Why do people in relationships put their children first over their partner? And then wonder why their relationship doesn’t make it?

[Finchie40]

Don’t get me wrong your kids are a priority as well , But when you make your kids your priority over your partner then that’s when most relationships will end , and people wonder why they become single or end up single. Whether your partner is the biological parent or not you should always make your partner your number 1 priority. You and your partner will never agree on things when you prioritize your kids over them. I notice more girls do this then guys do. One thing about myself as a single parent is that I love my kids with all my heart and will be there for them as much as possible but my kids can be a fucking nightmare and cause so much havoc in a household , One thing I do for sure is when I am in a relationship with a girl I make her my priority the same way I expect her to make me. Your kids will have their own lives one day and will make their own choices and move out of your home one day , Why I never put my partner second , You people that do that are selfish and only really care about yourselves , Sorry the truth hurts but open your eyes and realize your partner needs to come before your kids , you partner should be your team player you and them vs the world.

Updates

+1 y

Sorry for the disagreements , I didn’t mean to make it sound like kids aren’t a priority because kids are definitely a priority but what I am saying you should never make your partner feel they aren’t as well , Parents can easily blame their partners for the way their kids are behaving by pointing fingers saying it’s your fault our kid is this way , and that is not the case at all , a child has their own life and will make their own choices no matter how great of a parent you think you are

[Anonymous]

Because what you say is bullshit to me.. or at least your conclusions. Your partner is your teammate, they need to make room for the kids as well. The kids come first in priority. If your kid is sick and your partner as well, then the kid need you more. And then they have a ton more needs than your partner especially if they are small. Your partner is an adult who can take care of themself, like they hopefully could while they were single xD
Kids move out one day but you should aim for them to still want to see you afterwards. If I had felt I was lower priority than my parent's partners (they were divorced for longer than they were married), then I would lose a lot for them and might have even stopped my relation with them. I hear stories of this all the time. Especially the father getting a new girlfriend, a girlfriend who wants little to do with his kids and therefore eventually they are pushed out of the picture. Surely the new girlfriend is also a bitch, but prioritising the relation to the kids is the main responsibility of the father. But they sometimes choose the bitch over their kids. Disgusting.
I don't have kids and do not plan to either. But I will certainly not be with a man who prioritise anything above his kids.

[DizzyDesii]

My future kids would be my number one priority but mainly in terms of dangerous and poverty situations. If there was one piece of bread, they would get it before my partner. If both the child and spouse were hanging off a cliff, i go for the kid first and then the spouse after. I would hope my spouse did the same in both situations. Basically things like that. On the other hand, i would not neglect my spouse in the bedroom or anything like that. Having kids does not affect me from having sex. If im not afraid to have sex in public places in front of randoms then having a kid in the same household is certainly not going to stop me. I’d just try to be less obvious with it then my parents were. Now If the spouse wanted to divorce, i’m not the type to “stay for the kids”. We’d just have a healthy coparenting relationship

[DizzyDesii]

You’re my aquarius buddy but we’re gonna have to agree to disagree on this way of thinking that you’re having

[Finchie40]

No I definitely agree with you on those terms, what I am saying is parents that neglect each other for how their kids are acting and pointing the finger at each other for how the kids are behaving and causing havoc in a household , a partner should always have their partners back when it comes to dealing with kids , even if the parent doesn’t fully agree on how one is handling it , the partner should make their partner their priority over siding with the kid , My ex use to make me feel like I was a horrible Dad and try to turn the kids against me by saying negative things about me to my kids for my kids to disrespect me and respect her more to the point everything I did was wrong , my kids started resenting me and thinking I was a bad Dad to the point I started feeling constantly attacked , My ex suffers mental illness and it took a long time for my kids to finally see that their mother had mental problems so when she was having her episodes she turned into a negative demon , instead of bashing my wife I did everything I could to get her help , I had her ass 302’ed and put into a mental hospital to find out her meds weren’t working anymore , they adjusted her meds and when she came out of the hospital she was back to the girl I first met , When I tried explain to my kids that Mom suffers from PTSD and Bi polar 2 they didn’t want to listen to me they looked at me like I was the one that had problems , I was a walking punching bag that took the abuse until my ex would finally get help , As my kids got older they started realizing that I was the normal one and Mom was the psycho one , to the point my kids wanted to be with me over their Mom , even though I can’t stand my ex, I never bashed her to the kids and told them that she loves them but my ex didn’t do the same for me. So that’s why if I date a girl now I check her fucking medicine cabinet lol My ex cheated on me during her episode and that’s why she is my ex

[DizzyDesii]

No i remember you telling me a while back how messed up she is. Yea i hate when parents try to turn the kids against the other parent. I actually respected this one lady on my show because she's dating a new guy but told him that she has a healthy relationship with her kids father. Then i lost respect for her when i found out that she waas scamming the new guy for his money so that she could take it back home to her kids father that she's still dating

[fairperson]

So you’re hating on kids because of ur ex

[ohshee]

Well if you want your relationship to last with this person then you're going to have to accept this because the children should come first that is her number one priority are these children to make them grow into good human beings is the guy is jealous because they get more attention than he does then he should just move on anytime did you start dating a woman with kids those kids are part of the package you can't understand that then you should probably just move on you don't have kids so you don't understand this but if you did it any other way it would be wrong as far as I'm concerned the kids are her number one priority not you you either accept it or you don't

[awkward_author]

If I have children, they are my priority because raising the next generation to be decent human beings is more important than a romantic relationship. The minute I choose to keep them, I am making a promise to always put them first and love them no matter what. I always keep my promises.

[bamesjond0069]

"If I have children, they are my priority because raising the next generation to be decent human beings is more important than a romantic relationship." This is called helicopter parenting and its generally how you raise rude little shit holes.

[awkward_author]

@bamesjond0069 Making my children my priority isn't helicopter parenting. It means making sure I'm available when they need me, and never choosing a romantic partner over them. On top of that, I would teach them basic principles and encourage them to think for themselves. My goal is to raise them to become decent human beings. However, they always have choices.

[bamesjond0069]

Yeah thats how you raise rude little shit holes. Either you dont actually care about them being decent or you are very misinformed about parenting.

[awkward_author]

@bamesjond0069 I'll never choose a romantic partner over my child, and I'm sure I'll make a great parent.

[bamesjond0069]

No that will make you a bad parent. Especially when you get divorced.

[awkward_author]

@bamesjond0069 That's your opinion, and you're entitled to it. Also, bold of you to assume I'd get divorced.

[bamesjond0069]

People who put their kids first generally do get divorced.

[awkward_author]

@bamesjond0069 I think it depends on partner selection.

[bamesjond0069]

Not if you're the one with the issue. And putting the kids first is an issue.

[awkward_author]

@bamesjond0069 I know how to select a parter, and this kind of thing won't be a problem. If my partner loves and is compatible with me, putting the kids first won't be an issue.

[bamesjond0069]

Just look at every single mom. Every single mom says she puts her kids first. This is not a coincidence. Good luck.

[awkward_author]

Poor mate selection

[awkward_author]

Then again, I’m also a creative person, so that helps.

[bamesjond0069]

Every mate is a poor selection if you are the poor selection yourself. Neglecting your husband or wife is pretty quick way to lead to divorce.

[awkward_author]

@bamesjond0069 I just saw your update, and I interpreted the original statement differently. I thought you meant to always choose your romantic partner over your children, and I would never do that. For example, if a romantic partner makes me choose between them and my child, I'm picking my child. Also, my child's needs come first.

With the way I date and select partners, it's unlikely making my kid a priority would be an issue. As long as creativity is involved, it's fine.

[bamesjond0069]

What update? Its not my post.

[awkward_author]

@bamesjond0069 Shit. Sorry. My bad.

[awkward_author]

@bamesjond0069 My position still stands. I'm not going to have issues because I weed people out who wouldn't have the ability to make something like that work.

[bamesjond0069]

Nobody can. This is why every single divorced person w kids agrees with you.

[bamesjond0069]

And as backwards as it is, your kids are the ones getting screwed. You care about them so much you can't see the big picture. you're exposing them to unhealthy adult relationships and you're making them think their own shits gold. When they grow up this is how they turn into fucked up adults.

[awkward_author]

@bamesjond0069 That's your opinion, and you're entitled to it. Fortunately, I know myself enough to the point where it won't be my reality.

[Fayeleo]

I am a woman and I agree to your opinion to a great extend.
I often say that if you treat your marriage as first priority, your kids have a happy family.
If you prioritize your kids first, while you might be a good mom/dad, but you might end up being single mom or dad.

I deeply believe parents relationship/marriage is the foundation for kids to grow healthily and the two need to be TOGETHER first, be FULLFILLED first as human being before they can take up the parents role.

That said, the two of them also need to be together in taking up the duties. If the woman is tired to death by looking after kids duties and the guy is acting like another big boy wanting attention then resentment comes in.

[Finchie40]

Yes, if you and your partner are happy together your kids will be happy , when partners blame each other and point fingers at each other the kids pick up on that and learn that it’s ok to treat each other like shit and in most cases those kids will grow up being out of control and not respecting their own relationships and becoming very selfish , When kids grow up seeing their parents being each other’s number 1 priority they will grow to respect their partners as well , My parents stood by each other’s side even when they didn’t agree on things and compromised to make their relationship work and they never took sides and pointed fingers at each other’s for the ways my brother’s and I were behaving , so my brothers and I grew up wanting a relationship like that My parents choose each other first, even though my brother’s and I didn’t agree with some of my parents parenting skills , we still learned that no matter what your partner should be your priority over the kids, Most parents don’t do that and wonder why their kids grow up to be fucked up and having a string of bad relationships , When I commit to a girl she becomes my priority, if I don’t become hers then I don’t waste my time , because without love and respect and sacrifice for each other that relationship will never last, I don’t commit to be single , we aren’t always going to agree with things but when you compromise and fix it that’s what makes love grow , water the grass you are already standing on before thinking the grass is greener on the other side , My ex didn’t see it that way and that is why she is my ex , she choose to cheat on me before fixing the differences we had , She constantly chose the kids over me to the point my kids started disrespecting me , but it’s funny how Karma works , cuz my kids are with me when they realized their Mom was selfish and psychotic , even though she is my ex , I still don’t bash her to my kids but she easily bashed me to them cuz I wasn’t her priority

[Ez-Bri-Z]

Because we know how to not be selfish. When you become a parent you already sign up for know you are not going to be the main priority anymore. Those kids will always be first.

Now, that doesn't mean you no longer make time for your partner, its just always going to be done around the kids schedule.

[Finchie40]

That’s where people are wrong and wonder why their relationships don’t last , your partner should be your priority over your kids when it comes to parenting , even if you don’t agree on how your partner is raising the kids you should never make your partner feel like they are a bad parent , sit down with your partner and come to a compromise on how you both are going to handle the kids , so yes your kids are a priority as well but they should never come before your partner you and your partner should be each other’s priority and raising those kids together , when it comes to disciplining them , your partner should never feel neglected and disrespected from the way a kid is behaving , You don’t get married or commit to someone to be single , if you do be prepared to be single , Selfishness is the biggest relationship killer , when you can’t wear your partners shoes like they should be wearing yours that relationship will not last , Kids grow up and learn from their parents , when they see parents that are constantly fighting and pointing fingers at each other that kid is going to grow up thinking it’s ok to treat my partner like shit , but when kids grow up with parents that make each other a priority they have a better chance of wanting the same as their parents , My parents did that for each other , even though my brothers and I didn’t agree with some of my parents parenting we grew up knowing that my parents were each other’s priority , Children have their own lives and will make their own choices , as a parent you can guide them the best you can but that doesn’t mean they are going to turn out like little angels , So when parents point fingers at each other and blame each other for how their child is behaving all they are doing is destroying that foundation that you and your partner created before bringing kids into the picture , and losing respect for each other , Your kids should never come before your partner and that’s where a lot of people go wrong ,

[Ez-Bri-Z]

You are confused.

Our kids are our main priority, but we can still talk and compromise. That's called being an adult.

I'm pretty sure it works too considering her and I have been together for over 20 years. I don't make her feel bad about things. If I don't agree with what she is doing in the moment, I let her finish and then we talk after on how we should handle it next time. We don't yell or point fingers, we talk about where we are coming from in our thoughts and go from there.

The kids though are still absolutely 100% our top priority

[Bluemax]

"Those kids will always be first."

Always? When they're 20? 30? 40?

My parents, who were *not* selfish and were awesome parents, took a very different approach than you. They had a life that was, when their children were capable of fending for themselves, to the occasional exclusion of their offspring.

[Bluemax]

If you were to ask my mother or father who came first when their children were able to look after themselves, their children or their spouse, they would have answered "tie"

[Ez-Bri-Z]

Always. 10, 20, 30, 100, 1000, whatever number you want.

I'm glad it worked for your parents that way. That is not how my wife and I work.

[Bluemax]

How many children do you and your wife have?

[Ez-Bri-Z]

2, son (9) and a daughter (6)

[Bluemax]

"I'm glad it worked for your parents that way."

It isn't mere chance that it worked out that way. Their policy of *everyone* is in first place when they are capable of fending for themselves is a very wise policy.

[Ez-Bri-Z]

Ok, but it still doesn't change our policy and what works for us.

[ChrisMaster69]

Nope, daughter is first, simple as that,

putting your partner first, irrespective if her mother, another woman etc is just wrong and incredibly selfish.

An adult should be able to manage both a child and a partner.

if a girlfriend wanted to go to the pub and we did not have a babysitter, we did not go to the pub, I put my daughters welfare first.

it’s not hard to work out.

[fairperson]

So you’re saying a parent should ignore their child’s cries simply because you’re having sex? Putting your partner over your child? What’s that suppose to mean? That will only lead your kids to hate you and you’ll wonder why do my kids hate me? Clearly you’re not mature enough to have kids and you only really care about yourself, a person who puts their kids over anyone is a mature and caring person they chose to have kids their kids didn’t choose to be born especially when it comes to step parents. Your child only has gou and no one else imagine putting someone who doesn’t care about your kids at all? Then that means you only care about yourself the logical answer would be it depends on the situation

[Finchie40]

Not at all , all I am saying is if the kids’ are out of control and causing havoc in the household , you and your partner should be on the same team , not one against the other and taking sides. you partner should be your tag team partner when it comes down to it dealing with out of control kids’

[SnakeBoop]

No, partner is priority number 2 same as I am to him with kids.
My partner will not die from SIDS in his sleep. My partner knows how ovens work and won't burn himself or worse, and can also make himself food.

[bamesjond0069]

Exactly, children come last in the priority. Thats how people used to raise kids. Now they put them on a pedestal and its not even best for the kids because they turn into entitled little shit holes when you do that.

[SeekerOfBooty]

Agreed.
This is one of the main reasons why I don't want a partner who wants children.

I would never feel valued by a woman with this mindset, it's so obvious that men are nothing more than a means to an end for them.

[noohair]

If you children are not your number one priority, I feel sorry for you and your children.

[hhhffg7889]

Lmao. I hope your aren't a parent... ever