Is it controlling for a boyfriend to tell you they dont want you wearing low cut clothing or short clothes?

[Anonymous]

hi y'all! he said he does not like me wearing low cut shirts since I have double D's unless he is with me (even though I don't always just do that in public sometimes i wear hoodies i wear what i want) and he was saying he thinks girls wear makeup and short clothes to get attention from guys and he said "im not gunna tell you you can't wear something i just dont like it cus it shows off your body more", which i found very insecure and just annoying as fuck, im a woman, ill do what i want, you're not my dad. I understand him wanting to be protective to a degree but especially in todays society where low cut clothes are the norm I found it to be too controlling and wonder if others will agree. if I was the type to go out to bars constantly without him wearing slutty clothes and chatting up guys i would get his concern but him telling me what i wear is too low cut or being concerned like "oh did you wear that (vneck low cut top) out today" is too far. is he controlling, what would you have done in my shoes? he was literally saying if he isn't with me he isn't okay with me wearing low cut or short things and that isn't cool with me as I like to dress cute for myself, he kept insisting it isn't for myself which pissed me off because when I do my makeup or dress nice its 99 percent for myself to enjoy what i see and just feel pampered, not everything I do is to garner attention from men im not that type and in general i think guys do it too and wear what they think looks good just to feel good and enjoy their look. opinions please.

[spartan55]

I can't believe you need validation on something so obvious, but YES it is controlling. I believe it is disrespectful to you as well. What I mean by that is he says you can wear those kind of clothes 'when he is with you', which is bullshit. That is sending the message that he doesn't trust you, and you are so helpless you can't tell some dude 'no' who hits on you. I'd just laugh at him and wear whatever you want anyway.

[Asker]

To be fair I grew up in a strict home where I couldn’t wear normal shorts had to wear above the knee and it’s crazy indeed this is America we are free here for fucks sake and everyone wears cutoffs and it’s not for attention. I can’t speak for everyone but I like to feel nice for myself. I will do just that, thank you !!

[spartan55]

The thing you don't have to explain your reason for dressing the way you do to anyone.

[spartan55]

What does your strict upbringing have to do with this?

[Asker]

Cus you said you can’t believe it’s so obvious it’s controlling but I realize he’s in the wrong totally

[spartan55]

Okay, well your question asked if it was controlling, right?

[bowenw]

Yes, it's controlling and a red flag. It's your body to dress however you please.

[Anonymous]

If you are wearing something like this, it's completely fine. But anything more than this, is really just trashy.
Having said that, no guy has right to tell you what to wear and if you are comfortable you can wear anything that you want. Your comfort is all that should matter.

[Asker]

I agree with all that. And looking good girl!

[Hanrej]

Yes, it's controling to tell others what they can or cannot wear. However... That's what relationships are. People that try to condition eachother in an effort to be able to work togeather. It doesn't really matter what's behind his reasoning, weather it's trust issues or low selfasteem. What matters if how you resolve the issue and how that makes both of you feel.

To me, having become a bit older, this particular issue though certainly annoying is a rather small thing to blow up to this proportions.

[IMuser]

I would say he is controlling though i have a doubt: you say you "feel pampered" when you wear they low crop. Who is "pampering" you?

[Asker]

Huh? Oh bad word choice I guess, I meant it feels nice to look nice even if it’s just me relaxing at home. Sometimes it’s fun to dress up or wear cute outfits which can include short shorts and sometimes it’s fun to wear baggy stuff. I meant pampering as in like when I do a face mask and it’s just something for myself to look or feel nice I think you read a bit too much into it

[IMuser]

Yes you used the wrong word. I kind of relate a woman's fashion as "playing with a Barbie doll but you are the Barbie"

What your boyfriend means is as follows: "you can wear whatever you want HOWEVER you will be the one facing the consequences. The consequences can include attention from guys who may or may not be nice to you. They may think that you are "in hoe phase" and try to hit on you. You not wearing "revealing" clothes is a method of not attracting too much attention"

At the end, remember this: you can do what you want BUT also face the consequences/results.

[IMuser]

Personally, i am in a neutral stance as i can understand both of your viewpoints. I would let my girlfriend wear and then notice her reasons for wearing. Is she trying to attract new men or is it just her "Barbie doll" thing

[Asker]

Really good explanation and totally agree. Think it’s ridiculous when it’s the Barbie doll thing and the clothes aren’t actually too low cut or anything by normal standards

[IMuser]

Quick question: without her telling me, how can I know whether a girl is wearing clothes for "Barbie doll" thing or attention?

[Asker]

If you see her admiring her work in the mirror or tell her you saw a guy check her out and see her reaction. Or if she generally wants to have you come along shopping or is excited about a new outfit. To ease your mind tho it usually is the Barbie thing for us like 99 percent of the time it really comes down to the girls morals :)

[IMuser]

1. Looking and admiring herself in the mirror: this is ambiguous, her thoughts can range from "damn i look pretty" to "well I will seduce a hot guy tonight"
2. How common is it for a girl to ask a guy accompany for shopping? Isn't that much more of a "girl time"?
3. The "I saw a guy checking you out" thing may be useful. Thanks
4. When there is an instinct, an opportunity, an adrenaline, morality is forgotten. Well I will take your word

[Asker]

the morality bit isn't true about it being forgotten, i get hit on constantly regardless of what I wear even if its a hoodie to the gym and I never even think twice about saying no and i dont find others attractive when im taken so it does come down to how loyal she is, what she wears doesn't matter. pay attention to what she says if you say i caught a guy checking you out, and see if she sounds genuine and says something like ew or oh well he can't have me like if she likes the attention it will be very obvious and apparent on her face as well as her response. it all comes down to trust and how obsessed she seems with you but if she is a girly girl and generally likes makeup and cute clothes just assume its the barbie thing, honestly men think we stay in shape or wear makeup for them but this is far from the truth. maybe as a single girl you think oh i hope a cute guy notices me but 99 percent of the time it truly is for us, and if she is taken, it is to look good for you too :)

[IMuser]

Very well, i will keep this in mind. Thanks

[jahaims]

Nope, you should make sure you have the same morals, values and goals before going into a relationship. The only reason to wear revealing clothing is for attention.

[Asker]

totally disagree. but then again i also dont live my life doing things because of what other people will think

[LZPanzer]

Sort of. The real question is weather it's a reasonable request.

[skyeee_]

yes, plus they're insecure

[HeartFullOfGlue]

Yeah thats controlling

[SnakeBoop]

yeah, it is a lot.