I used to trust my boyfriend but it was broken and now it's gone. Is there anything that can be done to fix this or is it over?

[Anonymous]

Updates

+1 y

he says it feels unfair because at the time he didn't know what he was doing... i understand this but at the same time i can't change how i feel. at least not right now so i don't know what to even do. he's very apologetic and does his best to reassure me but i still don't trust him.

[Anonymous]

At this point, you have a choice to make and that's whether you're going to do everything in your power to work together to repair the damage, or you're going to exit the relationship because even if he was 100% in the wrong, and you want him to know and feel that, harping on it everyday and going through the same feelings of mistrust and worry everyday is only going to sap your energy and make you feel worse or him resentful that you may never be able to move on. It totally sucks, but that's how it is. It is a very hard thing to regain someone's trust, which is why one shouldn't do things to jeopardize that or expect for the person, aka, you, to just forgive and forget and move on.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

No trust means no relationship... Or not a healthy or happy relationship anyways without trust...
Not to say trust can never be rebuilt, but it doesn't happen overnight and takes serious commitment/work on both parties part to work on regaining trust and learning to give trust again...

[Asker]

it's been like this for months now... we've been trying. but tbh it feels like i'm working hard to trust him and he's working hard to get me to just forget it.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

That's not a good sign. If someone tries to avoid the issues or sweep them under the rug, that doesn't indicate that person is really invested in changing the situation.. which means harder for it to go away and more chance it'll happen again

[OlderAndWiser]

Trust is like virginity; when it's gone, it's just a memory and everything thereafter will be different.

I classify people into two categories:

1. people who have never violated my trust, and

2. everyone else.

For me, a romantic partner must be in the first category and once they have violated your trust, they will be in the second category and can never again be completely trustworthy. When trust is important, you will always have suspicions and doubts about whether you should be trusting them.

[DaveJord]

Chances are probably not. You can forgive but never forget. That means you will never let go of the memory of the pain and reminder of the power he has to hurt you. Even after your heart gives in.

[DaveJord]

Your up dates sounds like he is bullshitting you... he didn't know what he was doing. Let me tell you something if some gets into state of mind for any reason that they can't control what they are doing, then that not someone you should want to date. And if if does use drugs or alcohol to that degree and your understanding of that fact that he can't control what he does... then you need to get over the cheating thing because life for you is about to get worse.

[Desconhecida]

Trust is like glass. Once broken, even if you try hard to glue all the pieces together, it'll never be the same.

[yourmancallsme]

Why is this question so relatable😭
A guy I was talking to broke my trust because he lost his virginity to his girlfriend, I was the girl best friend but he liked us both
Now she’s out of the picture and it’s just me and him
I can’t trust him because he hurt me badly even though we weren’t together
He said that he couldn’t keep it a secret any longer…not being a virgin
He wants to move forward with me but I’m scared that he may hurt me again
And I really can’t trust him because I’m always thinking what if
He tells me all the sweet stuff e. g. I want to marry you, my parents are going to love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with me
I know it’s the girl’s question thread but boys help

[The_Shadow_Dweller]

Will a knot in a thread make it streamlined as the thread was earlier? No, right!
Consider any relationship a thread. One breach of trust = one knot.

The resulting after at least one knot is not as good as it was earlier.

The only thing you can do is embrace it, get over it and normalize it in your life.

[boggboss]

Once trust is broken its near impossible to get it back as to corner stone of trust is allowing them to hurt u and still giving them that freedom the only thing here is he has already hurt you so he has shown he is not worth of that trust getting it back requires a ungodly amount of ability to forgive

[Anonymous]

You can change your emotions and trust him. The issue is you don't currently have the rationale would allow for that. It exist though. Just leave him though and go study how to sustain a relationship. If you knew, you would have known he is someone that cannot sustain a relationship.

[Asker]

but what if he truly has learned from his mistakes?

[Asker]

he no longer even talks to other girls or his exes

[Opinion Owner]

I would tell you that is 100% possible. There is only 2 ways to change that we know currently. One is through repetition and the other is through emotional impact.

If you wish to take him back then do so but you guys need to study how to sustain a healthy relationship. If you guys really want this to work you're both going to have to grow your awareness but also make permanent, specific changes within yourself and the relationship.

[jestergent]

Just spend some time to feel your thoughts, observe them. While you analyze what the small voice keeps chatting away about, tell yourself it's over. It's over because broken trust guarantees getting hurt again. You don't want to replay hurt emotions, in new amazing ways.

[rayanderson]

Actually you can still go on with the relationship cause trust is a key to love and forgiveness leads to trust so what I'm saying is I know you're hurt but just forgive him what ever he as done and trust me, the trust and the love will come back

[Raphaëlle]

Trust is difficult to get back. It's not impossible but it's difficult and sometimes even when you work on it, it's not something you can get back 100%.

[Tiptoetamm]

I mean yes and no. He can earn back your trust but for me I'd always have in the back of my mind if he'd do it again so that's a hard question

[Tiptoetamm]

How did he not know. We all know and make choices we need to live with the choices we make

[WhitneySnow]

It sounds like he broke your trust not once but a bunch of times. Like a pattern. I wouldn’t trust him either. I think it might be over.

[jshm2]

Yeah well, your drama and overreaction isn't going to help anything either.

Either give it up, or give him up.

[ChrisMaster69]

If you have lost trust, then it’s finished, over, gone.

[ChrisMaster69]

Ref update
Go off how you feel
He broke trust, move on

[gabby100]

Once that trust goes its very difficult not impossible to get back. Sadly even more difficult to forget.

[Luggit]

You will soon find out for yourself if you proceed to trust. The answer is "rarely".

[Luggit]

According to what you're telling us, how does he feel this is unfair when he made the mistake, and not you. He only cares for his own feelings and not yours. Where's your fairness?

You're not the one who became untrusted, he did. Hopefully he learns from his mistake, but it's not fair for you for him to learning his own mistake. We all know right from wrong, there's no sugar coating this. So he became untrusted, and then tells you you're unfair as he wants you to live with not trusting him. This isn't fair for you at all. What a predicament he put you in. He should understand and respect you, to why you're not comfortable to proceed any further with this relationship. But instead, you're being unfair, like wow. No one said you can't forgive and accept his apologies, but this doesn't mean it's your fault or being unfair for wanting to leave him.

[Iron_Man]

That’s a very bad excuse that he’s making probably it’s time to MoveOn once he violated your trust it’s not like you’re married and you have to try again

[AlwaysBelieving]

That's only for you to decide.

There's a quote I've heard in the past : "Trust, takes a lifetime to earn (retain), only a moment to destroy."

[IveGotNoName]

No. Trust can't be fully rebuilt ever if it's been broken.

[Djaay]

Usually a done deal. What exactly did he break your trust on?

[Anonymous]

Nope. Only you can fix you. And if you don't want to do that or willing to face that FACT then nope.

[In_Trance]

you tell us; what can he do to make you trust him?

[Asker]

i really don't know

[SignedAutographs]

Generally, no. It's VERY hard to gain trust back

[Wise4myage]

No trust, no relationship. Time to move on.

[Eleni1989]

Once trust Gone it’s over.

[Sasha_Gee]

What did he do?

[Asker]

he was texting his exes behind my back even though he knew how i felt about it and he didn't tell me he was doing it. allowed female friends to flirt with him and had weak boundaries with other women. there have been multiple situations where he looked guilty but always claimed innocence. but when you're always innocent but multiple issues come up it gets hard to trust...

[Sasha_Gee]

Oo. He knew you were against it! It's reasonable to be against that! His heart is with others! I don't think it is beyond repair. You're not at fault here!

[Asker]

he does everything he can to reassure me but i'm scared. i used to never doubt him but now it's what i do 95% of the time.

[Sasha_Gee]

🙃 Read what you just wrote and then read the first reply you wrote to me. It's a pattern I keep seeing with people being manipulated and who stay too long with an abusive partner.

How can someone do everything he can to reassure you if he's texting exes behind your back, flirts with others? I would like to know 🙃

[Sasha_Gee]

You have come to the point of realizing something is not right, but it has not fully clicked yet

[Asker]

cause he stopped after i told him it would be over if he didn't drop them. it's just since then it's been hard to get over it.

[Sasha_Gee]

You're defending the liar... It's not okay 🥺 You're still holding on to what could have been.

He KNOWS that what he did could end the relationship, he KNEW that before he did what he did. You must realize this. You're giving him way too many chances.

[Asker]

how do i get out of this? i feel stuck emotionally...

[Sasha_Gee]

Break up. And be with someone who actually respects and deserves you

[Asker]

it's hard to leave but i am trying... i really feel like i'm losing my mind

[Sasha_Gee]

A lot of weight will fall off your shoulders once you do. Because it's not your fault. He breaks some big and obvious rules and that should be unforgivable

[Sixgunsound]

You have good instincts, now is the time to rip the band aid off and move on with your life in a better direction. It will hurt initially but you will feel better shortly after and be a stronger more confident and self respecting person for finding the courage to stand up for yourself and discovering that it’s not the end of the world and you can do difficult things.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

@Sixgunsound great advice👍

[Zygum]

Accept his opologise, as you also love him

[SnakeBoop]

Over.

[SnakeBoop]

... he knew EXACTLY what he was doing.

[genericname85]

What did he do?

[blish]

Move on

[Anonymous]

It’s over.