Have you ever had a serious, long-term relationship that BEGAN as a long-distance relationship?

[OlderAndWiser]

This question is meant to focus on relatonships that BEGAN as a long distance relationship. Those are quite different from relationships that began when the couple had time together - in person - to develop a relationship, and they later got separated by someone going away to school, military deployment, moving due to a job, etc.

It seems to me that relationships that begin as a long distance relationship have the odds heavily stacked against them. I have been through that process - briefly - and it quickly fizzled out, the energy was gone, the excitement died a quiet death, and nothing was left. Have you ever began a relationship from a distance and eventually found a way to meet? How did that work out?

I've never had a serious relationship

I've never tried to have a long-distance relationship

I've tried to have a long distance relationship before but we never got to the point of actually meeting each other

I've tried to have a long distance relationship before, we got to the point of actually meeting each other, but the chemistry or spark wasn't there!

I've tried to have a long distance relationship before, we got to the point of actually meeting each other, the chemistry or spark was there, but it didn't last very long!

I've tried to have a long distance relationship before, we got to the point of actually meeting each other, the chemistry or spark was there, and it was great!

Something else that I'll explain in a comment

[TruthBringer]

I have shared some bits and pieces about my previous LDR. Mine started off as a LDR from day 1. She and I live in different countries. I can relate when you mentioned that the spark dies off. Not only that, LDRs are extremely exhausting. You're way too focused on keeping the other person's interest (and your own), wishing to be together than you're actually experiencing being in a relationship. In general, they are a depressing and useless way to be in love where your emotions are just wasted.

The picture of the boy resembles LDRs perfectly. You end up feeling more longing & pain than actually experiencing. They require more time and energy to maintain than local relationships. And the odds are still stacked against you nonetheless. Relationships in general are hard and come without guarantee, adding the distance would only make things harder and even less guaranteed.

Was it worth it? The 1+ year of pain and longing just for the few days we spent together in person? No. Not at all. I can't think of a single thing you CAN do in a LDR that you cannot do in a local relationship. But vice versa, I can give you an endless laundry list. Hence why I've made more memories and had more fun 1 week within my local relationship than I did with my 1+ year LDR. I have promised myself never again to get in a LDR. A promise I have never questioned or regretted.

For those reading this who are in a LDR, no need to come at me with comments about how great your relationship is. We've all been there and thought our LDR was the exception. I simply wish you and your LDR best of luck and come back to me only if you closed the distance and are living together.

And for those who ended up closing the distance, I applaud you for going against the odds and actually making it till the end. That makes you the exception.

[TruthBringer]

Thanks for the MHO

[mike5150]

Years ago I tried that. Lasted two years and then the time too meet came. She started acting funny and told me when I was already traveling too see her that this might not be a good idea. So I finished going there got a hotel for a few days too see if changed her mind. Well I woke up the day after I got there and checked facebook and noticed she had changed her relationship status and put she was dating someone else. I found out they had been together for months. So i figured I was lied too and went home.

Definitly not something i would do again

[OlderAndWiser]

A definite helluva learning experience, I'm sure!

[De_La_BakedBeans]

Damn... Must of sucked. And a waste of money... Sorry bro.

[Daniela1982]

You probably should take taken her hint seriously. Goes to show you what I always say about LDR's, you can never know what is going on with the person at the other end.

[mike5150]

Yeah it was quite an experience and as far as money goes. At the time I didn't think about it but literally years later I remember trying to purchase a car and thinking man I wish I had some of that back.

[mike5150]

@Daniela1982 The problem with that is that after 2 years of someone telling you they want you to move to be with them and you think that the relationship is legitimate, you will give the opportunity legs to see if it worked. What was lost in the end? Money sure, time, and a loss of self worth. But this wasn't something I had even intentionally set out too experience. We started out just talking about issues we had gone through during our teen years. Thing's kind of just took off from there.

[lightbulb27]

yes LTR that started as LDR. we are together 7 yr now, hard to believe... when I met the the kids were so young, now teens. we broke up at one point and got back, living together 6 mon and seems like many years together as we are very comfortable. Engagement on, were doing good.

we met answering questions on gag about her x boyfriend, we met in person after talking on phone few times. I appreciate she's a real quality person, strong value system, simple, fun, and complements areas where I was weak. Her beauty has grown on me, she gets better over time. It's a bonus surprise she's culturally quite different but with similar roots. I get to learn and explore so much I had no idea existed.

Being long distance was hard at times... communicating was cause of lot of stress and I had lot to learn. LDR required us to have extended time together since less frequency. Was clear, we were always better together than apart. I'm still learning to communicate better and learn how to manage my role in the family. Being together, I can bring my better qualities to bare in support and that reduces the stress, increases opportunities to enjoy life together as we do.

I think every relationship probably different, so difficult to give people advise if this is for them. Expect work in any relationship, LDR probably more and may highlight our personal areas of growth. For it to work, gotta be flexible, work on communication.

And thank you for your friendship and support over the years OAW! don't be a stranger... we still have a box of goodies for you in that, you know who, meant to send you.
Stay healthy!

[somesoul]

It's been 2 years almost. We have been in a long-distance serious relationship. We met on April 1 2020 on FB and decided mutually that April 3 2020 would be the real time we came across haha obviously coz April 1 was April fools day. Hahaha. Normally I don't respond to strangers but I don't know why on April 1, me and he talked for few minutes that day and I told him I am busy working on something and I would text him tomorrow and I had to go and so I stopped to chat and I hung up. Then April 2 I was busy so I did not text him and that guy all day was texting me. Then April 3, he directly after a long conversation, he asked me to be in a relationship with him and I told him it won't work out but he insisted it will. He introduced me to his mom on video call and then made it public on FB. I have broken up with him 3-4 times by now. And we are still together but online. He is rich than me and he thought I was a gold digger so he ignored and was rude to me for no reason suddenly too many times, that's why I had broken up with him before he breaks my heart all this time, he ordered me meet his mom finally after almost 2 years in dec 2021.

[whatsthereinname]

That's really strange for me to believe someone calling it a relationship in two days... Or at least asking for it

Always thought it happens gradually and you don't have to ask for it

But whatever it is.. Nice that you're together

[Daniela1982]

Well I think I know what brought this question on. I can't understand about LDR's. I figure guys meet these girls on dating sites or specialized sites like girls in Russia, the Philippines, or Mexico. But why look at girls so far away instead of in your own stomping grounds? Most of these girls in other countries just want to come to the US to get out of the shithole they live in, like the Philippines where half the girls are LadyBoys or prostitutes. You have 28 year old girls willing to marry a 65 year old guy just to get out. Then they want their families brought over too so the guy is being used as a cash cow. One guy near our desert house married a woman from Belize and they are constantly sending money to her relatives there. She wants her family to move here too but so far he has resisted that idea. So what would drive a man to look outside the box rather than in his own town where he can meet and actually date women?

[OlderAndWiser]

I have a theory that many people who initiate LDRs are ambivalent about whether they REALLY want to be in a relationship. They say all of the appropriate things to indicate their interest but I think they are actually scared of possibly learning that they are a miserable failure in a real relationship. They find a long distance relationship so they can claim that they are actively pursuing their interest but they are creating situations in which they won't actually have their suitability for a relationship tested. t's like a homosexual finding a woman to marry him so he can pretend to be heterosexual.

I have had an LDR experience but this question is not prompted by that experience.

I am in Florida. I talked to a woman from Houston for four months in 2020, right after covid hit the US, and then she finally travelled to my area (for an unrelated reason) and we met. We had instant chemistry and she invited me to visit her in Houston. Abot two days before I travelled to see her, she started expressing some reluctance but I thought it was just a little anxiety kicking in. I spent four days in Houston (stayed in a hotel) and we had a great time. I returned home and got the call "I don't think I can keep doing this." I'm not sure what changed her feelings but I didn't dwell on it, assumed it just wasn't meant to be, and moved on to meeting some new women and found one who is a good match. We are now living together.

[Daniela1982]

So she was tired of the long distance thing or saying it with the hope that you would be willing to move and live there? I have read on here that some have moved and it didn't turn out well.

[Can-I-Get-A-DoOver]

I’m in Florida. Have we chatted before?

[MCheetah]

"But why look at girls so far away instead of in your own stomping grounds?"
Because local girls, especially in America, tend to suck and have insanely high standards most men can't meet.
And The Philippines really isn't that bad. And all ladyboys are from Thailand, not the Philippines.
And most guys wouldn't want a 28 year old mail order bride. That's old AF for one of those ladies. 18-25 or don't bother.

[Daniela1982]

@MCheetah oh God, here comes Negative Nellie again.

[MCheetah]

@Daniela1982
I'm not being negative! Those are valid issues I brought up.

[Daniela1982]

@MCheetah And as usual they are all in your head.

[OlderAndWiser]

@Can-I-Get-A-DoOver I am in Jacksonville. Don't remember us talking about this previously.

[OlderAndWiser]

@daniela1982 I have no idea why she had a change of heart. I don't think she really knew what she wanted.

[DeeDeeDeVour]

I had a long, serious in-person relationship in California but I had to relocate to the Philippines for various reasons. We continued trying to work out our LDR but eventually failed to maintain it because it simply wasn't easy. However, the unwanted breakup was too heartbreaking for us both so he & I made separate efforts to revive our relationship.

My independent effort was returning home to California to go back to him only to find out that he left home to join me in the Philippines. Our plans got screwed up because we were not coordinating due to the fact that we were trying to surprise each other. I rushed back to Philippines to welcome him correctly. It worked out eventually and bloomed into marriage. <3

[MCheetah]

"I've tried to have a long distance relationship before, we got to the point of actually meeting each other, but the chemistry or spark wasn't there."

This. When she saw me in person, she realized she wanted a guy much taller than me. Story of my life. She wasn't that far away; she lived in New York City and I lived in Philadelphia; but it was still so far away we could never regularly see each other. So that was a long distance relationship that didn't work out. I had one chick that I had strong sparks with, but she lived in Indianapolis and she was about to enter grad school, so our chances of meeting were slim.

[Anonymous]

I made a guy friend on Facebook when I was 12, he lived at the other end of my country. We used to Skype each other every week and play online games together. We got really close and started “dating” a bit when we were 14, which didn’t really work out since we were both young and didn’t know what we were doing. Eventually we gave up on long distance and went back to being friends, then when I was 16 I flew down to his town to meet him. He was even better in person and we went mini-golfing and had dinner together. We stayed in contact after that and I went and visited him again when I was 17, I stayed with him for a week and we had some fun and had a lot of sex lol. To this day he’s still one of my best friends even though he lives far away, and I plan to visit him again in the future when I can afford the flight tickets.


So I would consider this a long term relationship, because friends with benefits is still a type of relationship.

[19magic]

He never gone down and visited you?

[Opinion Owner]

I’ve been in a better financial position than him for years, and if he came to visit me, I wouldn’t have anywhere for him to stay. So he would have to pay more to have a motel room. Seems easier for me to go to him.

[19magic]

Fair enough 😊

[Anonymous]

I was in a 3 year relationship that started as long-distance.
For the first half we were still in school, and while we were exclusive on paper, it was more of a casual-situationship.

In the second half, I got a freelancing job and moved to live in her country to have a relationship proper.
I spent several 3 month periods living there (coming back home whenever my stay expired), for about a year and a half.
We eventually broke up due to incompatibility which didn't have to do with the distance.

To this day we remain in contact online, and she considers us "as having something special" (although I don't, for me it was mostly a learning experience).

[Adam1978]

No relationship require trust, and I can't observe a person behavior to determine if they are trustworthy from long distance. It's also a good way to make it expensive without increasing the odds of success. So it's better to look nearby unless there simply isn't anything there.

[Idazle34]

My relationship with my husband started off long distance. It is definitely hard on both parties, and both have to really want the relationship to work. From my personal experience I find that long distance relationships that last are a lot stronger than relationships that have never delt with the long distance.

[AncientWisdom]

Oh hell yeah I have tried dating a few like that and the endings are numerous. I find a lot of them put up old pics or filtered ones. They end up looking very different. Then there’s the ones who arrive playing games from the moment they walk in the door. It’s not boring though 😂😂

[De_La_BakedBeans]

Dated a Japanese girl a few years back. We where online classmates. After a semester she asked me if I wanted to date her, and I didn't see why not. It was nice at the time, being able to have someone to talk to. It was all online so it never really got to a "relationship" status, I would say. Eventually she had to quit to focus on her studies. We never met if person during that time, but she came to China afterwards and we wound up being good friends.

[Kabluie]

Yeah, there was this high school girl who got admitted to my university. So there was a a possibility of a real relationship. We'd talk casually in my down time kind of ordeal I didn't think much of it as I had a social life at school but I always found time to talk to them. Like I'd be in my dorm and doing homework kind of thing. It was always an open-relationship until they moved in.

[najekim]

Wife and I met online, on AOL when it was $3.95/hour to be on dial-up. She was in Texas and I was in Ohio. I moved to Missouri and we started dating meeting up once a month for two years. Then I move to Kansas and her and her son moved from Texas to be with me a year later. That all started 26 years ago.

[DiegoO]

Yeah, not again in this life; although, not everything was negative. I cope with it thanks to creative writing.

📌The irony (at least for me) was the numerous writings I made. Never actually thought I would go that far. Thanks to them I gaine a vast insight.

[hahahmm]

Sure. But it wasn't planned. We didn't meet on a dating site. It was accidental. Eventually I married her. I advise people against doing long distance relationships because -as you say- odds of it working out are low.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Nope.
But there was one time I wish I had it.
On the other way, I have a boyfriend now. We lived together and now we are separated in different countries because of pandemic. So we’ve had long distance relationship for 2 years.

[annabananna]

Yup, my husband and I started off long distance. For some reason starting off that way works pretty well for me.

[Daniela1982]

And have things gone well after marriage?

[annabananna]

Yes they have

[Old_Golden]

Had one relationship that started long-distance, we met, it was great, we continued long-distance after and i found out she was lying about a whole bunch of stuff. im no angel but this woman took spiteful to a whole new meaning for me

[JoyGirl]

No, but the one I am currently in is going to be long term. He plans on moving here after college (he graduates before me). 😌

[Can-I-Get-A-DoOver]

I have a 5 year long distance relationship with someone I first met online.

[Jamie05rhs]

I personally wouldn't mind.
Yes, the odds are heavily stacked against. But that's part of the allure and excitement of the whole thing. Achieving the impossible. Beating the odds.

[Heartache0405]

Yes. But it still ended the same way a long distance relationship always does. By her cheating on me

[Avicenna]

Yeah, I had one that would definitely qualify as Long Term

[Alyssa_11]

I have been in a LDR and it was serious. We didn't work out though.

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

I've never tried to have a long-distance relationship

[FadoraTheExplorer]

I am currently in a long distance relationship. He actually asked me to move in with him.

[cookiecrusher]

I guess you two could buy a mansion

[cookiecrusher]

I know a couple that was long distance for few years now married for 7

[WhatMeow]

We ended up meeting and got married! After 8 years together we divorced though

[kcjw3133]

There's a Facebook group dedicated solely to this! I've seen so many success posts :)

[Waldoe]

F... and we got married

[countryLOVE]

not interested in long distance relationships.

[IAmMichael]

I have not.

[BarryLiverstone]

Nope

[Bigg_Boss1]

No it didn't