm thinking even if someone calls him for an interview, is he going to get off his ass and go to it? Doesn't sound like he wants to work period? Sounds like you'd be wasting your time. You might have to cut him off, as in no more supporting him (do you live together?). He's on his own now, which will force him to do something. Now if you live together, that makes this difficult but you can cut off the "free money" that he asks you for, and also tell him he needs to start contributing. That you aren't going to continue doing it for long and if things don't improve, he might be seeing the door!

[GingerGuy]

You have to stop enabling him though. Don't pay his debts for him (unless they affect you directly). Example he owes friends or family money, DON'T pay them. His problem.

[Nomina]

At this point, you're not his girlfriend, you're his mother.
I get the need for a push, but I would tell him. And still leave his resume places.
He needs to pull his weight in this relationship and stop acting like a child. If you haven't already, you need to talk to him about that.

[PositiveNote]

Okay… Here’s the truth: A lazy man is not going to take care of you when you need him most. (And, it’s true of a lazy woman, too.)

By getting him a job, you will only emasculate the poor slob and he will have no respect for you—or himself.

if you want to do home a favor, be encouraging and supportive, but don’t do his work of finding a job. Let him earn his own honors.

[PoliteSpeaker]

There is a difference between being lazy and lacking a purpose and self discipline. In fact laziness doesn't even exist. It is a wrong made up by ignorant people.

[PositiveNote]

@PoliteSpeaker Mirriam Webster thinks it's a real word—and definable at that.
https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/lazy

[PoliteSpeaker]

He isn't doing anything because he doesn't feel moved by anything. You'd just be getting what you desire by making his decisions for him like that. He will have no desire if you do that. Love him through his lowest point or leave him. Stop asking strangers and talk to him about what you want then you can leave or stay

[magiusX26]

not really, more like just spinning your wheels there. i honestly dont see why he is still your boyfriend considering all he does is use you for everything. please dont be offended but am guessibg you likely do what you can to fulfill all his sexual fantasies too and there is a good chance he does little to fulfill yours.

[Diodoro]

Unless he specifically asked you keep your eyes open for places that are hiring, yes that would be an asshole thing to do

[Diodoro]

But here's the thing. You're the one that decided to be with the guy that doesn't have a job, won't get a job, and doesn't want to get a job oh, and would rather live off of you and beg other people for money. That's a choice

Stop expecting him to change, or trying to change him yourself. Better still. If he doesn't change and you don't leave, don't complain to other people about your boyfriend ever again because it's your fault for staying in that situation

[noohair]

In my experience, I see you taking care of him for your whole life. You have to decide if he is worth that kind of effort. If you were my daughter, I would say, get out now. He is not changing and you don't want to be his mommy.

[Ironic_Method]

This sounds like you're bitter for more than just putting downa resume. If he's all these things you don't like why are you with him.

[Wise4myage]

He needs to get off his lazy ass and do that himself.

[Jamie05rhs]

Yes! Do it! Haha. You are totally within your rights to do that. Genius move. Respect!

[KeithLane]

Sometimes people need to be pushed. I would rethink if this is the type of man you should be with.

[Shy_Steve]

You would look like the asshole if you didn't dump him.

[Pterodon]

His behavior won’t ever change so you have a decision

[Anonymous]

Just leave him, it's far better for you than having this albacore around you neck

[SamFromFL]

Don’t do that