Breaking up my friendship because I want more?

Question

So I've been friends with a girl for about 6 months we've talked nearly everyday and we are very close, but i told her how i felt about her a few days ago and she told me she already knew but wasn't into me like that, today we had a fight, and she almost condescending like told me to back off, how she's only ever wanted to be our friendship to be lighthearted and thats why she's never wanted a relationship with me, how she's never wanted a super emotionally charged friendship either (waaay too late for that xD) how i need to respect that, and how she just wants us to be friends. i dont have a lot of friends i do enjoy her friendship, but at the same time she gets mad at me a lot, and her anger seems to stem from the fact that she usually goes after f*** boys who either try to take advantage of her or dont want her for anything more than fun. im in a bad spot financially but im a decent looking guy, im funny and im confident, i know that no one has the right to just put me in a little box and say you're not worth more than a friend, naturally i want to rebel. i need to change her perspective of me, my options are to just be her friend but try to be more distant, which I've already sort of done, she actually gets mad at me for flirting with other girls xD. OR i can try telling her we want different things and how we should cut ties, my friend said if she cares at all she will come around and potentially even try to date me just out of fear of losing me, or she will disappear and ill never hear from her again which would be heartbreaking on many levels for me. so i dont know what to do

Answer 1

lightbulb27 | 1.7K opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Master

I think when there's space, there's space for someone new. That's a problem I had... I had someone kinda like this girl, wouldn't let me go, but didn't want me.. I knew that. I hung around... for way longer than I should of.. like over a decade of prime of life... where you are at. I knew it was going nowhere but friendzone, but she clogged my life like a sink stopper. "I couldn't be drawn to others as there wasn't a void to fill. Just being friends" creates confusion and I guarantee when your real partner comes around, she's not going to like the other woman... and the other woman will try to screw you over. Women will "stack" the odds on their side, keep backups around and not commit.

I bet you $ your girl if got knocked up and left would come to you. you don't want that... you know that. If you do, then your self esteem needs a boost.

So in hindsight, taking the pain of loss would be the right thing to do. To suffer, be alone... and then make space for yourself to get back to a good place and grow, and space for a new woman to enter.

It hasn't been that long for you, so if you want to try to bring her to your side, no shame in that. How to change a friend to a lover is what you have to figure out and that be having her see your differently, as a man. Hard to do... certain things say to a woman "man". Probably having space for a while help... or amping your masculine, confidence so she sees you as a mate and not a friend.

don't be her door mate. she doesn't sound that great to me.

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Answer 2

MrOracle | 2.7K opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Master

This is why you need to ask girls you are attracted to out right away. You can't be "just friends" and you only screw yourself over when you try to be. You can be casual acquaintances or you can date, but nothing in the middle.

Girls will never date a "friend", so you shouldn't make "friends" an option. Female "friends" are great at wanting a lot of attention and pass a lot of time, but you don't achieve anything. You should either be out meeting other people instead of on a road to nowhere with a female "friend."

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Stallion87

6 mo
in the beginning she told me i was hot multiple times, and while drunk said something like "your friend said you're a nice guy i bet you have a nice c*** too" but when i told her i wanted to get to know her she said she wasn't looking for anything right now, i was gonna block her but then she said she really wanted to still be friends so i said screw it, over months we grew close and i got to know her really well, i just know know how to build sexual tension with someone im friends with
MrOracle

6 mo
"Still want to be friends" is a red flag. Always say no to this immediately. Don't let it be an option.

Answer 3

Stallion87

in the beginning she told me i was hot multiple times, and while drunk said something like "your friend said you're a nice guy i bet you have a nice c*** too" but when i told her i wanted to get to know her she said she wasn't looking for anything right now, i was gonna block her but then she said she really wanted to still be friends so i said screw it, over months we grew close and i got to know her really well, i just know know how to build sexual tension with someone im friends with

Answer 4

MrOracle

"Still want to be friends" is a red flag. Always say no to this immediately. Don't let it be an option.

Answer 5

Anonymous

Just cut her off. I was in the same situation as you, the guy wouldn’t let me go but still wanted me around. It hurt knowing that he’ll never want me the same way I wanted him so I walked away. He came running back after me but I was just too fed up at being strung along for 2 years. It’s only gonna cause more drama and heartache if you stay vs if you cut her off the pain’s only gonna last for a bit.

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Answer 6

MotorcycleMan | 208 opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Explorer

Don't play games with relationships. If you enjoy each others company, then hang out with each other and enjoy it for what it is. You don't have any choice but to accept her decision to just be friends. If that is something that you find difficult to handle (it is) then maybe you need some time away from each other until it's not so difficult.

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Answer 7

JHNS98 | 71 opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Xper 6

I don't need to read your details to answer your quesstion, because I went through a similar thing with one of my friends. We quarreled over Snapshat and ended up on separate terns.

I would suggest you get away from this person before the baggage gets too heavy. I hope you succed with gaining emotional distance as well, I couldn't, but I hope you can.

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