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A fatalistic approach will never take you anywhere. Learn from your past. Look at your choice in words and actions and what the results were. Discover alternatives that are more likely to give you the results you'd prefer.
It's easy to blame others (or even blame ourselves), yet blame never resolves the problem. You can focus on what your ex did or didn't do, but you'll accomplish more by focusing on what you did or didn't do. Get some help. A lot of times we don't see what we are doing... we just maintain familiar patterns absentmindedly.
Did your choices lead him to feel unappreciated, due to your focusing on what he should or shouldn't do rather than educating him about what tends to work for you? Did he feel safe to be open and honest with you, or did he anticipate another criticism? Were you focusing on his potential rather than savoring the person he has always been? Did you expect him to change, or did you choose someone who was already the man you could value?
Don't throw in the towel. Become the best person you can be and keep your eyes open.
Your update is like saying "most marriages fail, so don't bother to get married." There will always be plenty of people of all genders who will remain single, and not all are by choice. Maybe your expectations are just too high or different from the norm. I've accepted that my expectations of a partner are very different from what most women are, but I choose to not settle. That doesn't mean I couldn't get someone if I wanted. I've just discovered that settling, just to be in a relationship, is not worth the effort.
yes I've thought that in the past, took a long long long time to find a good relationship... and wasn't without pain to get there. Its similar to falling down on a knee and not wanting to get back up because it's too hard.
It's total BS your mind making up to avoid taking responsibility and make the adjustments required. The sub conscious is a gorilla that doesn't want to change or face reality, it rather stay the way it is.
Possibly avoidance personality traits. Either way, it's a recipe to stagnate and guarantee failure.
I’m not giving up. Just coming to terms with reality. Like one of the guys on here said.. I’m ugly and gross looking and will never find someone to stomach looking at me. I think my personality is nice. I make people laugh, I have great conversations with guys, I’m super caring and sweet, and that’s what people IRL tell me. But it doesn’t matter if the guy can stand to look at me. Love and affection is just something beautiful women get.
Regarding happiness, read the book "the art of happiness"... you are demonstrating in your thinking a root cause of unhappiness... comparing yourselves to others in beauty. Stop listening to negative guys and listen to the ones who are positive. I'd bet $ you are a wounded empath, drawn in by the "narcissistic spectrum" males, and disregard the empathetic caring ones.
Regarding finding a mate... I read below and you don't listen to the ones who say you are attractive, but you believe the negative. This is an issue with your broken self esteem/self image, or you are pmsing. . you are negative inside. I've seen people who are sensitive, empathetic, or with hurts (emotional traumas) easily drawn into the negativity. that controls until it is dealt with.. and no man can reach through the sub conscious, including the guy below. The solution is to heal your inner self so you project your best self, else you live in "a box" you believe exists. I've lived all that myself.
Guys makes excuses as to why they have no success..., "im ugy... im too short... im too poor"... blah blah... it's lies we tell ourselves to justify our failure.
Lots of girls who are imperfect find mates... it's more about how they project themselves. Be aware, there's the guys issues as well. too many girls forget they are humans with deep flaws, insecurities, fears. getting "other focused" helps. you have a lot to learn it seems... if you so choose to. Or you can be alone if that's what you choose.
@Juicyred921 You're not ugly.
I not listening to anyone but myself. I see what I look like everyday. And it doesn’t matter that I lost 100 pounds.. I still have 30 to go.. and i still have a little belly. It’s so embarrassing. And that’s why no one cares about me. Cause I’m still fat
@Juicyred921 Stop it. You look great!
@Juicyred921 I figured out the problem. You feel this way because of what VikingWarlord said to you on your other post.
He's an absolute douche. Do NOT listen to him!
@lightbulb27 Back me up on this, please.
@Jamie05rhs not going to listen. I applaud her setting goals and working to better oneself. first positive thing I've heard.
👍💯✊
Statistically there are more women because we live longer and there is a shift in all age group statistics.
Love happens one time in life, if it was the wrong one everyone after is just a compromise.
Yeah, I did. Before love found me. Happiness has to come from within though.
It’s easy for beautiful women to find love. It’s much harder when your not attractive to guys.
@Juicyred921 but what beauty matters? The physical, or the beauty from within?
Physical beauty is all that matters to men.
@Cassie5403 I don’t think that’s true at all. I’m fairly plain and I have a man who loves me.
Then I'd hate to break it to you, but you're pretty
@Cassie5403 I don’t know about all that. Love is blind.
I agree with Cassie.. guys only care about looks. Personally is second. Looks matter yo guys cause sex is all they want from a women. Guys do care about love and emotional stuff. They pretend.. so they can have sex. For them “love” is about what a women can do or give them.
@Juicyred921 I don’t think that’s true of all men.
Opinion
53Opinion
As a man I have lived enough to learn that I will always be "loved" conditionally. Meaning, I will be loved as long as I can do something for someone. So it's better to detach my happiness from love anyone feels for me, basically to love oneself, one's time, ones hobbies and purpose in life more than what love from a woman can bring. I believe it's not possible for a woman to understand what a man feels like most of the time. Much like being a ghost in the middle of a party where all the women are having a good time with few men, and you are unable to speak, be heard, ignored, invisible.
Now you can excel in your field of choice and gain visibility but again you will be sought after for what you can do for them, not for what you are, or as men in growing numbers are doing, unplugging form the game and focusing on themselves.
The truth in this society, especially America, is that you're not meant to be happy. You're meant to be a worker first and build your life around that, if you can. Less so in Europe, Scandinavia, Sweden
But more to your point, yes. There are more women than men, but many women don't know what they're doing in dating. Women might have high standards, but they also can be manipulative and play games during the dating phase as well as into and even through the relationship. Combine that with most men having relatively low standards and you have the current dating scene.
There is also the disconnect of those girls who are feminists but still want the 1950s kind of relationship and their idea of a "good man".
No but sometimes I think since I already found it and had it for close to twenty years that it’s not meant to happen twice plus I don’t know that I want it again it’s too big of a hit when it’s taken away we had a relationship that all our friends wanted some even came over and asked my wife to school their girlfriends on how to act but what nobody understood is that our relationship was only between us she was the way she was with me because of how I was with her and because of the love we had and our insane passion and lust for each other we were best friends and more than any of them could understand and once you lose that there’s a feeling of no reason to hope for it again also you don’t want to risk the pain but know this that kind of love takes a lot of work and two people that were supposed to be together you won’t just fall into it everyday and if you ever do always put in the work which is easy because it’s real not forced
YES. Too often. I either feel like I'm a member of the "undesirable gender", or I feel like I missed my chance at love in my 20's, or that I've been single too long for me to handle a relationship very well.
It's a sucky feeling and sometimes a panicky one.
Yeah but then I remember I'm 22 and there's literally more people out there than I can count so I'll just see if it happens, if not in the meantime I'll just work on enjoying myself by trying new things and achieving things I can only pursue whilst single based on time available only when you're out of a relationship and then just like that, the thought is gone but that's just me.
No because that would be a negative and I'm not into that.
I know everything we'll be okay and we'll work out just right and just have to be patient.
You adjust you spend your time doing things that you wouldn't normally do or building yourself bigger and better use that down time to improve something and be patient be happy you loving be caring be free it will all work out but if you fight yourself it takes ten times longer
There are actually more men Born each year, there are more young men then young women. Until they are killed off by war, suicide and work injuries.
It's only in latter years that so many men have died that women are in the majority. But that's long past the time people get married so as far as dating and marriage age people there are slightly more men. .
Yeah, a lot actually. Not necessarily that I'm not meant to be happy, but to find love. I'm not very confident or good looking, but I'm chill with being alone and just hanging out with friends, at least for now. I do want to find someone but that probably won't happen for a while tbh.
You? Why? Look at how pretty you are!!
As for the question: YEAH!! I've been alone most of my life!! I was almost 25 before the first time I had sex and it's been just over 26 years since the last time! Looks to me like I'm destined to be a hermit for the rest of my days!
Wrong way round , there are considerably more men in the world , esp from the Middle East through to China. Also , far more women are happy single & man free by choice , than vice versa , however the number of single by choice men is growing , I am one of them. There are several times more available men than women as a result. I personally prefer as much peace & solitude as possible , hard sometimes with a teen daughter thundering around.
I always thought those odds would be in my favor , having more women than men but it’s really not true for younger because there are more younger men than women until a certain age. Check out how many men are on dating sites or on here, most messages come from men
Yes 100%. I think the opposite tho. Whenever i go say to a bar its always dudes there and the females are either taken or crackheads. I feel its harder to find a woman then a guy to date. I sometimes think it would be easier to be a woman
Indeed. There are more women than men in my region.
And yet I couldn't find a girlfriend. Or even a first date.
I have accepted my fate as it is. Love isn't on the menu for me, so I go and do something else instead.
*Not ugly, fat or unattractive!
happiness is a choice, no matter what happens in your life. i am not saying be happy when someone you care about passes away. give happiness to the world and be happy, a way of life, happiness is not doing as you like, but liking what you do. will this bring you true love, probably not. i usually find things when i quit looking
Most women are meant to share a dude with other women.
Just find you a hot stud like me who can snag hot women so you don't have to look at other ugly women when you're with him.
So all guys want more than one women at a time? That’s there goal? What if I love that person and I can’t share them?
There are tons of betas, cucks, simps and manginas who will worship one woman, but face it, those types don't get your panties wet. You need to be asking why all women want the bad boy player types like ME.
I just literally laughed at this.
I can’t tell if this is trolling or just a level of confidence I’m not used to seeing lmao.
Duplicate post... But honestly I think everyone thinks it from time to time (me however I know it to be true) 30 plus years (since my last relationship) and that was when I was 10 years old.
Every single day lol. My mum says it's cause of my 'choice' in men... but I don't know. I get let down by a guy every time.
@Alyssa_11 Aww. What happened with the dude?
@Jamie05rhs I’m still with him. But I’m sure he’s gonna leave me soon. All men leave me for someone else or cheat on me.
Wait- hold on. You have 2 accounts?
I'm so confused.
@Jamie05rhs omg! I’m so embarrassed.. I miss read the message. I didn’t realize it wasn’t meant for me. I’m so dumb 🤦🏻♀️
@Juicyred921 I’m sure the guy is very lucky to have you!!
@Jamie05rhs and the guy I was talking to is acting weird I don’t know why. It seems like he’s mad but I didn’t do anything.
@Juicyred921 Aw, it's okay! Sorry for the confusion!
@Alyssa_11 Oh, man. Well, write a question about it, and maybe some of us can help you get to the bottom of it.
@Jamie05rhs Thank you! I would but he's just not worth it anymore. I feel like if he likes me and wants to be this way he wouldn't leave me hanging like this. I don't want to be in a relationship with someone like that. I am so put off lol.
@Alyssa_11 Well, tell me, then. What's going on?
What did he do?
@Jamie05rhs He didn't reply to my morning text until like the evening without any explanation. So I didn't respond until the next day in the afternoon cause I was busy too. Then he he gave me a dead response and the conversation ended there.
I texted him a couple of days later for his birthday and he didn't respond until the evening say 'thanks'.
He gave me the vibe that he doesn't want to talk. It's weird cause we don't even know each other so well yet and he's acting like that.
"He gave me the vibe that he doesn't want to talk. It's weird cause we don't even know each other so well yet and he's acting like that.". No; it's not weird. That is completely natural. This is PRECISELY what communication is going to look like between two people who don't know each other very well yet.
@Jamie05rhs But he should put in some effort to get to know me, just as I am putting effort.
@Alyssa_11 I agree. But maybe he's shy. Maybe he's intimidated by your hotness.
@Alyssa_11 I hate to break it to you, honey, but a lot of beautiful women have that same problem. You just have to be assertive in going after what you want. Be bold!
If he isn't communicating the way you want him to, tell him that. He can either a) change to make you happy or b) exit your life. Either way it's a win, because you're getting to the point and not wasting anymore time.
@Jamie05rhs Aw well thank you and thank you for the advice :)
You're welcome!
@Jamie05rhs 👍🏼so true. those texting devices are terrible methods of communicating, should have a surgeon generals warning.
I used to think like that. I had a lot of good things in my life and I thought that having a girlfriend was just something I would have to learn to live without.
Nope. I know I'm a person who deserves love and happiness.
Yes. And I’ve completely accepted it and bath in it and am at peace with it completely. If only others can learn how to be as well
How recently did he break up with you? Sorry, but you're wrong. You will definitely find someone, or they will find you!!
He didn’t yet. But I have a feeling he will soon. He still talks to his ex. But says he has no romantic feelings for her. And he likes to friend request a lot of beautiful women on Facebook. He doesn’t message them but he likes there pictures on there profile.
You're with the wrong guy, period. It has nothing to do with you "not being meant to be happy or have love". It's just not going to be with this guy. Message me.
Yes, It can seem that way, but most people find love eventually
We are all meant to he happy. But apparently we don't all get lucky and find love. I never found that love, I'm not sure I ever will. Fml. I can just fantasize about.
No that's what causes depression. Sometimes you just gotta work on your outlook and good things will come to you
Statistically speaking, most people will just remain single.
If you want to fall in love then get better at meeting people and get better at relationships.
No, happiness is an internal emotion. *I find it feeding birds and holding the door for people. Gratitude is important.
I know I'm not meant to have love but that's ok, I made a vow to myself to let myself die at 35 if certain conditions weren't met.
@Juicyred921 You say you're afraid that he's going to leave you. Why is that? Why do you think that?
No, because I know everyone is meant to have those things.
Well I can’t see that being possible for you but. I have been wrong before
I guess I just want too much. All I wanted was to spend time with the guy and not to see other people. But that’s asking to much. I’m not worth that kind of trouble.
“Meant” means there’s a higher power in control of you. That’s ridiculous.
Oh I am sure you will. Give it time. You know it happens when you least expect it.
So am I, I'm meant to be alone. No luck with ladies so far after my last break up few years ago
nope... God is Love... so I can Love... even if I am not Loved
No I believe everyone deserves to be happy and be loved
Happiness yes ioften think this. But I have been greatful enough to know what being in love felt like.
Having love isn't what happiness is. It's the contrary
All the time but believe me you deserve love just needs to be the right one
Sometimes I do but that might just be my depression talking.
all the time and i really believe this is true
Don't feel bad I feel the same way as you do
No I've always thought 'What can I do about it?'
women live longer if that helps
Nope. I'm great at relationships.
That a question I been wondering for long time
Tough shit but you learn to live with that
I don’t know, you are very pretty.
Not really. If I was thrn I wouldn't be either
Sometimes, buts that's life.
If you think that, then alright.
More like, "Is love even worth the pain?"
I literally think that all the time
No, not at all.
You have just as much if not more of a chance to find true love. You're attractive, that and with a great personality you'll find love.
See. That’s the thing. I’m not attractive. I don’t have a perfect body. Guys never ever flirt with me. When they look at me.. it’s almost like they feel bad for me.
Hon very few person's have a perfect body and while some physical attraction is desired it certainly is not the most important aspect of a good relationship. Personality, unselfishness and disposition are far more important.
I've been following you for sometime. Feel free to follow me.
I don’t believe that. Attractiveness is everything to a guy. I’m a solid 3 .. if that. So guys won’t even notice me. Won’t even get to know what kind of person I am. So I won’t get a chance at love or even just a little affection. I’m not the girl that gets the guy. I’m the girl who gets used until he finds someone better and more beautiful. Someone with an amazing body and face.
never have
Nope I haven't
There actually more men than woman not by much
All the time
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