Letting your partner control what you wear? Would you consider this a red flag?

[Anonymous]

I’ve been with my boyfriend for a year and yesterday I had an outfit on to go out to a restaurant with him and my family and he told me to change. I was in shock he even suggested that and I didn’t like him trying to control what I could and couldn’t wear. He didn’t like them because they were tighter and he didn’t like that because they made my butt more noticeable. I can’t help how my body looks in clothes!! I told him I wasn’t going to change and I could wear whatever I want but I did end up changing because he said he wouldn’t leave the house if I didn’t change and he was just being so drama about it so I gave in and changed. I feel like this is a big red flag and am wondering if anyone else thinks that this is as well? I was upset about it the rest of the night because I didn’t see the big deal with what I was wearing. I wasn’t showing any skin or cleavage or anything I just felt embarrassed afterwards and didn’t like that I let him control me.

[Miristheiss]

There are extremes and then there is normal relationship boundaries.

It isn't out of the ordinary for some in a serious relationship to not like their lady going out wearing, sexy, revealing, low cut, lots of cleavage, super tight, high cut skirty/dress, super sexual outfits.

The extreme micro managing of outfits vs. just reacting when really revealing clothes are being worn vs. no comments or reactions no matter what the girl wears are things you'll need to evaluate. Does he comment on everything you wear... does he only comment when you dress is revealing, somewhat slutty outfits? You've got to evaluate what type of situation you are in. Then you two have to talk about expectations, boundaries, what you are both comfortable with and go from there.

Maybe you two can agree on some middle ground. If you are too far apart then maybe you aren't compatible and you should split up. He should date a girl who dresses more conservatively and you can date a guy who likes to "show off" the sexiness and the body of the girl he is with.

It isn't set in stone that you two are even compatible. That is part of why you date... to see if you two go well together... or you don't.

[HighValue]

I think it matters more what an SO wears when they go out without their SO. For example, if she was going out with friends, etc. and wearing tight clothes or ones to show cleavage/stomach, etc. that would be a problem. Just like a guy shouldn't be going shirtless when out without his SO either.
But in your case you were going somewhere together so it wasn't to get attention from others so I think it should have been fine.

[Jessica405]

It IS a big red flag! Even worse than being a potential control freak, he seems to be prone to temper tantrums. Problem has just got worse because you gave in to him. Even if you wanted to change clothes, you should not have done on principle.

He now knows he CAN control you. Next time, stick to your guns. If he can't handle it, think seriously about a new guy!

[GhostMochi]

It's a major red flag. He seems very insecure. Either have a serious talk with him and let him know that this kind of behavior isn't cool, or break up with him and find someone who doesn't care about how you dress.

[SnakeBoop]

i mean, him saying "i'm not comfortable with you wearing that so much" is fine, thats voicing an opinion. To then use manipulation "Well I'm not going out then!" is a MAJOR red flag.

[Diodoro]

Not a redflag to care about what you wear. It is a redflag that he pulled some emotional manipulation to get his way. The behavior isn't a good one.

[laraWM]

Of course it is, especially when you feel the way you wrote it

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

Red flag. And the fact you gave in, now makes him more bold to try to control you.

You're an adult. If he doesn't like the way you dress then he can go find another girlfriend.

[KatherineJ]

Big red flag!

[In_Trance]

Yeah