How do you deal with your significant others "friend" who's obviously in love with them?

[lizchill]

[btbc92]

You don't. It's one of the top reasons why you don't date a person who you wasn't friends with and know each other mutually yourself. There isn't anything for you to deal with. You cannot force the person to drop the friend, but neither should your relationship be disrespected. As long as the friend isn't somebody who he slept with and it is simply innocent, and they don't take things too far, there isn't much you can do and neither can the person. They have to come to terms that the person their in-love with is with somebody else. The issue is basically the boyfriend who allows this or knows and doesn't come clean if they didn't. That is what makes it more questionable because that means he is two-timing both women or he is only keeping her around incase something goes with the both of you, and or he feels the same and he isn't being honest about it. Unless circumstances prevented them being together, you need to speak it out with them. Otherwise, why would you date somebody who slept and messed around with their other people, let alone a "friend". Not me.

[NicoletteXO]

The only thing you need to deal with is your own fear and jealousy.

She's probably in love with him because he has attractive qualities. Great! A man with attractive qualities is in a relationship with YOU. You should feel good about that.

Unless he is neglecting your relationship, there is nothing you need to do.

Live your life. Be a vital and awesome person.

Trying to control a man by giving him ultimatums (as some here have suggested) is folly. You might 'win' his agreement in the short term, but you lose his heart in the long term, because you are attempting to police and control him. There is a part of him that knows that the fact he is not with another woman is not because of his free decision - it's because of your controlling demands, based on fear. And that will probably come out either in his quiet resentment, or worse, in cheating (the thing you feared in the first place).

If he is neglecting the relationship with you, then THAT is something you can legitimately address with him. If he's willing to work with you on that, great. Otherwise, you have a choice if you wish to stay in a relationship with him.

But please, don't make it about 'this other girl'. It will backfire.

[zeitgeist057]

Two scenarios: One from my perspective (mutual friend has a crush on my partner) and one from me being the one crushed on (I have girl friends who crush on me).

Scenario 1: This guy crushing on my partner, confesses to her, we always hang out, have drinks. He compliments her a lot. Me? Deal with it? I do nothing, there's no need to do anything. I agree with him, she's hot, she's great, I add to his compliments sometimes but I'm not in competition with him at all, she isn't interested and she goes home with me.

Scenario 2: My girl friends (not all of them) who crush on me, whatever. It's fun to flirt, to feel complimented and attractive and I support them and flirt back, make them feel good. But most of them we have established already our relationship boundaries before I even met my partner. She has no reason to be jealous, if I wanted to sleep with someone I would tell her about it, but I'm not like that with my bff girls, or else I'd be dating them; the line between friends and lovers is if we are having sex. So if we are friends, we are just friends.

[OlderAndWiser]

If the "friend" has goo-goo eyes for your boyfriend, then you and he need to have a very serious discussion about whether he is leading her on, or keeping her around as a backup plan, or is he really just as blind as a bat and can't see what's going on?

[Anonymous]

There have to be some real boundaries and respect issues settled there. If the other girl is making considerable efforts to get with your man, it's not just a "you must be jealous thing," it's a "this girl is trying to break us up thing" which I would take VERY personally. I'm not a fan of ultimatums, but in this case, this would be one---stop hanging out, cut her off, or break up with me because maybe he has feelings for her too if he's made no efforts to rebuff her or still continues to see that girl when the two of them are alone. You could confront the other girl, but odds are, she'd just see that as more of a challenge or use it against me to call me crazy or jealous, so why go that route. But I always say, if the situation were reversed...would you be cool with some "friend" making eyes at me, or making sure to sit next to me all the time, or touching my hair, whatever BS.

[nice-girl]

Find a male friend too and spend time with him so that your significant other will be busy being suspicious and control you and won't have time to spend time with his friend.
And make sure to find someone he really "hates" or finds annoying or someone who has a quality he dislikes.
Also, dress your best when you meet "your friend". Clothes are just symbols, they mean nothing, but he will be jealous.
This is not the most common way as everyone is going to say communicate with him, but it is the way that works.
I'm not going to say talk to him about this because I'm sure that you have already talked to him and it didn't work since you asked this question here.

[TruthBringer]

Is your man oblivious about it? Because if he is, that's something else. If he knows she wants him, but he is keeping her around, why would you think he is keeping her around? Often people do this because they want a BACKUP.

There is not much for you to do other than give him an ultimatum. Either he chooses her or he chooses you. Never accept a significant other that allows other people to sniff around your territory. That's disrespectful towards you. If you have an ounce of self-respect, you have him ditch her. That way you will know who he values more, you or her.

I've made a take about this. Your situation is (sadly) what validates my Take. Feel free to take a look.
Why it’s almost impossible for men and women to be “just friends”

[DizzyDesii]

I gave him an ultimatum. I said you can stay friends with a girl who is begging you to breakup with me because she told you she wants you to herself OR you can stay with me. His little punkass cried then ended their friendship. But whenever we broke up, he ran right back to her. And she didn't even want him. She just wanted a friends with benefits (although she was sleeping with 2 others.) I refuse to date someone with a friend like that. I ain't for the bullshit.

[TruthBringer]

Exactly. Never settle for disrespect. That's a good standard to have. I have it aswel. It's amazing being in a relationship where this kind of bullshit is not prevalent.

[DizzyDesii]

@TruthBringer i agree! But a lot of people would be mad at us for giving that ultimatum

[TruthBringer]

Not our problem. They aren't entitled to whom we choose to give our commitment to. If they don't have an ounce of self-respect to allow themselves to go through toxic relationships and disrespect, doesn't mean we do.

[DizzyDesii]

@TruthBringer i love how you always stand your ground 💪🙌👏🙏

[Anonymous]

i had to laugh at the ‘obviously’ because i have been there!! the harsh truth is that it’s upto the guy to realise the ‘friend’ has feelings for him otherwise he will continue to defend anything she does especially if he knew her before you. you either have to communicate that she’s making you feel uncomfortable and if he prioritises her over you just RUN!

[dustybiker]

Tell your partner how happy you are to have someone in your life you can trust, and how glad you are to have them. It feels good to say it and hear it from someone you love. Everyone else can try, but will only end up without. If you don’t trust them, there is a problem.

[mobiusforniner]

This just happened to me. I told my friend the honest truth. That I really like her and because of this emotion, it was damaging my marriage and we could not be friends. She took that very badly but we dont talk any more

[Rachelspiks]

Arrange a nice little "accident" for them.
"Oops, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bump into you as you were leaning over the balcony"
There. Problem solved. :)

[HayleyMarie]

Bring it up to your SO and address your concern. If they don’t have feelings for that friend and there is trust then you shouldn’t have anything to worry about. A ms long as no boundaries are crossed

[litty]

It's better you all have a discussion about it before this friend's behavior becomes even more toxic. And if your SO doesn't do something about it, then he's making the wrong choice.

My girlfriend confronted her friend about it, saying how she's not comfortable with the way he was acting like a jealous boyfriend. The dude flipped out and made a complete ass of himself like I expected, trying to shit on me. It was pathetic. Needless to say, he's blocked from our lives.

[Jlegacy]

Treat her with love.. be her friend too. Chances are that you and your SO won't end up together so don't stand in the way. If she wants him, let her take her shot. If he reciprocates, celebrate their union. Why? I believe no man can take what is yours when the God of Jacob is your sugardaddy.

[JosyJosy]

I wouldn't, unless she starts flirting with him then there's a problem. I'll have to tell her to back off, and tell my SO to shut that flirting down immediately

[spookywashere]

You could commnuicate with your partner like a reasonable person would. Is this not common sense? Just be honest, express to them the situation and how it makes you feel. There's no other way around it.

[jts0612]

I trust my significant other. She's allowed to be friends with whoever she wants. I don't wanna be a controlling person. I've seen my past crushes get dragged away by their boyfriends when the guy noticed I liked the girl. It hurt. I've lost enough close friends to that and I know how it'll make others feel. I don't wanna cause that to happen.

[Nazgol]

Tell her to back off & get out of his life because she cannot be in love with him

[PeacefulRainDrop]

He doesn't have friends around here.. his best friend is a chick but she lives in a different place now.

[007kingifrit]

in the end men and women just can't be friends. sex always has to be involved in some way at some point. sot he friendship has to end

[Wester1967]

Him or me. Pick one. We stop playing in the kiddie pool with floaters when we became SO.

[boggboss]

Aslong as u trust your partner and they are respectful what is there to deal with

[Anonymous]

I would just laugh and find it internally hilarious and shocking but still hilarious. I mean what are the odds. But see I'm that playful kind of guy.

Few things faze me anymore as I near 30 🙂

[SamWilliams]

She's his backup plan.

[Shihab91]

I don't have female friends and expect the same from her... You won't die if you don't have "friend" from the opposite sex... And yes i trust you but not them...

[Phoenix98]

She can either take care of the problem or find a new boyfriend.

[Danny_dan92]

Find a new significant other or address the concern

[Anonymous]

I’d leave him if he doesn’t put a distance between them. If he doesn’t then that tells me he has no sense of respect for me or for himself.

[In_Trance]

The problem is not the friend at all. The problem is you; you don't believe you're good enough.

[m33lad]

I would try to bang they girl would her hand under her Chin.

[krin_m]

Trust your SO and be kind to the friend unless you see the line being crossed.

[RebeccaSJ]

As nicely as possible. Introduce her to some of our male friends.

[Fuentes]

I would never date anyone who has a best friend of the opposite sex

[EaterPeter]

It's time to choose or make sure no one is stepping over the boundary

[spartan55]

Tell him to kick rocks.

[KrakenAttackin]

You need to set limits with your SO.

[slatyb]

Why would I have to deal with them?

[Agape93]

See how my s/o feels about them.

[Recurrence]

If I’m with someone, I trust them.

[Twalli]

It doesn't matter, she's not in love with him/her

[SenseiSeptred]

Make the relationship a polyamorous relationship.

[Viviquang95]

Maybe you should talk to ur SO about this friend

[888theGreat]

Poison? Just kidding

[Hangry06]

Set them up

[WowwGirl]

I don't

[Iron_Man]

I Give her a choice

[anylolone]

Give zero shits.