My ex is moving back to our hometown and wants to see me but I don’t want to see him - what should I do?

[Anonymous]

He was my childhood sweetheart - on and off from when we were 14 to 24.
He’s now 30, I’m 29.

We ended things on good terms back in 2015 as we were off doing different things in life with work/university.

I moved away for my dream job & he moved to another country all together. I wished him all the best and tried to move on - but he never stopped contacting me.

I eventually moved back home but he stayed away across the other side of the world.

During the past 5 years that he’s been gone he has met someone else, they eventually bought a house together & got engaged.
However he kept in contact with me during their entire relationship. (I didn’t even know about his girlfriend/fiancé until last year)

He would call me drunk, tell me he loved me, missed me etc and then would block me constantly if I ever replied. This went on for years & years.

It was a total head fuck as I was trying so hard to move in but he kept me stringing along for all these years.

Last year I fell for all his BS again and gave him another chance. I missed him and was in a bad place.
He lied to me for a year telling me he was single, loved and missed me, we were sexting/sending nudes etc.

Then a few months later he got engaged and was still with his girlfriend the whole time.

After that I deleted him off everything and haven’t heard from him until this weekend.

He sent me a dm & told me he is moving back and he is single now and because of covid he can finally come home.
He told me their house is up for sale and he’s coming home and wants to see me.

This guy broke my heart over & over again since I was 14 and I finally feel like I’m happy again. I’m still single but I’ve never felt so content in life - even though I’m still waiting to meet the right person.

I don’t believe anything he says.

I want to ignore him or should I tell him to leave me alone?

We are from a very small town and have many mutual friends and I’m terrified of bumping into him again as I haven’t seen him since 2016!!

[OlderAndWiser]

1. If you live in a small town, you will see him again. You can't run from him for the rest of your life. Prepare to face him.

2. You don't want to reunite with him so what is the question? You just don't agree to see him and you ask him politely to leave you alone.

3. I suspect that you will decide to see him again, it won't work - once again - and then you'll blame him.

4. Everybody else who knows you already knows that this relationship is doomed. How many times will you try the same thing, over and over, before you decide that it's never gonna work?

[Asker]

Thank you!!

[btbc92]

If you don't want anything to do with the ex, WHY are you still in contact? You do not have to see him. Move on. It is clear that you haven't moved on. The fact you have done a lot of sexual things with this guy, and you are not even married to him legally. Please make sure you are truly alright. If he is that a bad trigger, therapy would be best. I never dated, but I had men like that give me those triggers and I feel highly distressed. The guy is not good for you. Forgive him, let go, let God. But maintain your peace. Unless he wants to apologize and give closure, go in peace.

[Ashalia]

Tell him to go fuck himself he's more interested in his needs/emotional issues than being a good healthy partner. He needs to mature and you need to emotional space outside of a toxic relationship to grow and thrive.

[Asker]

Thanks 🥳🙌🏻🙌🏻

[Ashalia]

Be prepared for that first bump in. Try as much as you can to steel yourself against it because it may hurt a lot. But like ripping off a band-aid it is a good thing. After that initial shock you'll figure out how to deal. But again you need to think about how YOU will be healthy and happy. If that is without him you need to make that clear and upfront in that first bump in. (I cowardly avoided mine so I feel a bit hypocritical here) in hindsight I would say really truly look at you. What you need or want out of a relationship and what you can give to one. If he fits then maybe work with it (from what you've mentioned it doesn't seem so but who am I to judge *giggle) if he's not make that clear from the beginning so that there are to misunderstandings

[egarcia1360]

If you don't want to see him, then don't. He sounds toxic as hell and you're better off avoiding that kind of behavior.

[Asker]

Thanks!

[doopayo]

You need to ignore him and move on with your life, you only live once and can’t keep letting this guy flake on you and leave you with the cold shoulder.


I wouldn’t do it

[Asker]

Thank you! ☺️

[AviatorTom]

Let him know that you appreciate his offer but that you have moved on with your life, you'd like to pass on seeing him, and wish him well. As dumb as us guys are, he'll understand.

[Asker]

Thanks!

[Iknowbestgirls]

I understand that you have this long past with him but if he makes you feel like that and you know he isn't a faithful person, don't do that to yourself. And don't see him also if you have these mutual friends, let them know you don't want to have a thing to do with him. I'm sure they will tell him to leave you alone if they are real friends.

[Neosporin]

That’s unfortunate. I’d tell your friends and his fiancé the truth so they can help you? Or I’d move.

[Asker]

Thanks!

[Mangospacho]

This guy sounds like trouble. He started seeing you without telling you he was in a relationship? That’s not even a good friend, much less someone to be in a relationship with.

[Asker]

Thanks!
No we weren’t seeing each other - just talking/texting as he was in another country at the time but he lied to me about being with someone else.

[Jamie05rhs]

Tell him he's a cunt and that he should never speak to you again.

[Asker]

Love this 😂

[Jamie05rhs]

👍👍🙂

[Anonymous]

You're going to have to face him. And discuss him with your friends. And deal with the open wounds.
I expect you're going to have to be honest and tell him it's too late, you cannot see him, too much has happened. With as much certainty as you can muster.
I doubt you are certain. I doubt he'll listen.

[Jouth]

you should probably try to steal his car. Use this to maintain power

[Asker]

And hit him with it?

[Jouth]

well

[RlM63]

My ex wife is moving back to my hometown and it seems my family and friends are more concerned about than me. We were married 26 years and I've been single for 13 I love my independence not giving up for old love.
To many wonderful people out there when I'm ready. Advice ignore him and find another love.

[Wester1967]

Refuse to see him. Good move. Exes are ex for reasons.

[noohair]

Prepare for the worst and hope for the best. But don't fall for his bullsh! t.

[FreshHell2990]

Fuck him and see if you enjoy it. If he has a good cock and sex effort keep it up.

[ChiPaPa]

Then don't see him. Simple.

[Morgador]

Just tell him. No thanks

[In_Trance]

you asked this already

[Asker]

No I haven’t. This only happened on Saturday so it wasn’t me!

[Anonymous]

Let him know how you feel.

[Anonymous]

Simple.
Don't see him.
Is that so hard?

[TallAnon]

"Sorry, I'm busy"

[TaleTeller]

Tell him!

[lycanthrope3]

Just tell him