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Boyfriend earns WAY more than I thought, should I confront him, and how? (Page 2)
Anonymous
(18-24) 
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Other than the lies, not just the lie of omission but the lie stating he only made a little more than you. You are not entitled to his money, you both agreed 50/50 so it is unimportant how much he makes.
The only problem I see is that he lied to you about how much he makes, both directly when he said only a little more and then the omission.
Don't trust someone who can't be honest with you about everything but you are essentially roommates as your not married yet, so don't think you can live a better life style, unless you both still split 50/50 which means you paying more.
He didn't lie stating he only made a little more at all, she said that what he was had available after spending was a little more than her, that's all.
He never said how much he makes, so he didn't lie about that either.
@admles I took her question to say they both had a meeting laid out what each other made and he said (or showed) it was only a little more than her. Maybe that isn't what she meant but it is how I took it.
"... so we were able to get a nice place and live a fairly comfortable life as long as we don't go silly, and we split all household bills 50/50."
Then you proceed to say...
"... we could be living a better lifestyle, or he could be picking up a bigger share of the bills."
After reading your nonsense, I've come to the conclusion that you're the type of girl that wouldn't stay with a guy long if he went broke the next day. You're materialistic and expect him to pay for your lifestyle if he has the means. His money is his own and you should be happy in going 50/50 so you both live a better standard of life than if you were own. Your sense of entitlement is genuinely infuriating.
Truthfully, he did what I would do with any girl even if I was rich. I wouldn't let anyone know I'm rich because it becomes much harder to see if they're with me for the money or not.
Why can't you be grateful for what you have?
You're not married, so you need to stay in your lane. It's his money. You're not in charge of his finances, and you should not expect him to pay more than his fair share of the bills.
Don't hate on the guy for trying to save up money to improve his and possibly your future. If you start trying to stick your nose on his bank accounts, he might say goodbye and drop you like a bad habit.
He doesn't need to be a dumb ass and spend more money on some bullshit Hollywood lifestyle just because you think he should. If he treats you good, you should probably just keep your mouth shut and act like you never saw what you saw.
I agree 100%.
You should have kept your mouth shut, he's going to know your gold digging ass is after his money now
I'm going to re-evaluate my opinion here. If the guy is too cheap to even have fun, that's a problem. If he won't pay for a dinner out or a weekend getaway, that's too fucking cheap. The other stuff you are wrong about. I told you to keep your nose out of his bank account to try to save your relationship, because it didn't sound like you wanted to break up. You did not listen, and here you are. Don't feel entitled to a man's money unless you are married.
Well, you wanted more money and you would have been living at his new house rent free. You could have used all the money you saved not paying rent to live your silly fancy lifestyle.
You literally said you laid out how much you have for bills after savings.
Which he did.
He has not lied nor hidden anything. He’s being smart and saving as much as he can. He will probably retire young with plenty of money.
You, on the other hand, are a snoop. Reading his bank statements is a massive red flag, and “I couldn’t help myself” is not a valid reason.
You came across as selfish and a good digger. Please “confront” him, so he can break up with you now rather than later.
Regarding second update: I 100% know that you aren't telling us everything, just trying to make it sound like he is the bad guy and you have done nothing wrong.
Well you kinda spelled out why he hid the true amount from you lol. what you literally said is " I AM MAD BECASUE I COULD BE SPENDING A LOT MORE OF HIS MONEY" thus he would have nothing for saving or a lot less and maybe his goal is to retire earlier instead of slaving away for you to have a "better life " ? you should probably leave it a lone as this guy is probably the more financially intelligent between you.
This was my takeaway as well. "They" couldn't be having a more comfortable life; SHE could be having a more comfortable life at HIS expense. There is a big difference between those things. OP's boyfriend doesn't get any benefit out of being honest with her and he is under no obligation to do so lol
@FilmGuy93 I have found these opinions shocking in 2022. So many saying he should pay more because he makes more. Unless he uses and occupies more than 50% of the space they live in, why should he pay more. And they made an agreement based on what he told her he was willing to pay! Then she changes her tune when she finds out he has more money and she wants someof that money for her entertainment! As someone said, sounds like she's a kept woman or a prostitute. Not acceptable. Glad he left.
@Screenwriter Well said! And the funny thing about men is that we really don't even care all that much about funding a woman's lifestyle, provided that we have an understanding about it and that she gives us loyalty, peace, respect and makes us a priority in exchange.
I don't mind buying you dinners, taking you nice places, buying you nice clothes and showing you off; you just have to be a source of peace and make life better for that lol
well he may have more money but I don't think that means he is or should be expected to pay more than you. It is equal living and its his money and his choice to do with it what he pleases. If you were paying more than him I could see that, thats very cheap.
It seems though that its more about trust for you and that he lied. Perhaps his income went up and he didn't tell you? He should have been more honest and transparent to begin with.
When you confront him don't make it all about the money make it about the trust assuming thats the main issue.
Ever thought that he left the bank statement out on propose to gauge your reaction? It is none of your concern how much he has in savings.
Are all the bills being met 50/50?
If so what is your problem?
He is under no obligation to disclose to anyone what he is earning, and the fact that he is now earning double of that he was when you met may be a recent occurrence.
You confront him over this and he'll probably walk, and are you prepared to meet all of the household bills if he does walk?
Going by your Update you have lost him, and do not be surprised if he walks away in the next 30 days or less, you broke his trust and now you are trying to force him to change how he handles his financial affairs, HIS financial affairs are not yours, trying to dictate what he does with HIS money will be something that he probably will not forgive.
Told you you would loose him if you confronted him about his savings when you specifically removed any savings from the budgeting.
His text that he will be buying a house outright is him rubbing your nose in your screw up, showing you that is where you could have been if you'd left well alone. You have now found out how much he'd been saving and what for, hope your proud of yourself, you did not deserve him.
He's a saver! OMG that evil bastard!
I get why you're mad. I wouldn't like a partner using a lie of omission either. But let's look at it logically. He's saving it! Not blowing it on worthless toys or sticking down a strippers g-string. I would calmly ask him why he wasn't honest about how much he made. I don't know you pink anon. But the fact that you're hiding who you are makes me question you. I do think you have to be completely honest with your partner if you want a relationship to work. But ask yourself why did he keep it from you? I mean you jumped straight to "we could be living a better life". Which makes me wonder if you're on the same page about lifestyle. You know he might want to appease you. But might think you're too frivolous with your spending. I would have a heart to heart discussion about this. I get that you feel betrayed. But try to put your emotion in check when you talk to him if you want to get an honest answer.
Good luck.
Lol AND PEOPLE WONDER WHY SO MANY WOMEN EARN THE MONIKER " GOLDIGGER". 🤣
Cool sounds like you weren't really the right person for him. This was probably the best course of action. He'll be happier with a girlfriend that's shares his views moneywise.
Duh, to let you know what you passed on. 🤣
He was trying to avoid a woman like you that thinks if he earns more he should pay more.
So do you think if someone sacrifices for years, gets an education, etc. to earn more that someone that doesn't sacrifice should get more for doing less? Because wanting him to pay more is exactly that.
1.) He is a liar and you should absolutely leave him.
2.) Next time, get Married like a responsible adult and not like a snowflake millennial. Get a shared bank account.
3.) Stop trying to be a man, and let him bring home the income. Women will NEVER be happy trying to be a man. Embrace being a female and stay home to do the awesome things women can do so much bettet then men, such as making a home feel like a home, and raising good stable children, who aren't raised by some person in a daycare.
4.) if nothing else, at least insist he pays a majority of the bills since he makes so much more 🙄
You said to lay out how much he has after savings and isn't that exactly what he did? I honestly don't understand what you're upset about. If you split everything 50/50 then isn't that equal? Just because he has a different idea of what he should be saving versus what you believe he should be saving doesn't mean he was being untruthful. It's not your money... why would you even be upset? I'm having trouble understanding what the issue is if I'm being honest.
So you want to spend his money.
You want to piss his money away on lifestyle, instead of saving it for a greater purpose.
It is HIS money, not yours.
You feel entitled to HIS money. That has Democrat written all over it.
You are a typical woman. Live for today. Spend money on frivolous bullshit, then whine about being broke tomorrow.
You are the embodiment of the story of the ant and the grasshopper.
He would be well rid of you.
You're both able to pay 50/50 of the bills, sp what's the problem? If he earns more money why does he have to pay more than you? He's not wasting that money on stuff for himself, he's saving it. Probably wiser than spending it now on luxury or leisure.
Maybe the reason you think like that and already want to take advantage of him is the reason why he's keeping that information from you.
Oh yes, PLEASE have a conversation with him so he can understand what a money grubbing **** you are!
WTF does what he makes have to do with splitting rent and expenses. You aren't married so there is no financial connection between the two of you. Pay your own way and stop complaining. Either that or GTFO!
Women like you make me sick.
You just said you both split the household and bills 50/50. What's the issue? Is it because you want him to take over everything in terms of financing and making the life YOU specifically want to live?
He has a say in it. That's his money, not yours. Quite frankly I think him doing this helps save for himself and your future should you stay together.
You want more money? Get off your ass and make it and save it for yourself.
I hope you do have a conversation about this so he can see that you're a walking red flag. You aren't married, you haven't given him a child, sounds like the the agreement that YOU agreed on is working out and the both of you are living comfortably. If living comfortably isn't enough for YOU, then YOU can get a better job to support the lifestyle that YOU want to have. You're a grown woman, you're boyfriend is under no obligation to take care of you as if you're a toddler. Just because he earns more doesn't mean he should have to pay more. This is what equality looks like.
If you split bills 50/50 then it should literally make no difference unless you want to pitch in more yourself and it doesn't seem like he lied at all since you mentioned after savings not savings. But if he was deliberately keeping it a secret it would make sense to do it with you because you're a gold digger who expects other people to spend money that's not yours
This is why it's best to act poor first because that way you know to just pump and dump them if their attitude changes based on your income
I don’t really see him doing anything wrong.
You should pay for what you’re using according to your use, not your income. If you’re both sharing a space 50/50 then you should pay 50/50.
Then all that stuff about living a better lifestyle is super wrong and creepy. Firstly, don’t blow money, secondly it’s not yours to blow, and it sounds like he’s done himself and you a favor by saving up for real stuff.
Other than saying what he makes being a lie I don’t see the problem. And even then if it was framed as “this is what I have available” rather than “this is my income” then there wouldn’t be a problem at all.
Its nothing you should get mad about. His money does not belong to you automatically by dating him.
Hopefully he dumps your ass.
There's a reason she posted as anonymous, she's knows it.
Your BFs income is NOT any of your business. This is the most important aspect of all. Now, because you have discovered the boyfriend is capable of being dishonest you should see this as a MAJOR red flag and get away from him. Dishonesty in a relationship hardly ever ends well. Give my words some serious thought before you get angry and reply. I'm sorry to have to say this, but there are some people male and female that make horrid life partners.