Why is it such a big deal about men and women being friends?

Question

My whole concept of this thing is it can happen you can be friends with a guy. It doesn’t always have to lead to sexual tension and some other misleading concept.

Diodoro · Accepted Answer

Because the norm is men and women are not friends. Are their exceptions? Sure, but it's not the rule.

The rule is generally men and women are either attracted to eachother or not attracted to eachother. If they're attracted to eachother and circumstances allow for them to do something about it, then it will likely happen if at least one of them has the courage to act.

If neither does then they become strangers or "friends". Another common occurrence is one way attraction. What many call the friend zone. It's really just a one way attraction. One person either doesn't want to be mean and as a means to let them down softly they offer friendship

It's not really friendship. But they say that to make the other person feel better. If they actually like the individual as a person then it's a little bit more real an offer. You like them as a person, you just wouldn't fuck them. So you say you can be friend's.

But since the premise of the interaction was sexual, even if they take you up on it there's not really a true friendship. There's a settling for less than what they wanted. Because if the circumstances would allow for it... they would fuck you.

Then there's the scenario where neither person finds the other attractive. You two probably don't event notice eachother or even really talk. If for whatever reason you do it's neutral, unless you actually like eachothers personalities.

If two people who are not sexually attracted to the other also like eachothers personality and get along. Congrats. That's a genuine friendship, because the baseline sexual communication which is the basis for male female interaction is now removed.

Exceptions fall under categories like life long childhood friends you've had since you were 2 years old and are genuinely like family. You've always trusted eachother and both of you truly feel it would be weird to even kiss.

But if you can't say that if you asked your male friend to have one night of no strings attached sex and that he would say no to that... guess what... not your friend. The circumstances simply aren't such that you two would be fucking.

Grond21 · Accepted Answer

I think it's a result of the Sexual Revolution. When people focus on sex so much that it paints their whole worldview, they then lose the ability to have a platonic relationship with someone from the opposite sex. And then they speak as if their limited perspective is somehow indicative of all relationships

PiinkFalls · Accepted Answer

It’s because of the movies we grew up with. All of these raunchy comedies or romcoms are the same. A boy and a girl grew up together since babies, they’re neighbors, they can’t stand each other, they come up with some kind of deal, they become closer, then they go to prom together and get married and have babies. I mean heck even the Disney movies we watched as very impressionable kids taught us that women have to wait for their Prince Charming and men have to be the heros at all time. At the end of the day NONE of it is realistic lol.

Brainsbeforebeauty · Accepted Answer

Thank the friends with benefits culture... People fuck people and say their just friends, so partners are less trusting of friendships with the opposite sex. Me, when I was a teenager I had more male friends than female friends. But as an adult, most of the males tried to be friends with, tried to turn it sexual..🤷

t-8900 · Answer

It's okay to be just friends with girls. I admit I do find some of them ummm well yes they're very attractive. But I dont just jump on a woman like that anyways, not in my nature. Maybe it's okay with certain kinds of people but not for everyone. Some people are too damn horny to control themselves or lack basic respect for themselves and others. She's a friend, she's not single? Respect the guy, respect her. Also even then even if she's single only passively flirt with the idea maybe, MAYBE. depends on how close you are with them anyways. I DO know some people who started out this way and they are now lifelong partners and married. So who knows?

But I find most females that I am friends with I would rather have as a wing girl tbh and also to be there for their emotional needs as well as my own. Guys saying shit like, "she doesn't care about you really you're just an emotional tampon." Ummm yeah we're different genders guys but they're still f***ing human like you and me. I swear it's like people treat us like an entirely different species or something. People have lost their damn humanity and I think that's part of the problem, OP.

Guys also say that women dont bring anything to the table in a relationship but their bodies. Yeah why is it those guys are always so damn miserable? Right we are a tribal/pack type social species. We evolved to have masculine and feminine energy in our lives. Having both keeps your mind healthy. Why do so many people have mental health issues today? Is there a correlation between the sexes being so divided and people being so alone? Hmmmmmm? The nicest people I have ever met were all women, always, 100% of the time. Women are just naturally more empathetic to peoples problems and more willing to comfort anyone, even men.

Oh and PS guys: It's okay to cry. It's okay to hug her and cry into her arms and it will make you feel a whole lot better then leaving that crap pent up for decades. Speaking from experience here.

Kaamraj · Answer

Men and women have different sexual strategies which are often adversarial. The cost of sexual reproduction is almost nothing for men but expensive for women. That is why men are designed to have sex as much as possible and with as many women as possible to maximize sexual sucess. Women on the other hand are designed to consolidate on the best available option. So yes when a man and women are friends and the woman is even remotely sexually attractive to the man, in vast majority of cases he's going to have sexual attraction for her.

Now what is the exact issue with male and female friendships - nothing if both parties are being benefited equally. However, the problem comes when one party (mostly the man) is sexually attracted to the female and thus puts himself (note I said put himself because being in the firendzone is your choice not compulsion). So in this arrangement, the woman gets the man's non sexual resources (money, advice, time, energy, etc.) and the man doesn't get what he wants the most (sexual intimacy). The equivalent for a woman would be being "F-buddies" with a man she wished committed and settled down.

mobiusforniner · Answer

This question appears on GAG at keast once a week. Acquaintances? Yes. But best friends? No. I just learned this the hard way by letting a woman go, whom I've been friends with for several years. Up to this point we openly shared things with each other, as friends do. We trusted each other and began confiding in each other. Im married and the red flags began popping up, but I ignored them because, hey, we are just "friends". We were investing so much in this "friendship" that other people began gossipping that we were having an affair. I finally realized that, although we started as friends, we were now anything but. I broke it off, writing her a long email about how I indeed had developed feelings for her and we could not longer be friends. This devastaed her. She denied everything and terminated all contact with me. Last I heard she's leaving the state. So no, a man and woman cannot be "just freiends"

midnightmoon05 · Answer

What can you offer to a guy "friend"?

If you are dating a guy, will you be okay for him to go hang out with his best girlfriend? while you stay home doing your work... going shopping on your own?
Stay over at her house. Moew her lawn, fix her car?
Go out drinking with her and talk to her about who she should bang?

Anonymous · Answer

Men and women can be friends but at least personally I don’t even talk to women I don’t find attractive and I’m sure that’s the same for most guys so there’s usually something there we just never say it. It’s always funny when girls think them and their guy friends feel the exact same for each other like no he just never told you.

EmbraceThePain · Answer

Well, there is a reason and that reason is rooted in evolutionary biology.

Men and women being cooperative throughout their existence is not the same as men and women being friends.

Men and women have sex or mate with one another.

They are not “friends” in the sense that you may be friends with other women, if you’re a woman, or other men if you’re a man.

I don’t understand why this is hard for anyone to understand?

A lot of times, men and women trying to be just friends doesn’t work out well in some way.

ohshee · Answer

I know more girls than I do guys I hang out with more girls than guys because I think guys are rude but I have a lot of girls that are my friends and we are pretty good friends and there's a line that you just don't cross I mean you respect each other and that's just because I know and they know if we were to have sex and we would have to become better friends and then we'd end up hating each other when we broke up and blah blah blah and it's just not worth going there were mature enough to understand the Friendship part of it is the best part of it

Anonymous · Answer

Because a male and female friend, who both happen to be heterosexual, is already with a relationship generally is. If you can't have sex with the person, but sexually compatible, then there's no real need to be friends, at least, not close real-life friends; basic friends or online buddies is fine, I guess. Men and women are too different for that to last, long term. If you're both sexually compatible, both single, and both can meet in real life, then you're either going to end up dating, getting friendzoned, 90% of the time, it's the guy who gets it, or not be friends at all. And no one likes getting friendzoned or loving someone who is off the market. But of course, women would want male friends more. It's like one guy does all the boring boyfriend stuff (the simp), and the actual boyfriend gets the sex and intimacy. Of course many women would want this ideal setup. I'm sorry if this "offends" anyone.

Queenzee22 · Answer

Actually same here I try to reason why you can't have a male friend when you are a female.
I can't still give a reasonable answer to why?
Seems I will know the reason from here it's always confusing.
And the funniest thing is a guy can have a female friends plenty but a girl isn't allowed to have A male friend

Luopio27 · Answer

Its not for those who won't make it or let it be or become a big deal. Some start their friendship with opposite gender in kinder garten, others choose never to cross that line.

Im elementary schools, kids make things a big deal because few believe boy bacterias and girl bacterias exist.

In adulthood, friendships between men and women can end due to relationships. Not all people want their girlfriend or boyfriend spending time with others of their opposite gender.

I could write a book about this topic but let me cut to the chase. Is friendship between men and women bog deal to you or someone in your life that you can't control?

Either way, dont let it control you.

TheBigGuy9 · Answer

It never used to be like, but ever since social media many people have lost their values.
I notice it many times within myself, without even thinking. It’s used so much today that it becomes ingrained into your subconscious.

So unless you have core values in life, you won’t be able to pull back and think and use critical thinking skills to make the right choice. I think it’s really selfish to only think about yourself too. Men and women friendships are vital. You can learn a lot and get honest opinions from someone that your girl friend cannot give.

Wester1967 · Answer

Be friends with anyone you want. You just don’t get to be my girlfriend. Get all the way over it. Plenty of simps out here that you can snag any time. Just don’t look at me cuz we ain’t partyin’. I’m busy with women in to me. Not a bunch of other dudes. You stay in your corner. I’ll stay in mine. Cheers

Anonymous · Answer

Is it possible for men and women to be friends? I mean it has happened, so technically , yes, it's possible.

Is it likely that a male is going to get sexually attracted to a woman he is friends with? Yes, it is.

Your perspective on this is a very gynocentric one that isn't consistent with the realities of male sexuality. That's really the bottom line here.

Apulu_3 · Answer

I don't know what is has to do with gender. Like I don't have many friends but I go along with boys more than girls. And I'm shipped in my class with a boy to whom I talked a few times. Due to this we need to talk secretly so no one will tease us as it is really uncomfortable because I see him as a brother.

Cherry234 · Answer

This is a really popular subject on GAG. I've answered so many questions about this. It really isn't a big deal. People can be friends with whoever they want. I just choose to ignore the naysayers. They can't tell people how to live their lives. People generally like to assume things because they don't know the whole story. Men and women CAN be friends w/o it leading to sexual tension like you say

Anonymous · Answer

Men can’t control themselves. They don’t know how to be friends with a women. That’s why I don’t have guy friends anymore because every time i try to be their friend they always misinterpret our friendship and end up wanting something more it’s stupid 🙄.

m33lad · Answer

If she’s hot im goanna always try to have sex with her. But I don’t that garbage anymore I tell her felt out I wanna have sex with you.
That’s why I don’t have too many female friends.

The ones that are my friends I’ve already slept with them.

randomize8 · Answer

We can be friends only if we are physically attracted to each other, and even in that circumstances, we might end up having sex, or at least we may try to get laid.
The fact that other feelings (lust, love, etc.) may come into play at some point does not mean we cannot be friends

lovedejj_xo · Answer

Its not ….. the only time I had a problem was when one of my ex’s friends became disrespectful and he never checked her. It was constant texting him at like 2-3am at night or if she was having a bad day for him to come over. I even tried becoming friends with her and she was standoffish only wanting to talk to him like I couldn’t do it so I broke up with him.

MysteriousDarkness · Answer

Can a guy who is either heterosexual or bisexual and a woman who is heterosexual or bisexual be friends? Yes. One of my best friends is woman and I have never wanted anything more than friendship and same goes for her. We have been friends for 20 years.

Retiever · Answer

I don’t understand it either. My wife doesn’t think I should have a friend that is a girl. I had to lose a lot of my friends. They were just friends. To me they were more loyal to me than my guy friends. I understand but I didn’t care about the guys that she had that were her friends.

Pumpkinspice009 · Answer

Because men see everything sexually,(‘ Not their fault) it’s their nature, but women don’t, so women think they can be just friends with men but men don’t think like this which is understandable.

siegetiming · Answer

-guys get less romantic attention than girls, so we're always looking.
-If you solve that by giving the guy a girlfriend, now his girlfriend is suspicious of the girl he's friends with.
-solve that by giving the girl a boyfriend, and now it's the same thing, but chances are the guy is in a tough spot (If he secretly likes the girl)

It's possible, but touch and go. Almost impossible.

ThatNoUVAtYourEyes · Answer

I wonder the same,

Probably because most people are abused and so end up abusing you as well. Their parents or sources of authority are nasty, they cannot get sex/form loving relationships with ease - so you might be better off staying away from them since there is a high chance they will sting you when they get abused next.
For baby boomers, being an abusive bully is a matter of great respect, a way to demonstrate one is the authority. Completely moronic but also the way things are.

Waldoe · Answer

you are correct, I have had several friends in my life that were "women".. it never became sexual, I admit I always had fleeting thoughts that I never acted on... by the way... humans are animals too

JBlade · Answer

You either want to be friends with the other sex or you don't. To each their own but I opt not to. I've had female friends in the past, I didn't enjoy it so I see being just friends as a waste of time.

Not_Average · Answer

It’s almost always leads to that at some point or another though. Sure there are anecdotal cases, but we’re all primal in nature.

TheSpaceGnome · Answer

It's not, the only people saying men and women can't be friends are guys who only know girls that only like doing stereotypically girly things.

NathanDavis · Answer

most of the people who say is NOT possible are the ones that never tried and the ones that have never had it, so... go figure...

ItsMeElliana · Answer

Because men and women being friends would end up actually having feelings for each other somehow. just being too close can actually end up with them together in my opinion

Anonymous · Answer

Many see the opposite sex as nothing more than sex toys or money on legs...

Pallavi37 · Answer

I have many male friends and we don't fuck around. My best friend is male.

FilmGuy93 · Answer

I'm not sure why there are so many questions about it recently, but I actually disagree with you. I don't think men and women can actually be friends. At least, I haven't ever seen it in my own life.

StormyWinter · Answer

Because it pretty much always ends up with someone catching feelings and sex and then it becomes awkward and it fucks up the friendship

Aiko_E_Lara · Answer

Because people cannot really speak for themselves if they cannot make friends with opposite gender

lonelyguyintheworld · Answer

My best friend is a wonderful woman never been romantic of any kind. I do know more about her than I would like to lol but I wouldn't trade her for anything. she's like me but a girl version. Her boy friend is pretty cool and we get along great.

qwert1234 · Answer

I don't know too. Seems like a lot of people here cannot grasp this concept of a guy and a girl just being casually, friends.

fonduegirl · Answer

Because the sex part always gets in the way  — Harry, When Harry Met Sally

ArrowheadSW · Answer

Right. I am friends with a lot of women. It's no big deal.

Tiptoetamm · Answer

It's not I have many male friends and we are just friends

Aphrodite801 · Answer

Who’s making it a big deal? The retards who can’t be friends with a woman because they’re such a weirdo? There’s not that much of them

Caliguy88 · Answer

I don't know. I usually have more female friends. Not always. But right now I hangout with mostly girls.

DaveToo · Answer

Many of my IRL friends are women, many of my online friends are women. I haven't had sex with any of them.

gag2021 · Answer

It's okay as long as neither has interest for more. If one has deep interest in the other without mutual feeling, it can't be. I think that's why girls and guys can't be just friends.

WowwGirl · Answer

If you're attractive enough it's not possible, if nothing else they will get drunk eventually

Nazgol · Answer

Because at some point one will get feelings so it's hard to maintain friendship like that

Shihab91 · Answer

We are men and women for a reason 🙂 and its not friendship  https://youtu. be/b5Q4KG1ZtVg

Anonymous · Answer

It's not. It's just a lie women say on dating sites. Believe me I've looked for ones that want to be friends and they generally all want your d*** before the end on thd night you meet them. Smh

Wiredone · Answer

I have plenty of friends who are women. I'm not doing anything with them sexually

In_Trance · Answer

Men and women can't be friends. https://youtu. be/RLqK0DTevxA

NumberOneStunna · Answer

Men and women are wired to “fuck” not hang out. Even if they don’t hook up one still catches feelings!

Anonymous · Answer

Depends on age maybe. I know I used to have lots of female friends. I had sex with every single one at some point. Single or not. So I never trusted it for my girlfriends. But it's different now. Pretty complicated topic with so many variables.

Jmmmfi4 · Answer

Yes it does & thats exactly why it doesn't work & I won't even consider it. Who the hell wants to be just friends with a girl? What can I possibly gain from that?

zagor · Answer

It's not. I used to have female friends, back when I had friends.

Twalli · Answer

It doesn't have to, but usually one or the other develops feelings

Jamie05rhs · Answer

Yeah, I don't know. I think it's certainly possible. I'm friends with you and we get along alright.

Anonymous · Answer

Last girl I'll ever try to be friends with led me on and manipulated me. It was after she friendzoned me and I never tried to be sexual with her but she would tease me to boost her self esteem

Joshua0213 · Answer

Cause I've been the guy friend so know what goes down

Julious0202 · Answer

friendship between man and woman is not possible when a woman has a beautiful face or body

Anonymous · Answer

It shouldn’t be. The world is weird for thinking it is. It is seltsam as such!

Why is it such a big deal about men and women being friends?

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