My boss and I have a messy relationship and I don't know if I'm misreading her or not. Looking for advice or insight?

[TheManInTheWall]

To nip it in the bud, no I do not mean a romantic relationship, just our relationship as people. I'll refer to her as F for short.

When F first came to our store we hit it off straight away. We had similar interests, senses of humor, we would burst out laughing at the stupidest things. We got along so well at work. 6 months later I found out F was actually a manager in training and was going to be my direct boss. I had no problems with that because F was tremendous in everything she did and I truly admired everything F did especially with how much scrutiny she got from others. F confided a lot in me, and even after officially being promoted we still got along like normal.

4 months in things changed abruptly though. F stopped engaging me the way she used to, becoming very blunt and impersonable. F didn't come talk to me anymore, including work. All of our normal was put on hold. We went radio silent for awhile and I thought that with the holidays approaching maybe F was just under a lot of stress, but she was still acting normally towards the rest of our coworkers, so this was the beginning of me thinking that there was a problem between F and I.

F continued this way until Christmas, and I was hoping that after the holidays F and I would go back to getting along, but instead F started getting inconsistent. Sometimes F would continue being the way she was during the holidays, sometimes F would talk to me as if nothing happened, but she added in new reactions such as getting mad, annoyed, or even upset towards me when I tried to talk to her. F also on a few occasions told me she missed our banter and jokes and told me to come talk to her, but when I did she was meek, didn't laugh or smile, and wasn't making eye contact. I've bluntly asked her if she had personal issues with me to which she tells me no, and this is where we are to this day.

I've been trying to keep my chin up, but I'm worried that our working relationship is troubled and I don't know what to do.

[Emiliamazing]

There are some really good points that were made here about why the sudden change. It may be a challenge to get to the bottom of it due to the fact that she is your manager. I agree with some of the other ladies that noted you might just need to walk away from it and continue to do your job and take pride in the work that you do.
If you are both single, it just might be something that is in the back of her head and she needs to tiptoe cautiously. I’m sure that it’s hard to walk that fine line between being a friend while also doing her job. You never know, another coworker may have mentioned something to her about your cheerful banter. Not a lot of people these days are willing to confront issues, they usually resort to the simpler way out.

[sage2021]

It could be so many things. For instance, perhaps she doesn't want her other she manages to get the impression that you are her favorite; so she has backed off from your previous relationship relationship she had with you.
Could be someone lied to her about something you did, and her feelings changed based on lies someone is feeding her. That happened to me before, and it's usually someone that is jealous of you that is telling her lies about you.
If you happen to have a conversation with her about your new relationship with her, you might want to make it clear that you know where the line is and you won't cross the line of her being your boss. Good luck!

[noohair]

Well what you describe could be a problem. Is there a way to schedule a business lunch where you can both sit down, have a meal and negotiate. I don't know where your head is at. I don't know what the relationship status is for both of you. On a professional level, I would tell her that you are fully invested in her success as a manager. You need to know how or what you can do to assist her in this shared goal.

If this thing has personal feelings involved, all I can say is that I have seen workplace romances destroy men and their careers. Good luck.

[AlwaysBelieving]

This reads kinda what I'm currently going through.

Seems that she's attracted to you and doesn't know what to do about it since she's going to become your boss.

Time to find a different job (what I'm currently doing... though the gal I'm coworker with isn't my boss nor report to the same chain of command).

The real question is, are you attracted to her (in that manner)?

[WhatTheHeckkkk]

That’s really odd. Something must have happened to make her switch like that. Do you have any idea what that might be?


It’s a possibility she might have caught feelings or maybe thought you were catching feelings and decided to cut it off so it wouldn’t continue.


I think if you do have the chance, I would try to talk to her about this, again… Ask what it’s all about, and mention that if it wasn’t anything personal, then why the sudden change.

[Emerald55346]

Maybe she wants more and doesn’t understand why you aren’t asking her out. If that’s not the case maybe you did something that made her feel as if being so buddy buddy with someone under her isn’t a good idea and your slacking or trying to take advantage.

[Flower7]

Apparently, her new position went to her head a bit. Don’t take it personally. Just continue doing your job as normal. Have no expectation of being friends with her. That’s not your purpose of being there anyway. See it as completely a professional relationship instead of a friendship.

[AndrésC64]

It sounds like your relationship is or was bordering on inappropriate for the workplace. Maybe other employees or even her superiors told her to knock it off.

[Jouth]

Only solution is

Penis Sock.

Good luck

[Avicenna]

Hard to tell. Just keep things professional.

[Iron_Man]

Talking is key sit down down and talk to her

[In_Trance]

You must have been something you said or did

[jimmy2]

She not worth the trouble