Who's fault is it or who was wrong?

[Jennajay1719]

The person I been dating in the beginning he hurt me because he was seeing some other girl but it was my fault because I had agreed to see other people (5 months ago). As of now we are dating exclusively. So when that had happened I cried to my family talking about how he hurt me and my family never met him but they got hate for him. So months later our relationship has improved a lot and he has been doing a lot of sweet things for me and visiting me at work. Every Sunday I'm with my family spending time and I always leave at 10pm. Lately he calls me on Sunday and it takes time away from my family. He surprised me today because I said I was hungry and he ended up walking 2 hours to my parents house to give me a snack. It was 6pm and he said his feet hurt and I said oh well I have to go back and he just said "I have to walk back long walk". I said bye to him thinking nothing wrong. He sent me text 30 min later saying "you would think someone would be thoughtful and give a ride to someone who took a long walk" now he's mad

Updates

+1 y

I tried calling him and he wouldn't answer. So I texted him asking where is he so I can drive him back home. He replied saying "no it will be awkward, I will walk home im not going to ask for a ride and now I know for the future".
I told him" what do you mean awkward? I told my sister about you that you came all the way here to give me a snack because I said I was hungry".

So who's fault is it? Should I have offered him a ride or was it his fault? He knows I spend time with my family until 10pm

Updates

+1 y

I ended up talking to him and I said "sorry for being stupid" I started crying because i felt like shit and he looked mad but then his face changed and looked like he started feeling bad and he gave me a long hug. We talked it out which im surprised because usually when he gets upset he ignores me completely for days. He said he feels like an asshole because he knows I'm inexperienced in relationships and he expects me to know everything or know what to do in certain situations.

[yug_a_tsuj]

Ok honestly hating part.. that was on you, and you should explain it to your family so next time it doesn't have to be your family or him, but your family and him time..

As for walking.. that's 100000% on him, you said you were hungry he walked to give you a snack, wow, good for him, that was really sweet.. but you don't do that and then expect things in return.. you do things because you want to, and you are ready to sacrifice yourself for that cute little action and show of affection

You could have been nice, and offered that would have been nice by all means (but honestly if it were me I'd refuse it anyway) so I don't see much wrong in this

[Jennajay1719]

Also I forgot to say I live with him we are roommates so I spend almost 24/7 with him and I appreciated him giving me a snack but I barely get to see my half sister. I agree with you so much its not like I demanded him to come walking to bring my snack. It bothers me because he knows I always leave my family's house at 10pm so I feel he did it on purpose so I spend more time with him. I also don't get why he made it a big deal when he usually takes 6 hour walks daily

[yug_a_tsuj]

Especially in that case.. he made a bit of drama for no reason

I work overnight, and when I was freshly dating my current girlfriend, we were texting in the middle of the night and she made a joke, about being hungry

Instead of doing anything crazy, I just ordered food with uber to her address, and then just told her, hey there's something at your door, go check it out

He could have literally done that if he was tired and still wanted to do something cheesy and thoughtful

[yug_a_tsuj]

Maybe he had a bad day, have a chat to him, but stand your ground, in this case, if it is always regular, that is your family time (disregard that him and family time thing), you can introduce him later on, and have other days whrn you guys both go there, but you should be allowed to have your solo time, for family, friends, hobby or whatever

[Jennajay1719]

Yeah I did felt like he was being dramatic it was odd and I told him I like spending time with my family. He made me feel like shit when he brought up his ex and started talking highly of her saying she would always come up with plans and know what to do in situations.. like damn I guess I'm not good enough and an idiot to him. I pictured myself doing that for him and just could not see myself getting mad at him for taking a long walk, I can hear him say "I didn't tell you to come here walking"

[yug_a_tsuj]

Damn boy, what is going on in your head...

I mean, give me more details, how long have you guys been dating?

And I would say, improve communication.. I live with my girlfriend (known her for 11 months, been official for 9.5, living together for 5 🙊), and you would think communication just happens, but it's not, especially in my circumstances, we barely see eachother sometimes (I work over night, she works loooong hours from the morning, like before I come home she is gone), so we don't always talk things trough right away, we're young so sometimes we ask like kids if someone hurts our feelings, but because we love eachother we always come back somehow lol and tak about things and fix them, but then also figure that it would have been just so much easier and less painful if we just kept talking instead of ignoring eachother for few hours, because it was misunderstanding in the first place lol

So yeah, you guys too, Need to fix communication, and you need to set some ground rules, you don't want to be under house arrest just so you dont hurt some drama queens feelings, and get instant ex comparisons, like that was just low, and you never do that

[Jennajay1719]

Its getting close to 6 months that we have been dating. Yeah honestly I still feel like shit even tho he hugged me that comment he did hurt me about his ex.. it was low of him to say it hurt more. It bothers me because he doesn't understand she's an extrovert and im an introvert, its so hard for me to find new things to do and I usually don't try new things unless someone pushes me to do it. Its hard for me to open up on my feelings because I dont like showing my sadness and when I do I basically get judged by him. He says "you always cry you're so emotional" I just dont understand him im being honest about how I feel isn't that better than hiding it? He then said "no guys want to deal with a woman who acts emotional like a teenager."
I asked "what do you mean by that what are you trying to say?"
He said "im not saying me, just saying most guys, but then again who am I to say that im just an asshole who doesn't have room to talk"

[Jennajay1719]

I feel he did that comment to me about his ex because I had said "I enjoy spending time with my family because my siblings make me laugh". When I said that I thought oops because 2 weeks ago he got upset I laughed at another guys joke and he said I never laugh like that at his jokes

[yug_a_tsuj]

Wow... he said before that you don't know how to act in a relationship, but here he doesn't know how to act in a relationship

As much as YES, no one wants a girl that cries 24/7 FOR NO REASON, if there IS A REASON (like past trauma, or thi or that) you should wanna know about it, if you care

I'm a guy, and I can't always take subtle hints, of how my girlfriend is feeling, so as much as I hate to see her cry, I prefer her to show/tell me her emotions and her current state of mind (even like that) rather then to keep it for her self, or to be subtle

In public yeah, try and hold it in for a little while till we are alone or something, but even then I'd just hug her and hide her face until she's feeling better

And for that jokes and laughs.. I can see how it can touch him, same as it would touch me if my girl said, oh this guy on TV is hot, or something like that, but I gotta give it to her, a lot of guys are much hotter then me lol same as a lot of people are much funnier then him, and so long you don't give him reasons to be jealous (flirt or something) he should really get over it...

You're 25 right? How old is he?

[Jennajay1719]

Yeah I only cry if he says something mean or if he says stuff like "im the only one talking all the time" I feel pressured and I think to myself I'm a boring person and can't think of anything to say and thats when o feel crappy because I can't even keep a conversation going sometimes. Although I have been getting better talking to him. I never had long term relationship, only 3 bfs in past which last 1-3 months. He has had long term and back in July he broke up with his girlfriend of 6 years. So thats where he gets frustrated/loses patience with me but I tell him its not my fault I dont have experience. Before I lived with him my mom was strict and wouldn't let me go out so I never learned to be social. Yes im 25. He is 34 years old

[Jennajay1719]

About 2 weeks ago which was about the other roommate that lives with us (older unattractive man 60 year old) he was the one that made a joke and I laughed. He got so mad and silent he walked away and 3 days later he talked to me angry saying how come I dont laugh like that and that it hurt him and he felt disrespected. He said if I think the other guy is so funny he will kick him out. (I was holding my laugh when he said that lol imagine getting kicked out for making someone laugh 😂 I wanted to laugh so bad but he had a serious face) he did admit he got really jealous and thats when he said we are in a monogamous relationship.

[yug_a_tsuj]

I thought he was like younger and I was going to say he is the real reason girls date older guys... looks like you are still dating a child..

I mean I don't know which way did he break up with his ex, but he should really put the effort in and understand you, help you, and make you feel comfortable with him and not pressured.

On the other hand IF he does that you should really give it your best shot at opening up to him and giving him small compliments every now and then, appreciate things he does etc.

But at the current state of things that is, I'm sorry to say barely a relationship 🙈 too much distrust, no boundaries set, very weak in communication department, a lot of drama

For the moment you girl are in soap opera show, it's on you to, talk it trough, get him to grow up finally, or just move on because you don't wanna hang around 34 years old kid, at that age they ain't even cute no more

[Jennajay1719]

Lol yeah he's actually older than me but sometimes he can act immature. I will try my best to communicate better with him. He has been somewhat better putting less pressure about me talking over the months and I think its because im more comfortable around him. I just felt so awkward especially since we are roommates I felt so weird about it

[yug_a_tsuj]

Good that's a start 😊 communication, communication and more communication makes relationships work I wish you all the best and I really hope you guys can work out your differences 🙃

[Jennajay1719]

Thanks so much for being helpful!

[yug_a_tsuj]

My pleasure 😊

[Rob70]

I have to agree with him. You should have given him a ride home. If you want to spend Sunday’s with your family you could explain that to him on the way. Also you should talk to your family and explain to them that you were in agreement to date others in the past and to not hold that against him. They should meet him and get to know him before judging him

[Jennajay1719]

Yes I agree with what you say. Even when I met him to get the snack he got me he said "I should be in your parents house but they hate me without even meeting me." I said "no they don't hate you"
My mom doesn't like him but to be fair she doesn't like anyone. But I will start telling my siblings about him to give him points and they should be able to accept him/support me as long as he keeps me happy

[Jennajay1719]

How can I stop having this fear of telling my family? I want to tell them so bad of all the positives but worried what they will think of me especially my mom

[Rob70]

You just need to tell them not to judge him from the past. They need to get to know him and give him a chance before deciding if they like him

[Jennajay1719]

Thats true I do need to

[FearlessHero7]

I'm sorry what the heck is the question

[Jennajay1719]

My question is should I have given him a ride back home? He knows I spend time with my family on Sundays

[Jennajay1719]

I didn't want my family to see him because im scared never introduced anyone.

[Jennajay1719]

But I feel lately he doesn't want me to spend as much time with my family its like if he just wants him only

[FearlessHero7]

The mans walk all that way for you. And you didn't offer a ride back? Seems to me like if walking took 2 hours. Driving should be less time than that.

[Jennajay1719]

Now I feel bad but at the same time I only spend time with my family 1 day a week and im with him 6 days

[Jennajay1719]

I kept offering him a ride but he kept saying no. Should I give him space? I'm scared to talk to him

[FearlessHero7]

Seems to me you're both acting like children.

[Jennajay1719]

But how am I acting like a child?