Cheated in the past but he can’t let go, advice? (Page 2)
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Honestly your right mistakes do not define you however trust is a two way street. You cheated on your ex when instead you could have left him. So how that you for some reason told your current boyfriend that you were a cheater, yea he’s gonna be suspicious because he doesn’t wanna be cheated on to. As for how you would go about getting to change his mind well either prove to him how much of a good girl you are to have or leave him and fine someone else if you feel like you wanna push him away.
Share your accidental cheating story here please.
What are some of the most hilarious and worst ever "cheating cover ups" you told or heard from someone?
This is something you will have to live to, especially with this guy whom you revealed about your cheating achievement.
It just has no long term potential. Waste of time.
Doubt is like rust once it gets the metal that's it.
Explain him same thing I did something wrong and repented that's why I came clean to be true to you and I own my wrong doings.
If you can't accept me for being truthful then this can't work.
And never discuss things why it didn't work with your ex it's irrelevent at the point when you are in new relationship.
Talk about how you can make things better in this relationship.
First, honesty is key. However, I wouldn't just come outright and out of context admit to your fault. If he asks, sure, tell the truth...
Second, there are many variables to factor. If it's a new relationship, just back up a little and build trust. If it's a seasoned relationship and he still can't trust you, he never will. On to the next one.
And lastly, regardless of the relationship status (old or new), looking in someone's phone is a major privacy invasion! That should be a major red flag that you need to take caution of!
Hope that helps a little bit.
In this kind of situation, what’s your business is your business. Your current doesn’t need to know why your last didn’t work out. & if he is going to be shady about your past than he can be a part of it. Or he can step up the the plate n be a man n stop worrying about the past. We all have dark secrets we keep between ourselves n god. If your current is going to be causing you stress let his ass go!
It's funny how the Man is being criticized here and not the girl who cheated in the first place... If you want a Man to trust you , then don't cheat ! She didn't make a mistake she did it intentionally otherwise if she knew Cheating was Wrong then why would she do it? Stop bullshitting the Guy for not trusting a Girl who said it herself that she Cheated on her Ex and Broke His Trust ! Obviously any Guy will lose trust over his or partner if he gets to know that his Girl cheated in the Past.
It’s her past! Of course men wouldn’t like what I have to say: but her mistake with her past lover should have no room for her current. Why drag around the past with her? Keep the past in the past ! Unless she is a repeating offender for cheating and it was that one time mistake from the PAST! Than why why why cause her self the stress or drama to be criticized by her current lover due to the past! No! Leave the past in the past! No one likes to be cheated on I get it. But why should she have to suffer with the new guy cuz of a past mistake? That’s wrong. If he’s afraid she’ll cheat on him too n he’s going to be watching her like a hawk or playing detective than the best thing to do is end the relationship if he feel he can’t trust her due to her past.
Firstly , If Past is Supposed to Stay in The Past , then why did she bring it up? Secondly , if this was the Other Way around , then the Girls would've started Chanting "ONCE A CHEATER , ALWAYS A CHEATER" .
The point is , she Cheated and now she's supposed to face the consequences. Break up with her ex was not a Consequence , it was a result , the consequences are going to present themselves in the Current and some of her Future Relationships. Maybe she's changed and maybe not , we can't say. But I don't think the Man is doing anything wring here , maybe control a little bit on the Detective inside him , but I think he has a Valid Reason to doubt her. It's a 50-50 for him , either she'll Never Cheat , or She will do it again ! Who Knows?
That’s very judgmental to assume girls actually chat that. I believe in change. Anyone can change as long as it’s a will to do better. It is her fault to communicate about her past; if she didn’t want to be judged from it by anyone but god. She learned that lesson I’m sure. If he asked her than that should’ve been handled a different way. Now a days people don’t care what happens in the past just that your kind and loving. Trust should be built up over time anyways. If the relationship has no trust than they should break up so she can go heal herself before jumping into another relationship.
I don't know if she needs time to heal or needs Therapy , i can only imagine what her Ex and Her Current boyfriend are going through... No shit we need to Cut her some slack , but if you're talking about "Nowadays" then maybe you should get more Social , I've seen girls Chanting "ONCE A CHEATER , ALWAYS A CHEATER" for a lot of guys... And what made her Cheat in the first place? Did she really had to do it and why did she think that Cheating was an Option for satisfying her "Needs" ?
You said it. Girls. Not women. Anyone that chats negativity without seeing the possibility of change needs to grow some. & healing comes in all forms; it does include therapy.
Well , to end our Argument positively , I hope she has Changed and Is ready to Fight for her current relationship , because it's a long journey and will require extra hard work and dedication. Also , it was fun talking with you !
We aren’t arguing. We are both stating our perspectives.
Yes I too hope she has changed or at least learned something from her lessons.
"How can I make him see that I made a mistake in the past and it doesn’t define who I am." A mistake isn't magic, you thought there was a situation in which it was ok to cheat... because you cheated. Thats your track record. Sorry but that does define who you are in terms of a relationship. You're a very low quality woman and most men aren't going to be with a low quality woman if they can do better than that.
I was with you until you said she was a "low quality woman." She made a bad, a very bad, decision. She still has potential to grow from it and she isn't a damaged product or something because of her past. If she's owned up to it and changed, that's the most she can currently do but there's still of course going to be some loss of trust in the relationship. Still gotta take the consequences of her actions and what she did will reflect on her character now but that doesn't mean she's hopeless or fully defined by a decision, no matter how bad it was.
@aliciajohn nah, its low quality. Normal people aren't capable of cheating, low quality are. The fact that she was ever able to have the capability for it means she always will.
@aliciajohn yes she's is low quality. Why would a man choose from the pool of women who are cheaters when they can choose from the pool of women who are not? She has lowered her value, that simple.
The best predictor of your future is... your past. Just sayin'.
Interesting to see a woman complaining about being judged for her infidelity when the vast majority of women do the same toward men who have cheated in their past.
My advice to you is to accept the fact that your current boyfriend is never going to trust you, and then don't make the mistake of telling future boyfriends you're a cheater.
Oh, and don't cheat.
Once the tables turn? You do realize women cheat more than men in their 20s, right?
The only surprise here is how shocked you seem to be that men dislike women who cheat.
I can't blame your current boyfriend. Cheaters are extremely hard to trust again, most can't do it.
My advice is to end this relationship because its over in my estimation. You're wasting time.
It is almost like cheating is like becoming an ex convict. Never knew this, thank God I have never been jailed😄
Well it is very tough to trust a person who has cheated in the past. Honestly your boyfriend should break up with you.
I hardly doubt you've changed at all. People especially mature adults do not tend to change that easily and quickly especially without a deep, traumatizing, life changing situation. Deep down on the inside, there's probably still a glimmer in you that still thinks cheating is appropriate.
Because why would you cheat if you knew it was so wrong to cheat? there must be something "right" about it in the first place, which was why you decided to do it.
Nah, that's fair. Especially if he's been cheated on before. Majority of people aren't capable of that kinda thing. But you've proved you are, which will mean he can never fully trust you because he knows its a possibility.
Cheating isn't a mistake. You knew what you were doing, and now its something you're gonna just have to learn to live with.
Uh, fucking duh. Of course men are sensitive. And men and women cheat at very similar rates.
It hurts no matter what gender you are, and you can't ever fully trust or forget someone whose done it before. Anyone whose ever been cheated on before knows that.
He knows you've cheated, and therefore that if you did it, you can potentially do it again. It defines who you are, in fact, someone who can cheat on him someday.
You've fucked up, it wasn't a mistake, but a choice you made, knowing it was bad.
Honestly, I wouldn't trust you either. Trust is easily broken, and very hard to build. Only time will prove that you won't do it again, but trusting you? I think he will never really trust you completely.
First, don't believe in that "complete honesty" BS. When entering a relationship, your new partner only has to know that your previous relationship failed and that you have no feeling for your past partner. That's it. You went too far. Sorry to say this but you doomed your recent relation.
Also, cheating IS a decision, not a mistake. Get that clear.
Its a hard one all u can do is show u are trust worthy as essentially by saying that u let him know u have betrayed someone in the past and could do it again
No men are not viewed as being cheaters wtf am I reading and ofc they care ti the damage it causes why is it so many think meh are immune to emotions
Your "mistake" was getting caught. You cheated before, you will cheat again.
Did she get caught or did she confess?
Right like always
He might be worried you’ll cheat again and trust you less than if you hadn’t. I’m sure he wants to hang on to this as a reason to not trust you but you didn’t cheat on him, you cheated on your ex and you ended that relationship. He should maybe hang on to this for no longer than a month. After that, it’s time to cut him loose. He can’t treat you like a child for something like this. It’s not like you were married to the last guy.
You can change him.
He’s insecure. Not your problem.
You’ve told him the truth. It’s past. He isn’t man enough to deal with it.
You're wrong on so many levels. At your age that's somewhat disturbing , not shocking tho these days.
Yeah good luck with this mindset.
What do you expect is a fruit cake from England
yofuknuts... She is a fruit cake from the UK , probably talking about lepricons from Ireland.
Most definitely
Does no one see the typo? What a bunch of twats.
SphynxUK you're wrong on so many levels... If your current man Cheated on his Ex , would you trust him that he won't do it to you? What she did was not a mistake , she wouldn't have cheated if she really thought it was Wrong. Owning Up to your Past doesn't make you Trustable instantly , she needs to build it from Scratch and I'm pretty sure you'd portray the exact behaviour her man is showing right now !
It's time too call a meeting just talk too him you was honest it's time to get more honest tell him too chill out he will listen if u really care about u🥰
I would never tell someone who is concerned about cheating with a valid reason to "chill out". Her admitting to cheating in the past is a valid concern because most cheaters reoffend. Yes I believe he should only form his opinions on how she treats him since they met, but history is history and all actions have consequences, both short and long term.
But it DOES define you, and you were wrong to offload your guilt on your new interest. Take that shit to your grave. Don't over-share. You screwed the pooch on this one.
Cheating doesn't happen in a vacuum. There's always something missing in the relationship that allows those things to happen.
WRT the update:
Guys are statistically far more likely to commit suicide as a result of a breakup than women.
The Western caricature of the guy who gets the arrow through his gut then pulls it out and uses it to kill the bad guy is utter crap.
Guys have feelings. We get hurt.
All. The. Time.